Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors

1. REBT: Rational thoughts lead to rational emotions and behaviors

"REBT holds that when family members become emotionally disturbed or upset at point C (emotional and behavioral Consequence) following a significant Activating experience or Adversity (Point A), A may significantly contribute to but does not actually "cause" C."

Rational thinking as foundation. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) posits that our thoughts, not external events, primarily determine our emotions and behaviors. By adopting rational beliefs, we can significantly reduce emotional disturbances and dysfunctional behaviors.

Practical application. REBT encourages individuals to:

• Identify irrational beliefs that lead to distress
• Replace these with rational alternatives
• Practice new thought patterns consistently
• Observe resulting improvements in emotional well-being and behavior

This approach empowers individuals to take control of their mental health, rather than feeling at the mercy of external circumstances or past experiences.

2. The ABCs of emotional disturbance: Adversity, Beliefs, and Consequences

"REBT holds that, no matter how triggered they are by their genes and by their environments, people largely create their own emotional and behavioral problems."

Understanding the sequence. The ABC model is central to REBT:

• A: Activating event or Adversity
• B: Beliefs about the event
• C: Consequences (emotional and behavioral)

Breaking the chain. By focusing on B (Beliefs), we can change C (Consequences) even when A (Adversity) remains constant. This model helps individuals recognize that their interpretations of events, rather than the events themselves, are often the source of their distress.

Key points:

• Events don't directly cause emotions; our beliefs about events do
• Changing beliefs can change emotional and behavioral responses
• This process gives individuals more control over their reactions

3. Unconditional self-acceptance: You're not your actions

"REBT holds that we'd better not rate ourselves, our essence, or our being, but only our deeds, acts, and performances."

Separating self from behavior. REBT promotes unconditional self-acceptance (USA), encouraging individuals to value themselves as human beings regardless of their actions or achievements. This concept challenges the common tendency to equate self-worth with performance.

Key aspects of unconditional self-acceptance:

• Recognize the inherent worth of all humans
• Evaluate behaviors and outcomes, not the self
• Avoid global self-ratings (e.g., "I'm a failure")
• Embrace fallibility as part of the human condition

By adopting this perspective, individuals can maintain a stable sense of self-worth while still striving for improvement and growth.

4. Disputing irrational beliefs: Challenge your thoughts to change your feelings

"REBT emphasizes the use of scientific method and of logico-empirical disputing to help people change the Irrational Beliefs that encourage self-disturbing."

Active challenging process. REBT teaches individuals to actively dispute their irrational beliefs using logical, empirical, and pragmatic arguments. This process helps to weaken and ultimately replace dysfunctional thought patterns with more rational alternatives.

Disputing techniques include:

• Questioning the evidence for beliefs
• Examining the logic of thought patterns
• Considering the practical consequences of holding certain beliefs
• Exploring alternative perspectives

By consistently practicing these disputing techniques, individuals can develop a more flexible and rational thinking style, leading to improved emotional well-being and behavior.

5. High frustration tolerance: Embrace discomfort for growth

"REBT emphasizes that clients had better have strong intentions to change along with the will to change. Will power, as I have noted, includes the intention, the decision, and the determination to change—and, particularly, the action required to do so."

Cultivating resilience. High frustration tolerance (HFT) is a key concept in REBT, emphasizing the importance of accepting discomfort and difficulties as part of life and personal growth. This approach contrasts with low frustration tolerance, which often leads to avoidance and self-defeating behaviors.

Developing high frustration tolerance involves:

• Recognizing that discomfort is temporary and bearable
• Viewing challenges as opportunities for growth
• Practicing exposure to uncomfortable situations
• Reframing difficulties as a natural part of the human experience

By developing HFT, individuals become more resilient and better equipped to pursue long-term goals despite short-term discomfort.

6. Multimodal approach: Cognitive, emotive, and behavioral techniques

"REBT has always been one of the most behaviorally oriented of the cognitive-behavior therapies."

Comprehensive treatment. REBT employs a multimodal approach, integrating cognitive, emotive, and behavioral techniques to address psychological disturbances. This comprehensive strategy ensures that all aspects of an individual's experience are addressed in therapy.

Key components of REBT's multimodal approach:

• Cognitive: Disputing irrational beliefs, developing rational alternatives
• Emotive: Role-playing, imagery exercises, shame-attacking exercises
• Behavioral: In vivo exposure, skill training, homework assignments

By combining these different modalities, REBT provides a robust framework for addressing psychological issues and promoting lasting change.

7. Accepting reality: Preferences over demands

"REBT holds that when people strongly desire to function productively and happily and when Adversities (A) interfere with their doing so, they have Beliefs (B) about their desires and about their Adversities that result in emotional and behavioral Consequences (C) that are either largely unhealthy and self-defeating or largely healthy and self-helping."

Flexible thinking. REBT encourages individuals to transform rigid demands into flexible preferences. This shift in thinking promotes acceptance of reality while still allowing for goal-directed behavior.

Transforming demands to preferences:

• "Must" becomes "prefer" or "would like"
• "Awful" becomes "unfortunate" or "disappointing"
• "Can't stand it" becomes "don't like it, but can tolerate it"

By adopting this more flexible mindset, individuals can reduce emotional distress and respond more effectively to life's challenges.

8. Active-directive therapy: Therapist as teacher and guide

"REBT is one of the most active-directive therapies, and this also applies to REBT family therapy."

Collaborative learning. REBT takes an active-directive approach, with the therapist serving as both a teacher and a guide. This style contrasts with more passive forms of therapy and aims to equip clients with practical skills and knowledge for managing their emotional well-being.

Key aspects of REBT's active-directive approach:

• Educating clients about the REBT model and principles
• Demonstrating disputing techniques and other coping strategies
• Assigning and reviewing homework
• Providing direct feedback and guidance

This approach empowers clients to become their own therapists, developing skills they can use long after formal therapy ends.

9. Secondary disturbances: Upset about being upset

"REBT holds that when people strongly desire to function productively and happily and when Adversities (A) interfere with their doing so, they have Beliefs (B) about their desires and about their Adversities that result in emotional and behavioral Consequences (C) that are either largely unhealthy and self-defeating or largely healthy and self-helping."

Compound distress. REBT identifies secondary disturbances as a common source of psychological distress. These occur when individuals become upset about their initial emotional reactions, creating a cycle of compounded negative emotions.

Examples of secondary disturbances:

• Anxiety about feeling anxious
• Depression about feeling depressed
• Anger about feeling angry

By addressing both primary and secondary disturbances, REBT helps individuals break free from self-perpetuating cycles of emotional distress.

10. Choice and responsibility: You control your emotional destiny

"REBT holds that they have considerable existential choice."

Personal agency. REBT emphasizes personal responsibility and choice in managing one's emotional well-being. While acknowledging biological and environmental influences, REBT asserts that individuals have significant control over their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Key aspects of choice and responsibility in REBT:

• Recognizing the power to change one's beliefs
• Taking responsibility for emotional reactions
• Actively choosing to work on personal growth
• Embracing the effort required for change

By emphasizing choice and responsibility, REBT empowers individuals to take an active role in their mental health and personal development.

Last updated: September 11, 2025