Life Is What You Make It

1. Life Is What You Make It: Values and Identity Are Your Foundation

Our values guide our choices; our choices define who we are.

Define your life. Life is not a predetermined script; it's a canvas you paint with your choices, guided by your deepest convictions and intuitions. These values—like self-respect and peace of mind—are the steady currency that endure when economic prosperity falters. They form the bedrock of your identity, shaping who you become and what you deem worthwhile during your brief stay on Earth.

Homegrown values. The author, Howard G. Buffett, son of Warren Buffett, emphasizes that core values are absorbed at home, not bought. His upbringing instilled:

• Trust: A belief in the fundamental goodness of the world and people, fostering effective functioning and open relationships.
• Tolerance: Embracing diversity, actively working against prejudice, and respecting differing opinions as a way to enrich one's own life and sharpen the mind.
• Education: Not just job training, but a lifelong fulfillment of curiosity, understanding human nature, and recognizing that everyone has something to teach.

Purposeful work. A true work ethic, exemplified by his father, isn't about endless toil in a hated job, but about finding something you love. This transforms arduous work into a joyful, even sacred, pursuit. It's about the intellectual challenge and the serious game, where money is a by-product, not the primary driver.

2. No One Deserves Anything: Earn Your Luck and Become Worthy

There is a profound difference between deserving good fortune and becoming worthy of our luck.

Randomness rules. At birth, life's circumstances are entirely random. No one earns their parents, wealth, or health. Accepting this randomness is the beginning of humility and a realistic approach to life. It challenges the illogical belief that good fortune is inherently deserved.

Become worthy. Instead of feeling entitled, view good fortune as an opportunity to spread luck and a goad to further accomplishment. This transforms unearned advantages into meaningful contributions. Just as Calvinists inferred grace from good deeds, we can earn our luck by using our gifts to benefit the world.

Avoid the "silver dagger." Wealthy parents often unintentionally harm their children by making things too easy, substituting money for love, or imposing narrow expectations. This can lead to a lack of self-respect and purpose, creating "gift guilt"—a malaise that stems from unearned advantages. The author's father famously advised giving children "enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing."

3. The Playing Field Is Never Level: Use Your Advantages to Lift Others

The recognition that the playing field is not level should motivate us to do all we can to make it closer to level; and those efforts toward equality and fairness can, in turn, relieve the corrosive “gift guilt” that we’ve been talking about.

Acknowledge inequality. The ideal of a "level playing field" is a myth; real life is inherently unequal. This unfairness should prompt people of conscience to act. Inequality harms not only the disadvantaged but society as a whole, stifling potential entrepreneurs, artists, and innovators.

Act with humility and equality. Efforts to level the field must be rooted in two premises:

• People are equal: Recognize the dignity and value of every human life, avoiding condescension.
• Humble acceptance: Understand the limits of our knowledge and avoid imposing solutions. True help comes from supporting others in identifying their own needs.

Beyond economic privilege. "Advantage" is complex. A friend's experience working with both poor and rich "gifted underachievers" revealed universal human problems, regardless of economic status. Good parenting can overcome poverty's difficulties, while bad parenting can squander affluence. The key is to make the most of your unique mix of advantages and disadvantages, shifting your course until a headwind becomes a tailwind.

4. Embrace the Mixed Blessing of Choice: Define Your Own Path, Not Others'

Of all the gifts my parents gave me, this was surely among the most valuable: the belief that I need not be squeezed by life, that I could take an expansive view of how I wanted to spend my time on Earth rather than shrinking myself down to fit into some predetermined niche.

Paradox of parental guidance. While parents encourage children to "find their bliss," implicit expectations often guide choices and circumscribe freedom. The author's teenage plan to skip senior year for photojournalism in Jackson Hole was gently redirected by his mother, who conspired with his teacher to offer him the yearbook editorship. This intervention, though initially unsettling, taught him not to rush through developmental stages.

Privilege of options. True privilege isn't just about money; it's about having the widest possible array of options. Many people, despite affluence, feel their choices are narrowed by family biases or societal pressures, as seen in the Stanford student who felt limited to becoming a doctor or a lawyer. This "squeezing" of possibilities is a waste of privilege.

Freedom with limits. Too much freedom isn't the problem; it's the inability to manage it. The author's mother taught him he could "be whatever I wanted to be, but not do whatever I wanted to do." This means boundless aspirations tempered by personal morality and ethics. Wandering through choices, like the friend who became an urban planner after many major changes, can be a necessary path to self-discovery, not a sign of being lost.

5. Vocation Is a Mysterious Journey: Trust Your Inner Tug, Even Through Detours

Life vocations are mysterious, and people seldom move toward them in a straight line, or without doubts and false starts and crises and blunders.

The scary pursuit of excellence. Embracing a true vocation is daunting because it demands excellence, not just average performance. The author's repeated quitting and restarting piano lessons stemmed from this fear of failure and the increasing difficulty of mastering a subject that truly mattered to him. This mix of joy and fear is common in the early stages of pursuing a calling.

Craft over shortcuts. While early creativity might suggest self-teaching, true mastery requires learning craft. The author's journey involved multiple piano teachers, each offering unique lessons:

• First teacher: Basics of notes and beats.
• Second teacher: Nuances of sound and expression.
• Third teacher: Self-expression and transcending rules.
  This progression highlights that creativity needs a solid foundation.

The complex of skills. The introduction of a tape recorder transformed the author's understanding of music, revealing it as a complex of skills beyond just playing. This "refraction and multiplication" of possibilities helps define a unique niche. A vocation isn't a single inclination but an intersection of specific abilities and temperament, where one can truly make their mark.

6. Buy Time, Not Just Money: Frugality Fuels Self-Discovery and Opportunity

I used my nest egg to buy something infinitely more valuable than money: I used it to buy time.

Time is irreplaceable. Privilege should grant the luxury of time, allowing for unhurried self-discovery and development. Yet, many privileged individuals rush through life, driven by fear of being left behind, sacrificing introspection for perceived fast-track careers. Unlike money, which is replaceable, wasted time is gone forever, making it infinitely more valuable.

Invest in self-knowledge. The author used his $90,000 inheritance not for extravagance, but to "buy time" to explore his music career. This involved living frugally in San Francisco, focusing on developing his craft and understanding the business. Pausing for self-reflection, or "navel-gazing," is not a luxury but a crucial investment in making good decisions and finding one's true path.

Frugality as a challenge. Many people confuse needs with wants, leading to inflated expectations and a reluctance to live modestly. Frugality, especially for young adults, is a salutary challenge that:

• Tests ingenuity and humor.
• Shifts focus from "stuff" to people and experience.
• Increases freedom by reducing perceived needs.
  It's a necessary stage for earning self-respect and independence, allowing gradual rewards to be savored.

7. From Finding Bliss to Doing Bliss: Integrate Passion with Practicality

When we do something for pay, whether it’s writing a story or digging a ditch, we need to please the person paying us; but that doesn’t make the work any less our own.

Balance passion and market. Discovering a vocation is just the first step; the next is making it a livelihood. This requires finding the "sweet spot" where individual abilities and inclinations intersect with the world of commerce. It's about figuring out what you genuinely love to do and what the world values enough to buy.

Professionalism isn't "selling out." The author learned from Bernard Malamud's insight that "no good writer writes exactly as he pleases." This isn't a compromise but an application of diverse skills—creativity, market understanding, and discipline—to connect one's vision with an audience. The paradox is that by selling your work, you still imbue it with your unique stamp, making it profoundly your own.

Growth through collaboration. Working for pay often means operating in a service industry, where your contribution is part of a larger whole. The author, composing for TV commercials, learned to approach every task as if it were the most important, not just for the client, but for self-respect and professional growth. This involves:

• Accepting feedback: Viewing client critiques as opportunities to improve, not personal insults.
• Collaboration: Recognizing that work is a team effort, where yielding sole claim to a creation allows it to become even more "your own" through shared effort.

8. Mistakes Are Portals of Discovery: Embrace Errors as Learning Opportunities

No mistake should go to waste!

Embrace imperfection. Mistakes are an inevitable part of being human, stemming from insufficient knowledge, impatience, or misguided ambition. They are not permanent humiliations but "portals of discovery," offering invaluable opportunities to learn, grow, and refine our path. Fear of making mistakes leads to safe, unoriginal choices and stifles self-discovery.

Learn from blunders. The author's "Big House blunder"—buying an excessively large, expensive home in Milwaukee—was a classic error of confusing reasons with justifications. He rationalized a desire for a big house with market logic, only to find himself overextended and stressed. This mistake, though costly, taught him to:

• Acknowledge faulty decision-making: Recognize when wants and pressures override rationality.
• Forgive and move on: View past follies as committed by a "younger friend," taking satisfaction in lessons learned.

Course corrections. Mistakes are temporary setbacks, not permanent defeats. The story of two brothers illustrates this:

• Jeff: Lost his engineering job, realized his mistake was taking a "safe" job without passion, and pivoted to become a patent attorney, synthesizing his science background with human interaction.
• Dan: Meandered through engineering and the restaurant business, but his "false starts" led him to industrial design, specializing in commercial kitchens, where his unique skills converged.
  These journeys show that blunders can lead to unexpected, fulfilling directions.

9. Be Careful What You Wish For: Preparation Trumps Desire, Denial Can Be a Blessing

A longed-for gift becomes a terrible burden. The fulfillment of a fantasy turns into a disaster.

The Midas paradox. Wishes, if granted without foresight, can become curses, as in the legend of King Midas. This highlights a fundamental human confusion between what we think will make us happy and what is truly important. Society often eggs us on to chase the "brass ring," even if it's not what we genuinely want.

Wishing vs. preparing. The author's wish to write for film led to a major blunder: he secured an opportunity to score Dances with Wolves but realized he hadn't done the hard work of learning how to write a film score. He had confused sheer desire with actual preparation. This taught him:

• Lucky breaks aren't free passes: They are opportunities to rise to a challenge, requiring readiness.
• Preparation earns confidence: Meaningful preparation involves anticipating difficulties and thinking through pitfalls, leading to clarity and true self-assurance.

Thwarted wishes as liberation. When a wish is denied, it can be a hidden blessing, forcing us to re-evaluate and discover what we really want. The law student who missed a corporate internship found unexpected joy and direction in an environmental nonprofit, leading her to reconsider her career path. A pinpoint goal can blind us to a universe of choices; its denial can open our eyes to a wider, more authentic world.

10. Define Your Own Success: It's About Substance, Not Just Dollars

True success comes from within. It is a function of who we are and what we do.

Beyond the paycheck. Society often equates "success" with monetary reward, making it a "coded synonym for 'well paid.'" This focus on payoff rather than process devalues true achievement. Money should be a spin-off of success, not its measure. Relying on external validation like income for self-respect, confidence, or peace of mind is risky, as economic systems are fickle.

Personal definition. A meaningful definition of success must be personal, not dictated by others. It emerges from the unique chemistry of abilities, passion, hard work, and commitment. The author's musician friend, despite living modestly, considers himself successful because he chose and created a life true to himself, overcoming parental expectations and self-doubt.

Shared canvas. The author's father, Warren Buffett, validated his son's musical career by saying, "Music is your canvas. Berkshire's my canvas and I get to paint a little every day." This profound statement equated their pursuits not by economic impact, but by fundamental personal legitimacy and shared process. Success is whatever we decide to call it, a treasure unlocked by our unique mix of talents and passions, which cannot be tarnished or taken away by the world.

11. Prosperity's Perils: Guard Against Entitlement and the "Suffering Ethic"

The danger was a sad and life-diminishing alienation—people not really knowing where they are because they haven’t taken the time to notice how they got there.

Unintended messages. Affluent families, despite good intentions, can inadvertently convey warped values. The story of the wealthy doctor/engineer father whose son, after caddying, only learned to make money to avoid carrying bags, illustrates how messages can be garbled. This can lead to a lack of ambition or a skewed understanding of wealth's origins.

The "suffering ethic." Some children of wealthy parents struggle with ambition, feeling that striving is pointless if their future is secure. A friend's father, an investment banker, hated his job but worked relentlessly, creating a "suffering ethic" that his son unconsciously adopted. The son believed work should be painful, leading to years of unhappiness until therapy helped him realize he could pursue work he loved.

Alienation from self. The author's visit to Abu Dhabi revealed that rapid modernization and opulence can estrange young people from their identity. Handed so much, their own ambitions dwindle, leading to spiritual loitering. This "life-diminishing alienation" is a universal peril of prosperity, where fleeting pleasure is mistaken for durable joy, and status symbols for genuine accomplishment. Connection to one's inner thoughts, yearnings, and ambitions is crucial to combat this.

12. The Gentle Art of Giving Back: Philanthropy Is Love of Humankind, Not Just Money

Philanthropy means nothing more or less than the expression of the love we feel for one another, the sense of solidarity that makes us want to share.

Beyond an "add-on." Giving back, or "casting away" as Ecclesiastes puts it, is a natural stage of life after gathering experience and wealth. It's not merely an "add-on" to a successful life or a way to relieve "gift guilt." The most genuine forms of giving are integral to who we are, springing organically from our values and beliefs, creating an "enrichment loop" where we give, receive, and find more to give.

Personal involvement. The author's journey into Native American culture, initially driven by intellectual curiosity and emotional connection, led him to compose music for 500 Nations and create the Spirit show. This hands-on giving, though demanding and frustrating, stretched his abilities and enriched his life, proving that a larger purpose calls for larger efforts. Jimmy Carter's physical labor for Habitat for Humanity exemplifies this intense, personal commitment.

NoVo Foundation's mission. After his father's "Big Bang" philanthropy, the author and his wife, Jennifer, established the NoVo Foundation. Their guiding principles were:

• Avoid philanthropic colonialism: Support local people in identifying and evolving their own solutions.
• Invest in undervalued assets: Focus on areas the world underappreciates, like girls' education and empowerment in West Africa.
  This work, initially met with the author's ambivalence, profoundly impacted his music and life, weaving his creative and philanthropic endeavors together like strands of DNA.

Last updated: January 16, 2026