My Heart and Other Black Holes

Black Hole Beginnings

Sixteen-year-old Aysel Seran lives in Kentucky, haunted by her father's crime and her own relentless depression. She feels like an outsider at school and at home, convinced she's inherited a darkness she can't escape. Her days are heavy, her thoughts consumed by death, and she finds solace only in classical music and physics—subjects that offer her a sense of order and potential energy. Aysel's life is divided into before and after her father's crime, and she's certain she's irreparably broken. The world around her seems indifferent, and she's isolated by the stigma of her father's actions. Her only comfort is the idea of ending her pain, but she fears failing even at that. The black hole inside her feels inescapable, swallowing any hope of light.

Suicide Partners Sought

Desperate to ensure her suicide attempt succeeds, Aysel turns to an online forum called Smooth Passages, where people seek partners for joint suicides. She's wary of going alone, afraid of surviving and being left even more broken. Scanning the forum, she finds a post by "FrozenRobot," a boy named Roman from a nearby town, who insists on a partner with no children and a fixed date: April 7. The specificity and proximity draw her in. Messaging him, she feels a strange surge of hope—if only in the certainty of an ending. Their agreement is practical, not emotional: mutual assurance that neither will back out. For Aysel, this partnership is a final act of control in a life that feels dictated by shame and sadness.

Meeting FrozenRobot

The two meet at a root beer stand, both surprised by the other's appearance and demeanor. Roman is athletic, popular-looking, and not at all the stereotypical outcast Aysel expected. Their conversation is tense, laced with dark humor and mutual suspicion. Roman questions Aysel's seriousness, referencing statistics about girls "flaking out," while Aysel bristles at his assumptions. Despite the awkwardness, they recognize a shared pain beneath their defenses. Roman's friends interrupt, revealing his past as a basketball star and his connection to local hero Brian Jackson. The meeting ends with a tentative agreement: they will proceed together, but only if they can trust each other not to back out. Aysel senses the black hole inside Roman, too.

Secrets and Stigma

At home, Aysel is a ghost in her mother's new family, overshadowed by her half-siblings and her mother's unspoken fear that she'll turn out like her father. School is no refuge; classmates avoid her, and teachers tiptoe around her presence. The town's obsession with the Jackson tragedy—her father's crime—means Aysel can never escape her past. Even her former best friend, Anna, has drifted away. Aysel's sense of being an "infestation" in her own home is sharpened by her mother's attempts to pretend nothing happened. The weight of inherited shame and the fear of becoming a monster herself drive Aysel further into isolation, reinforcing her conviction that the world would be better without her.

Physics of Sadness

In physics class, Aysel finds a strange comfort in the laws of energy and motion. She obsesses over the concept that energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed, and wonders what happens to a person's energy after death. The idea of potential energy—stored, waiting, dangerous—mirrors her own sense of being on the brink. She writes morbid practice problems in her notebook, trying to calculate the physics of suicide. The certainty and logic of science contrast with the chaos of her emotions, but also highlight her fear: if her sadness is energy, will it ever truly disappear? Physics becomes both a coping mechanism and a metaphor for her struggle, as she searches for answers the equations can't provide.

Family Shadows

Living with her mother, stepfather, and half-siblings, Aysel feels like a permanent outsider. Her mother's love is tinged with fear and regret, and her half-sister Georgia's popularity only sharpens Aysel's sense of alienation. Memories of her father—once loving, now infamous—haunt her, and she wonders if she's destined to repeat his mistakes. The family's attempts at normalcy, like birthday parties and snow days, only underscore Aysel's inability to fit in. She oscillates between craving connection and pushing others away, convinced that her presence is a burden. The black hole of her father's legacy looms over every interaction, making genuine intimacy feel impossible.

Roman's Guilt Unveiled

As Aysel and Roman spend more time together, he reveals the source of his own suicidal intent: guilt over his younger sister Madison's death. Roman was supposed to be watching her, but left her alone in the bath while he was distracted with his girlfriend. Madison, prone to seizures, drowned. Roman's grief is compounded by the belief that his parents, especially his mother, are broken because of him. He's isolated himself, quit basketball, and lost his sense of purpose. The anniversary of Madison's death—April 7—is the date he's chosen for his own end. Roman's pain is raw and unresolved, and his partnership with Aysel is as much about seeking absolution as it is about dying.

Planning the End

The two begin to plan their joint suicide in earnest, scouting locations and discussing methods. Crestville Pointe, a cliff above the Ohio River, becomes their chosen site. They debate the logistics, each revealing their fears about pain, failure, and being discovered before it's over. Their partnership grows more intimate as they share details of their lives, but the focus remains on ensuring success. Roman's need for secrecy is heightened by his mother's vigilance, while Aysel's role as the driver gives her a sense of being needed. The planning process is both chilling and strangely bonding, as they find comfort in each other's understanding of despair.

Unexpected Connections

Despite their pact, Aysel and Roman begin to experience moments of genuine connection—sharing music, confiding secrets, and even laughing together. Aysel is surprised by her own capacity for joy, however fleeting. Roman's artistic side surfaces, and Aysel sees glimpses of the boy he was before tragedy struck. Their interactions with family and friends—like a trip to the zoo with Aysel's half-sister Georgia and classmate Tyler—further complicate their resolve. These moments don't erase their pain, but they introduce the possibility that life might hold more than suffering. The black hole inside Aysel flickers with the faintest light, and she begins to question whether her fate is truly sealed.

The Zoo and the Lie

During a group trip to the zoo for a school project, Aysel is forced to navigate the complexities of her relationships—with her family, her classmates, and Roman. The outing is fraught with tension, as Aysel hides the truth about her father's crime from Roman, fearing his reaction due to Roman's connection to the Jackson family. Meanwhile, Roman's growing attachment to Aysel is evident, but both are haunted by the lies they tell to protect themselves. The day is filled with small joys and awkward moments, highlighting the contrast between the life they're planning to leave and the life they're still living. The lie at the heart of their partnership threatens to unravel everything.

Facing the Past

Determined to confront the source of her shame and fear, Aysel decides to visit her father in prison before April 7. With Roman's support, she navigates bureaucratic obstacles, only to discover her father has been transferred to a psychiatric hospital. The failed visit leaves her unsettled, but also sparks a realization: she's been letting her father's actions define her. The journey forces Aysel to confront her own capacity for change and forgiveness. She begins to see that her identity is not solely determined by her father's crime, and that she might have the strength to choose a different path. The black hole inside her is not as all-consuming as she once believed.

Carnival and Confessions

At the town carnival, Aysel and Roman share vulnerable moments, holding hands and discussing their sadness. Roman confesses that he pushed his friends away after Madison's death, just as Aysel did after her father's crime. They recognize themselves in each other's loneliness and pain. Aysel finally tells Roman the full story of her father, and Roman responds with empathy rather than judgment. Their connection grows more intimate, culminating in a night together at a campsite, where they share a kiss and acknowledge the possibility of happiness. Yet, both are afraid to let this new light change their plans, clinging to the safety of their pact even as hope flickers between them.

Hope and Hesitation

As April 7 approaches, Aysel's perspective shifts. She begins to imagine a future beyond suicide—applying for a summer science program, reconnecting with her mother, and envisioning a life where she's more than her pain. Roman, however, remains trapped in his guilt, unable to see a way forward. Aysel tries to convince him that change is possible, that they are not doomed by their pasts. Their conversations grow more urgent, as Aysel realizes she wants to live and wants Roman to choose life, too. The tension between hope and despair reaches a breaking point, threatening to tear them apart or save them both.

The Failed Goodbye

Without warning, Roman disappears and attempts suicide alone, locking himself in his mother's car in the garage. Aysel and Mrs. Franklin find him in time, and he's rushed to the hospital. The event devastates both families and leaves Aysel wracked with guilt and anger. She realizes that their pact was never truly equal—Roman was trying to save her by going alone, while she was trying to save him by convincing him to stay. In the hospital, Aysel confronts the reality of loss and the fragility of hope. The black hole inside her is now filled with fear for Roman, and she must decide whether to keep fighting for both of them.

Breaking the Pact

Visiting Roman in the hospital, Aysel confesses her love and pleads with him to choose life—not for her, but for himself. She acknowledges the pain they share, but insists that they deserve more than an ending. Roman is weak, uncertain, and still haunted by guilt, but Aysel's words plant a seed of possibility. She promises to stay by his side, to wait for hope, and to help him see himself as she does. Their pact is broken, replaced by a new agreement: to wait for the future, to see what life might hold. The black hole is no longer a void, but a space for potential.

Choosing to Stay

As Roman recovers, Aysel supports him, reading to him and sharing dreams of the future—a trip to the ocean, a life beyond grief. Both begin therapy, and Aysel reconnects with her mother, finally speaking openly about her sadness. The process is slow and uncertain, but the decision to stay alive is reaffirmed each day. They acknowledge that healing is not linear, that setbacks will come, but they are no longer alone in their struggle. The energy that once threatened to destroy them is now being transformed—into hope, connection, and the possibility of happiness. The story ends not with a dramatic rescue, but with the quiet, courageous choice to keep living.

The Light Returns

In the aftermath, Aysel and Roman are changed—not cured, but committed to fighting for life. They support each other through therapy, family reconciliation, and the slow rebuilding of trust in themselves and the world. The black holes inside them are still present, but no longer all-consuming. They learn that pain can be shared, that love can coexist with sadness, and that the future is unwritten. The final image is one of waiting—not for death, but for the next moment, the next possibility. The light that once seemed impossible now glimmers at the edge of their vision, a promise that even the darkest hearts can find their way back to hope.