The Peace Maker

1. Conflict is a God-Given Opportunity for Growth

But a few people have learned that conflict is an opportunity to solve common problems in a way that honors God and offers benefits to those involved.

Reframing conflict. Many view conflict as a hazard to avoid or an obstacle to conquer, leading to escape or attack responses. However, a biblical perspective reframes conflict as a unique opportunity. It's a chance to demonstrate God's presence and power, serving as a stepping stone to a closer relationship with Him and a more fulfilling Christian life.

Three types of responses: People typically react to conflict in three ways, visualized as a "slippery slope":

• Escape Responses: Denial, flight, or, in extreme cases, suicide. These avoid resolution and often worsen the situation.
• Attack Responses: Litigation, assault, or, in extreme cases, murder. These prioritize winning over preserving relationships.
• Conciliation Responses: Overlooking offenses, discussion, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and church discipline. These are God-commended paths to just and mutually agreeable solutions.

Beyond self-interest. Instead of self-absorbed reactions, conflict can be an opportunity to glorify God, serve others, and grow to be like Christ. This perspective shifts focus from personal gain to divine purpose, enabling wiser and more constructive responses, even in the most challenging disputes.

2. Prioritize God's Glory and Trust His Sovereign Goodness

The more you trust God, the easier it is to do his will.

God's ultimate control. A fundamental understanding of God's sovereignty is crucial for peacemaking. He has ultimate control over all things, from global events to the smallest details of our lives, including painful and unjust situations. This doesn't mean He authors sin, but that He permits and uses all circumstances for His good purposes.

God's unwavering love. While God is sovereign, He is also perfectly good, wielding His power with infinite love. He is "for us," not against us, and uses trials to accomplish good, even when we don't understand His immediate purposes. This trust allows us to endure mistreatment with patience and without resentment, knowing He works for our ultimate good.

Trust as a decision. Trusting God isn't the absence of questions or fears, but a deliberate decision to rely on His grace and believe in His loving control, even amidst doubt. This trust frees us from crippling worry, enabling us to act faithfully and effectively as peacemakers, regardless of immediate results.

3. First, Remove the Log from Your Own Eye

Before you talk to others about their faults, you need to face up to yours.

Self-examination is paramount. Jesus' command to remove the "plank" from our own eye before addressing the "speck" in another's highlights the necessity of self-reflection. This isn't to forbid confrontation, but to ensure it's done properly and effectively. Our own unaddressed faults hinder our ability to help others.

Overlook minor offenses. Many disputes are insignificant and should be resolved by quietly overlooking the offense and forgiving the person. This imitates God's mercy towards us and prevents unnecessary escalation. However, if an offense significantly damages a relationship, dishonors God, or harms others/the offender, it's too serious to overlook.

Check and change your attitude. When offended, our natural tendency is to focus on the negative. Paul's advice in Philippians 4:2-9 encourages a deliberate shift:

• Rejoice in the Lord: Find joy in salvation and God's provision.
• Be gentle: Respond with forbearance, courtesy, and consideration.
• Replace anxiety with prayer: Turn worries into thankful requests to God.
• See things as they really are: Focus on the true, noble, and praiseworthy aspects of the other person.
• Practice what you've learned: Apply biblical principles consistently.

4. Confess Your Sins and Commit to Personal Change

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Honesty about sin. Sin is not merely a mistake but a rebellion against God's will, affecting both Him and others. We often conceal, deny, or rationalize our wrongs, or practice the "40/60 Rule" to shift blame. This only leads to guilt, emotional turmoil, and physical side effects, as King David experienced.

The Seven A's of Confession: For genuine forgiveness and reconciliation, confession must be honest and unconditional:

1. Address Everyone Involved: Confess to God first, then to all directly affected.
2. Avoid If, But, and Maybe: These words neutralize sincerity and shift blame.
3. Admit Specifically: Detail your wrongful attitudes and actions, identifying violated biblical principles.
4. Apologize: Express sincere sorrow and regret, showing you understand their hurt.
5. Accept the Consequences: Be willing to make restitution and repair damage.
6. Alter Your Behavior: Explain how you will change, demonstrating true repentance.
7. Ask for Forgiveness and Allow Time: Request forgiveness, but respect their need for time to process.

Commit to change. True repentance leads to changed behavior, not just remorse. This "putting on the new self" requires prayer, focusing on the Lord to overcome idols, diligent study of God's Word, and consistent practice of godly character qualities. This transformative process, though difficult, is God's plan to conform us to Christ's likeness.

5. Gently Restore Your Brother by Speaking Truth in Love

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.

Initiate reconciliation. If you learn someone has something against you, take the initiative to seek peace, even if you believe you're not at fault. This honors Jesus' command (Matthew 5:23-24), enhances your Christian witness, and clears your conscience. It also protects the other person from the destructive effects of unresolved anger and bitterness.

When to confront. While many offenses can be overlooked, some are too serious and require confrontation. These include sins that:

• Dishonor God: Public behavior that makes others think less of Christ or His church.
• Damage relationships: Offenses that prevent genuine forgiveness and unity.
• Hurt others: Direct harm or setting a bad example that leads others astray.
• Hurt the offender: Sins that cause spiritual, emotional, or physical damage to the person themselves.

Speak the truth in love. Confrontation should be constructive, not hurtful. Avoid reckless words, gossip, and slander. Instead, speak only to build others up, using patience and gentleness. Plan your words carefully, use "I" statements, be objective, and refer to Scripture tactfully. Remember, your goal is to "win over" your brother, not to win against him.

6. Seek Assisted Resolution When Private Efforts Fail

But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'

Escalating the process. When private efforts to resolve a conflict with a fellow Christian fail, Jesus commands involving others. This "assisted response" can take several forms, moving from informal mediation to more formal arbitration or church discipline. The goal remains reconciliation and a biblically faithful settlement.

Involving conciliators. These neutral individuals—mutual friends, church leaders, or trained peacemakers—can facilitate communication, help determine facts, and offer advice. They should be wise, spiritually mature, and, if possible, experienced in the relevant issues. Their role is to help parties make decisions, not impose solutions, unless agreed upon through arbitration.

Church discipline as a final step. If a Christian refuses to listen to conciliators, the matter should be brought to the church leadership. The church, acting with Christ's authority, can provide binding counsel. If the person still refuses to repent, the church may treat them "as a pagan or a tax collector," meaning they are functionally considered outside the fellowship. This severe step aims to bring conviction and lead to repentance, protecting God's honor and the church's witness.

When to go to court. Litigation is a last resort for Christians. It's only appropriate if:

• Church remedies have been exhausted.
• The rights asserted are biblically legitimate.
• The action serves a righteous purpose (glorifying God, benefiting the opponent, enhancing your ability to serve Christ).

7. Forgive Others as God Has Forgiven You

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. True forgiveness is an act of the will, a conscious choice to release someone from liability for their wrong. It is not forgetting, excusing, or merely saying "I'm sorry." It means absorbing the cost of their sin, just as Jesus absorbed the full penalty of our sins on the cross.

The four promises of forgiveness: When we forgive biblically, we make these commitments:

• "I will not think about this incident."
• "I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you."
• "I will not talk to others about this incident."
• "I will not allow this incident to stand between us or hinder our personal relationship."
  These promises tear down walls and clear the way for renewed relationships, mirroring God's forgiveness towards us.

Overcoming unforgiveness. Forgiveness can be difficult, especially when the offender hasn't repented or when we harbor sinful attitudes like wanting to punish. To overcome this, we must:

• Confirm repentance (if applicable).
• Renounce sinful attitudes and unrealistic expectations (e.g., demanding guarantees).
• Assess our own contributions to the problem.
• Recognize how God is using the offense for our good.
• Remember the enormous debt God has forgiven us.
• Draw on God's strength through prayer, Scripture, and Christian counsel.

8. Negotiate Cooperatively by Understanding All Interests

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Cooperative vs. competitive negotiation. Many default to competitive negotiation, aggressively pursuing their own desires. This often leads to inadequate solutions, inefficiency, and damaged relationships. Cooperative negotiation, however, seeks mutually beneficial outcomes by focusing on underlying interests rather than rigid positions. This approach, rooted in love and wisdom, preserves relationships and yields more thorough solutions.

The PAUSE strategy for negotiation:

• Prepare: Pray, gather facts, identify issues and interests (yours and theirs), study the Bible, brainstorm options, anticipate reactions, plan alternatives, and seek counsel.
• Affirm Relationships: Begin by expressing respect and concern for the other person, using courteous communication and demonstrating genuine care. This builds trust and allows for frank discussion of material issues.
• Understand Interests: Distinguish between issues (concrete questions), positions (desired outcomes), and interests (underlying motivations, needs, desires). Focusing on shared or compatible interests makes finding solutions easier.
• Search for Creative Solutions: Brainstorm broadly, encouraging imagination and postponing judgment. Seek to "expand the pie" by incorporating additional interests and developing options that offer mutual gains.
• Evaluate Options Objectively and Reasonably: Use objective criteria (biblical principles, facts, expert advice) rather than personal opinions. Negotiate reasonably, building on others' ideas, inviting criticism, and treating them as you wish to be treated.

9. Overcome Evil with Good, Even When Others Refuse

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Responding to persistent opposition. When someone refuses reconciliation, persists in mistreatment, or rejects biblical peacemaking, the natural inclination is to retaliate or withdraw. However, Jesus commands a radically different approach: "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

Wielding divine weapons. Paul describes this as fighting with "divine power to demolish strongholds," not worldly weapons. These spiritual weapons include:

• Control your tongue: Bless, don't curse. Speak only what is true and helpful, even when provoked.
• Seek godly advisors: Surround yourself with wise, spiritually mature friends for encouragement and correction.
• Keep doing what is right: Act carefully and properly so that even opponents eventually acknowledge your righteousness.
• Recognize your limits: Do all you can to make peace, but accept that you cannot force others to respond. God defines success as faithful obedience, not specific results.
• Use the ultimate weapon: deliberate, focused love: Discern their deepest needs and actively seek to meet them, even providing material assistance. This "heaps burning coals on their head," potentially leading them to repentance.

The power of active love. This approach is not passive defeat but a powerful offensive strategy. It protects you from bitterness and, as demonstrated by figures like Corrie ten Boom and Hugh O'Flaherty, can ultimately lead even the most hardened opponents to repentance and faith.

10. Embrace the Peacemaker's Pledge for Lasting Peace

A peacemaker is a person who goes.

The core commitment. The Peacemaker's Pledge summarizes the essential biblical principles for responding to conflict. It's a commitment to act differently from the world, seeing conflict as an assignment from God to glorify Him, serve others, and grow in Christ-likeness.

The four pillars of the pledge:

• Glorify God: Focus on pleasing and honoring God through dependence, obedience, and a loving, merciful attitude.
• Get the Log out of Your Own Eye: Take responsibility for your own contributions to conflict, confessing sins and seeking personal change.
• Go and Show Your Brother His Fault: Overlook minor offenses or, when necessary, confront others directly and graciously, seeking help from the church if private efforts fail.
• Go and Be Reconciled: Actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation, forgiving others as God has forgiven you, and seeking just, mutually beneficial solutions.

Stewardship and faithfulness. Embracing this pledge means viewing conflict as a management opportunity from God. Success is measured by faithful, dependent obedience, not by specific outcomes. By applying these principles, individuals can transform conflicts, bring praise to God, and help re-establish the church as an effective peacemaking body.

Last updated: March 12, 2026