Ghosts in the Evening

Ruth, a schoolteacher, hosts her childhood friends, Christine, Sarah, and Fran, in her small London flat. Their conversation is laced with nostalgia and concern, especially about Ruth's daughter, Eleanor, who is lost to addiction and homelessness. Ruth's friends try to offer comfort, but their words only highlight Ruth's isolation and the complexity of her grief. The presence of Lily, Ruth's granddaughter, brings a fleeting sense of hope and belonging, but the shadow of Eleanor's absence is ever-present. Ruth's memories of Eleanor's beauty and promise, now eroded by addiction, haunt her. The chapter sets the tone of longing, regret, and the fierce, complicated love that persists despite disappointment and loss.

Christmas on a Park Bench

Ruth recalls a Christmas spent with Eleanor and Ben, Eleanor's partner, on a bleak strip of grass rather than a festive home. Ruth tries to create a sense of occasion with food and gifts, but the encounter is awkward and strained. Eleanor is distant, her addiction and emotional withdrawal palpable. The picnic is a performance of normalcy in the face of despair. At the end, Eleanor reveals she is pregnant, and Ruth's response is immediate and practical: "What do you need?" This moment encapsulates Ruth's enduring hope and readiness to care, even as her heart breaks for her daughter's choices.

Christening and Complications

On the day of Lily's christening, Ruth sells a treasured painting to provide a financial gift for her granddaughter. The ceremony is chaotic, with Eleanor and Ben's instability on display. Ruth is asked to be Lily's godmother, an unusual but poignant gesture. The event is marked by Ruth's efforts to maintain dignity and order amid the disorder of Eleanor and Ben's lives. The priest's kindness offers a rare moment of comfort. Ruth's internal monologue reveals her constant calculation: how to protect Lily, how to support Eleanor without enabling her, and how to preserve her own sense of self-worth.

Taking Lily Home

After witnessing the neglect and squalor in Eleanor and Ben's flat, Ruth decides she cannot leave Lily in their care. She takes Lily home, rationalizing her actions as necessary for the child's well-being. Ruth's life becomes a balancing act—caring for Lily, managing work, and navigating social services. She documents everything, preparing for the inevitable legal battles. Ruth's love for Lily is fierce and uncompromising, but it is also tinged with guilt and the fear of repeating past mistakes with Eleanor. The chapter explores the moral ambiguities of rescue and the cost of stepping in.

Schoolgirls and Mothers

Ruth's role as a teacher to adolescent girls mirrors her struggles as a mother. She is a confidante and guide to her students, offering advice and support that she cannot always provide to Eleanor. The pain of Eleanor's teenage rebellion and subsequent estrangement is contrasted with Ruth's professional competence. The chapter delves into the unique intensity of mother-daughter relationships, the wounds of adolescence, and the ways in which women support and fail each other across generations. Ruth's longing for collaboration and understanding with Eleanor remains unfulfilled.

Squalor and Survival

Ruth and Lily move to a better neighborhood to escape the dangers of their old street. The change brings a sense of renewal and hope. Ruth delights in the routines and small joys of life with Lily—school runs, shared meals, and holidays. The trauma of Eleanor's absence recedes but never disappears. Ruth's friendship with Jean, a fellow teacher, becomes a source of strength. The chapter highlights the resilience required to build a new life after loss and the healing power of ordinary happiness.

New Beginnings, Old Wounds

As Lily grows, Ruth experiences a period of contentment and stability. Their bond is deep and sustaining. Eleanor's visits become rare and fraught, her decline evident. Ruth's grief for her daughter is quieter now, but still acute. The narrative explores the tension between moving forward and remaining tethered to the past. Ruth's friendships, especially with Jean, provide solace and perspective. The chapter underscores the importance of chosen family and the ways in which love endures, even when it cannot save.

Daughters Lost and Found

Eleanor reappears sporadically, each time more diminished. Ruth offers food, money, and affection, but Eleanor remains unreachable. The moments of connection are fleeting but precious. Ruth reflects on the inheritance she has prepared for Lily and the impossibility of making amends for the past. The chapter is suffused with the ache of missed opportunities and the stubborn persistence of hope. Ruth's acceptance of what she cannot change is hard-won and incomplete.

The Weight of Absence

Ruth is diagnosed with cancer, and the prospect of her own mortality forces her to confront unfinished business. She worries about Lily's future and Eleanor's fate. The narrative shifts between Ruth's medical appointments, her efforts to prepare Lily for independence, and her attempts to reach out to Eleanor. The chapter is marked by a sense of reckoning—what has been lost, what might still be salvaged, and the limits of forgiveness. Ruth's vulnerability is laid bare, but so is her enduring strength.

Lily's Growing World

As Ruth's illness progresses, Lily becomes more self-sufficient and thoughtful. She excels at school, forms her own opinions, and begins to imagine a future beyond the confines of her family's pain. Ruth is proud but also fearful of losing her. The chapter explores the shifting dynamics of care as Lily starts to look after Ruth. Their relationship is tender and respectful, marked by mutual admiration and the unspoken knowledge that time is running out.

Eleanor's Diminishing Light

Ruth and Lily make one last effort to bring Eleanor back into the fold. Eleanor visits Ruth in the hospital, and there is a moment of genuine connection and forgiveness. Eleanor promises to do better, to care for Lily, and to honor Ruth's legacy. Whether these promises can be kept is uncertain, but the gesture matters. The chapter is suffused with the bittersweet recognition that love sometimes means letting go, trusting that what you have given will endure.

Illness and Inheritance

Ruth's decline accelerates, and she entrusts Lily to Jean's care. The practicalities of death—wills, possessions, farewells—are handled with as much grace as possible. Ruth's final conversations with Lily are honest and loving, acknowledging both the pain and the beauty of their shared life. The chapter is a meditation on legacy, the things we leave behind, and the hope that those we love will carry forward what matters most.

Final Reunions

Ruth's friends and family gather for her final days. There are moments of humor, regret, and deep affection. Eleanor and Lily are both present, each in their own way. Ruth's death is peaceful, surrounded by those who have loved her best. The narrative lingers on the rituals of parting—the music, the stories, the small acts of care that make up a life. The chapter is both an ending and a beginning, as those left behind must find their own way forward.

The Last Goodbye

Lily, now orphaned, is cared for by Jean. The funeral is a communal act of mourning and remembrance, bringing together the various strands of Ruth's life. Lily's grief is raw but tempered by the support of friends and the routines of daily life. The chapter explores the ways in which we honor the dead, the comfort of ritual, and the slow, uneven process of healing.

Grief and Continuance

Lily and Jean establish a new household, navigating the awkwardness of their changed relationship. Lily reflects on Ruth's influence and the lessons she has learned. The narrative acknowledges the persistence of sorrow but also the possibility of joy. The chapter is a testament to resilience, the importance of community, and the ways in which love, once given, continues to shape us.

The Next Generation

As Lily prepares to leave for university, she contemplates her inheritance—not just material, but emotional and ethical. She reaches out to Eleanor, offering forgiveness and the chance to reclaim something of what was lost. The story ends with a sense of cautious optimism: the wounds of the past may never fully heal, but the possibility of connection remains. The cycle of care, loss, and renewal continues, shaped by the choices and courage of those who came before.

Characters

Ruth

Ruth is the central figure, a schoolteacher and grandmother who becomes Lily's primary caregiver when her daughter Eleanor succumbs to addiction. Ruth's life is marked by loss—her own mother, her estranged daughter, and eventually her own health. She is fiercely protective, practical, and self-sacrificing, often putting Lily's needs above her own. Ruth's relationships with her friends and colleagues provide support, but her deepest wounds are private. She is haunted by guilt over Eleanor's fate, yet her love for both her daughter and granddaughter is unwavering. Ruth's journey is one of endurance, adaptation, and the search for meaning in the face of disappointment and grief.

Eleanor

Eleanor is Ruth's daughter, once full of promise but undone by addiction and mental illness. Her relationship with Ruth is fraught—marked by rebellion, estrangement, and brief, painful reunions. Eleanor's inability to care for Lily forces Ruth to step in, deepening the rift between mother and daughter. Despite her decline, Eleanor retains flashes of wit and generosity, especially in her interactions with Lily. Her self-destructive choices are both a source of anguish and a reflection of deeper wounds. Eleanor's arc is one of diminishment, but also of fleeting redemption as she seeks, in the end, to make amends.

Lily

Lily is the child at the heart of the story, born into chaos but raised with love and stability by Ruth. She is observant, sensitive, and resilient, absorbing the complexities of her family with a maturity beyond her years. Lily's relationship with Ruth is nurturing and reciprocal; as Ruth's health fails, Lily becomes her caretaker. Lily's journey is one of growth and self-discovery, as she learns to navigate loss, forge her own identity, and extend compassion to both her mother and grandmother. She represents hope for the future, the possibility of breaking cycles of pain.

Jean

Jean is Ruth's colleague and confidante, a fellow teacher whose blunt humor and practical wisdom provide ballast throughout the narrative. She supports Ruth through crises, offers a home to Lily after Ruth's death, and serves as a surrogate family. Jean's own life is marked by disappointments—her marriage, her relationship with her daughter—but she faces them with resilience and a refusal to be defined by suffering. Her friendship with Ruth is a model of chosen family, and her care for Lily is both generous and grounding.

Christine

Christine is one of Ruth's oldest friends, whose own life has been shaped by betrayal and reconciliation. Her marriage's collapse and eventual reunion mirror the themes of forgiveness and the difficulty of moving on. Christine's presence in Ruth's life is a reminder of the enduring bonds of friendship, even as time and circumstance erode their closeness. She is both a source of support and a symbol of the lives that might have been.

Ben

Ben is Eleanor's partner and Lily's father, himself struggling with addiction and instability. His presence is sporadic, and he is ultimately unable to provide for Lily or support Eleanor. Ben's failures force Ruth to take decisive action, and his absence looms over Lily's sense of identity. He is a figure of lost potential, his brief moments of warmth overshadowed by his inability to change.

Fran

Fran, another of Ruth's school friends, is a writer and editor, more comfortable with books than with people. Her emotional reserve contrasts with Ruth's openness, and her life choices reflect a different response to disappointment. Fran's presence in the narrative is subtle but significant, offering a counterpoint to Ruth's struggles and a reminder of the many ways women cope with loss.

Sarah

Sarah, the last of Ruth's core group, leaves teaching to pursue a new life, opening a vintage clothing shop. Her journey is one of self-discovery and the search for meaning beyond traditional roles. Sarah's warmth and creativity provide a foil to Ruth's anxieties, and her friendship is a source of comfort and perspective.

Father Pat

The priest who christens Lily, Father Pat embodies the possibility of acceptance and community. His kindness to Ruth and her family offers a rare moment of grace amid chaos. He reappears at the end of Ruth's life, providing spiritual comfort and a sense of closure. Father Pat's presence underscores the novel's themes of forgiveness, belonging, and the search for meaning.

Lena

Lena, the owner of the local kebab shop, is a minor but poignant character. Having lost her own son, she offers Ruth a space of shared sorrow and understanding. Their connection is wordless but profound, a testament to the ways in which grief can unite strangers. Lena's resilience and generosity echo Ruth's own, reinforcing the novel's message that love and loss are universal.

Plot Devices

Intergenerational Trauma and Care

The novel's structure is built around the repetition of patterns across generations—absent fathers, struggling mothers, daughters who both need and reject care. Ruth's efforts to save Lily from Eleanor's fate are both an act of love and an attempt to redeem her own perceived failures. The narrative uses flashbacks, parallel scenes, and mirrored relationships to highlight the persistence of trauma and the possibility of breaking the cycle through conscious choice and compassion.

Shifting Narrative Perspective

While Ruth's voice dominates, the novel occasionally shifts to Lily's perspective, especially in the final chapters. This device allows for a richer, more nuanced exploration of events, revealing the limitations of any single point of view. The interplay between Ruth's internal monologue and Lily's observations underscores the complexity of family dynamics and the ways in which love is both given and received.

Symbolism of Objects and Rituals

Objects—knitted garments, a red colander, a painting, a christening shawl—carry deep emotional weight, serving as symbols of care, inheritance, and memory. Rituals, from holiday meals to funerals, provide structure and meaning in the face of chaos. These devices ground the narrative in the tangible, making the abstract themes of love and loss more immediate and relatable.

Foreshadowing and Recurrence

The novel is rich in foreshadowing—Ruth's early fears for Eleanor, the recurring motif of illness, the ever-present threat of loss. Events and phrases repeat across chapters, creating a sense of inevitability but also of continuity. The use of songs, poems, and family sayings reinforces the idea that our lives are shaped by what has come before, but also that we have the power to reinterpret and renew.

Narrative Structure

The story unfolds in a non-linear fashion, moving between past and present, memory and immediate experience. This structure mirrors the way grief and trauma disrupt time, and allows the reader to piece together the full picture gradually. The emotional arc is one of descent—loss, estrangement, illness—followed by a tentative ascent toward acceptance, healing, and the hope of renewal.

Analysis

Loved and Missed is a profound exploration of what it means to love someone you cannot save, and the ways in which care can both heal and wound. Susie Boyt's novel interrogates the expectations placed on mothers and daughters, the shame and guilt that accompany failure, and the redemptive power of chosen family. Through Ruth's journey, the book asks whether it is possible to break free from the patterns of the past, and what it means to forgive—not just others, but oneself. The narrative is unsparing in its depiction of addiction, mental illness, and the social systems that fail the vulnerable, yet it is also suffused with moments of grace, humor, and tenderness. In a modern context, the novel resonates as a call for empathy, the recognition of invisible labor, and the importance of community in the face of isolation. Ultimately, Loved and Missed is a testament to the endurance of love, the necessity of hope, and the quiet heroism of those who persist in caring, even when the outcome is uncertain.

Last updated: November 19, 2025