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I Liked My Life

I Liked My Life

by Abby Fabiaschi 2017 272 pages
4.15
15k+ ratings
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Plot Summary

Ghostly Recruitment Begins

Madeline's afterlife mission for family

Madeline, recently deceased, watches her family from a liminal afterlife, determined to find a new wife for her husband, Brady, and a nurturing presence for her daughter, Eve. She observes the world with a mix of longing and regret, unable to intervene directly but desperate to ensure her family's happiness. Madeline's narration is laced with wit and self-awareness as she scrutinizes potential candidates, especially Rory, a teacher whose calm and warmth seem promising. The afterlife is not what she expected—no answers, no peace, just the ache of watching loved ones struggle. Madeline's reflections reveal her own insecurities and the complexities of her marriage, setting the stage for a story about grief, guilt, and the hope for redemption, even after death.

Motherless on Mother's Day

Eve's isolation and anger intensify

Eve faces her first Mother's Day without Madeline, feeling alienated and exposed. The world tiptoes around her, erasing the holiday to avoid her pain, but the absence only sharpens her grief. Her father, Brady, is emotionally unavailable, lost in his own sorrow and unable to comfort her. Eve's friends and their mothers, especially the overbearing Mrs. Anderson, offer only awkwardness or shallow concern. The tennis match she plays becomes an outlet for her rage, but victory brings no relief. Eve's internal monologue is raw and biting, revealing her struggle to process her mother's suicide and her growing resentment toward her father and peers. The chapter captures the loneliness of grief and the difficulty of finding support when everyone else's life seems untouched.

Grief's Unspoken Language

Brady and Eve's silent suffering

Brady, reeling from Madeline's death, is haunted by her laughter and the memories of their life together. He turns to her journal, searching for answers, but finds only more questions and reminders of his own shortcomings. The house is filled with unspoken tension; Brady and Eve avoid each other, unable to bridge the gap left by Madeline. Both are trapped in cycles of guilt and blame—Brady for not seeing Madeline's pain, Eve for every perceived slight or missed opportunity to show love. Their attempts at communication are fraught with misunderstanding, and the rituals of daily life—meals, chores, holidays—become battlegrounds for their unresolved emotions. The chapter explores how grief can isolate even those who need each other most.

Journals and Unfinished Conversations

Seeking answers in Madeline's words

Madeline's journal becomes a focal point for both Brady and Eve, offering glimpses into her inner life but also deepening the mystery of her death. Brady reads entries that reveal Madeline's frustrations, her love for her family, and her struggles with her own mother's legacy. Eve, desperate for connection, sneaks the journal, hoping to find reassurance or understanding. The act of reading becomes both a comfort and a source of conflict, as boundaries are crossed and secrets are exposed. Through the journal, the family confronts the limitations of memory and the impossibility of truly knowing another person. The chapter underscores the importance of communication and the pain of words left unsaid.

The Search for Meaning

Guilt, regret, and the need for closure

Both Brady and Eve are consumed by the need to make sense of Madeline's death. Brady fixates on the possibility of hidden causes—depression, family history, unspoken resentments—while Eve blames herself for not being enough. Their grief is compounded by the reactions of others: neighbors, friends, and relatives who offer platitudes or judgment. The search for meaning becomes a way to avoid the rawness of loss, but it also leads to moments of insight and vulnerability. Therapy, community service, and new routines offer small steps toward healing, but the central question—why did Madeline die?—remains unanswered, haunting every interaction.

Family Fractures and Forgiveness

Confronting anger and rebuilding trust

The family's pain erupts in arguments and misunderstandings, particularly between Brady and Eve. Their tempers flare over small slights and deeper wounds, exposing the fragility of their relationship. Yet, moments of tenderness and shared memory begin to break through the anger. Brady's attempts to parent alone are clumsy but sincere, and Eve's rebelliousness masks a longing for connection. Outside influences—Paige, Rory, and therapy—help them see each other with new eyes. Forgiveness becomes possible, not as a single act but as a gradual process of letting go and reaching out. The chapter highlights the difficulty and necessity of rebuilding trust after trauma.

New Bonds, Old Wounds

Rory's entrance and the reshaping of family

Rory, the chosen tutor and potential new partner, becomes a stabilizing force for both Brady and Eve. Her own history of loss and resilience allows her to connect with them in ways others cannot. Through shared experiences—math lessons, meals, and honest conversations—Rory helps the family confront their grief and begin to imagine a future. Her presence also stirs old wounds, as Madeline's spirit both encourages and resists the changes unfolding. The blending of past and present, memory and hope, creates a new dynamic in the household. The chapter explores how new relationships can honor the past while offering the possibility of healing.

The Power of Perspective

Learning from pain and finding purpose

As the summer progresses, Eve's experiences at Camp Ray and her interactions with Rory and other mentors broaden her perspective. She discovers the value of helping others and the importance of self-reflection. Madeline's journal entries, advice from Aunt Meg, and the challenges of community service all contribute to Eve's growing maturity. Brady, too, begins to see his own life differently, recognizing the patterns that led to distance and regret. The family learns that pain can be a teacher, and that perspective—seeing beyond one's own suffering—is essential for growth. The chapter emphasizes resilience and the transformative power of compassion.

Camp Ray and Compassion

Eve's transformation through service

Assigned to community service at a camp for special-needs children, Eve initially resists but soon finds meaning in the work. The challenges of caring for others force her out of her self-absorption and help her reconnect with her mother's values. Relationships with campers, especially Kathleen, teach Eve about empathy, patience, and the importance of small acts of kindness. The experience becomes a turning point, allowing her to process her grief in a constructive way. The chapter illustrates how giving to others can be a path to healing and self-discovery.

The Dinner Table Test

Testing new dynamics and facing the past

A pivotal dinner with Rory, Brady, and Eve serves as a microcosm of the family's evolving relationships. Old habits and resentments surface, but so do moments of honesty and connection. The dinner table becomes a place where roles are renegotiated and boundaries tested. Rory's presence challenges both Brady and Eve to confront their assumptions and adapt to change. The conversation ranges from lighthearted banter to deep confessions, revealing the complexities of moving forward while honoring the past. The chapter captures the tension and possibility inherent in blending old and new.

Paris: A New Beginning

Father and daughter redefine their bond

A trip to Paris marks a turning point for Brady and Eve, offering them a chance to create new memories and step out of the shadow of loss. The city's beauty and novelty provide a backdrop for reflection, adventure, and vulnerability. Eve experiences freedom and self-discovery, while Brady confronts his fears about letting go and starting over. Their shared experiences—meals, sightseeing, and honest conversations—help them see each other as individuals, not just as survivors of tragedy. The trip becomes a symbol of hope and the possibility of joy after grief.

The Truth About the Fall

Revelation and the rewriting of history

The long-held belief that Madeline's death was a suicide is shattered when Kara confesses the truth: Madeline died trying to save her. The revelation brings relief, anger, and a new wave of grief. Brady and Eve must process the implications—not only for their understanding of Madeline, but for their own healing. The truth complicates the narrative of blame and forgiveness, forcing them to confront the randomness of tragedy and the limits of control. The chapter explores how new information can reshape the meaning of loss and the path to acceptance.

Letting Go, Moving Forward

Acceptance, legacy, and the ascent of love

As Madeline's spirit prepares to move on, she reflects on the lessons learned and the legacy she leaves behind. The family, now equipped with perspective and support, begins to embrace the future. Forgiveness—of self and others—becomes possible, and the bonds between Brady, Eve, and Rory deepen. Madeline's final messages, both spiritual and practical, guide her loved ones toward healing. The chapter is suffused with a sense of peace and the recognition that love endures beyond death.

Ten Years Later: Healing

A decade of growth and new beginnings

The epilogue fast-forwards ten years, showing the lasting impact of Madeline's life and death. Eve has grown into a compassionate, resilient adult, forging her own path while honoring her mother's memory. Brady has found companionship and purpose, and Rory remains a cherished part of the family. The wounds of the past have not disappeared, but they have been integrated into a larger story of love, loss, and renewal. The family's journey illustrates the enduring power of connection and the possibility of happiness after heartbreak.

Analysis

A modern meditation on grief, resilience, and the complexity of love

I Liked My Life is a deeply empathetic exploration of what it means to lose, to mourn, and to rebuild. Through its innovative use of ghostly narration and multiple perspectives, the novel dismantles the myth of closure, showing instead that healing is nonlinear and often incomplete. The story challenges readers to question easy narratives about suicide, blame, and family, insisting on the messiness of real emotion and the necessity of forgiveness—not just of others, but of oneself. The characters' journeys are marked by setbacks and breakthroughs, illustrating that growth often comes from the willingness to confront discomfort and uncertainty. The novel's ultimate message is one of hope: that even in the aftermath of unimaginable loss, it is possible to find meaning, connection, and joy. By honoring the past while embracing the future, the Starlings—and those who join them—demonstrate the enduring power of love to transform and transcend.

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Review Summary

4.15 out of 5
Average of 15k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

I Liked My Life receives overwhelmingly positive reviews, averaging 4.15 out of 5 stars. Readers praise Fabiaschi's debut novel for its emotionally resonant storytelling, complex characters, and skillful balance of humor and heartbreak. The multi-perspective narrative—told through Maddy, her husband Brady, and teenage daughter Eve—is widely celebrated. Reviewers highlight the authentic portrayal of grief following Maddy's suicide, her witty ghostly presence, and the touching father-daughter relationship. Many recommend it for book clubs, comparing it favorably to authors like Jodi Picoult and Alice Sebold.

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Characters

Madeline Starling

Devoted mother, posthumous narrator, restless spirit

Madeline is the heart of the story, a woman whose life was defined by her roles as wife and mother. In death, she becomes a watchful, witty, and sometimes meddling ghost, desperate to ensure her family's happiness. Her psychoanalysis reveals deep insecurities, a fear of repeating her own mother's mistakes, and a longing for appreciation. Madeline's relationship with Brady was loving but fraught with unspoken resentments and unmet needs. With Eve, she was nurturing but sometimes overbearing, striving to be everything her own mother was not. In the afterlife, Madeline's journey is one of acceptance—of her limitations, her legacy, and the necessity of letting go. Her presence lingers as both comfort and challenge, guiding her family toward healing.

Eve Starling

Grieving daughter, sharp-tongued survivor, seeker of meaning

Eve is a teenager thrust into adulthood by her mother's sudden death. Her initial response is anger, sarcasm, and withdrawal, but beneath the surface lies profound vulnerability and a desperate need for connection. Eve's psychoanalysis reveals a fear of abandonment, a tendency to internalize blame, and a struggle to reconcile her mother's idealized image with the reality of loss. Her relationship with Brady is contentious but ultimately redemptive, as both learn to communicate and forgive. Through therapy, community service, and new friendships, Eve matures into a compassionate, self-aware young woman, capable of honoring her mother's memory without being defined by tragedy.

Brady Starling

Grieving husband, emotionally stunted father, reluctant healer

Brady is a man undone by loss, struggling to parent alone and make sense of his wife's death. His coping mechanisms—work, alcohol, avoidance—are challenged by the demands of single fatherhood and the revelations in Madeline's journal. Brady's psychoanalysis exposes his fear of vulnerability, his reliance on routine, and his difficulty expressing emotion. His relationship with Eve is fraught with misunderstanding, but over time he learns to listen, apologize, and adapt. Brady's journey is one of humility and growth, as he confronts his own failings and opens himself to new possibilities, including love and forgiveness.

Rory Murray

Gentle guide, wounded healer, catalyst for change

Rory enters the story as a potential tutor and surrogate mother, but her own history of loss and resilience makes her uniquely suited to help the Starlings. Her calm, nurturing presence provides stability for Eve and a challenge for Brady. Rory's psychoanalysis reveals a deep well of empathy, shaped by personal tragedy and a commitment to service. Her relationships are marked by honesty and boundaries, allowing her to support others without losing herself. Rory's development is intertwined with her ability to forgive herself and embrace new beginnings, ultimately becoming a beloved member of the family.

Paige

Practical friend, maternal stand-in, voice of reason

Paige is Madeline's closest friend and a steadying influence for both Eve and Brady. Her directness and humor cut through the fog of grief, offering practical support and tough love. Paige's psychoanalysis reveals a strong sense of loyalty, a no-nonsense approach to problems, and a willingness to step in where needed. She serves as a bridge between the past and present, helping the family honor Madeline's memory while moving forward.

Kara Anderson

Troubled peer, accidental catalyst, bearer of truth

Kara is a classmate of Eve's whose own family dysfunction and reckless behavior intersect tragically with Madeline's death. Her psychoanalysis reveals deep insecurity, a craving for attention, and a tendency to self-destruct. Kara's eventual confession about the circumstances of Madeline's fall forces the family to reevaluate their grief and the narratives they've constructed. Her role is both antagonist and victim, illustrating the ripple effects of pain and the possibility of redemption through honesty.

Meghan (Aunt Meg)

Supportive sister, guilt-ridden survivor, keeper of wisdom

Meg is Madeline's younger sister, grappling with her own grief and the burden of not seeing the signs of Madeline's distress. Her psychoanalysis reveals a competitive streak, a need for control, and a deep love for her family. Meg's relationship with Eve is complicated by distance and the impossibility of replacing Madeline, but her efforts to share wisdom and maintain connection are sincere. Over time, Meg learns to accept her limitations and focus on the legacy of love and advice Madeline left behind.

Pamela

New partner, symbol of renewal, pragmatic companion

Pamela enters Brady's life as a fellow marathon runner and eventual romantic interest. Her straightforwardness and resilience provide a counterpoint to Brady's emotional reticence. Pamela's psychoanalysis reveals a history of disappointment, a refusal to settle, and a capacity for compassion. Her relationship with Brady is built on mutual respect and the understanding that happiness after loss is possible, though never simple.

Brian Murray

Rory's brother, late bloomer, lesson in change

Brian is initially portrayed as self-absorbed and unreliable, but over time he grows into a more responsible and empathetic figure. His psychoanalysis reveals the impact of family dynamics, the struggle to prioritize relationships, and the potential for transformation. Brian's eventual partnership with Eve underscores the theme of unexpected connections and the healing power of love.

Greta

Hospice nurse, embodiment of service, truth-teller

Greta is a secondary character whose care for Rory's mother and confrontation with Brian highlight the importance of showing up and speaking truth. Her psychoanalysis reveals a commitment to compassion, a willingness to challenge others, and a belief in the value of presence over blood ties. Greta's role is small but significant, reinforcing the story's emphasis on chosen family and the impact of everyday kindness.

Plot Devices

Multiple Perspectives and Ghostly Narration

Interwoven voices reveal hidden truths and emotional depth

The novel employs a rotating first-person narrative, alternating between Madeline (from the afterlife), Eve, and Brady. Madeline's ghostly perspective allows for both omniscience and limitation—she can observe but not intervene, offering commentary that is both poignant and humorous. This device creates dramatic irony, as readers are privy to Madeline's intentions and regrets while watching her family struggle in ignorance. The shifting viewpoints deepen the emotional resonance, allowing readers to experience grief, guilt, and healing from multiple angles. The use of journals, therapy sessions, and letters further enriches the narrative, providing windows into the characters' inner lives and the complexities of memory and communication.

Foreshadowing and Revelation

Hints and delayed truths drive suspense and transformation

The novel is structured around the mystery of Madeline's death—was it suicide, accident, or something else? Early chapters plant seeds of doubt and ambiguity, with characters questioning motives, recalling family history, and searching for meaning in Madeline's journal. The eventual revelation that Madeline died trying to save Kara reframes the entire narrative, forcing characters and readers alike to reconsider assumptions about blame, forgiveness, and the nature of tragedy. This delayed disclosure heightens emotional impact and underscores the theme that truth is often more complicated than it appears.

Symbolism and Thematic Motifs

Objects and rituals embody loss, love, and renewal

The novel is rich with symbolic elements: Madeline's journal represents the search for understanding; the dinner table and family meals symbolize connection and its absence; the oak tree planted by Eve stands for growth and endurance. Rituals—birthdays, holidays, vacations—become battlegrounds for grief and opportunities for healing. The recurring motif of "practice love, compassion, and forgiveness" serves as both mantra and challenge, guiding characters through their darkest moments. The use of books, music, and shared memories reinforces the idea that meaning is constructed through everyday acts and relationships.

Therapy and Self-Reflection

Introspection as a path to healing and narrative progression

Therapy sessions, both formal and informal, provide a framework for characters to process their emotions and confront their flaws. These moments of self-reflection are not always comfortable or successful, but they drive character development and plot advancement. The act of writing—journals, poems, lists of advice—serves as both catharsis and communication, bridging gaps between past and present, self and other. The novel suggests that healing is an ongoing process, requiring honesty, vulnerability, and the willingness to learn from pain.

About the Author

Abby Fabiaschi is a dedicated human rights advocate and co-founder of Empower Her Network, a nonprofit supporting survivors of human trafficking on their path to independence. In 2012, she made a significant career shift, leaving her executive role in the high-tech industry to pursue writing full-time. Notably, she donates 20% of her profits to charities that uplift women and children worldwide. I Liked My Life is her debut novel. Fabiaschi balances her professional and philanthropic endeavors while dividing her time between West Hartford, Connecticut, and Park City, Utah. More about her work can be found at abbyfabiaschi.com and empowerhernetwork.org.

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