Bi

1. Bisexuality is a complex, historically misunderstood, and often erased identity.

I came to realize that incredible work has been done, but that tragically almost all of it remains concealed from the public.

A crushing void. The author's personal quest for bi representation and understanding revealed a significant lack of public knowledge about bisexuality, despite extensive academic work. This concealment contributes to the persistent perception of bisexuality as mysterious, threatening, or merely performative, rather than a normal part of human sexuality. The book aims to bridge this gap, bringing hidden scholarship into the light.

Beyond the binary. Bisexuality is commonly misunderstood as reinforcing a strict gender binary, but this is historically inaccurate and untrue today. Most bisexual activists and researchers define bisexuality as attraction to people of multiple genders, explicitly inclusive of trans and nonbinary individuals. The term "bisexual" itself, while meaning "two," refers to attraction to "same" and "other" genders, not exclusively men and women.

Not a trend. Despite being declared "new" or "chic" by media outlets like Newsweek in 1974 and 1995, bisexuality has a long history, with the term itself emerging almost simultaneously with "heterosexual" in the late 19th century. This persistent mischaracterization as a fleeting trend highlights the ongoing struggle for its recognition as a legitimate and stable sexual identity.

2. Early sex research challenged the gay-straight binary, positioning bisexuality as a foundational norm.

More basic than any error brought out in the analysis . . . is the assumption that homosexuality and heterosexuality are two mutually exclusive phenomena emanating from fundamentally and, at least in some cases, inherently different types of individuals.

Kinsey's radical view. Alfred Kinsey, a biologist turned sexologist, developed the Kinsey Scale in the 1930s-50s, measuring sexuality from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). Crucially, Kinsey believed that bisexuality was the default, arguing that the heterosexual-homosexual binary did not accurately describe human behavior. His research found that nearly half of men and a significant percentage of women reported some same-sex desires or experiences, placing them on the bisexual spectrum.

Beyond simple labels. Kinsey's work was revolutionary for its time, presenting all points on the scale as equally valid and healthy, rather than pathologizing non-heterosexual identities. He openly criticized the scientific community for assuming a dichotomous division between gay and straight, emphasizing "endless intergradation" between all combinations of homosexuality and heterosexuality. This perspective laid the groundwork for understanding sexuality as fluid and multifaceted.

The Klein Grid. Building on Kinsey's work, psychiatrist Fritz Klein developed the Klein Grid in the 1960s, a more complex tool to explore various aspects of sexuality beyond just behavior. It examines:

• Sexual attraction
• Sexual behavior
• Sexual fantasies
• Emotional preference
• Social preference
• Het/homo lifestyle
• Self-identification (past, present, ideal)
  This grid helps individuals and psychologists structure conversations about sexuality, acknowledging its subjective and evolving nature, and moving beyond simplistic classifications.

3. Animal behavior and genetics suggest bisexuality may be an ancestral, adaptive trait, not an anomaly.

Instead of searching for evolutionary reasons to justify the existence of homosexual behavior, we should be looking to justify the existence of exclusively heterosexual behavior.

The Darwinian paradox. The widespread occurrence of same-sex sexual behavior across over 450 animal species, from giraffes to starfish, poses a "Darwinian paradox" for evolutionary biologists: why would a non-reproductive behavior persist? This paradox is rooted in the untested assumption that exclusive heterosexual behavior is the ancestral and natural state, requiring complex explanations for anything else.

Behavioral bisexuality as baseline. Researchers like Julia Monk propose an alternative hypothesis: the most likely ancestral condition for animals involves "indiscriminate sexual behaviors directed to all sexes," meaning behavioral bisexuality could be the foundational state. This perspective suggests that:

• Being behaviorally bisexual increases overall mating opportunities.
• There's little actual cost to engaging in same-sex behavior if individuals are still reproducing or helping genetic relatives.
• Exclusively heterosexual behavior might lead to missed mating opportunities, especially in species where sex differentiation is difficult.

Beyond the "gay gene." Early attempts to find a single "gay gene" (like Xq28) were ultimately disproven by large-scale genetic studies. While genetics play a complex role (explaining 8-25% of same-sex sexual behavior through multiple markers linked to traits like balding or sense of smell), there is no single gene for any sexuality. This reinforces that sexuality is shaped by a multitude of factors, including biological, environmental, and sociocultural influences, and that "born this way" is an oversimplification.

4. The "bisexual closet" is vast, leading to significant mental and physical health disparities.

Sexual orientation concealment can exact deep mental and physical health costs.

A global phenomenon. Globally, an estimated 83% of LGBT+ people are in the closet, with rates varying significantly by region. Specifically for bisexual individuals, studies in the UK and US show that 74-80% are not out to all family or friends, a significantly higher rate than for gay men and lesbians. This widespread concealment is a major contributor to the disproportionate mental and physical health challenges faced by bisexual people.

Unique stressors. Bisexual individuals face particular stressors that contribute to higher rates of suicidality, depression, anxiety, and non-suicidal self-injury. These include:

• Double discrimination: Experiencing biphobia from both heterosexual and homosexual communities, often rooted in "monosexism" (privileging attraction to one sex/gender).
• Increased isolation: Less likely to seek out or belong to queer communities, which are crucial buffers against discrimination and promote resilience.
• Internalized biphobia: Doubting their own identity, perceiving bisexuality as "not that important," leading to worse mental health outcomes.

Barriers to support. Even when seeking help, bisexual individuals encounter significant hurdles. A large Australian study found that many don't feel safe disclosing their bisexuality to mental health providers, and nearly half reported that professionals were not knowledgeable about working with bisexual people. This lack of understanding and safe spaces within support systems exacerbates the negative impacts of being closeted.

5. Bisexual invisibility is perpetuated by lack of visual identity and stereotypical media portrayals.

"What do bisexual people look like? I don’t know!"

The elusive "bi look." Unlike gay men or lesbians, for whom stereotypes of appearance (e.g., "butch" lesbians, "fashionable" gay men) exist, there is no clear or consistent visual identity for bisexual people. This lack of a recognizable "look" contributes to bisexual invisibility, making it difficult for individuals to signal their identity and for others to "read" them as bisexual. This can lead to feelings of confusion and a desire to visually express their sexuality, often through hybrid styles or "situational adaptation."

Stereotypes in media. When bisexual characters do appear in film and television, they have historically been plagued by harmful stereotypes. Bisexual women are often depicted as "femme fatales"—sexually aggressive, deceptive, and ultimately deadly, embodying "too much freedom" and serving the male gaze. Bisexual men are frequently mislabeled as gay, portrayed as having secret lives, or depicted as vectors of disease, reinforcing notions of promiscuity and untrustworthiness.

The power of parasocial contact. Despite negative portrayals, positive media representation can be a powerful tool for reducing prejudice. The "parasocial contact hypothesis" suggests that developing illusory relationships with media characters can reduce prejudice by:

• Educating viewers about outgroups.
• Reducing anxiety about intergroup contact.
• Increasing empathy and perspective.
  While positive portrayals are increasing (e.g., Schitt's Creek, Brooklyn Nine-Nine), the prevalence of negative or erased bisexual characters means that for many, the only "contact" they have reinforces harmful stereotypes.

6. Bisexual people face unique political and legal challenges, including criminalization and asylum hurdles.

At their root lie [sic] the intent to punish the non-conformity of victims with preconceived notions of what should be their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Global persecution. In 2021, nearly half the world's population lived in 69 countries where homosexual behavior is criminalized, with punishments ranging from incarceration to the death penalty. The UN Human Rights Council reports widespread violence and discrimination against LGBT+ individuals, including torture, arbitrary killings, and "corrective rape," which targets bisexual women specifically to "convert" them to either heterosexuality or exclusive lesbianism.

Conversion therapy. Even in countries where homosexual acts are not criminalized, "conversion therapy" remains a pervasive human rights abuse. This practice, which aims to "cure" queer identities through methods like talk therapy, prayer, forced sex, or electric shocks, is medically and scientifically baseless and causes severe long-term psychological harm. Despite international condemnation, it is still legal in many places, often perpetrated by religious groups or private mental health providers.

Asylum challenges. For those fleeing persecution, proving bisexuality for asylum claims is uniquely difficult. Asylum seekers are often met with a "culture of disbelief," with judges rejecting claims as "fanciful" or "fabricated," assuming bisexual individuals can simply "choose" to live heterosexual lives and remain invisible. This bias, coupled with the general difficulty of lie detection and the reliance on potentially homophobic interpreters, places bisexual asylum seekers at a disproportionately high risk of being denied protection and returned to dangerous environments.

7. "No promo homo" laws and educational erasure harm bisexual youth and perpetuate biphobia.

This is purely about proselytizing a homosexual way of life to children.

Censorship in schools. "No promo homo" laws, like those in Texas, explicitly prohibit pro-LGBT+ content in public education and require teachers to condemn homosexual behavior. These laws, often framed around "traditional family values," contribute to hostile school environments where teachers may distribute misleading information and students are denied affirming education about diverse sexualities and family structures.

Exclusion by inclusion. Even in well-meaning, anti-homophobic schools, bisexuality often suffers from "exclusion by inclusion," being subsumed under the broader LGBT+ umbrella without specific attention. This erasure means:

• Minimal education about bisexuality.
• Lack of specific attention to biphobia in curriculum or policy.
• Bisexual students experiencing worse mental, emotional, sexual, and social health outcomes than their monosexual peers.

"Slut discourse" and denial. Bisexual youth, particularly girls, face unique challenges, including "slut discourse" that hypersexualizes them and contributes to victim-blaming in cases of sexual harassment. Their identities are often denied by peers, who may accuse them of "lying" or "hurting the gay community." This climate of bi-negativity, combined with the unintentional messages from the "school ecosystem," makes it difficult for bisexual students to explore and affirm their identities.

8. Bisexual politicians are slowly gaining visibility, but systemic erasure persists in legal and political discourse.

The study documents an almost complete systemic erasure of bisexual people in briefings and opinions, including an absence of any mention of bisexual people by majority opinions in cases where the briefings have set a tone of bi-erasure by arguing alternatively for “gay and lesbian” rights, “gay marriage,” or “same-sex marriage,” while completely omitting reference to bisexual people.

Outing and acceptance. The journey for bisexual politicians has been fraught with challenges. Early instances, like Ron Davies in 1999, involved being outed by tabloids, leading to resignation and public scandal. More recently, politicians like Daniel Kawczynski (2013) and Layla Moran (2020) have come out voluntarily or under threat, often receiving more positive responses, though still facing accusations of "weaponizing" their sexuality for political gain.

Legal invisibility. Despite progress in LGBT+ rights, bisexual people remain largely invisible in legal discourse. A systematic study of LGBT-rights cases, including same-sex marriage litigation, found an "almost complete systemic erasure" of bisexual people. Even when cases involved bisexual individuals, the term was rarely mentioned, contributing to the perception that bisexuality is not a legitimate or distinct identity deserving of specific legal protection.

Growing representation. While still disproportionately low (only about 7% of out LGBT+ elected officials worldwide identify as bi, pan, or queer since 1977), the number of openly bisexual politicians is growing. This increased visibility, particularly among younger politicians, helps normalize bisexuality and can lead to more bi-inclusive laws and policies. However, continued advocacy is needed to ensure that bisexual issues are not subsumed under broader LGBT+ agendas, and that legal professionals receive training to combat biphobic stereotypes.

9. Consensual nonmonogamy is more common among bisexuals, challenging compulsory monogamy.

There is plenty of evidence that a transformation of intimacy is afoot, a grassroots revolution.

Beyond monogamy. Bisexual individuals often face questions about whether one person can ever be "enough" for them, reflecting a societal assumption that attraction to multiple genders necessitates multiple partners. This highlights "compulsory monogamy," the deeply normalized idea that the only true, good, and stable relationship is an exclusive one. However, infidelity rates (up to 25% in committed relationships) suggest that monogamy is often more an intention than a reality for many.

Threesomes and fluidity. Threesomes, often seen as an inherently bisexual act, are surprisingly common (10-18% of adults have had one) and are fantasized about by a vast majority. While the "threesome imaginary" often frames FFM (female-female-male) threesomes as harmless fun for heterosexual couples, it can also lead to the eroticization of female bisexuality and stigmatization of male bisexuality. For many, these experiences can ignite sexual introspection, challenging their monosexual identities.

Consensual nonmonogamy (CNM). Bisexual people are significantly more likely to engage in consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) than monosexual individuals (45% of bi men vs. 25% of hetero men; 35% of bi women vs. 16% of hetero women). This is partly because identifying as bisexual can trigger a "chain reaction of questioning assumptions" about relationships. CNM, which emphasizes ethics and consent, offers alternatives to traditional monogamy and has been linked to increased sexual satisfaction and better sexual health communication.

10. Embracing a bisexual identity offers profound personal freedoms and a unique perspective.

Rather than being “this not that,” I am this and that.

Freedom and authenticity. Despite the societal stigma and challenges, identifying as bisexual offers a unique sense of freedom and authenticity. This includes:

• Freedom to love without regard for biological sex or gender.
• Freedom from restrictive social labels and gender roles.
• Freedom to explore diverse relationships and sexual expressions, including consensual nonmonogamy.
• The ability to live authentically and honestly, embracing a multifaceted self.

Unique insights. Bisexual individuals often report gaining a unique perspective on themselves and society. Navigating the complexities of a "minority within a minority" identity can foster increased insight, awareness, and a deeper understanding of privilege and oppression. This often translates into a desire to advocate for others and challenge the status quo, becoming agents of change.

A blossoming identity. The experience of embracing bisexuality can be likened to a "blossoming flower," where each "petal" of identity contributes to a more complete and comfortable self. This journey allows for a richer life, where intellectual and creative capacities are further paralleled by the ability to find attraction and love across multiple genders, leading to a profound sense of peace and self-acceptance.

11. The journey to a grounded bisexual identity involves stages from loneliness to peace.

I hope this book allows more hearts to see.

A path of self-discovery. The author proposes six stages of bidentity development, reflecting a common journey for many bisexual individuals. This path begins with the profound loneliness of feeling unique in a monosexist world, where societal biphobia is internalized from an early age. This initial isolation is a pervasive experience for many who hold bisexual attractions or identities.

From euphoria to anger. The journey progresses through the exhilarating euphoria of openly embracing a bisexual identity, a revolutionary act that destabilizes heteronormative assumptions. However, this is often followed by disappointment as the realities of community in-fighting and internal disagreements emerge. This can lead to a period of mourning for the historical losses and ongoing injustices faced by bisexual people, culminating in a powerful, righteous anger against systemic biphobia and oppression.

Finding peace and purpose. The final stage is peace, achieved by internalizing the omnipresence of bisexuality throughout history, culture, art, and science. At this stage, the fight for bi-visibility, inclusion, and legal protection continues, but it is fueled by love rather than anger. This grounded sense of self allows individuals to embrace their multifaceted identity, knowing they are part of a long-standing and resilient community, and inspiring others to explore the "ecstasy of discovery" in their own sexualities.

Last updated: March 22, 2026