Life is Real Only Then, When 'I Am'

1. The Lifelong Quest for Objective Truth Through Suffering

My Being is indeed necessary to all people; even more necessary to them than their felicity and their happiness of today.

Unremitting search. Gurdjieff dedicated his life to an unremitting search for real and universal knowledge, traveling extensively and enduring immense physical and moral suffering. His motivation was an "idée fixe" to introduce beneficial truths to humanity before his death, especially after a severe automobile accident left him gravely ill.

Conscious labor. He believed that true understanding and self-perfection could only be achieved through "conscious labor and intentional suffering." This meant actively engaging with one's inner world, confronting weaknesses, and transforming automatic reactions into deliberate actions, rather than passively drifting through life.

Paradoxical motivation. His personal suffering, particularly concerning his ailing mother and wife, paradoxically fueled his writing productivity. He realized that intense inner struggle, the friction between consciousness and automatic experiences, generated the necessary energy for his work, leading him to embrace this internal conflict.

2. The Threefold Purpose of Gurdjieff's Writings

To assist the arising, in the mentation and in the feelings of the reader, of a veritable, nonfantastic representation not of that illusory world which he now perceives, but of the world existing in reality.

Destroying false beliefs. The first series of his books, "Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson," aimed to mercilessly destroy centuries-old, false beliefs and views rooted in the reader's mind and feelings about everything existing in the world. This was a foundational step to clear the ground for new understanding.

Introducing new material. The second series, "Meetings with Remarkable Men," was designed to acquaint the reader with the material required for a new creation and to prove its soundness and good quality. It provided the necessary intellectual and experiential groundwork for deeper insights.

Perceiving reality. The third and final series, "Life Is Real Only Then, When 'I Am'," intended to assist the reader in forming a veritable, non-fantastic representation of the world existing in reality, moving beyond illusory perceptions. This series was meant for those prepared to grasp "genuine objective truths."

3. The Nullity of Ordinary Man and the Path to a Real "I"

Only such a man, when he consciously says “I am”—he really is; “I can”—he really can; “I wish”—he really wishes.

Unconscious slavery. Gurdjieff asserted that the ordinary average man is an "unconscious slave" to universal purposes, living automatically and passively. Such a man, lacking his own "I," merely serves nature's involutionary and evolutionary constructions, destined to be destroyed forever after death.

The river of life. He used the analogy of a river forking into two streams at responsible age: one flowing into the limitless ocean for evolutionary movement, and the other into nether regions for involutionary movement. Most contemporary people, due to abnormal education, enter the latter stream passively.

Crossing the stream. Even for those who have entered responsible age without acquiring their own "I," a possibility exists to cross into the evolutionary stream. This "first liberation of man" requires intentional efforts, inner experiencings, and a long struggle against crystallized abnormalities and weaknesses that give birth to will-lessness.

4. Cultivating the Sacred Impulses: "I Can," "I Wish," "I Am"

This third impulse, which should be sometimes in the waking state of man, one of certain definite manifestations in the general presence of every normal man, is of all the seven exclusively-proper-to-man impulses the most important, because its association with the first two, namely, those which I have already said can be approximately expressed in English by the words “I can” and “I wish,” almost composes and represents the genuine I of a man who has reached responsible age.

Three human impulses. Gurdjieff identified three fundamental impulses inherent only in a real man: "I can," "I wish," and "the entire sensing of the whole of oneself" (which he equates with "I am"). These are distinct from mere "want," "need," or "desire," which he considers forms of slavery.

The genuine "I". The third impulse, "I am," is the most crucial, as its association with "I can" and "I wish" forms the genuine "I" of a man who has reached responsible age. This "I" allows for conscious, self-willed action, rather than automatic reactions.

Conscious cultivation. To develop these impulses, one must consciously crystallize seven psychic data, with the first three being paramount. The difficulty lies in their reciprocal dependence: a genuine "I" requires these impulses, and these impulses require a genuine "I."

5. The Practice of Divided Attention for Self-Observation

For the given case, it is indispensable first to learn to divide one’s entire attention in three approximately equal parts, and to concentrate each separate part simultaneously for a definite time on three diverse inner or outer “objects.”

Attention's nature. Attention, a totality of psychic functions, can be split automatically or intentionally. A normal man can consciously concentrate his whole attention, or divide it into two or three parts, focusing each on different internal or external objects without hindrance from automatic associations.

The "soil preparing" exercise. Gurdjieff recommended a specific exercise (number four in his series) for Americans, given their past misunderstandings. It involves:

• Dividing attention into three equal parts.
• Concentrating each part on a different finger.
• Constating "sensing" in one finger.
• Constating "feeling" in another.
• Making a rhythmical movement with the third while counting.

Sensing vs. Feeling. A crucial distinction for this exercise is between "sensing" (initiative factors from motor nerve nodes of the brain) and "feeling" (initiative factors from sympathetic nerve nodes, primarily the solar plexus). Understanding this difference is vital for correct self-observation.

6. Leveraging "Self-Deception" as a Tool for Subconscious Growth

This property can serve as an aid to self-perfecting and exists in people in general, particularly in contemporary people, and especially in you, and is none other than that which I have many times condemned and which people themselves consider an unworthy manifestation for a man who has reached responsible age-of course in this respect also excluding themselves-and it is called “self-deception.”

Paradoxical utility. Gurdjieff revealed a "secret" that a negative property like "self-deception" can be consciously used for self-perfection. This seemingly illogical deduction is based on the understanding that true self-perfection occurs in the subconscious, not the ordinary consciousness.

Inculcating the subconscious. Since contemporary man struggles to directly "digest" new information with his subconscious, a special means is needed. Self-deceptive imaginativeness, when consciously applied, can inculcate reasonable indications into the subconscious, especially if not contradictory to instinct.

Imagined reverberation. For instance, to cultivate the "I am" impulse, one should frequently imagine the "reverberation" (vibration/feeling) in the solar plexus that a real man experiences when saying "I am." This imagined experience, through repetition, can create a theoretical "beginning" for real data formation.

7. The Indispensable Role of Sincerity in Collective Work

Each of you having become an equal-rights participant in this group newly formed for the attainment of one and the same so to say “ideal” must always struggle with such impulses, inevitably arising in you and unworthy of man, as “self-love,” “pride,” “conceit” and so on, and not be ashamed to be sincere in your answers concerning your observations and constatations on the exercises recommended by me.

Foundation for progress. For collective work towards self-perfection, sincerity among group members is an indispensable condition. Without it, discussions become mere "collective titillation," yielding no real results.

Struggling with egoism. Members must struggle against inherent human weaknesses like "self-love," "pride," and "conceit" to be truly sincere. Openly sharing observations and constatations from exercises, even if imperfect, is crucial for mutual aid and collective growth.

Contextual sincerity. Sincerity is vital within the group and concerning the common aim, but Gurdjieff warns that "sincerity with everyone in general is weakness, slavery and even a sign of hysteria." A normal man knows when, where, and for what purpose to be sincere.

8. Understanding the Three Totalities of Man's Psyche

The general psyche of every man on reaching maturity, which begins on an average in the male sex at twenty years and in the female sex at the beginning of the thirteenth year, consists of three totalities of functioning which have almost nothing in common with each other.

Ancient hypothesis. An ancient manuscript, a secret of Central Asian "Initiates," posits that man's psyche at maturity comprises three independent totalities of functioning. These totalities form at different life stages and operate simultaneously and incessantly.

Formation stages:

• First totality: Formed in childhood (boys until 11, girls until 7) from involuntary outer impressions and "all-centered dozing," with reflexes as the "cathode beginning."
• Second totality: Begins forming in boys from 9, girls from 4, lasting until maturity, from intentionally implanted outer impressions and results of previously perceived similar impressions.
• Third totality: Forms from maturity onwards, from "contemplation"—the "voluntary contact" of the first two totalities, with the second serving as "anode" and the first as "cathode."

Attention as blending. "Attention" is defined as "the degree of blending of that which is the same in the impulses of observation and constatation in one totality’s processes with that occurring in other totalities." Its strength depends on the "gradation of the total state" of a man, with the initiating totality being where the center of gravity lies.

9. The "Pressing the Sensitive Corn" Principle for Inner Insight

I refer to that already-mentioned principle which I characterized by the words “to press the most sensitive corn of everyone I met.”

Miracle-working principle. Gurdjieff adopted a unique principle for his outer life: "to press the most sensitive corn of everyone I met." This seemingly harsh method proved "miracle-working" for his primary aim of regeneration and understanding human nature.

Unveiling the inner world. By applying this principle, people would, without his direct effort, shed their societal masks, revealing their true inner worlds—both their worthy human data and the "nauseating filth" accumulated from abnormal education. This allowed him to discern deeply hidden nuances of the human soul.

Paradoxical consequences. While this principle granted him immense "inner wealth" (objective understanding of human psyche), it led to the loss of all his material possessions, all his "friends," and even the "privilege of being envied." Despite these external losses, he blessed this principle, recognizing its profound value for his self-imposed aims.

10. The Ancient Wisdom on Prolonging Human Life

That is, thanks alone to the recognition and all-round understanding of the sense and significance of this subject is it possible to solve the problem of the prolongation of human life.

Beyond physical theories. Gurdjieff introduces the problem of old age and life prolongation, not just from a biological perspective (like Metchnikov's or Brown-Sequard's theories), but from a holistic understanding of man's inner and outer worlds. He cites an ancient manuscript that links the prolongation of life to the conscious perfection of the three totalities of the psyche.

Conscious perfection. In consciously perfected individuals who reach an "all-centers-awake state" (able to think and feel on their own initiative), the factors for the third totality of functioning continue to form much longer—up to 300 years for men and 200 for women, far exceeding the average.

The true problem. The article by P. Mann, which Gurdjieff includes, highlights that death is "in too great a hurry to reach man" and that man can live considerably longer. It points to hereditary factors and inborn immunity, but Gurdjieff's broader context suggests that true longevity and quality of life are tied to the conscious development of one's inner being and the harmonious functioning of all psychic totalities.

Last updated: March 15, 2026