A Book of Silence

1. The Modern World's Pervasive Noise and Fear of Silence

We all imagine that we want peace and quiet, that we value privacy and that the solitary and silent person is somehow more ‘authentic’ than the same person in a social crowd, but we seldom seek opportunities to enjoy it.

A noisy existence. The author recounts a childhood steeped in boisterous family life, where introspection and solitude were discouraged. This personal experience mirrors a broader societal trend where "noise pollution" is rampant, yet many actively choose constant sound, feeling uncomfortable or scared when confronted with true silence. The modern world equates "alone" with "lonely" and "silent" with "bored," fostering an environment where communication (talk) is paramount.

Cultural aversion. Society romanticizes silence on one hand, yet simultaneously perceives it as terrifying, dangerous to mental health, and a threat to liberty. This paradox leads to a collective avoidance of silence, even as individuals claim to desire peace and quiet. The author notes how public spaces are increasingly filled with incessant sound, from background music to mobile phone conversations, leaving little room for quiet reflection.

Psychological impact. The constant bombardment of noise has tangible psychological consequences. The author describes experiencing physical discomfort, panic, and exhaustion in noisy environments like shopping malls, a stark contrast to her earlier life in London where she never noticed the din. This suggests that sustained, uncontrolled noise is unhealthy, contributing to tension, aggression, insomnia, and stress, and that our cultural fear of silence may be a deep-seated avoidance of its profound effects.

2. Chosen Silence Intensifies All Sensation and Emotion

The sensation that everything sensory was more so was the first effect that I noticed in myself and the one that I would say with most confidence was a direct result of silence.

Heightened awareness. During a 40-day solitary retreat on Skye, the author experienced an extraordinary intensification of physical sensations. Food tasted more delicious, the nuances of wind sounds became an intricate orchestra, and body temperature awareness became acute. This wasn't a psychological peculiarity but a common phenomenon reported by many who voluntarily embrace prolonged silence.

Emotional amplification. Alongside sensory sharpening, emotions swelled into monumental waves—floods of tears, giggles, excitement, or anxiety, often disproportionate to the trigger. These intense emotional "roller-coaster rides" are a recurring theme in accounts of chosen silence, suggesting that without the usual outlets of speech, feelings are experienced with raw, unmediated power.

Historical parallels. This intensification helps explain the "demonic" struggles of early Christian hermits like St. Anthony, whose sexual torments might be understood as heightened physical and mental experiences rather than literal satanic attacks. Explorers like Richard Byrd and Christiane Ritter also describe senses expanding to "exquisite sensitivity" in polar silence, where the world becomes "charged with meaning."

3. Silence's Dual Nature: Blissful Freedom or Terrifying Madness

The only variable in the experience is the individual experiencing it.

Subjective experience. The same profound silence that can lead to "total calm, peaceful relaxation, mental clarity, creativity, expanded awareness, and pain relief" can also induce "breakdown akin to psychosis." The author's joyful 40-day retreat on Skye contrasted sharply with her experience of being snowed in, which brought on panic, desolation, and near-hysteria, despite similar external conditions.

Involuntary vs. chosen. The critical factor determining whether silence is positive or negative is often whether it is freely chosen or imposed. Solitary confinement, marooning, or unexpected isolation frequently lead to severe psychological distress, including:

• Hyperresponsivity to stimuli
• Difficulties with thinking, concentration, and memory
• Intrusive obsessional thoughts and paranoia
• Panic attacks and impulse control problems
• Perceptual distortions and hallucinations

The "sound of silence." Many who experience deep silence report hearing a continuous, low-volume, multi-toned sound, which some attribute to the nervous system or blood circulation, while others interpret it mystically as the "singing of the spheres" or the "voice of God." This phenomenon, alongside auditory hallucinations (like hearing choirs or voices), is a common effect of silence, often interpreted differently based on the individual's mental state and context.

4. The Creative Power of Silence in Diverse Creation Myths

In all these stories, instead of having an abrupt singularity, a sharp-edged instant marking the beginning, a sound breaking the silence, the whole process is much more gradual.

Western vs. global myths. Western creation myths, like Genesis and the Big Bang theory, posit a beginning where God speaks or a "bang" breaks a void, implying silence is an absence to be overcome. This narrative grants power to language and naming, seeing creation as an act of breaking silence. However, numerous other cultures offer alternative myths where creation is a gradual process, often involving brooding, birthing, or withdrawal, with silence as an integral, active, and generative force.

Silence as a creative agent. In many non-Western traditions, silence is not a lack but a positive presence. For example:

• Maori myth: Te Kore (the Nothing, the silence) and Te Po (the Great Night) precede the separation of earth and sky, allowing life to emerge.
• Norse myth: Ginnungagap (the void, the chasm) is where salt ice forms, from which the giant Ymir is licked into being. Hoenir, the silent god, gives understanding to humans.
• Egyptian myth: Atum creates himself from dark water and masturbates everything into existence, or Thoth lays a cosmic egg from which Atum is born.
• Aboriginal myth: The land is eternal, and ancestors create its meaning and shape through continuous walking, dancing, and dreaming, not by a singular spoken word.

Fear of the void. The Western emphasis on breaking silence may stem from a primal "Chthonic Terror" – the fear that darkness will swallow light, leading to death. By asserting language and control, humanity attempts to banish this fear, inadvertently pathologizing silence as sinister or meaningless. This cultural bias obscures silence's potential as a powerful, creative force.

5. Two Paths to Self: Silence for Ego-Dissolution vs. Ego-Assertion

Is it possible to have both – to be the person who prays, who seeks union with the divine and to be the person who writes, and in particular writes prose narratives?

Conflicting intentions. The author identifies a fundamental tension between two types of silence:

• Eremitic/Religious Silence: Aims for self-emptying (kenosis), dissolving the ego, and becoming permeable to the divine. This is seen in desert hermits like Charles de Foucault, who sought to destroy his ego through radical self-denial.
• Romantic/Artistic Silence: Seeks to strengthen the ego, protect it from social pressure, and establish an authentic self or "voice" for creative expression. This is exemplified by writers like Franz Kafka and Virginia Woolf, who needed solitude to focus their capacities and assert their individuality.

The writer's dilemma. The author, a writer and a "pray-er," grapples with the realization that these two projects are often contradictory. Prayer, especially apophatic (imageless) prayer, seeks to blur boundaries and transcend narrative, while fiction writing demands a strong ego, specific times, places, and linear plots. This conflict led to a period where her imaginative writing ceased.

Permeable vs. boundaried selves. The author conceptualizes these as "permeable" (open, affiliative, less rationalist) and "boundaried" (autonomous, integrated, rational, independent) selves. Modern Western culture largely favors the boundaried self, often pathologizing permeability as madness. However, neither model perfectly delivers its promised goods; both have downsides, and the ego often resists both its destruction and its bolstering.

6. The Landscape Shapes the Quality of Silence

The silence on a high hillside is aurally very different from the silence of the desert.

Diverse acoustic environments. Silence is not monolithic; its quality varies significantly with the landscape. The author's experiences in different terrains reveal distinct characteristics:

• Desert: Deepest, most absolute silence, often accompanied by the "sound of silence" (internal physiological sounds or cosmic hum).
• High Moorland: Less silent, filled with the sounds of wind (drawing diverse tones from grass, reeds, heather, water) and running water (babbling, bubbling, gushing).
• Islands: Can be deafeningly noisy with seabirds, yet also hold the silence of abandoned communities and the constant sound of waves.
• Forests: A "spooky" silence of secrets and hidden things, generating a sense of menace and the uncanny, unlike the open vastness of deserts or moors.

External stimulus and internal focus. Different landscapes encourage different internal states. The desert's starkness and heat promote lassitude and inward focus, while the bracing, ever-changing views of hills encourage outward observation and physical exertion. This influences whether silence leads to self-emptying or self-discovery.

Nature writing and observation. The pursuit of silence in nature fosters a heightened engagement with natural history. Like Gilbert White or Thomas Bewick, the author found herself paying meticulous attention to clouds, insects, flowers, and especially birds. This "mindfulness" of the present moment, often requiring quiet waiting, became a source of joy and a way to "see better" what was truly around her.

7. The Silent Language of Reading and Art

If the page ‘speaks’, it is not silent, but everyone who can do it knows that reading silently feels different from reading aloud or being read to.

Reading as silent communication. The author explores the mysterious nature of silent reading, a practice that became widespread only after the 4th century (exemplified by St. Ambrose). Unlike spoken language, silent reading is a hand-eye language, stripping away vocal elements like pace and inflection, and fostering a private, unmediated relationship between reader and text. This privacy allows for subversive interpretation and independent thought.

Art as visible silence. Beyond literature, the visual arts offer a direct experience of silence. The author found "silence made visible" in Rothko's Seagram paintings, which she describes as "huge pulsating dense pools of silent energy." Other examples include:

• Raphael's serene Madonnas
• Bernini's sculptures, holding transformation steady in marble
• Turner's sunsets
• Andy Goldsworthy's land art, leaping with silent joy

Music's complex silence. Music, especially instrumental music, presents a paradox: it is an aural language, yet listening to it can induce a profound inner silence, a state of ineffability where meaning is felt but cannot be articulated. The author suggests music mediates between silence and language, or is a unique language akin to sign language or mathematics.

8. Integrating Silence into a Sustainable, Modern Life

The reality is that it is impossible to live in complete silence for very long in the developed world in the twenty-first century without various and extensive negotiations, in part with oneself.

Practical challenges. Sustaining deep silence in the modern world requires conscious effort and practical strategies. The author's experience of building a hermitage and managing daily life highlights the need for:

• Minimalism: Downsizing possessions and adopting Thoreau's economic theory (wealth measured by free time) to reduce material needs and associated noise.
• Time management: Unplugging phones, limiting social activities, and structuring days to maximize silent periods, even if it means doing without certain conveniences.
• Self-service: Accepting that one must manage one's own practical needs (shopping, chores), which entails "technical breaches of silence" through necessary interactions.

The "serviced" silence. Historically, even the most solitary hermits (like Julian of Norwich or Thomas Merton) had others who managed their external needs, allowing them to maintain their silence. The author's decision to be her "own servant" means navigating the inherent compromises of modern living while striving for internal quiet.

Rhythm over absolute stillness. The author found a model for integrating silence in the daily rhythm of the estuary tide – its silent ebb and flow, changing colors, and diverse wildlife. This natural cycle offered a counterpoint to the linear demands of time and narrative, suggesting a way to weave different "strands" of silence into a rich, sustainable life.

9. Silence as a Profound, Unbreakable Reality

Silence does not seem to be a loss or lack of language; it does not even seem to be the opposite of language.

Beyond absence. The author firmly rejects the notion that silence is merely a lack or absence of sound or speech. Her decade-long exploration reveals silence as a positive, actual, and multifaceted reality, a "whole world in and of itself," independent of language and culture. This conviction is reinforced by numerous experiences where silence is clearly not a deficit but a profound presence.

Multifaceted qualities. Silence possesses distinct qualities, akin to pitch, volume, and tone. It can be:

• Calm or frightening
• Lonely or joyful
• Deep or thin
• Snow silence, wet silence, sunny silence
  These variations suggest that silence is an active phenomenon, not a passive void.

Neurological basis. Modern neurological research, particularly brain scans during meditation, indicates that silence engages different parts of the brain than language or linear thought. This "subcortical zone" is associated with powerful emotional content and non-linguistic expression, suggesting that silence offers a return journey into the "semiotic," the seedbed of the self, where rich and exciting experiences reside.

The ultimate mystery. Ultimately, silence is presented as a profound mystery, akin to a "Black Hole" where gravitational force is so great that nothing, not even light, can escape. It is a force that can stretch, warp, and contract the ego, potentially leading to a collapse into a new universe or into God. This is a risky, terrifying, yet beautiful journey, offering a unique form of freedom and a chance to discover what lies beyond the boundaries of conventional understanding.

Last updated: February 8, 2026