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This Love

This Love

by Dani Atkins 2017 339 pages
4.14
3.1K ratings
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Plot Summary

Flames in the Night

A quiet life upended by fire

Sophie Winter's life is forever changed when a fire breaks out in her apartment building. Trapped and desperate, she is saved by a stranger, Ben Stevens, who risks his own safety to help her escape. The trauma of the fire reignites old anxieties and scars from Sophie's past, but it also sparks an unexpected connection. In the aftermath, Sophie is left homeless, her possessions destroyed, and her sense of security shattered. Yet, amid the chaos, the seeds of something new are sown—a chance encounter that will alter the course of her life, forcing her to confront not only her fears but also the possibility of hope and love.

A Stranger's Rescue

Ben's heroism forges a bond

Ben's selfless act during the fire leaves both him and Sophie physically scarred but emotionally tethered. Their shared trauma creates an immediate intimacy, and Ben's gentle, attentive care in the hospital soothes Sophie's shaken nerves. As they navigate the aftermath—hospital bureaucracy, lost belongings, and the search for Sophie's missing cat—Ben's kindness stands in stark contrast to Sophie's recent loneliness. Their connection deepens through small acts of support, and Sophie finds herself drawn to Ben's warmth and steadiness. The fire, while devastating, becomes the unlikely catalyst for a relationship that promises healing and new beginnings.

New Beginnings, Old Wounds

Homelessness and friendship's refuge

With nowhere else to go, Sophie leans on her best friend Julia, moving in with her family. The comfort of old friendship is tinged with guilt and the awkwardness of displacement. Sophie's search for her lost cat, Fred, and her efforts to rebuild her life are shadowed by memories of past trauma—her brother's death and the lingering effects of grief. Ben remains a supportive presence, helping her find Fred and offering her a place to stay in his home's basement flat. As Sophie settles into this new arrangement, she is both grateful and wary, sensing that Ben, too, carries secrets and sorrows of his own.

Unlikely Connections

Building trust, sharing vulnerabilities

Living under Ben's roof, Sophie is drawn into his world—a circle of friends bound by illness, loss, and the pursuit of unfinished dreams. Ben's home becomes a haven for people facing mortality, each with their own "bucket list." Sophie's initial discomfort gives way to empathy as she witnesses their courage and humor. Through shared meals, late-night conversations, and small acts of kindness, Sophie and Ben's relationship grows. They confide in each other about their fears and regrets, and Sophie begins to let down her guard, allowing herself to hope for happiness despite the shadows of her past.

The Bucket List Circle

Hope and purpose among the dying

Ben's friends—Carla, Alice, Tom, Henry, and others—form a unique support group, each living with terminal illness. Their gatherings are filled with laughter, music, and the determination to make the most of the time they have left. Sophie is both inspired and unsettled by their acceptance of mortality. She helps fulfill small wishes, from reuniting estranged friends to teaching a man to play piano for his ailing wife. Through these acts, Sophie finds purpose and belonging, even as she grapples with the knowledge that loss is inevitable. The group's resilience teaches her that life's value lies in connection and meaning, not in its length.

Love and Secrets

Romance blooms, but truths linger

Sophie and Ben's relationship deepens into love, marked by tenderness and mutual support. Yet, beneath the surface, secrets fester. Ben's health begins to falter, and Sophie senses he is hiding something significant. Their intimacy is both a balm and a source of anxiety, as Sophie fears the return of grief and abandonment. When Ben's ex-girlfriend Holly appears, visibly pregnant, Sophie's insecurities flare. The revelation that Ben is living with motor neurone disease (MND) shatters Sophie's sense of safety. The couple must confront the reality of Ben's limited future and the pain of loving someone who is slipping away.

The Weight of the Past

Old tragedies resurface, demanding reckoning

As Ben's illness progresses, Sophie discovers a folder among his belongings that reveals a devastating truth: Ben was a passenger in the car involved in the accident that killed her brother years ago. The revelation is a gut punch, reopening wounds Sophie thought had healed. Feelings of betrayal, anger, and confusion threaten to destroy their relationship. Sophie flees to her parents, only to learn that her brother was not blameless in the accident. The past, long buried, demands to be faced. Sophie must decide whether forgiveness is possible and whether love can survive the weight of old pain.

Facing Mortality

Illness, choices, and the limits of hope

Ben's health deteriorates rapidly, and he is hospitalized with pneumonia. Sophie, after much soul-searching, chooses to return to his side, refusing to let fear or anger dictate her actions. Together, they navigate the complexities of living with a terminal illness—advance directives, drug trials, and the daily indignities of physical decline. Their love becomes a source of strength, even as the future narrows. Sophie learns to cherish the present, to find joy in small moments, and to accept that some things—like death and loss—are beyond her control. The couple's courage in the face of mortality becomes a testament to the power of love.

Betrayal and Forgiveness

Truths confessed, love reaffirmed

Ben, fearing he has lost Sophie forever, writes her a heartfelt letter confessing everything—his role in her brother's accident, his reasons for seeking her out, and his overwhelming love for her. Sophie, reading the letter, is moved by his honesty and vulnerability. She realizes that forgiveness is not about forgetting the past but about choosing to move forward together. Their reunion is bittersweet, marked by tears and promises. Sophie's parents, too, reveal long-held secrets, helping her see that blame is rarely simple. The couple's reconciliation is a hard-won victory over pain, guilt, and the fear of loss.

Choosing to Stay

Commitment in the face of loss

Sophie and Ben marry in a small, joyful ceremony, surrounded by friends and family. Their union is an act of defiance against time and fate—a declaration that love is worth the risk, even when the future is uncertain. Together, they return to the Welsh cottage where they first truly became a couple, determined to make the most of whatever time remains. The days are filled with tenderness, laughter, and the quiet intimacy of shared routines. Sophie learns to care for Ben as his abilities wane, finding strength in their bond and solace in the knowledge that she chose to stay, no matter the cost.

Living in the Moment

Finding joy amid decline

As Ben's illness advances, Sophie adapts to the new rhythms of their life—slower walks, careful planning, and the acceptance of help. They savor each day, creating memories and fulfilling small dreams. The couple's love is undiminished by Ben's physical limitations; if anything, it grows deeper and more profound. Sophie learns to let go of the need for control, embracing the beauty of the present. Their friends remain a source of support and inspiration, reminding them that life's meaning is found not in its duration but in its depth. Together, they face the inevitable with grace and courage.

The Final Summer

A last journey, a lasting promise

Sensing that time is running short, Ben and Sophie return to the beach cottage for one final summer. The days are golden, filled with sunlight, laughter, and the gentle sound of waves. Ben's decline is undeniable, but the couple refuses to let sorrow overshadow their joy. They revisit old haunts, share stories, and watch for the elusive seals Ben always hoped to see. In these precious moments, Sophie finds peace, knowing that their love has been real and transformative. The cottage becomes a sanctuary—a place where endings and beginnings coexist, and where love endures beyond loss.

Letting Go, Holding On

Saying goodbye, embracing the afterlife

When Ben dies, Sophie is left to scatter his ashes on the beach they both loved. The act is both an ending and a beginning—a release of grief and a celebration of the love they shared. Sophie is comforted by the sense that Ben's presence lingers in the world around her—in the wind, the waves, and the memories they created together. She promises to carry his love forward, to live fully, and to honor the lessons he taught her about courage, forgiveness, and the beauty of the present. In letting go, Sophie discovers that love, once given, is never truly lost.

Afterlife Promises

Love's echo in memory and hope

Sophie's journey through grief is marked by the enduring presence of Ben's love. She finds solace in poetry, in the kindness of friends, and in the quiet moments when she feels him near. The pain of loss is tempered by gratitude for the time they shared and the knowledge that love transcends death. Sophie chooses to move forward, carrying Ben's memory as a source of strength and inspiration. The story ends not with despair, but with hope—a belief that love, once kindled, continues to shine, guiding us through darkness and into the light of new beginnings.

Characters

Sophie Winter

Haunted survivor seeking healing

Sophie is a woman marked by loss—her brother's tragic death, the scars of trauma, and the loneliness of adulthood. Intelligent, sensitive, and fiercely independent, she struggles with anxiety and the fear of loving again. Sophie's journey is one of gradual opening: from isolation and guardedness to vulnerability and deep connection. Her relationship with Ben challenges her to confront old wounds, forgive the past, and embrace the uncertainty of the future. Through love, friendship, and acts of courage, Sophie learns to find meaning in the present and to accept that life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility.

Ben Stevens

Wounded healer hiding secrets

Ben is a man of quiet strength, compassion, and deep sorrow. Living with motor neurone disease, he is acutely aware of his mortality and determined to make his remaining time meaningful. Ben's heroism in saving Sophie is matched by his emotional bravery—he opens his home to those in need and creates a circle of support for the terminally ill. Yet, Ben is haunted by guilt over his role in Sophie's brother's death, a secret that shapes his actions and relationships. His love for Sophie is both redemptive and self-sacrificing, driving him to seek forgiveness and to cherish every moment they share.

Julia

Loyal friend and emotional anchor

Julia is Sophie's best friend and confidante, offering unwavering support through every crisis. Warm, practical, and nurturing, she provides a safe haven for Sophie after the fire and throughout her struggles. Julia's own life—filled with the joys and challenges of motherhood—serves as a counterpoint to Sophie's solitude. She is both a source of comfort and a voice of reason, encouraging Sophie to take risks and to confront her fears. Julia's presence grounds the narrative, reminding Sophie (and the reader) of the enduring power of friendship and the importance of chosen family.

Carla

Vibrant survivor and wise mentor

Carla, a hairdresser living with illness, is a beacon of resilience and humor. Her colorful personality and zest for life inspire those around her, especially Sophie. Carla's role as a member of Ben's support group highlights the importance of community and the value of living fully, even in the face of death. She is both a caretaker and a truth-teller, unafraid to challenge Sophie or to break into a house if needed. Carla's journey is a testament to the strength found in vulnerability and the healing power of connection.

Tom

Young dreamer facing mortality

Tom, a gardener and member of Ben's circle, embodies the tragedy of a life cut short. Despite his youth and the loss of a limb, Tom remains optimistic, pursuing his dreams and supporting his friends. His death is a pivotal moment in the story, forcing Sophie and Ben to confront the reality of loss and the limits of hope. Tom's courage and humor leave a lasting impact, reminding the characters (and readers) that meaning is found not in the length of life, but in its depth and authenticity.

Alice

Gentle soul seeking closure

Alice, an elderly woman in Ben's group, represents the longing for reconciliation and peace at the end of life. Her wish to reunite with a long-lost friend becomes a catalyst for Sophie's involvement in the group and her own journey toward forgiveness. Alice's vulnerability and quiet strength highlight the universal need for connection and the healing that comes from facing the past with honesty and compassion.

Henry

Elderly romantic with unfinished business

Henry, a nonagenarian, is haunted by memories of a lost love during wartime. His desire to send a final letter to a woman in France becomes a moving subplot, illustrating the enduring power of love and regret. Henry's story parallels Sophie's own struggles with the past, offering a poignant reminder that it is never too late to seek closure or to express one's feelings.

Sophie's Parents

Grieving but loving, keepers of secrets

Sophie's parents are defined by the loss of their son and the ways in which grief shapes family dynamics. Their decision to shield Sophie from the full truth of her brother's death is both protective and problematic, creating barriers to healing. Ultimately, their honesty and acceptance help Sophie find forgiveness and peace, demonstrating the complexity of parental love and the necessity of facing painful truths.

Holly

Ben's ex, catalyst for revelation

Holly's unexpected appearance forces hidden truths into the open. Her pregnancy and candid conversation with Sophie reveal Ben's illness and the secrets he has kept. Holly's role is brief but crucial, serving as the trigger for the story's central confrontation and the subsequent journey toward forgiveness and reconciliation.

Fred

Faithful feline, symbol of hope

Fred, Sophie's beloved cat, is more than a pet—he is a symbol of resilience, comfort, and the enduring bonds of love. His disappearance and eventual return mirror Sophie's own journey through loss and recovery. Fred's presence provides moments of levity and warmth, grounding the narrative in the everyday joys that persist even amid tragedy.

Plot Devices

Intertwined Trauma and Healing

Shared pain as the foundation for love

The narrative is built on the interplay between past trauma and present healing. Sophie and Ben are both haunted by loss—her brother's death, his illness, and their shared connection to a tragic accident. Their relationship is forged in crisis and deepened through acts of vulnerability and forgiveness. The story uses parallel plotlines—Sophie's journey from isolation to connection, Ben's from guilt to redemption—to explore the ways in which love can be both a source of pain and a path to healing.

The Bucket List Motif

Living fully in the shadow of death

Ben's support group and their "bucket lists" serve as a recurring motif, highlighting the importance of purpose, agency, and joy in the face of mortality. The fulfillment of small wishes—reunions, music, forgiveness—provides structure and meaning, both for the characters and the reader. This device underscores the story's central message: that life's value is measured not by its length, but by the connections we make and the courage with which we face the end.

Secrets, Revelations, and Forgiveness

The slow unspooling of hidden truths

The narrative is driven by secrets—Ben's role in Sophie's brother's death, his illness, and the reasons behind his actions. These revelations are carefully foreshadowed and ultimately brought to light through confrontation, letters, and confessions. The process of uncovering and forgiving these secrets is central to the characters' growth and the story's emotional arc. The structure allows for moments of dramatic irony, tension, and catharsis, culminating in a hard-won reconciliation.

Symbolism and Recurring Motifs

Objects and places as emotional anchors

Throughout the novel, objects (the iron charm, the bracelet, the piano, Fred the cat) and places (the beach cottage, the hospital, the garden) serve as symbols of memory, hope, and transformation. These motifs ground the story in tangible detail, providing continuity and resonance. The recurring image of the sea and the elusive seal encapsulate the themes of longing, acceptance, and the cyclical nature of life and loss.

Epistolary Elements and Poetic Closure

Letters and poems as vehicles for truth

Key moments in the narrative are conveyed through letters, emails, and poems—Ben's confession, Henry's wartime letter, the final afterlife poem. These epistolary elements allow for introspection, emotional honesty, and a sense of closure. The poetic ending offers a lyrical summation of the story's themes, inviting the reader to reflect on love's endurance beyond death.

Analysis

Dani Atkins' This Love is a poignant exploration of love, loss, and the redemptive power of forgiveness. Through the intertwined stories of Sophie and Ben, the novel confronts the realities of trauma, illness, and mortality with unflinching honesty and deep compassion. The narrative structure—anchored in pivotal moments of crisis and revelation—mirrors the unpredictability of life itself, while the recurring motifs of the bucket list, the sea, and the afterlife poem provide emotional continuity and resonance. Atkins challenges the reader to consider what it means to truly live: to embrace vulnerability, to seek connection even when it risks pain, and to find meaning in the face of inevitable loss. The novel's ultimate message is one of hope: that love, once given, is never lost; that forgiveness is possible even after betrayal; and that the beauty of life lies not in its certainty, but in its capacity for transformation. In a world marked by impermanence, This Love offers a powerful reminder that the bonds we forge—through courage, honesty, and compassion—are what endure.

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Review Summary

4.14 out of 5
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About the Author

Dani Atkins grew up in Cockfosters, London, and spent her early career in various secretarial positions while commuting to the city. During her commutes, she developed a passion for reading and dreamed of becoming an author. Once her children left home, Atkins pursued her writing ambitions. She now resides in rural Hertfordshire with her husband and pets. Atkins' debut novels, "Fractured" (known as "Then and Always" in the US) and "The Story of Us," were published in 2014. Her third novel, "Our Song," was released in January 2016. "This Love" is another title in her bibliography.

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