It's Not About You

1. Influence is Built on Pull, Not Push

Pull is the substance of influence. Not push.

Understanding influence. True influence isn't about forcing or manipulating people to do what you want; it's about creating an environment where they are drawn to your vision and willingly participate. Ben initially approached the merger with a "conquer" mindset, aiming to "convince" the employees, which Aunt Elle equated to overcoming by argument. This "push" approach often leads to resistance and resentment.

The power of yielding. Aunt Elle illustrates this with analogies: a fan blowing outward pulls air from far away, and you can't push a rope effectively. When faced with an aggressive man, she "yielded" by taking responsibility and offering to pay for dry cleaning, immediately defusing the conflict. Yielding, in this context, means giving, not giving up, and it allows others to remain "intact," fostering connection rather than confrontation.

Semantics matter. The words we use reflect our underlying intentions. Ben's frequent use of "I," "me," and "my" revealed a self-focused approach, while Aunt Elle emphasized that influence is an "unseen flow of power" that comes from placing others' interests first. This shift in focus from self-benefit to mutual benefit is crucial for genuine influence.

2. Leaders Hold the Vision, Even When Others Can't

The hard part isn’t the vision. Anyone can come up with a vision. The hard part is the holding.

The leader's perspective. Allen, the co-founder of Allen & Augustine, explains that his top-floor office view serves as a constant reminder of their origins and aspirations. He emphasizes that for any leader, the most important thing is "to never forget where you came from" and to continuously "see" the big picture in your mind's eye, even when it seems impossible to others.

Faith in creation. Building a business, or anything significant, is an "act of faith" – creating something out of nothing. Allen recounts how, after a devastating fire destroyed their entire business, he inspired his disheartened team by pointing to the city skyline and declaring it was time to move to a bigger building. This seemingly absurd vision, held steadfastly, eventually became their reality.

Overcoming fear and doubt. The biggest challenge for any organization is the "constant cloud of fear and doubt" that surrounds its people. A leader's primary job is to "hold fast to the big picture," maintaining crystal clarity of the destination, especially when no one else can see it. This unwavering belief provides stability and direction for the team.

3. Build Your People by Believing in Them

Give people something good to live up to—something great—and they usually will.

Heart of the operation. Augustine, the other co-founder, believes that Allen & Augustine doesn't just build chairs; "what we really build is people." He demonstrates this by having no fixed office, instead spending his time across all six floors of "Service," engaging with employees and fostering a family-like atmosphere. The company's walls are adorned with personal photos, reflecting this deep connection.

Unlocking potential. Augustine's approach to Annie, who started with "zero skills" but possessed immense empathy, exemplifies this principle. He saw potential in her that she didn't see in herself, offering her a leadership role in Sourcing. This belief, like "applying heat" to wood to bring out its natural colors, helps people discover and develop their inherent "amazing qualities and natural abilities."

Engaging the heart. Strategies and plans alone don't drive progress; "you have to engage people." By giving employees something great to live up to, they often exceed expectations. Augustine's genuine appreciation for Annie, overheard by her, motivated her to solve a critical supply chain problem, showcasing the power of belief in fostering resourcefulness and loyalty.

4. Do the Work and Stay Grounded in Humility

People who achieve great things that the world will never forget, start out by accomplishing small things that the world will never see.

Knowing the craft. Frank, the VP of Production, embodies the principle of "doing the work." He gets his "workout right here" on the production floor, knowing "every inch of this business" and understanding "pegs and shims." His hands-on expertise earns him the respect of his crew, who would follow him anywhere because he trusts himself and his knowledge.

The value of humility. Claire shares stories of successful leaders like Pindar and Le Herron, who remained "hugely humble" despite their achievements. Pindar, the Chairman, always took the time to understand his clients' needs and products "nuts and bolts, from the ground up." Le Herron learned a core leadership lesson from a sergeant: "after your men have been fed... then you will eat."

Staying grounded. Aunt Elle explains that humility isn't weakness; it's being aware of your connection to "the dust of the earth," like humus. "Remember your muddy beginnings, and you can accomplish anything." Leaders who achieve great things are those who are willing to get "dirt under their nails and mud on their boots," demonstrating self-respect and a deep understanding of the foundational work.

5. Character Trumps Competence in True Leadership

Competence is simply the baseline, the thing that puts you in the game. It matters, but honestly, it’s a dime a dozen. Character, though. Character is that rare, precious gem, and anyone who possesses it is worth a great deal to the world around him.

Beyond the facade. Aunt Elle advises Ben that leadership isn't a role you can "put on and take off." People will instinctively "read you, consciously or unconsciously—the you behind the words." While competence is necessary, it's merely the entry ticket; true influence stems from one's character, which is far more valuable and enduring.

Life's indelible marks. Aunt Elle's uncanny ability to sense Ben's past loss highlights how "life leaves a mark" on everyone. These experiences, whether tragedies or disappointments, engrave themselves onto our souls. We can either "embrace the hurt and it deepens you" or "deny, reject, hold it at bay, fight it off, and it simply hardens you."

The choices we make. Character is forged by the choices we make in response to life's challenges. It's "what happens when life scratches itself onto your soul." Leaders grow only as far as they allow themselves to be shaped by these experiences, demonstrating authenticity and resilience. What you offer is "least of all through what you say; in greater part through what you do; but in greatest part through who you are."

6. Stand for Something Beyond Yourself

People will only trust someone when they know where he stands. Where do you stand, Ben? And what do you stand for?

The reality of responsibility. Karen, VP of Finance and Personnel, challenges Ben to look beyond abstract notions of belief. She explains that "money is where it all gets real," and she "deals with the bleeding every hour of every day" by feeling the impact on every employee. Her presence at the hospital, even when she couldn't "do" anything, was about "being there" for her people.

Action over words. Karen distinguishes between saying "I would give my life for these people" and "I do give my life for them. Every day." This highlights that true commitment is demonstrated through consistent action and sacrifice, not just well-meaning intentions. She questions Ben's "absolute" belief in the company, pushing him to articulate what he truly stands for.

Defining your core. Ben's internal struggle to answer Karen's question—"What do you stand for?"—reveals a common leadership blind spot. While he could list abstract values like "God, family, country, and the Marden Group," they felt hollow. The experience of sitting with a dying stranger in a hospital room forces him to confront this question on a deeply personal level, moving beyond mere abstractions.

7. True Leadership is About "You," Not "Me"

This isn’t about me, or about Marden. It’s about you.

A shift in perspective. Ben's meticulously prepared speech, focused on Marden's resources and his own arguments, felt like "me, me, me." He realized that his initial approach to "convert, convince, steamroll" was fundamentally flawed. Instead, he found himself genuinely listening to the employees and being "dazzled" by their collective spirit and resilience.

Acknowledging greatness. Ben's impromptu speech at the board meeting became a heartfelt tribute to Allen & Augustine's people. He recognized that their slogan, "We hold you up," was not "corny" but "the simple truth," reflecting their unwavering support for each other. He admitted that his desire for them to "recapture their former glory" was wrong, as "You are as glorious today, right now, as you ever were."

The ultimate offering. Confronted by Aunt Elle's persistent question—"What do I really have to offer you?"—Ben finally found the answer: "Nothing. There's nothing we have that you need—not really." He concluded by offering them "you," empowering them to make their own decision, demonstrating a profound shift from self-interest to genuine respect for their autonomy and inherent value.

8. Give Away Your Power to Lead Effectively

The best way to increase your influence is to give it away.

The LEAD to DEAL transformation. Aunt Elle illustrates how leaders can get it backward, confusing themselves with the hopes they contain. She shows how "LEAD" can become "DEAL" when leaders start thinking "it's all about you, that you're the deal." This self-centeredness erodes their capacity to positively influence others.

Stewards of dreams. Leaders become "the container of others' hopes," the "trustee of their intangibles." They hold people up, believing in them when they can't believe in themselves, much like a well-crafted chair provides support. However, they must remember they are only the "steward of those dreams," not the dreams themselves.

Empowerment through release. Allen and Augustine's realization, sparked by Ben's speech, was that they were "holding on too desperately" and had forgotten the central word in their slogan: "you." They understood that "it's not about us... it's about the people we hold up. This isn't our business, ultimately—it's their business." By giving away control and trusting their people, they enabled the unanimous vote for the merger, and Ben was offered the First Chair, symbolizing his new role as their leader.

Last updated: February 13, 2026