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Here Be Sexist Vampires

Here Be Sexist Vampires

by Suzanne Wright 2012 279 pages
4.04
26.9K ratings
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Plot Summary

Intruder in the Flat

Sam's mundane night is upended

Sam Parker, a Sventé vampire, senses an intruder in her London flat. The visitor is Sebastian, a powerful Keja vampire, who offers her a chance to try out for the Grand High Master's elite legion. Sam, trapped in servitude to her cruel Sire Victor, is skeptical—especially since Sventés are considered the weakest and least respected of the three vampire breeds. But Sebastian dangles the promise of freedom from Victor if she joins the legion. The offer is both tempting and terrifying, stirring up Sam's longing for autonomy and her fear of trading one master for another. The encounter sets her on a path that will challenge her self-worth and upend the vampire world's prejudices.

The Tryout Gauntlet

Sam faces prejudice and tests

Teleported to the Grand High Master's Caribbean estate, Sam is thrust into a tryout with other vampire hopefuls—almost all male, all from "superior" breeds. She's the only Sventé and the only woman, instantly dismissed by Commander Jared Michaels, the legion's sexist leader. The tryouts are brutal: resisting bloodlust, navigating a deadly forest, and dueling with gifts. Sam's agility, control, and rare Feeder power (absorbing and manipulating energy) set her apart. Despite outperforming many, she's snubbed by Jared, who refuses to select her for the squad. The sting of rejection is personal, not just professional, and Sam's anger and pride are ignited.

Sexist Commander, Reluctant Recruit

Sam and Jared's antagonism ignites

Sam's duel with Jared is electric—literally and figuratively. She bests him using his own power, but he refuses to acknowledge her worth, blinded by his biases. The Grand High Master, Antonio, sees her potential and offers her a unique role: co-commander, equal to Jared, to train the squad in controlling their gifts. Sam is wary, but the promise of freedom and respect is too great to ignore. Jared, humiliated and threatened, is forced to accept her as a partner. Their dynamic is fraught with tension, mutual attraction, and a battle of wills that will define their journey.

The Grand High Master's Offer

Antonio's vision for Sam's future

Antonio, a powerful and enigmatic leader, recognizes Sam's rare abilities and resilience. He offers her not just a place in the legion, but a chance to shape its future. Sam is given autonomy, respect, and a luxurious new life in The Hollow, Antonio's hidden vampire enclave. She's introduced to a cast of allies and rivals, including the flamboyant Fletcher, her assistant, and a squad of misfit recruits. The promise of purpose and belonging is intoxicating, but Sam's scars from Victor and the legion's entrenched sexism make trust difficult. Antonio's faith in her is a lifeline, but also a challenge to rise above her past.

Arrival at The Hollow

Sam's new world and responsibilities

The Hollow is a self-contained vampire utopia, blending opulence with strict hierarchy. Sam is awed by her new home and the freedom it represents. She's tasked with training a squad of powerful but undisciplined recruits, each with unique gifts and baggage. The squad's initial resistance is fueled by Jared's undermining and their own prejudices. Sam's approach is tough, unorthodox, and deeply personal—she exposes their weaknesses and forces them to confront their pasts. Her success in breaking through to them is hard-won, and she begins to earn their respect. Meanwhile, her antagonistic partnership with Jared simmers with unresolved attraction and rivalry.

Clash of Wills

Sam and Jared's power struggle escalates

The professional tension between Sam and Jared spills into personal conflict. Jared sabotages her authority, leading to a physical and magical showdown that ends in a passionate, boundary-blurring kiss. Both are left shaken by the intensity of their connection and the vulnerability it exposes. Sam is determined not to become another of Jared's consorts, haunted by her past with Victor. Jared, used to getting what he wants, is frustrated by her resistance and his own growing obsession. Their relationship becomes a battleground for pride, desire, and the need for respect.

Training the Misfit Squad

Sam transforms her squad and herself

Sam's relentless coaching pays off as her squad begins to master their gifts and work as a team. She uses tough love, psychological insight, and her own example to push them beyond their limits. The squad's loyalty to her grows, and they start to see her as more than just a "girl" or a Sventé. Sam's confidence blossoms, but her personal life remains turbulent. Max, a charming recruit, pursues her, while Jared's jealousy and possessiveness intensify. The squad's progress is tested in a high-stakes sparring match, proving Sam's methods and earning her a place as a true leader.

Sire's Shadow and Freedom

Sam confronts her past and claims her future

Victor, Sam's sadistic Sire, arrives to reclaim her, using his power to manipulate her emotions and will. With Jared's support and Antonio's authority, Sam finally breaks free, killing Victor in a moment of self-defense and liberation. The act is physically and emotionally excruciating, severing the last tie to her old life. Jared cares for her through the aftermath, and their bond deepens. Sam's victory is bittersweet, haunted by guilt and relief. She emerges stronger, but the trauma lingers, shaping her choices and relationships.

The Bet and the Kiss

A wager turns into foreplay

Sam and Jared's rivalry crystallizes in a bet: if she can improve the squad's control in five days, he'll apologize publicly; if not, he gets to "taste" her. The bet becomes a game of seduction, with both pushing boundaries and testing limits. Their banter is laced with sexual tension, and their mutual respect grows despite themselves. When Sam wins, Jared's grudging admiration is clear, but so is his desire. Their relationship teeters between antagonism and intimacy, each afraid to admit how much is at stake.

Consorts, Jealousies, and Rivalries

Love triangles and shifting loyalties

The arrival of Jared's consorts and Sam's growing closeness with Max fuel jealousy and insecurity. Joy, Jared's possessive consort, schemes to undermine Sam, while Max's pursuit becomes more earnest. Sam is torn between her attraction to Jared and her fear of repeating the past. Jared, for the first time, finds himself wanting more than casual sex, but is unsure how to bridge the gap. Their interactions are a dance of push and pull, with pride and vulnerability in constant tension. The squad, now loyal to Sam, becomes a surrogate family, complicating her feelings of belonging and responsibility.

The Gathering and the Claim

Political intrigue and public declaration

At a prestigious gathering of vampire High Masters, Sam is thrust into the spotlight as Jared's consort. The event is a minefield of politics, prejudice, and hidden agendas. Bennington, a rival High Master, tries to lure Sam away, seeing her as a valuable weapon. Jared, in a moment of crisis, publicly claims Sam as his own—not just a consort, but his chosen. The declaration is both protective and possessive, changing the dynamics of their relationship and the perception of Sam in the vampire world. The gathering ends with blood, betrayal, and a deepening of the bond between Sam and Jared.

Betrayal, Merging, and New Power

Sam's new gift and Joy's deception

Joy, desperate and jealous, impersonates Sam to sabotage her relationship with Jared and Max. In the confrontation, Sam's new gift—Merging—manifests, allowing her to fuse with Joy and access her thoughts and powers. The experience is overwhelming, intoxicating, and dangerous. Antonio, Luther, and Sebastian warn Sam of the risks, but also recognize her as a unique and powerful asset. The revelation of her new abilities shifts the balance of power and sets the stage for the coming battle. Sam and Jared's relationship is tested by trust, fear, and the weight of their feelings.

The Battle for The Hollow

War comes to paradise

Bennington's army attacks The Hollow, aided by powerful allies and deadly gifts. Sam and Jared, now united as co-leaders, deploy their squad in a complex, multi-layered defense. The battle is chaotic, brutal, and costly. Sam's leadership and the squad's training are put to the ultimate test. The tide turns when Sam, using her Merging gift, fuses with Jared, combining their powers to unleash a devastating storm that decimates the enemy. The victory is hard-won, with losses and scars that will linger. The battle cements Sam's place as a leader and a legend.

Storm Unleashed

Sam's power and vulnerability collide

The aftermath of the battle leaves Sam unconscious, drained by the overwhelming power of the Merge. Jared, terrified of losing her, cares for her and admits—through thought and action—how much she means to him. The squad and the Hollow's leaders rally around her, recognizing her as the hero of the night. Sam's recovery is slow, marked by moments of doubt and revelation. The experience forces her to confront her feelings for Jared and the reality of her own strength and limits.

Aftermath and Admission

Truths revealed and wounds healed

In the quiet after the storm, Sam and Jared finally admit their love for each other, their bond forged in fire and battle. The squad, now fiercely loyal, celebrates their victory and mourns their losses. Old rivalries are set aside, and new alliances are formed. Sam's journey from outcast to leader is complete, but she remains wary of the future. The promise of the Binding Ceremony—a vampire marriage—looms, symbolizing both commitment and vulnerability. Sam and Jared's relationship, once defined by conflict, is now a partnership of equals.

Binding and New Beginnings

A new chapter for Sam and Jared

With the threat to The Hollow vanquished, Sam and Jared look to the future. Their love, hard-won and tested, is sealed by the promise of the Binding Ceremony. The squad, once misfits, are now heroes. Sam, once a victim, is now a legend. The Hollow is safe, but the world remains dangerous and unpredictable. Sam's journey is far from over, but she faces it with strength, love, and the knowledge that she is no longer alone. The story ends with hope, humor, and the promise of more adventures to come.

Characters

Sam Parker

Resilient, defiant, and transformative

Sam is a Sventé vampire with a rare Feeder gift, able to absorb and manipulate energy. Scarred by years of abuse under her Sire Victor, she is fiercely independent, sarcastic, and slow to trust. Her journey is one of self-discovery and reclamation of power—she goes from outcast and victim to respected leader and legend. Sam's psychological complexity is rooted in trauma, pride, and a deep longing for autonomy and belonging. Her relationship with Jared is both a battleground and a sanctuary, forcing her to confront vulnerability and love. Sam's development is marked by her refusal to be defined by others' prejudices, her willingness to fight for respect, and her ultimate acceptance of her own worth and capacity for love.

Jared Michaels

Arrogant, wounded, and evolving

Jared is a Pagori vampire, the Heir to the Grand High Master, and commander of the legion. He is powerful, charismatic, and deeply sexist—at least at first. Used to getting his way and collecting consorts, Jared is blindsided by his attraction to Sam, which challenges his worldview and exposes his insecurities. His journey is one of humility, growth, and the struggle to reconcile pride with vulnerability. Jared's psychological arc is defined by his need for control, fear of emotional pain, and eventual realization that love is not weakness. His relationship with Sam transforms him, forcing him to confront his own flaws and become a true partner and leader.

Antonio (Grand High Master)

Visionary, enigmatic, and just

Antonio is the ultimate authority in the vampire world, ruling The Hollow with wisdom and fairness. He recognizes Sam's potential and offers her respect and autonomy, setting her on the path to leadership. Antonio's psychological depth lies in his ability to see beyond tradition and prejudice, valuing merit over bloodline. He is a mentor and father figure, guiding Sam and Jared through their personal and professional challenges. His calm, strategic mind is balanced by genuine care for his people.

Victor

Sadistic, manipulative, and doomed

Victor is Sam's Sire and tormentor, embodying the worst of vampire cruelty and possessiveness. He uses his power to control and abuse, leaving deep psychological scars on Sam. Victor's role is that of the abuser whose shadow looms over Sam's journey, representing the internal and external obstacles she must overcome. His death is both a liberation and a trauma, forcing Sam to confront her past and claim her future.

Fletcher

Loyal, witty, and empathetic

Fletcher is Sam's assistant and confidant, a Keja vampire with a flair for fashion and a gift for empathy. He provides comic relief, emotional support, and practical help, grounding Sam in her new life. Fletcher's psychological insight and loyalty make him an indispensable ally, helping Sam navigate the complexities of The Hollow and her own emotions.

Max

Charming, persistent, and wounded

Max is a recruit in Sam's squad, known for his cheeky humor and relentless pursuit of Sam. He represents the allure of an easier, less complicated relationship, but also the dangers of jealousy and entitlement. Max's psychological arc is one of learning to accept rejection and respect boundaries, ultimately becoming a loyal friend and team member.

Joy

Jealous, desperate, and tragic

Joy is one of Jared's consorts, driven by insecurity and possessiveness. Her attempts to sabotage Sam and reclaim Jared's attention are rooted in fear of abandonment and a lack of self-worth. Joy's psychological unraveling culminates in her impersonation of Sam, a desperate bid for relevance that backfires. She serves as a cautionary figure, illustrating the dangers of defining oneself through others.

Evan Michaels

Supportive, grounded, and searching

Evan is Jared's twin brother, a commander in his own right, and a foil to Jared's arrogance. He is empathetic, self-aware, and content with a quieter life. Evan's psychological journey is marked by his search for love and belonging, his loyalty to family, and his ability to see and support Sam's worth. His vision of a future love adds a note of hope and continuity.

Sebastian

Observant, diplomatic, and steadfast

Sebastian is Antonio's right hand, a Keja vampire who first recruits Sam. He is calm, principled, and values merit over tradition. Sebastian's psychological role is that of the facilitator, smoothing conflicts and advocating for fairness. He is a stabilizing presence in the often chaotic world of The Hollow.

Luther

Wise, mystical, and prophetic

Luther is Antonio's advisor, gifted with precognition. He provides guidance, warnings, and a sense of destiny, helping Sam and the others navigate the uncertainties of the future. Luther's psychological depth lies in his acceptance of fate and his gentle encouragement of others to face their own paths.

Plot Devices

Dual Protagonist Perspective

Alternating viewpoints deepen emotional stakes

The novel alternates between Sam and Jared's perspectives, allowing readers to experience both the external conflicts and the internal psychological battles. This structure heightens tension, reveals misunderstandings, and builds empathy for both characters. The dual perspective is crucial for exploring themes of power, vulnerability, and transformation.

Prejudice and Power Dynamics

Systemic bias as both obstacle and catalyst

The entrenched sexism and breed hierarchy in vampire society serve as both a source of conflict and a crucible for growth. Sam's journey is defined by her struggle against these biases, while Jared's arc is about unlearning them. The plot uses institutional prejudice to explore themes of self-worth, respect, and the need for systemic change.

Magical Gifts as Metaphor

Supernatural abilities mirror psychological states

The unique gifts of each vampire—especially Sam's Feeder and Merging powers—are metaphors for trauma, control, and integration. Sam's ability to absorb and channel energy reflects her journey from victim to agent of change. The Merging gift, in particular, symbolizes the risks and rewards of intimacy, trust, and shared power.

The Bet and Rivalry

Competition as foreplay and transformation

The wager between Sam and Jared is both a plot engine and a metaphor for their relationship. It drives the narrative, escalates sexual tension, and forces both characters to confront their own limitations and desires. The rivalry is a crucible for growth, turning antagonism into partnership.

Foreshadowing and Prophecy

Visions and warnings shape choices

Luther's precognition and the recurring theme of visions create a sense of destiny and inevitability. Foreshadowing is used to build suspense, hint at future conflicts, and challenge characters to rise to their potential. The visions also serve as a reminder that the personal and the political are intertwined.

Political Intrigue and Public Declarations

Power plays and public claims raise stakes

The gathering of High Masters and the public claiming of Sam by Jared are pivotal moments that shift the balance of power. These plot devices force private relationships into the public sphere, raising the stakes and forcing characters to define themselves in the eyes of others.

Battle as Climax and Transformation

War as a test of character and unity

The attack on The Hollow is both a literal and metaphorical climax, testing the squad's training, Sam and Jared's partnership, and the community's resilience. The battle is a crucible that forges new identities, cements relationships, and redefines what it means to belong.

Analysis

Here Be Sexist Vampires is a subversive, high-energy urban fantasy that uses the conventions of vampire fiction to interrogate power, prejudice, and personal transformation. At its core, the novel is a story of reclamation—of agency, respect, and love—set against a backdrop of supernatural politics and social hierarchy. Suzanne Wright crafts a heroine who is both vulnerable and formidable, challenging the notion that strength and softness are mutually exclusive. The antagonistic romance between Sam and Jared is a masterclass in slow-burn tension, using rivalry and banter as both shield and invitation. The novel's treatment of sexism and breedism is both satirical and sincere, exposing the absurdity of arbitrary hierarchies while celebrating the messy, nonlinear process of change. The supernatural gifts serve as metaphors for trauma, healing, and the risks of intimacy, while the battle for The Hollow literalizes the fight for a more just and inclusive world. Ultimately, the book argues that true power lies not in domination, but in partnership, vulnerability, and the courage to claim one's place—on one's own terms.

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Review Summary

4.04 out of 5
Average of 26.9K ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Here Be Sexist Vampires receives overwhelmingly positive reviews (4.04/5 rating) for its unique take on vampire mythology featuring three distinct breeds with special powers. Readers praise protagonist Sam Parker as a strong, sassy, kickass heroine who refuses to take disrespect from anyone. The chemistry and banter between Sam and Commander Jared Michaels is frequently highlighted as explosive and entertaining. Reviewers appreciate the British humor and witty dialogue. Common complaints include excessive use of the word "giggling" and some found Jared's sexism off-putting initially, though most enjoyed watching Sam put him in his place.

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About the Author

Suzanne Wright is a British author who lives in England with her husband, two children, and Bengal cats. She is known for her paranormal romance novels featuring strong, feisty female protagonists and alpha male characters. Wright has written multiple successful series, including the Phoenix Pack series and the Deep In Your Veins series, of which Here Be Sexist Vampires is the first installment. Readers consistently praise her ability to create entertaining, humorous narratives with excellent character development and witty dialogue. Her British background influences her writing style, particularly through the incorporation of British humor and Cockney slang that resonates throughout her work.

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