Plot Summary
Bucket List Beginnings
Jesse, a plus-size woman living with the aftermath of Kawasaki disease and an ICD implant, is determined to reclaim her life after years of health scares. She creates a bucket list to push herself beyond her comfort zone, starting with a one-night stand. Her friends, especially the vivacious Kate and nurturing Melissa, encourage her, but Jesse's insecurities and desire for control over her body and experiences are palpable. The list is both a rebellion against her medical limitations and a roadmap to feeling alive. This chapter establishes Jesse's longing for agency, her complicated friendships, and the emotional stakes of her journey.
A Night Gone Awry
Jesse's attempt to cross off her first bucket-list item—hooking up with a stranger—goes sideways when her friend Kate abandons her for a bartender. Alone and disappointed, Jesse's vulnerability is exposed in a bar bathroom, where two strangers, Gina and Miranda, lift her spirits and coax her onto the dance floor. The night, meant to be about sexual liberation, becomes instead about unexpected camaraderie and self-acceptance. Jesse's internal struggle between wanting to be desired and fearing rejection is heightened, setting the emotional tone for her journey.
Unexpected Connection
Amidst the chaos of the bar, Jesse meets Asher, a charming, ADHD-hyperfocused techie with a magnetic presence. Their banter is playful and flirtatious, and Asher's attention is genuine—he sees Jesse, not just her body or her scars. Their chemistry is immediate, and Asher's forwardness is both disarming and exhilarating for Jesse. The connection is electric, and for the first time, Jesse feels truly wanted. This pivotal encounter shifts the narrative from disappointment to possibility, igniting hope and desire.
Dance Floor Sparks
Asher and Jesse share a dance that blurs the world around them. Their bodies move in sync, and the physical closeness intensifies their attraction. Asher's touch is reverent, and Jesse's self-consciousness melts away in the heat of the moment. The dance becomes a metaphor for vulnerability and trust, as Jesse allows herself to be seen and desired. The chapter pulses with anticipation, culminating in a passionate kiss that promises more than just a fleeting encounter.
Last First Kiss
The chemistry between Jesse and Asher explodes into a night of intimacy. Their physical connection is raw, honest, and transformative—Jesse experiences pleasure and acceptance in ways she never has before. Asher is attentive, playful, and deeply respectful of Jesse's boundaries and insecurities. The sex is not just about crossing off a bucket-list item; it's about reclaiming joy and agency. In the afterglow, both are left changed, but Jesse's old fears and the rules she's set for herself linger in the background.
One-Night Stand Rules
Jesse wakes to find Asher gone, but he's left a note on her bucket list, inviting her to make their night more than a one-off. Jesse is torn—she feels empowered by her experience but also unexpectedly disappointed by his absence. Her friend Melissa encourages her to consider the possibility of more, but Jesse clings to her rules, afraid of vulnerability and heartbreak. The tension between desire and self-protection intensifies, as Jesse grapples with what she truly wants.
Afterglow and Regrets
Jesse's emotional turmoil deepens as she processes her night with Asher. She's proud of herself for taking a risk but haunted by the possibility of wanting more. The encounter forces her to confront her fears of intimacy, rejection, and mortality. Meanwhile, Asher is equally affected, replaying their night and hoping for another chance. Both are caught in a liminal space between hope and resignation, their connection lingering like an unspoken promise.
Crossing Paths Again
At Melissa's engagement party, Jesse and Asher are shocked to discover they share a mutual connection—Melissa is Asher's sister. The revelation is both awkward and serendipitous, forcing Jesse to confront her feelings and the possibility of a deeper relationship. Melissa, ever the romantic, encourages them to explore what's between them. The universe seems to conspire in their favor, but Jesse's fear of attachment and Asher's impending departure for London loom as obstacles.
Friends, Family, Fate
Jesse and Asher navigate the complexities of their new dynamic—friends, lovers, or something more? Melissa's support and the accidental family connection add layers of meaning and pressure. Asher proposes a road trip to help Jesse complete her bucket list, offering friendship and adventure with the possibility of more. Jesse hesitates, torn between her desire for connection and her need for control. The chapter is charged with possibility, as both characters inch closer to vulnerability.
Road Trip Proposal
Jesse agrees to join Asher on a cross-country road trip, setting the stage for a journey of self-discovery and intimacy. The RV becomes a crucible for their evolving relationship—close quarters, shared experiences, and the ticking clock of Asher's London departure. Asher's attentiveness and willingness to accommodate Jesse's needs challenge her assumptions about what she deserves. The road trip is both literal and metaphorical, a journey toward trust, acceptance, and love.
Boundaries and Bucket Lists
As the trip unfolds, Jesse and Asher confront their boundaries—physical, emotional, and psychological. Jesse's health, her body image, and her fear of being a burden are constant companions. Asher's ADHD, his own insecurities, and his growing feelings for Jesse complicate matters. They check off bucket-list items, from quirky roadside attractions to vulnerable conversations, each experience deepening their bond. The tension between friendship and romance simmers, as both struggle to articulate what they want.
Vulnerability at The Corn Palace
A stop at the Corn Palace becomes a turning point. Jesse opens up about her health, her fears, and her need for agency. Asher listens without judgment, offering support without pity. Their honesty fosters intimacy, but also exposes the rawness of their wounds. Jesse's struggle to accept care without feeling diminished is mirrored by Asher's desire to be needed without overstepping. The chapter is a study in the courage it takes to be seen, flaws and all.
Yellowstone Revelations
In Yellowstone, the grandeur of the landscape prompts deep reflection. Jesse is awed by the beauty and reminded of her own fragility and resilience. Asher's presence is grounding, and their shared awe becomes a form of intimacy. They confront the reality of Jesse's mortality, the limits of control, and the necessity of living fully in the present. The natural world becomes a backdrop for their emotional journey, highlighting the urgency and beauty of their connection.
Hot Springs and Heartbeats
A private soak in a hot spring strips away the last of Jesse's defenses. The vulnerability of nakedness—literal and figurative—forces both to confront their desires and fears. Their intimacy deepens, but so does Jesse's anxiety about the future. Asher's willingness to meet her where she is, without pushing for more, is both comforting and heartbreaking. The chapter pulses with longing, as both yearn for a future they're afraid to claim.
Confessions in the Rain
Tensions come to a head as Jesse and Asher confront the reality of their feelings. Jesse's fear of being a burden, of dying and leaving Asher alone, collides with Asher's insistence that love is worth the risk. Their argument is raw, painful, and necessary—a crucible that burns away pretense and leaves only truth. In the aftermath, both are left to reckon with what they truly want and what they're willing to risk for love.
Tattooed Memories
Jesse and Asher commemorate their journey with tattoos—symbols of heart and survival. The act is both a celebration and a promise, a way of claiming their experiences and each other. The tattoos become metaphors for the indelible impact they've had on one another. Asher's gesture is especially poignant, signaling his commitment and hope for a future together. The chapter is suffused with tenderness and the bittersweet knowledge that their time together may be limited.
Sunrise at Cadillac Mountain
The road trip culminates in a sunrise at Cadillac Mountain, the first place in the U.S. to see the dawn. The moment is both triumphant and melancholic—Jesse has completed her bucket list, but the future remains uncertain. Asher confesses his love, laying his heart bare. Jesse, still afraid, cannot promise more than the present. The sunrise becomes a symbol of possibility, hope, and the courage it takes to choose love despite fear.
Letting Go of Fear
Back in Wisconsin, Jesse is confronted by the reality of her feelings. Encouraged by Melissa and her own reflections, she realizes that living fully means embracing love, even with its risks. She seeks out Asher, confesses her love, and asks for a future together. Their reunion is joyful, passionate, and hard-won—a testament to the power of vulnerability and the necessity of choosing life, love, and connection over fear. The story ends with the promise of new adventures, together.
Analysis
Change of Pace is a contemporary romance that transcends its genre by weaving together themes of mortality, agency, body image, and the transformative power of vulnerability. At its core, the novel is about what it means to truly live—not just in the face of death, but in the face of fear, shame, and self-doubt. Jesse's journey from self-protection to self-acceptance is mirrored by Asher's willingness to risk heartbreak for the chance at real connection. The story challenges the notion that love is only for the unbroken, insisting instead that everyone deserves joy, pleasure, and belonging. Through its dual POV, the novel explores the ways in which intimacy is built not on perfection, but on honesty, patience, and the courage to be seen. The bucket list, initially a tool for control, becomes a vehicle for surrender—to love, to adventure, to the unknown. Ultimately, Change of Pace is a celebration of imperfect bodies, messy emotions, and the radical act of choosing hope over fear. Its lesson is clear: life is short, but love—when embraced fully—can make every heartbeat count.
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Characters
Jesse
Jesse is a plus-size woman in her late twenties, living with the long-term effects of undiagnosed Kawasaki disease and an ICD implant. Her journey is defined by a fierce desire to reclaim her body and her life after years of medical trauma and self-doubt. Jesse's relationships—with friends, family, and lovers—are shaped by her insecurities, her longing for acceptance, and her fear of being a burden. Psychoanalytically, Jesse oscillates between self-protection and vulnerability, using her bucket list as both shield and sword. Her development is marked by increasing self-acceptance, the courage to risk intimacy, and the realization that true living requires letting go of fear and embracing love, even when it's uncertain.
Asher
Asher is a tech entrepreneur with ADHD, a nomadic lifestyle, and a heart as big as his ambitions. He is Melissa's brother and quickly becomes Jesse's love interest. Asher's hyperfocus, a trait of his ADHD, makes him both intensely attentive and deeply committed once he sets his sights on something—or someone. He is playful, forward, and emotionally intelligent, able to read Jesse's needs and boundaries with care. Asher's own insecurities—about being too much, about being needed—mirror Jesse's, creating a dynamic of mutual healing. His development is characterized by patience, vulnerability, and the willingness to risk heartbreak for the chance at real connection.
Melissa
Melissa is Jesse's best friend and Asher's sister, serving as the emotional anchor for both. She is nurturing, practical, and unafraid to challenge Jesse's self-limiting beliefs. Melissa's own journey toward marriage and stability contrasts with Jesse's quest for adventure, but her unwavering support and gentle nudges are crucial in helping Jesse confront her fears. Psychoanalytically, Melissa represents the voice of hope and possibility, embodying the belief that love is worth the risk.
Kate
Kate is Jesse's longtime friend, whose impulsiveness and insensitivity often hurt Jesse, but whose presence also catalyzes Jesse's growth. Kate's own struggles with boundaries and self-awareness mirror Jesse's, and their friendship is a crucible for learning about self-worth and the importance of honest communication. Kate's eventual willingness to work on their friendship reflects the possibility of change and redemption.
GusGus
GusGus, Asher's rescue cat, is more than a pet—he is a symbol of stability, companionship, and the unexpected joys of life on the road. His presence provides comic relief, emotional support, and a sense of continuity amid change. GusGus's relationship with both Asher and Jesse mirrors the evolving dynamics of trust and belonging in the story.
Jordan
Jordan is Melissa's partner and a supportive presence in Jesse's life, offering medical advice and emotional steadiness. His relationship with Melissa models healthy partnership, and his role as a doctor underscores the realities of Jesse's health challenges. Jordan's openness and humor help normalize Jesse's experiences and provide a counterpoint to her fears.
Gina and Miranda
Gina and Miranda are the strangers who befriend Jesse in the bar, pulling her out of her shell and reminding her of the power of female solidarity. Their exuberance and acceptance help Jesse reclaim her confidence and set the tone for the story's emphasis on chosen family and unexpected connections.
Matt and Jessica
Matt and Jessica, the couple whose wedding Jesse and Asher crash, serve as a narrative mirror for the protagonists. Their story of patience, friendship, and eventual love offers a template for what Jesse and Asher could have, reinforcing the theme that love is worth waiting—and fighting—for.
Luke
Luke, the bartender, is the object of Kate's attention and the unwitting catalyst for Jesse's night gone awry. His presence underscores Jesse's feelings of invisibility and rejection, but also sets the stage for her meeting with Asher.
Jesse's Family
Jesse's Family, especially her mother, represent the internalized voices of doubt, caution, and societal expectations. Their presence in the narrative is felt through Jesse's memories and anxieties, shaping her fears about being a burden and her longing for acceptance.
Plot Devices
The Bucket List
Jesse's bucket list is the central plot device, structuring the narrative and providing both external goals and internal challenges. Each item represents a step toward reclaiming agency, confronting fear, and embracing life. The list is also a source of tension—both a shield against vulnerability and a catalyst for it. As Jesse checks off items, the narrative explores the interplay between control and surrender, safety and risk, and the difference between living and merely surviving.
Dual POV and Alternating Narration
The story alternates between Jesse and Asher's perspectives, allowing readers to inhabit both characters' inner worlds. This structure creates dramatic irony, as each character's fears and desires are revealed to the reader before they are confessed to each other. The dual POV also highlights the ways in which misunderstanding, projection, and unspoken longing shape relationships.
Forced Proximity and Road Trip Structure
The road trip and RV setting force Jesse and Asher into close quarters, intensifying both attraction and conflict. The journey across America's landscapes mirrors their internal journeys, with each stop serving as a crucible for growth, revelation, and connection. The ticking clock of Asher's impending departure for London adds urgency and stakes.
Symbolism of Scars and Tattoos
Jesse's ICD scar and the tattoos both characters get serve as powerful symbols of survival, vulnerability, and the desire to be seen and remembered. These physical marks externalize internal wounds and triumphs, making visible the invisible battles each character fights.
Foreshadowing and Callbacks
Early references to Jesse's fears, Asher's hyperfocus, and the possibility of more than a one-night stand are echoed and resolved throughout the narrative. The story uses callbacks—such as the repeated motif of "What Would Thor Do?"—to reinforce character growth and thematic resonance.
