Scripts People Live

1. You're Born O.K.: Life Scripts Are Learned Destinies.

People are born princes and princesses, until their parents turn them into frogs.

Inherent goodness. Transactional Analysis (TA) posits a radical departure from traditional psychiatry: humans are born inherently "O.K." – capable of living in harmony, health, and happiness. Emotional difficulties, unhappiness, or dysfunction are not innate flaws but rather the result of external, oppressive influences, primarily from parents, that overpower this natural positive life tendency. This fundamental belief shifts the focus from internal psychopathology to interpersonal dynamics.

Existential positions. This "I'm O.K., You're O.K." stance is crucial for well-being and contrasts with unhealthy positions like "I'm not O.K., You're O.K." or "I'm O.K., You're not O.K." When people adopt these dysfunctional positions, they become increasingly disturbed. A psychiatrist operating from the "I'm O.K., You're O.K." perspective looks for social interactions and pressures that explain behavior, rather than diagnosing internal "illnesses," which Berne considered insulting.

Life scripts. A "script" is a life plan, a blueprint for one's life course, decided upon early in life. These scripts, whether tragic or banal, preordain significant events and guide behavior, often leading to predictable, sometimes self-destructive, outcomes. The core idea is that individuals, like tragic heroes, follow a predetermined path, often in "blindness," unless an active process of redecision is undertaken.

2. Parental "Witch Messages" Shape Your Life Decisions.

The most important influence or pressure impinging upon the youngster originates from the parental Child.

Early decisions. Scripts originate from premature, forced decisions made by a young person's "Little Professor" (Adult in the Child ego state) in response to existential predicaments. These predicaments arise from the conflict between a child's autonomous tendencies and the restrictive "injunctions" and "attributions" received from their primary family group, particularly the parents' Child ego state, often referred to as the "bad witch" or "Pig Parent."

Injunctions and attributions. Injunctions are prohibitions ("Don't think," "Don't be happy," "Don't be close") that reflect the fears and desires of the parent's Child. Attributions, on the other hand, tell the child "what they are" ("You are clumsy," "You are stupid"), acting as powerful, often non-verbal, instructions. These messages, like curses, mold the child's personality and behavior, forcing them to abdicate their birthright of being O.K. and adapt to oppressive household demands.

Counterscripts. Children also receive contradictory messages from the parents' Nurturing Parent (P2), forming a "counterscript" that encourages socially acceptable behavior (e.g., "be an abstainer"). While these counterscripts offer temporary relief and appear to be positive changes, they are often brittle and short-lived because the underlying "witch's injunction" remains more potent. True change requires addressing the core injunction, not just adopting a counterscript.

3. Three Core Scripts Trap Us: No Love, No Mind, No Joy.

Depression, madness, and drug addiction are the three basic life disturbances and I call the scripts that correspond to these disturbances Lovelessness, Mindlessness, and Joylessness.

Fundamental disturbances. Human suffering, in its extreme forms, manifests as depression (Lovelessness), madness (Mindlessness), or drug addiction (Joylessness). These are not "illnesses" but rather the tragic outcomes of deeply ingrained life scripts. While these are extreme, banal versions are far more common, such as chronic unhappiness, relationship failures, or constant anxiety.

Script components:

• Lovelessness (Depression): Stems from chronic stroke hunger due to injunctions against giving, asking for, accepting, rejecting, or self-stroking. Leads to feelings of being unloved or unlovable.
• Mindlessness (Madness): Results from systematic "discounts" and "lies" that attack a child's capacity to think, intuit, and understand the world. Leads to confusion, paranoia, and a feeling of having no control.
• Joylessness (Drug Addiction): Arises from injunctions and attributions that disconnect individuals from their bodies and emotions, preventing them from experiencing genuine pleasure or pain. Leads to seeking artificial "shortcuts" to feeling good through drugs or consumerism.

Interconnectedness. While one script may be dominant, everyone carries traces of all three, as society's "basic training" impacts all these areas. Overcoming these scripts requires specific therapeutic approaches tailored to each underlying issue, aiming to restore the individual's innate capacities for intimacy, awareness, and spontaneity.

4. The "Stroke Economy" Starves Us of Essential Human Connection.

Strokes are as necessary to human life as are other primary biological needs such as food, water, and shelter—needs which if not satisfied will lead to death.

Life-sustaining strokes. Strokes, defined as units of human recognition (physical or verbal, positive or negative), are fundamental for survival. Just as food hunger drives us, "stimulus hunger" for strokes is a primary motivator. When positive strokes are scarce, people will settle for negative ones, akin to drinking polluted water when thirsty, highlighting the desperate need for any form of recognition.

Artificial scarcity. Society, through parental injunctions, enforces a "stroke economy" that artificially limits the free exchange of strokes. These rules include:

• Don't give strokes if you have them.
• Don't ask for strokes when you need them.
• Don't accept strokes if you want them.
• Don't reject strokes when you don't want them.
• Don't give yourself strokes (bragging).
  This system ensures chronic "stroke deficit," leading to depression and Lovelessness.

Social control. The manipulation of strokes serves as a powerful tool for social control, shaping individuals to conform to societal demands. People become "stroke-hungry," driving them to work and respond to external pressures to obtain this essential commodity. Breaking down the stroke economy involves consciously defying these injunctions, learning to genuinely give, ask for, accept, reject, and self-stroke, thereby reclaiming the capacity to love and fostering genuine intimacy.

5. "Discounts" and "Lies" Undermine Our Capacity for Awareness.

Discounts make people crazy.

Undermining awareness. "Discounts" are crossed transactions where one person's Adult statement (e.g., "I'm afraid") is met with a Parent or Child response that invalidates their reality ("Don't be afraid"). This systematically interferes with a child's ability to understand the world, stunting their intuition, emotions, and rationality. Constant discounting leads to confusion, self-doubt, and can ultimately drive individuals to "madness" or "Mindlessness."

The pervasive lie. Lying, both by commission (false statements) and omission (failing to correct false impressions), is rampant in human affairs, especially from adults to children. Children are taught to accept half-truths and deceptions, preparing them to passively accept lies from authority figures, media, and advertisers in adulthood. This constant exposure to contradictory "truths" "jams their computer," making them feel stupid and unable to trust their own perceptions.

Consequences of mindlessness. When intuition, emotions, and rationality are discounted, individuals become detached from their inner compass. They may ignore their feelings, become overly emotional, or remain in a state of chronic confusion. This "Mindlessness" prevents effective problem-solving and leaves individuals vulnerable to manipulation, as they lose the capacity to discern truth from falsehood and to act autonomously.

6. The "Rescue Game" Perpetuates Powerlessness in Relationships.

The Rescue Triangle is, as has been stated already, a merry-go-round.

The game of powerlessness. The "Rescue Game" is a destructive interpersonal pattern involving three interchangeable roles: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. The Victim feels helpless ("I'm not O.K., you're O.K."), the Rescuer feels responsible to help ("I'm O.K., you're not O.K."), and the Persecutor blames ("I'm O.K., you're not O.K., and it's your fault"). This game is learned in the family, where children are often forced into the Victim role, while parents model Rescuer and Persecutor behaviors.

Training for powerlessness. Children are systematically trained into powerlessness by being prevented from exercising their innate capacities to love, think, and enjoy themselves. When parents do things for children that they could do themselves, they are Rescuing, thereby reinforcing the child's Victim status. This overprotection, often driven by parental guilt or underestimation of the child's abilities, creates adults who feel incapable and seek others to perpetuate their powerlessness.

The vicious cycle. Rescuing inevitably leads to resentment, causing the Rescuer to switch to Persecutor, and the Victim to feel angry and retaliate. This dynamic is common in "helping" professions, where therapists, burdened by perceived responsibility, can fall into Rescuer roles, leading to frustration and eventually persecuting their "helpless" clients. Breaking this cycle requires believing in others' O.K.-ness and demanding mutual effort, refusing to do more than 50% of the work.

7. Sex Roles Create Incomplete People, Hindering True Partnership.

A particularly unhealthy result of our male-female sex role training is that gaps have been created in people which limit their potential to become whole human beings.

Gendered scripting. Society intensively socializes men and women into rigid sex roles from birth, creating "banal scripts" that define what they "should be" and "should not be." Men are pressured to be rational, productive, and strong, while suppressing nurturing, intuitive, and emotional capacities. Women are encouraged to be nurturing, intuitive, and adaptable, but dissuaded from developing strong rationality or assertiveness.

Incomplete halves. This programming results in men and women feeling incomplete without a partner of the opposite sex, constantly seeking fulfillment in another. Relationships often become a "puzzle" where each person tries to fill the gaps in the other, rather than two whole individuals connecting. This dynamic puts undue stress on superficial attractions and hinders the development of lasting, intimate bonds.

Relationship obstacles. Sex role scripting creates crucial obstacles to genuine relationships:

• Communication breakdown: Men and women struggle to communicate effectively across their underdeveloped ego states (e.g., men's underdeveloped Nurturing Parent, women's underdeveloped Adult).
• Unequal power: Men are trained in power usage, women in self-sacrifice, leading to inherent inequities and one-up/one-down dynamics.
• Lack of intimacy: Suppressed emotions and intuition prevent deep connection.
  Combating sex roles requires both men and women to reclaim their full human potential, developing all ego states, and fostering cooperative, equal partnerships.

8. Therapy Must Be a Transparent, Contractual Path to Autonomy.

Without this agreement, according to transactional analysis, psychotherapy cannot properly occur.

Dispelling myths. Traditional psychotherapy often operates under myths: individual therapy is superior, common sense is useless, and emotional disturbances are "mental illnesses." TA challenges these, asserting that group therapy is often more effective, common sense is vital, and "illnesses" are scripts. These myths perpetuate shame, secrecy, and disempowerment, hindering genuine healing.

The therapeutic contract. A clear, explicit contract is the indispensable first step in TA. It requires:

• Mutual consent: A specific, observable, behavioral request from the client and a clear offer from the therapist. Vague goals like "happiness" are insufficient.
• Mutual effort: Both parties commit to doing at least 50% of the work.
• Consideration: A mutually agreed-upon benefit for both, usually fees for the therapist.
• Lawful object: The contract must not violate laws or public policy.
  This contractual approach ensures transparency, mutual responsibility, and prevents the therapist from imposing their will or playing the "Rescuer."

Empowering the client. The contract empowers the client by treating them as an intelligent, capable human being, actively involved in their healing process. It shifts the dynamic from a passive "patient" receiving treatment to an active participant collaborating with an expert. This transparency and shared responsibility are crucial for fostering autonomy and preventing the therapist from falling into the disempowering roles of the Rescue Triangle.

9. "Permission," "Protection," and "Potency" Empower Script Change.

Permission, then, is a transaction in which the therapist attempts to align the person with her original script-free, Natural Child ego.

Beyond "Work." While Adult-to-Adult "Work" (gathering data, drawing conclusions, making recommendations) is essential, effective script therapy requires "tissue" responses from the therapist's Parent and Child ego states. These are the "three P's": Permission, Protection, and Potency, which provide the necessary leverage to counter deeply ingrained parental injunctions.

Permission. This is a Parent-to-Child command, backed by Adult-to-Adult logic, that allows the client to defy a script injunction (e.g., "Don't drink," "Ask for strokes"). It aligns the person with their innate, script-free Natural Child. Permission requires the client's Adult to accept the validity of the therapist's statement, sometimes necessitating "decontamination" of the client's Adult from false beliefs.

Protection and Potency. When a client acts on Permission, they may feel terrified, having rejected parental "protection." The therapist must provide "Protection" (from their Nurturing Parent) to fill this void, often through reassurance and availability. "Potency" refers to the therapist's capacity to bring about speedy improvement, combining all these tools with flexibility and a willingness to confront impasses. This is distinct from omnipotence, as it respects the client's autonomy and is always within the bounds of the contract.

10. "Accounting" for Truth and "Centering" the Body Heal Core Wounds.

Accounting is a process whereby a discount is neutralized and the feelings that need to be accounted for are responded to.

Healing mindlessness. "Accounting" is the antithesis to discounting. It involves systematically articulating the reasons for one's feelings and demanding that others respond to this accounting, rather than invalidating it. This process helps neutralize confusion, validate perceptions, and dismantle the "madness script." It requires the client to stay in their Adult ego state and refuse to engage in "business as usual" until their feelings are acknowledged and addressed.

Confronting paranoia. Even in cases of extreme paranoia, there is often a "grain of truth" in the client's perceptions. The therapist's role is not to disprove delusions but to investigate and account for these truths, no matter how distorted. By validating the client's underlying perceptions, paranoia can recede, restoring sanity. This demands that therapists avoid discounting and be accountable to their clients, respecting their mental lives.

Centering the body. "Centering" is the process of re-establishing contact with one's bodily functions and emotions, crucial for healing "Joylessness" and drug abuse. Deep breathing exercises can energize "split-off" body parts, making individuals aware of chronic tensions or numbness. This reconnection allows the "Center" (consciousness) to receive messages from the body about what feels good or bad, enabling autonomous choices that promote well-being rather than relying on drugs or consumerism for artificial pleasure.

11. The Good Life: A Cooperative Pursuit of Equality and Love.

Cooperation is a mode of interpersonal relations which, based on the assumption that there is no scarcity of basic needs (food, shelter, space), provides an opportunity for everyone to have everything they need.

Beyond scripts. The ultimate goal of script analysis is to achieve "The Good Life," characterized by autonomy, truthfulness, love, and cooperation. This involves moving beyond the ingrained patterns of individualism, competition, and power plays that dominate society. Cooperation, especially within intimate relationships and families, is the key to unlocking plenitude and mutual satisfaction.

Rules for cooperation. Cooperative relationships require explicit agreements:

• No scarcity: A belief that there's enough for everyone, fostering compromise rather than competition.
• Equal rights: Both individuals have equal rights to satisfaction and equal responsibility.
• No power plays: A commitment to abandon manipulation and coercion, relying instead on open discussion.
• No secrets: Asking for everything one wants 100% of the time, fostering transparency and trust.
• No Rescues: Avoiding doing things for others out of guilt or assumption of their helplessness.
  These rules challenge deeply ingrained societal norms and require conscious effort to implement.

Child-rearing for autonomy. Raising children for autonomy means trusting their inherent O.K.-ness and allowing them freedom to exercise intimacy, awareness, and spontaneity. This involves:

• Encouraging honest expression of love and needs (no Stroke Economy).
• Validating their rationality, feelings, and intuition (no Discounts/Lies).
• Respecting their bodily autonomy (no arbitrary rules).
• Demanding mutual cooperation and responsibility (no Rescue/Persecution).
  This approach fosters self-sufficient, loving individuals who can shape their own destinies and contribute to a more cooperative and equitable world.

Last updated: December 13, 2025