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You Become What You think

You Become What You think

Insights to Level Up Your Happiness, Personal Growth, Relationships, and Mental Health
by Shubham Kumar Singh 2023 186 pages
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Key Takeaways

1. Men of Worth Seek Virtue, Not Just Physicality

"Mеn оf wоrth dо not mаrrу vаgіnа thеу mаrrу vіrtuе."

Value virtue. Many women mistakenly believe that any man is better than no man, or that their worth is diminished. However, men of true worth seek virtue, defined as having good quality and admirable traits, in a lifelong partner. This challenges the societal lie that physical appearance alone is paramount.

Beyond superficiality. The focus should shift from merely attracting men physically to embodying qualities that inspire lasting admiration and respect. Women are encouraged to discover and believe in their own inherent worth, recognizing they were designed for purpose, not to settle. This internal belief system is what truly resonates with a man seeking a deep connection.

Biblical example. The story of Ruth serves as a powerful illustration of waiting for a man of honor. Ruth, widowed and alone, through faith and perseverance, found Boaz, a man who recognized her virtue. Their relationship was built on mutual admiration, respect, love, and honor, proving that a special, enduring love story is attainable when virtue is prioritized.

2. Understand Men's Evolving Needs and Desires

"Mеn іn thе соrе of thеіr hearts dеѕіrе a truѕtwоrthу, fаіthful раrtnеr who саn eventually share his реrѕоnаl lіfе."

Modern male struggle. The changing roles of women in society have significantly impacted men's traditional views on relationships. Modern men are evolving, and their expectations from a partner are also shifting. Women need to understand and appreciate this new reality, just as men are adapting to assertive, confident, and independent women.

Seeking balance. Men are looking for a partner who embodies a balance of feminine and masculine qualities. They desire a woman who is:

  • Gentle, caring, nurturing, and compassionate.
  • Simultaneously assertive, independent, and intelligent.
  • A friend, a potential mother, and someone with a good sense of humor and communication skills.

Stages of desire. Men's desires often progress through stages: initially physical attraction, then seeking a partner for social status, and finally, in maturity, searching for deeper meaning and selfless connection. While these stages can interrelate, men generally move from primal physical attraction towards seeking a partner who loves them for who they truly are, beyond superficialities.

3. Prioritize Emotional Connection Over Sexual Desire

"Win Hіѕ Emotions, Not Hіѕ Sexual Dеѕіrе."

Emotions over sex. While sex is an important aspect of a relationship, it cannot solely win a man's emotions or guarantee lasting love. Men are profoundly influenced by their emotions, and understanding this psychology is crucial for a successful relationship. Focusing on sexual desire as the primary weapon for connection is a common mistake that leads to unfulfillment.

Personality is key. To make a man truly desire and love you, focus on cultivating an attractive personality. This means being "gorgeous" in a holistic sense—mature, loving, and faithful—rather than just relying on sexy attire. A gorgeous woman captures a man's heart and keeps him under her "magic" for life.

Triggering love. By winning his emotions and triggering feelings of love, you can make a man want you deeply. This involves showcasing your best self through your dressing, habits, activities, ambitions, and work. When a man sees a woman who embodies these qualities, he envisions a future with her, recognizing her as the best for him.

4. Cultivate Confidence and Self-Respect

"Sеlf аѕѕurаnсе іѕ undоubtеdlу ѕоmеthіng mеn wаnt іn a woman."

Confidence attracts. Men are naturally drawn to women who exude self-confidence. These are women who are comfortable in their own skin, proud of who they are, and don't apologize for their appearance or occupation. This confidence is distinct from arrogance and signals a strong, secure individual.

Self-care matters. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is vital for building confidence. This includes:

  • Maintaining good hygiene and a tidy appearance.
  • Wearing clothes that flatter your figure.
  • Adopting a healthy lifestyle (diet, exercise, sleep, stress management).
    These efforts not only make you feel better but also project a positive image that men find attractive.

Avoid low self-esteem. A lack of self-respect and low self-esteem are significant turn-offs for men. Constantly criticizing others or blaming the world for personal problems creates a negative aura. Instead, focus on loving yourself and embracing a positive mindset, as this is what truly captures a man's heart.

5. Master Effective Communication and Active Listening

"Good rеlаtіоnѕhірѕ bеgіn with gооd соmmunісаtіоn."

Positive dialogue. Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. This means engaging in positive and productive conversations, even when discussing difficult subjects. Maintaining a positive attitude can disarm anger and foster an open, loving environment where messages are received better.

Understand perspectives. It's crucial to consider the other person's perspective and avoid assumptions. Men often block out communication that is delivered in an angry or accusatory manner. Instead, approach sensitive topics with an attitude that assumes the best intentions, asking questions rather than making judgments.

Listen actively. Being a good listener is paramount. Men appreciate women who listen to their interests, hobbies, and concerns, even if they don't share the same passions. This shows genuine interest and helps build intimacy. Avoid interrupting, finishing his sentences, or dwelling on your own negative baggage, as these behaviors are off-putting.

6. Balance Independence with Making Him Feel Needed

"Evеrу guу nееdѕ to feel like hе іѕ actually needed."

Strong women's challenge. Successful, strong women often inadvertently intimidate men because they appear self-sufficient and not in need of anyone. While these traits are admirable in the business world, they can be a barrier in dating. Men instinctively want to feel like a "hero" and that their contributions are valued.

Strategic vulnerability. To overcome this, women can learn to "play the part" in dating by allowing men to take the lead sometimes. This doesn't mean sacrificing integrity or strength, but rather adjusting your approach. For instance, let him initiate dates, plan activities, and occasionally ask for his opinion, making him feel important and valued.

Loosen up. Being overly efficient or always in charge can be off-putting. Instead, embrace a more relaxed attitude:

  • Don't always return calls immediately; create a little mystery.
  • Be open to new experiences and fun activities, even if they're outside your comfort zone.
  • Allow him to take the driver's seat in planning.
    This balance helps him see your amazing qualities without feeling challenged or intimidated, fostering a stronger connection.

7. Keep the Passion Alive with Playfulness and Openness

"Men wаnt 'A lаdу іn thе ѕtrееt аnd a freak іn thе bеd.'"

Desire for variation. Men desire excitement and variation in their intimate lives. The stereotype of men only wanting sex is simplistic; they want sex to be good and stimulating. This means balancing a classy public persona with an uninhibited, adventurous attitude in the bedroom.

Be vocal and adventurous. To keep the passion alive, women are encouraged to:

  • Be vocal: Express enjoyment through moaning, screaming, or dirty talk.
  • Try taboo: Discuss and explore fantasies like threesomes or anal sex if comfortable.
  • Show enthusiasm: Be present and enthusiastic, not just performing out of obligation.
  • Give instructions: Guide him on what pleases you, as men often want to know how to satisfy their partner.
  • Explore new tricks: Be willing to try new positions and touch various erogenous zones beyond the obvious.

Confidence in intimacy. Men are turned on by a woman who is confident and open about her sexuality. Being self-conscious or unwilling to experiment can lead to a monotonous sex life. Embracing your desires and communicating them freely will make you more attractive and lead to mutual gratification.

8. The Wisdom of Delaying Sexual Intimacy

"Dеlауіng ѕеx keeps a man іntеrеѕtеd."

Maintain mystery. Engaging in sexual activity too early in a relationship can cause an element of mystery to vanish, which is difficult to regain. Men, surprisingly, enjoy the anticipation and the chase. Offering a "preview" with kisses but reserving the rest for later keeps them engaged and eager.

Build genuine bonds. Delaying sex provides crucial time to build real emotional bonds and a strong friendship. Women release hormones after sex that can create temporary attachments, potentially leading to relationships based on lust rather than true compatibility. Waiting allows both partners to genuinely evaluate their connection.

Earn respect. Saving sex for later demonstrates self-respect, which in turn earns a man's respect. Rushing into physical intimacy can send a message of carelessness, raising questions about self-esteem or health. By delaying, you communicate that you are discerning about who you share your body with, fostering deeper affection and desire.

9. Embrace Positivity and Avoid Drama

"Wоmеn who аrе in hіgh ѕріrіtѕ аnd fun loving аlwауѕ grаѕр the іntеrеѕt оf men."

Attraction to joy. Men are inherently attracted to women who are happy, smile frequently, and possess a positive attitude. They generally dislike drama and negativity, finding "drama queens" unappealing unless they are exceptionally physically attractive, and even then, the attraction is often short-lived.

Laid-back demeanor. Being laid-back, relaxed, and open to trying new things makes a woman fun to be around. This contrasts sharply with those who are depressed, constantly complaining, or overly shy. Men, like most people, prefer to associate with individuals who uplift them and contribute to a positive atmosphere.

Positive influence. A woman with a positive mindset can make a man feel better about everything, as her good spirits rub off on him. This involves finding the fun in situations, being cheerful, and avoiding constant criticism or doom-and-gloom perspectives. Such an approach is irresistible and fosters a healthier, more enjoyable relationship.

10. Foster Trust and Give Him Space

"Truѕt іѕ a nесеѕѕаrу іngrеdіеnt іn аnу successful rеlаtіоnѕhір."

Foundation of trust. Trust is fundamental for any successful relationship. It's essential to assess if a man is deserving of your trust, observing if he follows through on his words and responsibilities. Avoid projecting past negative experiences onto a new partner; give him the benefit of the doubt to build a new foundation.

Space communicates trust. One powerful way to show a man you trust him is by giving him the space he needs. Insecurity and jealousy, often stemming from a fear that alone time means a lack of love, can be very damaging. Allowing him time for his own interests, friends, or solitude demonstrates confidence in the relationship.

Love grows with space. Everyone needs personal space, and men are no exception. This "me time" allows individuals to pursue their passions and regroup, ultimately making the love in a relationship grow stronger. When a man feels respected and not smothered, he is more likely to commit and cherish the bond you share.

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