Key Takeaways
1. Confronting Genetic Destiny: Proactive Measures Against a Family Legacy of Cancer
I would 100 percent be BRCA positive.
Inherited risk. Gila grew up acutely aware of her family's devastating cancer history, particularly her mother's early death from breast cancer at 42 and her father's from colon cancer at 54. This instilled in her a fierce determination to avoid their fate, leading her to adopt a rigorous prevention protocol from a young age, including annual mammograms and ultrasounds long before insurance would cover them.
BRCA1 diagnosis. At 31, pregnant with her third child, Gila learned about genetic testing for the BRCA gene mutation, which she instinctively knew she carried. A positive BRCA1 result confirmed her high risk for breast and ovarian cancer, solidifying her resolve to take drastic preventative action. This diagnosis, though validating, underscored the scientific reality of her inherited vulnerability.
Empowered choice. Driven by a powerful self-preservation instinct and a desire to set a new health trajectory for her children and sisters, Gila decided to undergo a prophylactic double mastectomy. This was a radical decision at the time, years before it became widely known, but for her, it was a clear path to shifting from defense to offense against her genetic destiny.
2. The Unforeseen Power of Prevention: Cancer Found During Prophylactic Surgery
Your pathology showed two tiny cancers in one breast.
A shocking discovery. Gila's preventative double mastectomy, intended to remove healthy breast tissue before cancer could take root, yielded a shocking discovery: two tiny, aggressive tumors were found in one breast. This revelation, delivered on Thanksgiving Day, underscored the critical timing of her decision, as the tumors were just one millimeter away from infiltrating her chest wall.
Life-saving timing. Despite her meticulous preventative efforts, cancer had already begun to develop, highlighting the insidious nature of the disease and the profound impact of her proactive choice. Her surgeon confirmed that she had, in fact, saved her own life, as any further delay in the mastectomy would likely have led to a much graver prognosis.
Regret and resolve. The discovery also brought a pang of regret for having refused her surgeon's earlier recommendation to remove sentinel lymph nodes during the initial surgery. This meant a second, unplanned surgery to ensure the cancer hadn't spread, adding to her physical and emotional burden but reinforcing her unwavering resolve to eliminate all traces of the disease.
3. Shielding Children from Trauma: A Mother's Fierce Protection
My whole brand as a mom was to shield and protect them from unnecessary pain and stress.
Lessons from loss. Having witnessed her own mother's decline and death from cancer as a teenager, Gila was acutely aware of the trauma it inflicted on young children. This experience fueled her determination to shield her four young children from the fear and uncertainty of her own cancer journey, believing there was no value in exposing them to unnecessary pain.
Maintaining normalcy. Throughout her surgeries and chemotherapy, Gila meticulously maintained a facade of normalcy at home. She invented stories about "stomach surgery" to stay healthy and attributed her hair loss to "strong medicine" that made her head cold. Her children, young and trusting, accepted these explanations, allowing her to preserve their childhood innocence.
The emotional cost. This constant charade demanded immense emotional energy and planning, but Gila viewed it as a critical act of protection. She believed that by carrying their anxieties herself, she was fulfilling her role as a parent and preventing them from carrying the heavy memories she still bore from her own mother's illness.
4. The Indignities of Illness: Navigating Physical and Emotional Toll
I was furious at the indignity of hair loss. It was the most public side effect and would leave me with limited control over my appearance.
Loss of control. Chemotherapy brought a cascade of physical indignities, most notably the complete loss of all body hair. This public side effect stripped Gila of control over her appearance, forcing her to rely on wigs and hats, and making private suffering impossible. Other side effects included:
- Neuropathy (numbness in hands/feet)
- Mouth sores
- A "green-hued complexion"
Emotional burden. Beyond the physical, the emotional toll was immense. The constant fear of infection, the nausea, and the sheer exhaustion were relentless. Moments of vulnerability, like accidentally seeing her bald reflection or breaking down in the chemo suite, were stark reminders of her altered reality, challenging her resolve and sense of identity.
Maintaining dignity. Despite the overwhelming challenges, Gila fought to maintain a semblance of dignity. She meticulously applied makeup to draw on eyebrows and lashes, chose high-quality wigs, and even found humor in the absurdity of her situation. Her determination to "look great" was a defiant act against the disease, a way to assert control where she felt she had none.
5. The Vital Role of a Support System: A Village of Unwavering Aid
If you ever find yourself at the center of a crisis, the best piece of advice I can offer is this: You call the shots according to your own needs.
Curated support. Gila understood the critical need for a strong support system but also recognized her limited emotional bandwidth during treatment. She meticulously curated her inner circle, allowing only a select few, like her husband Phil and close friends Hayley and Effy, into the intimate space of her chemotherapy sessions. This selective approach protected her mental stability by minimizing repeated conversations about her health.
Practical and emotional aid. Her support network provided a wide range of practical and emotional assistance:
- Phil: Unwavering emotional support, managing household logistics, advocating for her in the hospital.
- Friends (Hayley, Effy, Tamar): Chaperoning chemo, childcare, meal delivery, administering injections, and providing much-needed laughter and distraction.
- Mother-in-law: Cooking, childcare, and emotional reassurance.
Unconditional presence. These individuals offered unconditional presence and anticipated her needs without being asked, allowing Gila to focus solely on healing. Their willingness to step up, even when it meant witnessing her at her most vulnerable, was a testament to their deep love and commitment, making her ordeal significantly more manageable.
6. Finding Strength in Vulnerability: Embracing Imperfection and Accepting Help
I was powerless to stop myself.
Struggle for control. Gila, a self-proclaimed "control freak" and "catastrophizer," initially struggled with the helplessness imposed by her illness. Her instinct was to manage every detail, from household routines to her own emotional responses, often leading to internal conflict and outward frustration, particularly towards her husband, Phil.
Accepting imperfection. The physical limitations and emotional toll of surgery and chemo forced Gila to confront her need for control. She learned to delegate, to accept that others would perform tasks "imperfectly," and to allow herself moments of raw emotion, even if it meant "foaming at the mouth" in frustration. This surrender, though difficult, was a crucial step in her healing.
Vulnerability as strength. Through these experiences, Gila discovered a new kind of strength in vulnerability. Accepting help, allowing friends to witness her baldness, and sharing her deepest fears with Phil and Elisheva, her massage therapist, became acts of courage. This shift allowed her to connect more deeply with those who loved her and to find peace in her altered state.
7. Breaking Generational Cycles: Inspiring Sisters to Proactive Health
In saving my own life, I might well have been saving hers, too.
A promise fulfilled. Gila's journey became a powerful catalyst for her younger sisters, Miryam and Rivky. Witnessing Gila's close call—cancer found during her preventative mastectomy—transformed their perspective on their own genetic risk. This unexpected diagnosis served as a stark "wake-up call," prompting both sisters to undergo BRCA testing.
Sisters follow suit. Unsurprisingly, both Miryam and Rivky tested positive for the BRCA gene mutation. Inspired by Gila's proactive stance and her ultimate survival, they too opted for preventative double mastectomies in their twenties. Miryam chose implants, while Rivky, after having more children, also underwent the procedure, ensuring they would be present for their own families.
A new legacy. This collective action represented a profound breaking of the generational cycle of early death from cancer that had plagued their family. Gila's initial promise to her dying mother—to look after her children—was now being honored in a way she couldn't have imagined, by empowering her sisters to take control of their health and secure their own futures.
8. The "Waiting Room" of Unspoken Truths: The Relief of Sharing Her Story
You’ve been in the waiting room with your kids for so long you’ve gotten comfortable in your discomfort of not telling them.
A decade of silence. For nine years after her cancer treatment, Gila maintained a strict silence with her children about the true nature of her illness. She believed she was protecting them, but this prolonged secrecy created an emotional "waiting room," a state of suspended truth that became increasingly burdensome.
Shera's wisdom. A pivotal conversation with her friend Shera, clinical director of Sharsheret, provided the clarity Gila needed. Shera's metaphor of the "waiting room" perfectly captured Gila's discomfort and the psychological toll of delaying the truth. This insight empowered Gila to finally confront her fears and prepare to share her full story.
The power of honesty. Guided by Shera's advice, Gila spoke to each of her children individually, sharing the details of her cancer and preventative surgeries in age-appropriate ways. The children's reactions—ranging from tears and hugs to perceptive questions—brought immense relief and validation. This act of emotional honesty liberated Gila from the burden of secrecy, allowing her to fully embrace her role as a survivor and advocate.
9. Redefining Womanhood: Identity Beyond Physical Attributes
I had no breast tissue, no hair, no fertility, and most of my torso was covered in scars and sutures, but I didn’t feel any less like a woman.
Physical transformation. Gila's journey involved profound physical changes: the loss of her breasts, hair, and fertility through mastectomy, chemotherapy, and oophorectomy. These procedures left her body covered in scars and altered her physical appearance significantly, challenging conventional notions of femininity.
Inner strength. Despite these transformations, Gila's sense of womanhood remained intact, even strengthened. She found power in her role as a mother who fought relentlessly to be present for her children, and in her defiance against a genetic fate. Her husband Phil's unwavering love and affirmation of her beauty further reinforced her self-acceptance.
Symbolic rituals. Gila found personal meaning in symbolic rituals, like her final, non-obligatory visit to the mikvah after her oophorectomy. This act, performed without a blessing, served as a personal closure to her fertile years and a purification, marking the end of her cancer treatment with a "watertight seal," solidifying her identity as a resilient survivor.
10. Life's Unpredictable Balance: Navigating "Honey Days" and "Onion Days"
Yom asal, yom basal ("One day honey, one day onions").
Duality of experience. Gila's life, marked by profound loss and unexpected triumphs, mirrored her father's favorite Arabic proverb: "One day honey, one day onions." This philosophy became a guiding principle, acknowledging the unpredictable balance of joy and hardship. Her journey was a testament to enduring "onion days" while holding onto the hope for "honey days."
Resilience in adversity. From losing both parents young to facing her own cancer diagnosis, Gila consistently demonstrated remarkable resilience. She found moments of joy and normalcy amidst crisis, whether it was laughing with her siblings at her mother's funeral or celebrating her children's milestones during her own treatment.
Embracing the future. Despite the trauma, Gila chose to embrace life fully, moving her family to London for a new adventure and inspiring her sisters to take control of their health. Her story is a powerful narrative of defying a traumatic past, rebuilding, and thriving, embodying the Jewish spirit of moving forward even after the worst has happened.
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