Start With Yourself

1. Start with Yourself: Own Your Vision and Responsibility

Rather than looking for people and factors to blame for why everything in my life was shaky and unstable, I decided to get on with it—and do everything differently from the people around me to create safety and security for myself.

Personal agency. Emma Grede emphasizes that true success begins with taking complete responsibility for your life, rather than blaming external circumstances. Growing up in East London amidst chaos and limited means, she recognized early on that her future depended entirely on her own actions and mindset. This foundational belief allowed her to forge a path distinct from the predetermined expectations for women in her community.

Visioning process. Grede advocates for a meticulous annual planning process, treating one's life like a business. This involves reflecting on past failures, identifying areas for growth, confronting fears, and setting clear habits and boundaries. By writing down a detailed vision statement for her future, including concrete financial goals and lifestyle aspirations, she creates a roadmap that calls her forward and serves as a constant touchstone.

Unpredictable journey. While a clear vision is crucial, Grede acknowledges that life is unpredictable. Her childhood drawings of a Christmas tree and console perfectly matching her first home years later illustrate the power of subconscious visioning. This process isn't about foregone conclusions but about trusting inner visions as signposts and understanding that achieving them will require consistent, hard work and adaptability.

2. Master Your Emotions: Don't Let Them Drive Your Decisions

To reap the benefits of your gut-based intuitions, and to use your emotions in a healthy way, you need to learn how to modulate and manage them.

Emotional literacy. Grede highlights that while women are often stereotyped as more emotional, this can be an advantage if emotions are managed effectively. Emotional intelligence is vital for understanding others, tapping into cultural trends, and connecting with one's own body-based intelligence. However, making decisions based solely on anger or fear can be detrimental.

Confronting anger. A pivotal moment for Grede was a public outburst of anger, leading her to anger management. She learned to listen to her emotions without letting them control her thoughts or relationships. This involved understanding the roots of her anger, dropping blame, and establishing fierce boundaries without resorting to destructive rage. She views anger as a signal of what's important, to be expressed skillfully, not suppressed.

Reframing fear. Growing up in a tough environment instilled hypervigilance, but Grede learned to see fear as a signal of important opportunities, not a stop sign. She embraces "challenge stress" (eustress), where a racing pulse indicates growth. She urges women to push through discomfort, recognizing that most business fears won't "kill" them, and that stalling comes at a high price.

3. Embrace Trade-Offs: You Can't Have It All Simultaneously

You can do all the things—you just can’t do them all at the same time.

Unavoidable choices. Grede asserts that a key to her success is anticipating and accepting trade-offs, recognizing the limits of time, energy, and power. The cultural myth of "having it all" is a delusion that leads to exhaustion and guilt, especially for mothers. Instead, she advocates for making choices, accepting the trade-off, and moving forward without self-recrimination.

Prioritizing self. Grede challenges the cultural expectation that mothers must always put their children first, arguing that women need to prioritize themselves emotionally and mentally. She refuses to be a "superhero" for everyone else, noting that her husband isn't expected to manage school emails or birthday crowns. This self-first approach allows her to be more resourced and present for her family.

Strategic sacrifice. While she values self-care, Grede distinguishes it from a "soft life" that avoids hard work. She worked relentlessly in her twenties, viewing it as an investment in her future financial freedom. She advises young women to apply themselves fully for a significant period, understanding that extraordinary careers require extraordinary effort and that some things will inevitably "give."

4. Money is a Neutral Tool: Understand It, Don't Avoid It

Money is not bad or unspiritual. It is foundational.

Heal money stories. Grede observes that many women have a distorted, often negative, relationship with money, viewing it as "gross" or "unspiritual." She stresses that in a capitalist society, money is foundational for space, ease, convenience, and opportunity. She urges women to heal their money stories, interrogate their beliefs rooted in trauma or scarcity, and embrace financial literacy.

Advocate for yourself. Grede highlights a stark gender difference: men openly discuss and negotiate money, while women demur, often out of a desire to be "nice" or avoid discomfort. She insists that women are often underpaid because they don't ask for more or negotiate effectively. Her own career was launched when she walked away from a job that refused to pay her worth, betting on herself instead.

Scarcity is a myth. Grede argues that scarcity is often an engineered "magic trick" that incites fear, particularly in women who believe that if they get more, someone else gets less. She encourages women to adopt an abundance mindset, seeing their value as distinct and not in comparison to others. This shift is crucial for effective negotiation and for building wealth that can then benefit communities.

5. Your Career is Your Creation: Work Hard, Learn Constantly

Work ethic eliminates fear.

Overcoming impostor syndrome. Grede admits to feeling like an "impostor" early in her career, especially when she didn't know how to run a denim business. However, she learned that "nobody really knows what they're doing" when doing something new and interesting. Her approach was to embrace a "beginner's mind," ask a million questions, and learn compulsively from everyone around her.

Education is continuous. Despite lacking a formal higher education, Grede emphasizes that learning is a lifelong process. She continually educates herself through books, courses, and by observing others. Her early internships, though unpaid, were invaluable for understanding the fashion industry from the ground up and identifying her "Zone of Genius" – connecting disparate elements and selling a vision.

"I'll do that." Grede's career advancement was fueled by her willingness to raise her hand for any task, no matter how menial. This "figure-it-out mode" built her reputation as someone who could "make shit happen," which in turn grew her confidence. She advises focusing on excellence in your current role, as it's the most surefire way to be noticed and promoted, rather than waiting for opportunities to be handed to you.

6. Failure is Essential Feedback: Learn, Adapt, and Move On

Losing makes you think in ways that victories can’t.

Embrace mistakes. Grede recounts her "miserable" failure when trying to open ITB Worldwide in Los Angeles, admitting she "fucked it up." She made every mistake, from underinvesting in staff to misunderstanding the local culture. Instead of dwelling on humiliation, she meticulously documented her errors, transforming them into powerful lessons.

Nonlinear growth. She views failure not as a signal to stop, but as an opportunity for "nonlinear growth" and psychological "pruning," which liberates important parts of oneself to move forward. This resilience, developed through repeated setbacks, allows her to recover quickly and not let negative experiences slow her down. She actively seeks discomfort, knowing it signals growth.

No-man's-land. Grede identifies the "danger zone" in business as when a venture hasn't quite failed but also hasn't quite succeeded. This limbo is painful, but it forces a critical assessment of product, pricing, distribution, and marketing. She stresses that simply spending more on marketing won't fix a fundamentally flawed business model; core issues must be addressed first.

7. Lead with Vision, Not Control: Empower Your Team to Excel

You do understand that no one is your boss in that room? You are the boss, and they are waiting for your guidance.

Shift from employee mentality. A pivotal piece of feedback from her husband, Jens, helped Grede realize she was leading ITB with an "employee mentality," seeking approval rather than setting direction. She learned that a leader's job is to hold and reinforce the vision, creating a container for talented people to do their best work, rather than micromanaging every detail.

Personal humility, professional ambition. Grede's leadership philosophy aligns with Jim Collins's Level 5 leadership, blending personal humility with fierce professional ambition. She prioritizes the company's success over her ego, taking responsibility for mistakes and crediting her team for wins. This fosters a culture of trust where team members feel safe to own their errors and contribute fully.

Hire for strengths, delegate weaknesses. Grede emphasizes hiring people who are better than her in specific areas, especially those where she lacks expertise (e.g., ERP systems, finance). Her "superpower" is assembling the best talent and empowering them to shine, rather than trying to "be the whole puzzle." This approach not only makes her look good but also creates growth paths for her team.

8. Authenticity Over Likability: Speak Your Truth, Set Boundaries

Likability could not be my guiding light.

Rejecting external validation. Growing up, Grede realized she couldn't please everyone and chose not to let others' opinions dictate her self-worth. She views self-consciousness as a hindrance to performance and actively works to "turn down the volume" on what people think of her. Her directness, though sometimes perceived as "bitchy," is rooted in integrity and consistency.

The power of "no." Grede advocates for using "I won't" instead of "I can't" to set clear boundaries, as it leaves no room for negotiation or manipulation. She encourages women to practice saying no, even in small ways, to build resilience against "insinuation anxiety"—the fear of offending others by speaking their truth. This directness, while uncomfortable, is essential for self-preservation and effective leadership.

Honesty as a gift. Grede insists on a culture of truth and direct feedback, both given and received. She believes that withholding honest feedback, especially in business, is a disservice that harms women by preventing growth and perpetuating unrealistic expectations. She values truth-tellers, even when their feedback is uncomfortable, seeing it as a "gift" that helps refine strategy and avoid costly mistakes.

9. Business is Transactional: Seek Reciprocal Value, Not Favors

If you want something from someone, if you think they can help you drive your business forward in a significant way, you need to make it worth their while.

Beyond "women helping women." Grede challenges the notion that professional requests between women should be based on favors or friendship. She argues that this approach devalues women's expertise and leads to resentment. Instead, she advocates for clear, overt business transactions where reciprocal value is explicitly understood and offered.

Networking vs. network building. She distinguishes between superficial "networking" at events and building a genuine network of people who can help "get shit done." Her "A Seat at the Table" dinners are curated to connect trailblazing women with emerging founders, with a clear expectation that attendees will state their needs and seek concrete, transactional help, not just social solidarity.

Monetize your value. Grede observes that many creative and service-oriented women struggle to monetize their expertise, often giving away valuable insights for free. She points to examples like Isabella Blow, who died penniless despite connecting talent with major brands. Grede stresses that if someone will make money from your request, you must be "cut in"—it's a business transaction, not a favor.

10. Seek Smart Shortcuts: Leverage Others' Expertise for Speed

You don’t get extra credit for making it really hard for yourself, or for reinventing the wheel.

Embrace existing infrastructure. Grede believes in finding and taking as many shortcuts as possible, rather than building everything from scratch. For Off Season, she partnered with Michael Rubin of Fanatics to leverage his existing platform, customer base, and back-end infrastructure. This provided massive acceleration that couldn't be bought, demonstrating that giving up a piece of the business for significant gains is often smarter than holding onto 100% of something small.

Play to your Zone of Genius. She advises founders to identify their "Zone of Genius"—what comes naturally and easily to them—and focus on that, rather than trying to master everything. She openly acknowledges her own "Zone of Incompetence" (e.g., financial modeling, logistics) and hires experts to fill those gaps. This strategic delegation frees her to concentrate on her unique strengths, like visioning and connecting cultural trends.

Strategic partnerships. Grede emphasizes the value of partnering with seasoned experts and "hero" retailers. Instead of trying to sell to many small shops, she focused Good American's early wholesale strategy on Nordstrom, gaining massive scale and invaluable market insights from their experienced team. This approach, while not a long-term exclusive, provides critical leverage and learning in the early stages of a business.

11. Build Purpose-Driven Businesses: Good for Customers, Good for Profit

When people talk about DEI as a social good, I like to remind them that usually what’s good for customers and serves a real need will actually be a good business.

Inclusivity as a business driver. Grede's vision for Good American was inclusivity from day one, offering an unprecedented size range and making "everyone look hot." She realized that catering to underserved customers (e.g., plus-size women) wasn't just a social good but a massive business opportunity. This approach, focused on solving a real customer problem, led to explosive growth and a ripple effect across the industry.

Beyond performative marketing. She distinguishes between genuine purpose and performative marketing. While Good American is B Corp certified and supports initiatives like Baby2Baby, Grede stresses that these are foundational to the brand's mission, not just marketing ploys. Consumers buy products because they are superior and solve problems, not primarily because of a company's social values or a compelling founder story.

Diversity for better decisions. Grede argues that DEI is a business responsibility, not just a social one. To make commercially sound decisions and understand cultural trends, a diverse team with varied backgrounds and viewpoints is essential. She cites the H&M "monkey sweater" incident as an example of how a lack of diversity in the room can lead to costly blind spots, emphasizing the need for honest feedback and process changes.

12. Ignore the Noise: Focus Relentlessly on What Matters

You must be able to drown out the noise around you and double down on the most important things.

Prioritize ruthlessly. Grede highlights that a start-up brings a "shit-ton of ideas" and competing priorities, making distraction a constant threat. Effective leaders must continually retrain their teams' attention on a maximum of three core priorities. This discipline, applied through consistent routines and clear alignment, is a "force multiplier" that propels a business forward.

Customer-centricity. In consumer businesses, the customer's experience must be at the center of all decision-making. Grede avoids becoming "internal and self-referential" by constantly seeking objective feedback from customers, observing their behavior, and dissecting every detail of the product and shopping experience. This external focus ensures the business remains relevant and responsive to real needs.

Identity vs. business. Grede cautions against wrapping one's identity too tightly around a business. She views herself as a "custodian" of her brands, recognizing they will evolve beyond her influence. This detachment allows her to make objective decisions and avoid the pitfalls of "founder's syndrome." She encourages women to focus on doing fantastic work, rather than obsessing over how others perceive them or whether they are "liked."