Candlelight

1. Spiritual Direction: An Ancient Art of Attuning to God

Reading Candlelight is like watching spiritual direction sessions through a two-way mirror while simultaneously privy to the thoughts and feelings of the author.

A sacred, ancient practice. Spiritual direction is a time-honored practice, found across cultures and religions, where individuals seek a companion to help them discern God's presence and movement in their lives. It's a privilege to listen to another soul, holding space for their deepest longings and fears, and trusting that God is the ultimate initiator of this seeking. The author, Susan Phillips, lights a candle in her sessions, symbolizing God's presence and inviting both director and directee into a sacred, contemplative space.

Beyond traditional therapy. Unlike psychotherapy, spiritual direction does not focus on pathology, diagnosis, or problem-solving. Instead, it explicitly acknowledges God's presence in all aspects of life, listening for how the holy penetrates lives and helps individuals discover their inherent spirituality. It's about helping people notice and cultivate ways of knowing and being known by God, fostering a deeper, more heartfelt experience of faith.

A journey of discovery. Many directees initially claim no experience of God, yet through attentive listening and reflection, they often uncover profound encounters with the divine. The process is "self-implicating," meaning both the directee and the director are transformed by the shared journey. It's an invitation to "come and see" God's work, not through the director's eyes, but through one's own unfolding experience.

2. The Director's Role: Guiding Attention, Not Controlling Outcomes

Spiritual directors do not direct like circus ringmasters, filmmakers, or uniformed directors of traffic. We direct attention toward the holy as we see and hear it in the life of the person sitting across from us.

A gentle, steady presence. The spiritual director acts as a companion, helping the directee turn their attention towards God's presence in their life. This involves listening deeply to what is said and unsaid – the inflections, silences, laughter, weeping, aspirations, and longings – always with an "ear toward God." The director's primary task is to hold open a space for contemplation, free from interruption or personal agenda, allowing the directee to encounter God on their own terms.

Facilitating self-discovery. The director doesn't provide answers or impose beliefs, but rather helps the directee articulate their own spiritual experiences and questions. For instance, when Leah, who had a painful religious upbringing, asked if God was in her childhood "pasture" of peace, the author returned the question, empowering Leah to claim her own truth. This approach fosters genuine, personal encounters with the divine, often different from the director's own.

Trusting God's direction. The director trusts that "God is the true director," serving as a humble instrument in God's work. This means letting go of the need to "fix" or "explain" suffering, and instead, resting in God's sovereignty. When David, a pastor, sought direct answers, the author clarified that direction is primarily about guiding attention, not providing solutions, allowing David to discover God's presence in his own struggles.

3. Honesty and Vulnerability: Pathways to Deeper Encounter

To pray is to expose oneself to the One prayed to as well as to what is deepest within oneself.

Courage in seeking. Seeking spiritual direction is an act of courage, driven by a deep desire to know God better. This process requires vulnerability, as individuals expose their innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences to both the director and God. It's a journey into the "soul work" where desires are discerned and aligned with God's will.

Unvarnished truth. Directees are encouraged to bring their authentic selves, including their anger, doubts, and "petty, self-concerned clutter," without pretense. David, a pastor, initially felt shame about his "self-concerned clutter," but through honest sharing, he found freedom and a deeper connection with God. This radical honesty allows God to meet individuals exactly where they are, not where they feel they should be.

Tears and laughter as guides. Emotional expressions like tears and laughter are significant indicators of the heart's truth in spiritual direction.

• Tears: Often reflect "godly sorrow" (penthos), compassion, or an opening to God's grace, signifying cleansing and making space for the Spirit's fruits.
• Laughter: Can signal psychological and spiritual maturity, a release of tension, or a joyful acceptance of oneself.
  The author notes that "all roads lead to Rome, and Rome is God, and one of the roads that leads there is tears."

4. Suffering and Doubt: Catalysts for Profound Spiritual Growth

The injustice of suffering poses the largest philosophical obstacle to trust in God.

Wrestling with "Why?". Suffering is central to the human experience and the Christian faith, often prompting profound questions about God's nature and justice. Directees frequently grapple with the "theodicy" problem – how a loving, all-powerful God can allow evil and suffering. This struggle is not dismissed but embraced as a vital part of the spiritual journey.

Beyond blame and explanation. Traditional theological explanations for suffering (e.g., divine punishment, aesthetic harmony, pedagogical purpose, or future hope) can sometimes add "insult to a sufferer's injury" by blaming the victim or diminishing compassion. The author emphasizes that spiritual direction focuses on:

• Presence: Being with the person in their suffering.
• Relationship: Trusting God's love amidst the pain, rather than demanding logical explanations.
• Compassion: Avoiding "yes, but" thinking that quashes empathy.
  Melissa, despite chronic pain, found relief not in answers to "why," but in Jesus' non-judgmental love.

Growth through the wilderness. Periods of intense suffering or doubt can feel like a "wilderness experience," a liminal space between the familiar past and an unknown future. This can lead to feelings of being disconnected from God and one's identity. However, these times also offer opportunities for:

• Clarification: Reflecting on identity and purpose.
• Change: Embracing new perspectives and actions.
• Sustaining graces: Deepening faith and hope.
  Grant, after a health scare, initially shut God out in anger, but eventually returned to a place of "home" and acceptance, realizing God's unwavering presence.

5. God's Omnipresent Grace: Found in Unexpected Places

God is everywhere.

Traces of the holy. Spiritual direction helps individuals develop "spiritual Geiger-counters" to detect God's presence in the mundane, the unexpected, and even the painful moments of life. These "imprints of God" often surface in the contemplative space of a session, transforming how one perceives their past and present.

Beyond the sacred walls. God's presence is not confined to churches, rituals, or explicitly religious language.

• Leah: Found God's love and acceptance in a childhood pasture, far from her judgmental church.
• John: Experienced God's presence on a factory floor, in subway nudges, and while feeding sparrows on his roof, realizing his "pastor at large" ministry.
• Jim: Felt "fully alive" and in a "holy place" while volunteering as a hospital chaplain, even with unresponsive patients, sensing God's leading.
  These experiences challenge conventional notions of where and how God operates.

The gift of memory. The director helps preserve and revisit these "God stories," allowing directees to re-experience moments of grace. When Grant doubted his strengthened trust after a rainbow experience, the author reminded him of his "looking up" moment, allowing the memory to re-ignite his awe. These "sacred memories" shape individuals morally and deepen their life with God.

6. The "Middle Voice" of Faith: Active Participation in Divine Action

Our "trust is the Lord." I hear the growing timbre of the middle voice from those who sit across from me in the candlelight.

Beyond active or passive. In spiritual growth, individuals are neither solely initiating action (active voice) nor merely receiving it (passive voice). Instead, they actively participate in the results of actions initiated by God, a concept akin to the "middle voice" in ancient languages. This means a dynamic, responsive engagement with God's grace.

Choosing God's direction. Spiritual direction confirms individuals in choosing God's direction and formation in their lives. It's a "quiet, shy, and faithful yes" to entering a deep place where the Holy Spirit dwells. This involves:

• Listening: Attuning to God's whispers and nudges.
• Responding: Taking steps in alignment with discerned calls.
• Trusting: Releasing control over outcomes while remaining engaged.
  Charles, after his monastic retreat, realized his "lobbying" God for a mate was not true trust. He found freedom in "putting the issue down" and letting his "hands be free" to pursue other desires, trusting God's provision.

Abiding in grace. The journey of faith is one of "long obedience in the same direction," a continuous turning toward God's light. This "abiding" in grace allows individuals to integrate their spiritual experiences into their daily lives, even amidst suffering and doubt. It's a process of voluntary formation, accepting Jesus' invitation to "remain in me," leading to deeper trust and resilience.

7. Fruition: Bearing Fruit Through Rootedness and Trust

They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green; in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit.

Flourishing amidst life's seasons. Spiritual fruition is not a static achievement or a final stage of perfection, but a dynamic process of growth, resilience, and generativity. Like a tree, individuals sink their roots deep into God's living waters, strengthening and sustaining them through seasons of drought and abundance. This leads to a "long obedience in the same direction," yielding visible and invisible fruit.

Transformation of suffering. While not denying the pain or injustice of suffering, many directees find that, by God's grace, good can emerge from it.

• Melissa: Despite chronic, agonizing pain, found peace in releasing self-condemnation and courageously bringing her sadness, pain, and questions to God, trusting in His steadfast love.
• Ruth: Faced terminal cancer with remarkable serenity, seeing her suffering as a way to "bear witness to what faith allows," becoming a "light of grace and integrity" to others.
  This transformation is not about explaining suffering away, but about encountering God's love within it.

Spiritual maturity and integration. Fruition manifests as deeper trust, integration of faith into all aspects of life, and an increased "spiritual immediacy"—the ability to quickly recognize and re-turn to God. Carl, after a period of loneliness and discernment, found "heft and integration" by committing to a new church community and embracing his vocation, feeling "planted by streams of living water." This maturity allows individuals to weather life's challenges with greater ballast and peace.

8. The Transformative Power of Shared Spiritual Journey

The relationship is eternal, the way any love relationship is.

Mutual transformation. Spiritual direction is a "self-implicating" process where both the directee and the director are profoundly changed. The director, by witnessing God's work in another, gains deeper insights into God's nature and their own spiritual journey. The directee, in turn, is shaped by the director's loving attention and commitment.

A communion of saints. The spiritual direction relationship extends beyond the individual sessions, fostering a sense of connection to a larger "communion of saints." The director carries the directees in their heart, often praying for them, and the directees carry the director as a companion who shared a part of their road. This enduring connection reflects the eternal nature of love relationships.

Hope through shared witness. The stories of directees, even when marked by profound suffering, become sources of hope and inspiration. The author, through her work, witnesses how individuals learn to see "the faint light that comes in through the cracks of our lives," extending that light to others. This shared journey of faith, hope, and love ultimately bears fruit in the world, making God's "holy habitation" visible in human lives.