He Said, She Said

1. Early Signs of a Different Path

I don’t think she looked at it as a gender thing. I’m sure the word transgender was not in her vocabulary.

Childhood inclinations. From a very young age, Gigi (born Gregory) felt different from his brothers. At two or three, he asked to be called Kim, and later enjoyed activities typically associated with girls, like painting nails, playing with Barbies, and being obsessed with Disney princesses like Ariel. His mother supported these interests, buying him "girly" toys, though she didn't seem to understand it was about gender, not just sexuality.

Diving into difference. Gregory found a passion in diving, a sport dominated by girls, which felt like "gymnastics in the water" and resonated with his love for Ariel. However, a coach made him feel inadequate for not behaving "like a man," confirming his sense of being different from his assigned gender. This early experience highlighted the societal pressure to conform and the internal conflict it created.

Family support. Despite not fully understanding, Gigi's family, especially his mother, supported his interests and passions, like his obsession with The Little Mermaid and his desire for a gymnastics party. This early acceptance, even if incomplete, provided a foundation of love and care that was crucial later in his journey, showing support is possible even without full comprehension.

2. Coping with Insecurity and Finding Outlets

Instead of letting people pick on me, I kind of turned the tables.

Bullying and defense. Facing relentless bullying for being perceived as gay or different, Gigi developed a defense mechanism, sometimes becoming a "mean girl" himself alongside his best friend Marc. This alliance was a conscious effort for self-preservation in a cruel high school environment, serving "justice" to those who targeted them, though he later acknowledges the harm caused.

Acne and makeup. Severe acne, exacerbated by chlorine from diving and puberty, became a major source of insecurity. Bullies pointed out his skin problems, leading him to seek ways to cover up the redness and breakouts. Makeup became his "security blanket," initially acquired secretly through his girlfriend Magda or by stealing, allowing him to feel better about his appearance.

Finding confidence. Overcoming acne with Accutane and experimenting with makeup significantly boosted his confidence. This physical transformation coincided with his journey toward understanding his sexuality and later, his gender identity. Addressing external insecurities allowed him to focus on internal self-discovery and move closer to becoming the person he wanted to be.

3. Addiction as an Escape and the Thrill of Stealing

Stealing was a rush to me, more about the feeling than the thing I was stealing.

Secret acquisition. Embarrassed to buy makeup openly, Gigi initially relied on his girlfriend Magda to purchase products for him. This quickly escalated to stealing from drugstores and even his mother's collection to build his desired makeup arsenal. The act of stealing became an addiction, a thrill that overshadowed the need for the items themselves.

A strange hobby. Stealing became a daily ritual, an "insane promise" to himself, involving everything from hair products to expensive luxury makeup. He hid his growing collection from his mother, who eventually realized something was amiss. This addiction provided an outlet for his anger and confusion about his identity, diverting energy from self-reflection.

Consequences and reflection. Getting caught stealing from MAC Cosmetics was a humiliating wake-up call, resulting in a temporary ban from the mall. While initially driven by the thrill and a desire to impress friends, he later realized this behavior stemmed from hiding his true self and struggling with deeper emotions. The addiction to material things and the act of acquiring them was intertwined with his journey of self-discovery.

4. Coming Out and Finding Acceptance

I said the two hardest words I had ever had to say up until then: “I’m gay.”

The weight of secrecy. Hiding his gay identity became increasingly difficult, especially as he turned fifteen. A weekend trip with his family provided the breaking point, prompting him to confide in his online friend Zachariah, who encouraged him to tell his parents. The fear of bringing shame to his family was a major barrier.

Family reaction. Telling his parents "I'm gay" was met with tears from his mother, not of disappointment, but fear for his safety in the world. His father reacted with strength and support. Both expressed love and acceptance, confirming his mother had suspected it all along. This moment of honesty brought immense relief and a sense of freedom.

Wider acceptance. After coming out to his immediate family and brothers (who already knew), he gradually told everyone in his life. A year later, he shared his story publicly in a YouTube video. This process, though initially daunting, led to increased independence and a reduction in the anger and petulance he had previously exhibited, showing the power of living authentically.

5. Losing Mom and Navigating Grief

I remember every time she breathed, her teeth would click slowly and quietly.

Mom's illness. Gigi's mother battled breast cancer, which she initially beat, showing immense strength. However, it returned as aggressive leukemia. Witnessing her decline was devastating, seeing her fade and become a "shell of a person" due to harsh treatments. Despite her physical deterioration, her spirit and sense of humor remained, and they spent precious time together.

The final moments. The news that his mother had only two months to live felt unreal. When the end came suddenly, Gigi, his father, and brothers rushed to the hospital. Holding her ice-cold hand, he witnessed her last breath, an experience that left him feeling numb and disconnected from the world, as if all color had drained away.

Grief and connection. Gigi initially dealt with his grief through denial and partying, a stark contrast to his brothers' emotional reactions. He struggled to process the loss, feeling his mother was still somehow present, symbolized by ladybugs appearing unexpectedly. Over time, especially after moving to L.A. and entering a relationship, he began to process his sadness, talking to his mother and crying for the first time in years, realizing she knew and accepted the woman he had become.

6. Building an Empire on YouTube

I totally feel like YouTube was my diary and my therapist.

From MySpace to YouTube. Starting on YouTube as "Gregory Gorgeous" was initially a way to experiment with identity online, inspired by makeup transformation videos. The platform became a safe space, a "diary and therapist," despite being viewed by thousands. He shared snippets of his life, makeup routines, and eventually his coming-out story, building a connection with viewers.

Accidental career. What started as a hobby unexpectedly turned into a job when YouTube introduced AdSense. Earning money from videos, initially small checks, made him realize the potential of his channel. This newfound income fueled his shopping addiction but also instilled a sense of drive and entrepreneurship, showing him how to become his own boss.

Balancing public and private. Building a public persona online came with challenges, including fans harassing his family members. He learned to set boundaries while still sharing personal aspects of his life. His early aspirations of being an actress or talk show host found a new path through YouTube, leading to opportunities like presenting at the VMAs and starring in a documentary, exceeding his wildest dreams.

7. Embracing Trans Identity and the Journey of Transition

“No, you’re not gay,” she said. “You’re trans, you fit in here. You’re a woman.”

Vague awareness. Growing up, Gigi had limited exposure to transgender people, mostly through negative portrayals on TV shows. Despite his own feminine inclinations and experimentation with makeup and clothing, he didn't initially connect these to being trans, simply seeing himself as a feminine gay boy.

A New York revelation. A trip to New York for Fashion Week exposed him to trans people living visible, glamorous lives, particularly meeting model Yasmine Petty and later, "Betty." Betty, a trans woman who had undergone facial feminization surgery, became a pivotal figure, directly telling Gigi he wasn't gay but trans and that she saw herself in him. This conversation was a "complete revelation," making him realize his true identity.

Immediate certainty. The realization that he was transgender brought immediate joy and certainty. He knew he wanted to transition and start medical steps like hormone replacement therapy right away. Despite initial nervousness about telling his family and friends, he felt unwavering in his decision, seeing it as the necessary next step toward becoming the person he was meant to be.

8. The Physical and Emotional Reality of Surgery

I thought the second I would wake up from my FFS I’d be extremely confident. It was literally the other way around.

Starting medical transition. Gigi began his medical transition with hormone replacement therapy (HRT), initially using a gel and later pills. This led to physical changes like breast tissue development and, significantly, emotional changes, allowing him to cry and feel a wider range of emotions, which felt natural and feminine.

Cosmetic procedures. Driven by a desire for a more feminine appearance, he pursued cosmetic procedures, starting with lip injections to enhance his thin lips. This was followed by a tracheal shave to reduce his Adam's Apple. The tracheal shave, done while he was awake and hungover, was a terrifying experience, highlighting the physical and psychological intensity of surgical steps.

Facial feminization surgery (FFS). The most significant surgery was FFS, involving his forehead, hairline, nose, and chin, costing $44,000. Despite his father's initial disapproval, he accompanied Gigi to Boston for the procedure. The recovery was physically painful and emotionally challenging, leaving him depressed and feeling like a "hideous creature" due to swelling and bruising, a stark contrast to his expectation of immediate confidence.

9. Navigating Relationships and Finding True Connection

I was definitely more in love with the way we looked than with the way we felt.

Early experiences. Gigi's early sexual experiences were primarily with guys, often "turning" straight or straight-acting men, which made him feel feminine. He avoided gay clubs, feeling he was different from other gay men. His college years involved reckless partying and casual hookups, often pretending to be a cisgender girl to live out a fantasy.

Seeking normalcy. After moving to L.A., he continued a pattern of casual encounters, often with straight or sexually fluid men, which boosted his confidence. However, the superficiality and lack of genuine connection left him feeling isolated. He realized he craved a serious relationship and the feeling of being in a "normal" partnership.

A toxic relationship. He entered a year-long relationship with Cory B., a seemingly ideal partner who made him feel "normal" and protected. However, Cory B. became emotionally abusive, making Gigi feel "less than a person" for being trans and isolating him from friends. Despite the toxicity, Gigi stayed, partly due to insecurity and a fear of being alone, but eventually ended it, realizing he deserved better.

10. Finding Your Chosen Family and Safe Spaces

I encourage you to look for an escape where you can express yourself… so that you can make your life and your reality bigger than it already is.

Early alliances. Facing bullying in high school, Gigi formed a strong alliance with his best friend Marc, creating a sense of belonging and mutual support, even if their methods were sometimes questionable. This early experience highlighted the importance of having someone "have your back."

College as a safe zone. Attending his older brother Adam's college provided a crucial safe space to experiment with his feminine presentation before fully transitioning. Surrounded by supportive friends of his brother and his girlfriend Tiffany, he could be a "pre-version of Gigi" without fear of judgment from his high school peers, boosting his self-confidence.

Chosen family in L.A. Moving to Los Angeles offered a fresh start where he was immediately accepted as Gigi, without the baggage of his past identity. He found a supportive community, including friends who became like family, providing emotional support through his transition and challenges. This chosen family, alongside his accepting biological family, became vital for his well-being and self-acceptance.

11. "Being Extra" as a Lifestyle and Self-Acceptance

Being extra is a lot more fun than just being regular.

Defining "extra." "Being extra" is Gigi's term for being dramatic, over-the-top, and having fun with style, personality, and situations. It's about taking things to the extreme, not taking yourself too seriously, and dressing for a moment or a photo shoot. It's a conscious choice to stand out and embrace ridiculousness.

Expression and coping. This flamboyant style became a form of self-expression and, at times, a way to cover up insecurity or social anxiety. By leaning into the theatrical, he felt in control of how he was perceived and could laugh at himself before others could. It was a mask that allowed him to perform and feel confident, especially in public settings.

Evolution and balance. While initially "extra" all the time, Gigi learned there's a time and place for it. He embraced a more casual side but still uses "extraness" for special occasions. Ultimately, he realized that true womanhood and self-acceptance come from within, not just external appearance or performance, though "being extra" remains a fun and integral part of his personality.

Last updated: June 1, 2025