The Vanishing American Adult

1. The Crisis of Perpetual Adolescence: Mocking Adulthood

Ours is now an odd nation of both delayed grown-ups and adult-children who create words to mock the idea that we could ever become responsible, civic-minded leaders.

A new phenomenon. A growing number of young Americans are embracing "adulting" as an ironic verb, treating adult responsibilities like paying bills or doing laundry as a joke. This reflects a collective coming-of-age crisis, where the concept of adulthood is unclear, and many young people see no reason to strive for it. This isn't just about laziness; it's a systemic problem.

Anecdotal evidence. The author, as a college president, witnessed students unable to decorate a Christmas tree beyond arm's reach because they didn't think to find a ladder. Parents observe their children exhibiting "zombie-like passivity," glued to screens, unable to initiate activities they admit would make them happier. Even the author's own daughters, accustomed to air conditioning, declared 72 degrees too warm to sleep, highlighting a pervasive sense of entitlement.

A national problem. This crisis of idleness and passive drift extends beyond individual families, threatening the very foundation of a republic built on self-reliance. Without resilient, civic-minded adults, the nation cannot navigate increasing complexities, compete globally, or sustain its core ideals. The problem is ours, the older generations, for failing to plan to teach them.

2. Societal Shifts Fuel Youth Passivity

Arguably the most fundamental cleavage in American life is between those who came of age after rather than before the Baby Boom.

Five post-WWII developments. The current state of perpetual adolescence is rooted in significant societal changes since World War II. These include:

• Material surplus: Unprecedented wealth allows for more creature comforts and indulgence.
• Separation from work: Kids no longer grow up around meaningful labor, leading to a lack of understanding of production.
• Nuclear family decline: Increased disruption of home life rattles the stable environment needed for launching into adulthood.
• Schooling displaced work: Institutionalized education became the primary context for youth, marginalizing work and multigenerational interaction.
• 1960s polarization: Cultural conflicts led to a hollowing out of shared consensus, replaced by popular culture and triviality.

Erosion of purpose. The shift from a clear path to adulthood, marked by events and achievements, to an automatic age-based progression has left young people in limbo. Adolescence, once a finite period of preparation, has become an indefinite moratorium, filled with time-killers rather than purposeful development. This cultural drift leaves young people without a clear reason to postpone adult responsibilities.

Consequences of affluence. While material prosperity is a blessing, it has an underdiscussed downside: it allows youth to indulge in comforts and avoid the grit that earlier generations developed through necessity. This has fostered a generation that is less resilient and less prepared for the inevitable challenges of a rapidly changing world.

3. Education Beyond Formal Schooling

The purpose of this book is not to persuade you of any theological points. Every reader will address the larger questions of life on their own timelines. But I do believe that good parenting includes a basic desire for your kids to reach a satisfying answer to the bigger questions, as opposed to merely an accidental, impromptu, along-the-way provisional way of living.

Schooling vs. education. We often conflate formal schooling with true education, but they are not the same. While schools are important tools for learning and socialization, they have been asked to do too much, often displacing the roles of parents and communities in character formation. This overreliance on institutionalized schooling has led to a "moral hollowing" of education.

Dewey's influence. John Dewey, a key figure in progressive education, envisioned schools as the "literal center of the world" for children, aiming to replace parents and traditional community roles. He prioritized "social progress" over individual character and even questioned the emphasis on reading, believing "the image is the great instrument of instruction." This ethos, while aiming for universal education, inadvertently undermined the transmission of self-reliance and deeper purpose.

The "Grade 13" fallacy. Despite massive increases in educational spending yielding little improvement in outcomes, the proposed "P-16" framework (extending schooling to include a "Grade 13" for college remediation) exemplifies a continued reliance on more of the same. This approach fails to address the underlying problem: students are not learning how to learn or developing the agency needed for self-directed growth. Dorothy Sayers' "trivium" (Grammar, Dialectic, Rhetoric) offers a model for teaching students how to think critically and engage with knowledge.

4. Flee Age Segregation: Embrace Intergenerational Life

Social science confirms that adolescents acquire vital social skills by interacting with people outside their peer bubble.

The cost of segregation. Modern society has become rigidly age-segregated, with young people spending most of their time with peers and elders often isolated in specialized communities. This separation, driven by work leaving the home and the rise of school-centric youth culture, diminishes opportunities for intergenerational wisdom transfer and skill development. It fosters "antisocial behavior" and "aggressiveness" in youth.

Learning from elders. Meaningful interactions with older generations provide crucial lessons about life's stages, including the realities of decline and mortality. The author's wife's experience with the Killians, an elderly couple, taught her profound lessons about love and duty. Similarly, the author's wrestling matches with his father revealed the inevitable decline of strength, a painful but vital realization of mortality.

Confronting life's certainties. Death, often sanitized in modern culture, is a central fact of life that young people need to grapple with. Historically, exposure to death (e.g., through hunting, high infant mortality) was common. Today, our "cult of denial" about mortality, fueled by "age-defying" trends, leaves youth unprepared. Intergenerational relationships offer a context for confronting these realities and developing humility and resilience.

5. Embrace the Pain of Meaningful Work

I challenge you to find a truly happy adult who has no work. You will not find one.

Work ethic isn't innate. The assumption that a strong work ethic is a universal component of American upbringing is dangerously false today. Many young people lack experiential understanding of the difference between production and consumption, often prioritizing freedom from responsibilities over freedom to work meaningfully. This contrasts sharply with earlier generations who saw work as a natural part of life.

Lessons from toil. Stories like Grandma Elda running a farm with a baby in a bassinet on a tractor, or the author's own experience detasseling corn, illustrate how necessity and hard physical labor build character, perseverance, and gratitude. These experiences teach that "nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty."

Production over consumption. Benjamin Franklin's "Poor Richard" aphorisms and the Puritan work ethic emphasized diligence, productivity, and the moral value of work that benefits neighbors. This tradition, which saw work as a calling ("vocation"), is crucial to recover. As Stefanie Williams's response to Talia Jane's entitlement shows, hard work, sacrifice, and humility are essential for getting ahead and finding meaning, even in unglamorous jobs.

6. Resist Consumerism's Allure

What is glaringly absent from either scholar’s research? Any hint that higher earnings or more material goods translate into joy or fulfillment.

Happiness beyond wealth. Research by Arthur Brooks and Charles Murray consistently shows that true happiness stems from a "happiness portfolio" of faith, family, community, and meaningful work, not material abundance. The least happy people are often those with inherited wealth but no purpose. This contradicts the pervasive cultural message that more consumption equals more happiness.

Consumerist captivity. Sociologist Christian Smith's research reveals that many millennials are "captive to consumerism," believing that shopping and buying bring pleasure and that "well-being can be measured by what they own." They often confuse wants with needs, viewing consumerism as "necessary to survive." This reflects a profound historical ignorance of how humanity overcame scarcity.

A dose of stoicism. To combat "affluenza" and the "fetishism of commodities," parents must model self-denial and deferred gratification. Stoicism, an ancient wisdom tradition, teaches that happiness comes from controlling one's desires and responses, not external circumstances. Learning to be "tough enough to be uncomfortable" and finding gratitude in basic needs is essential for developing resilience and a meaningful life.

7. Travel to See the World (and Yourself)

Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.

Travel vs. tourism. True "travel" is an active, laborious, and transformative pursuit, akin to "travail," that takes one out of their comfort zone. It contrasts sharply with passive "tourism," which often involves sanitized, pre-packaged experiences. The goal of travel is not just to see sights, but to gain new perspectives, challenge assumptions, and foster self-reliance.

New eyes, new insights. Experiences like the author's dad's primitive canoe trips in Canada or his own European adventures, often undertaken with minimal resources, teach invaluable lessons. They force individuals to confront solitude, solve problems independently, and appreciate the stark differences in how people live. This "exploration as a liberal art" liberates one from narrowness and cultivates a deeper understanding of one's own culture.

Packing a mental suitcase. Intentional travel helps young people:

• Conquer fear of being alone.
• See beyond instinctive prejudice.
• Eliminate low priorities and doubt social conventions.
• Learn to adapt to new environments (e.g., sleeping anywhere).
• Understand the difference between needs and wants by experiencing subsistence.
  These experiences provide a "prioritization conversion," leading to a more reflective and grateful approach to life.

8. Build a Personal Bookshelf: Cultivate Deep Literacy

America’s future depends on the kind of thinking that reading presupposes and nourishes—and such thinking demands a rebirth of reading.

The digital distraction. In an age of constant digital distractions, deep, sustained reading is a vanishing habit, especially among younger Americans. This decline in literacy threatens critical thinking, informed debate, and the very foundation of a self-governing republic. Reading is an active pursuit that builds attention span and intellectual rigor, unlike passive screen consumption.

Gutenberg's revolution. The widespread dissemination of ideas, crucial for the American founding, was made possible by Johannes Gutenberg's printing press. This "bloodless revolution" democratized knowledge, transforming books from rare heirlooms into accessible tools. It fueled the Renaissance, Reformation, and Enlightenment, fostering a "marketplace of ideas" where diverse viewpoints could be debated.

The need for a canon. While a fixed national canon is debatable, individuals and families need to build their own "priority five-foot shelf" of enduring works. Engaging with great books, even those one disagrees with, cultivates intellectual humility, critical discernment, and a shared vocabulary for discussing fundamental questions. This habit of deep reading is essential for young Americans to claim their inheritance and participate meaningfully in civic life.

9. Reclaim the American Idea: Self-Governance Demands Engaged Citizens

Freedom is not merely 'ours by inheritance,' Reagan said. 'It must be fought for and defended constantly by each generation, for it comes only once to a people. Those who have known freedom and then lost it have never known it again.'

Civic ignorance. The United States suffers from widespread collective amnesia regarding its founding principles and governing institutions. Many young Americans lack basic civic knowledge, with a significant portion even questioning the First Amendment's value because it allows for potentially "hurtful" speech. This "unlearning liberty" threatens the core of American democracy.

American exceptionalism. America's exceptionalism is not a claim of superiority, but a unique founding based on universal principles: that all humans are created equal, endowed with unalienable rights (life, liberty, pursuit of happiness), and that government exists to protect, not grant, these rights. The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, with its limited powers and Bill of Rights, are "poetry" articulating this radical idea of self-governance.

Tocqueville's insights. Alexis de Tocqueville observed that America's greatness lay not in its government, but in its vibrant civil society—its churches, civic organizations, and local communities. He understood that American democracy relies on the "habits of the citizens"—their self-control, voluntarism, and shared values—which are "well upstream from politics." Without actively transmitting these values, the republic risks drifting into a "democratic despotism" of passive, isolated individuals.

Last updated: February 17, 2026