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Call Me Freak

Call Me Freak

by J.A. Roles 2023 170 pages
3.39
1.2K ratings
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Plot Summary

Night Visitor Rituals

Secret summer trysts, forbidden obsession

Dmitry's earliest memories of love are twisted with darkness. As a teenager, he visits Natalia—his "Little Sparrow"—in the dead of night, entering her room through an unlocked window. Their encounters are a ritual: she waits, he comes, and together they escape their broken homes and abusive families. Dmitry's obsession is total, bordering on worship and possession. He counts her contraceptive pills, collects her discarded tampons, and relishes every secret moment. Their connection is both a sanctuary and a prison, a game of mutual need and silent consent. But the world outside is cruel, and their summer nights are numbered. When Dmitry is forced to leave, he leaves behind a parting gift, a token of his devotion and control, sealing their bond in secrecy and longing.

Asylum Games and Deceit

Feigning sanity, plotting escape

Seven years later, Dmitry is institutionalized, cycling through asylums for violent outbursts and mental instability. He's learned to play the system, pretending to be the model patient while hiding his true self. He manipulates staff, fakes compliance, and dreams of freedom. The asylum is a microcosm of society's hypocrisy—filled with "crazies," abusers, and power-hungry staff. Dmitry's only solace is a sparrow that visits his window, a symbol of hope and a reminder of Natalia. He confides in the bird, projecting his loneliness and rage onto it. But even this fragile connection is threatened by his uncontrollable anger, leading to a near-fatal outburst. The incident becomes a turning point, forcing Dmitry to confront the darkness within and the cost of survival.

The Sparrow and the Storm

Fragile hope, violent relapse

Dmitry's relationship with the sparrow deepens, mirroring his longing for Natalia and his struggle for redemption. He nurses the injured bird, finding purpose in its care. The act of nurturing becomes a metaphor for his own wounded psyche—a daily battle between tenderness and violence. But the asylum's brutality seeps in, and Dmitry's rage erupts when the bird is threatened by other inmates. He lashes out, defending his only friend, but the violence leaves him isolated and under scrutiny. The sparrow's eventual recovery and release symbolize a fleeting victory over his demons, but also the inevitability of loss. Dmitry's hope is fragile, always at risk of being crushed by the storm inside him.

Release and Obsession

Freedom gained, obsession rekindled

Dmitry is released from the asylum, his performance convincing the board of his "recovery." On the outside, he struggles to adapt, haunted by memories and compulsions. He stalks Natalia online, tracking her every move through social media. His obsession is undiminished, fueled by jealousy and longing. He returns to his grandfather's farm, the site of their childhood connection, and resumes his surveillance. The boundary between love and possession blurs as Dmitry's need for control intensifies. He collects mementos, spies on Natalia, and fantasizes about reclaiming her. The world is indifferent, but Dmitry's focus is absolute—he will have his Little Sparrow, no matter the cost.

Haunted by the Past

Family trauma, cycles of abuse

Dmitry's past is a labyrinth of pain. His mother, Sylvia, is a cruel, narcissistic abuser; his father, Ruslan, a broken man who ultimately tries to kill both himself and Dmitry. The family home is a site of violence and neglect, where love is a weapon and survival means submission. Dmitry's only refuge is his grandfather's farm, a place of hard lessons and dark secrets. The arrival of Natalia as a child is a rare moment of light, but even this is tainted by jealousy and rivalry with his brother, Pawel. The scars of childhood shape Dmitry's identity, fueling his rage and his need for control. The past is never truly past—it haunts every relationship, every decision, every act of violence and tenderness.

Stalking the Little Sparrow

Surveillance, jealousy, and escalation

Dmitry's obsession with Natalia escalates as he hacks her phone, tracks her movements, and inserts himself into her life. He manipulates technology and people alike, orchestrating encounters and eliminating obstacles. When Natalia is threatened by a would-be rapist, Dmitry intervenes with lethal force, blurring the line between savior and predator. His actions are both protective and possessive, driven by a need to dominate and consume. The violence is raw, sexual, and cathartic—a release of years of repression and longing. Natalia is both victim and accomplice, drawn into Dmitry's world of secrets and shadows. Their reunion is explosive, marked by blood, sex, and the reawakening of old desires.

Violence and Rescue

Bloodshed, complicity, and escape

Dmitry and Natalia become partners in crime, bound by shared trauma and mutual need. Together, they dispose of bodies, cover up evidence, and flee from the consequences of their actions. The violence is both a curse and a bond, a way of reclaiming power in a world that has always sought to break them. Their relationship is a dance of dominance and submission, love and brutality. Each act of violence is both a transgression and a form of intimacy, a way of saying "I see you, I need you, I will do anything for you." The outside world recedes, replaced by a private universe of secrets, rituals, and blood.

Blood, Sex, and Submission

Carnal rituals, power exchange, healing

Their physical relationship is intense, blending pain and pleasure, dominance and surrender. Dmitry marks Natalia with bruises and bites, claiming her as his own. She submits willingly, finding liberation in the loss of control. Their sex is a reenactment of past traumas, a way of rewriting the narrative of abuse and reclaiming agency. The boundaries between love and violence dissolve, replaced by a raw, primal connection. Through each other, they find a measure of healing—a sense of being seen, desired, and accepted in all their brokenness. The world outside is irrelevant; only the rituals of their union matter.

Ties That Bind

Chains of love, cycles of violence

Dmitry's need for control extends beyond the bedroom. He binds Natalia, both literally and figuratively, testing her loyalty and submission. When a nurse from the asylum discovers their secret, Dmitry forces Natalia to participate in her murder, deepening their complicity. The act is both a test and a rite of passage, binding them together in guilt and secrecy. The violence is ritualized, a way of proving devotion and erasing the boundaries between self and other. Their love is a prison and a sanctuary, a place where pain and pleasure are indistinguishable. Together, they embrace the darkness, finding freedom in their shared depravity.

Family, Fire, and Confession

Christmas confrontations, generational wounds

The couple returns to Dmitry's family farm for Christmas, confronting the ghosts of the past. Dmitry's relationship with his mother reaches a breaking point, culminating in her death at his hands. The act is both a release and a tragedy, severing the last tie to a lifetime of abuse. In the aftermath, Dmitry learns the truth about his parentage—Sylvia was not his real mother, and Ruslan not his father. The revelation is both liberating and devastating, forcing Dmitry to reevaluate his identity and the roots of his pain. The family's secrets are laid bare, and the cycle of violence is both broken and perpetuated.

The Lakehouse Reckoning

Final confrontations, survival, and revenge

At the lakehouse, Dmitry and Natalia face their greatest threat—Nikolai, Natalia's abusive ex. The confrontation is brutal, culminating in Nikolai's death and the disposal of his body. The violence is both necessary and cathartic, a final act of vengeance against the men who have hurt them. The couple's complicity deepens, as they cover up the crime and dispose of another victim, a young woman caught in Nikolai's web. The world is indifferent, but Dmitry and Natalia are united in purpose and resolve. Their love is forged in blood and fire, a testament to their resilience and their refusal to be broken.

Vengeance and Revelations

Truths unearthed, identities shattered

In the aftermath of violence, Dmitry seeks answers from his dying mother, desperate for closure. Her final words are a curse, blaming him for the family's tragedies. But the true revelation comes from his grandfather, who reveals that Dmitry's real mother was Sylvia's sister, Anna, and that Ruslan was not his father. The truth is both a relief and a new wound, exposing the lies that have shaped Dmitry's life. The final gift is the skull of "The Man", the abuser who haunted both Dmitry and Natalia. The skull is a trophy, a symbol of victory over the past, and a reminder that some wounds never fully heal.

The Skull and the Secret

Legacy of violence, hope for healing

Dmitry and Natalia are left to reckon with the legacy of violence and abuse that has shaped their lives. The skull of their abuser is both a trophy and a curse, a reminder of the darkness they have survived. Their love is a fragile hope, a promise to face the future together, no matter how broken they may be. The secrets of the past are both a burden and a source of strength, binding them together in a shared quest for meaning and redemption. The story ends with the possibility of healing, but also the recognition that some traumas can never be fully erased. Together, they choose to embrace their darkness, finding solace in each other and the promise of a new beginning.

Characters

Dmitry Rushlakov

Haunted antihero, obsessive lover

Dmitry is the deeply damaged protagonist, shaped by a childhood of abuse, neglect, and betrayal. His psyche is a battleground of rage, longing, and vulnerability. He is both predator and protector, capable of tenderness and extreme violence. His obsession with Natalia is rooted in a desperate need for connection and control—a way to reclaim agency in a world that has always sought to break him. Dmitry's relationships are marked by power dynamics, ritual, and secrecy. He is a master manipulator, able to feign sanity and charm, but always teetering on the edge of madness. His journey is one of survival, self-destruction, and the search for redemption through love, even as he drags others into his darkness.

Natalia Petrova ("Little Sparrow")

Survivor, object of obsession, reluctant accomplice

Natalia is both Dmitry's muse and mirror, a survivor of her own traumas and abuses. She is resilient, resourceful, and fiercely independent, but also vulnerable to Dmitry's dominance and need. Their relationship is a complex dance of submission and agency—she finds liberation in surrender, but also struggles with the boundaries of consent and complicity. Natalia's past is marked by exploitation and betrayal, but she refuses to be defined by her victimhood. Her connection with Dmitry is both a source of healing and a new form of captivity. She is drawn to his darkness, finding in him a kindred spirit and a partner in both love and crime.

Sylvia (Dmitry's "Mother")

Narcissistic abuser, architect of trauma

Sylvia is the embodiment of maternal cruelty—a woman who wields power through violence, manipulation, and emotional deprivation. She singles out Dmitry for abuse, while favoring his brother Pawel. Her motivations are rooted in her own pain and resentment, but she is ultimately incapable of love or empathy. Sylvia's legacy is one of destruction, shaping Dmitry's identity and relationships. Her death is both a release and a tragedy, leaving Dmitry with unanswered questions and unresolved rage. The revelation that she is not his real mother adds a final twist to her role as the architect of his suffering.

Pawel

Favored sibling, passive bystander

Pawel is Dmitry's older brother, the golden child who receives their mother's affection and protection. He is both a rival and a source of envy, embodying the life Dmitry was denied. Pawel is largely passive, unwilling or unable to confront the family's dysfunction. His relationship with Dmitry is strained, marked by resentment and unspoken wounds. Pawel's presence is a constant reminder of what could have been—a life of love, acceptance, and normalcy. He is both a victim and a beneficiary of the family's dynamics, complicit in his silence.

Grandpa

Stoic protector, keeper of secrets

Dmitry's grandfather is a rare source of stability and wisdom in his chaotic life. The farm is a sanctuary, a place of hard work and dark lessons. Grandpa is both a mentor and an enabler, teaching Dmitry the skills of survival and violence. He is the keeper of family secrets, including the truth about Dmitry's parentage and the fate of "The Man." Grandpa's own past is shadowed by involvement in a vigilante group, "The Ropes," blurring the line between justice and revenge. His love is pragmatic, offering Dmitry the tools to survive but not always the comfort he craves.

"The Man"

Predator, abuser, symbol of evil

"The Man" is the shadow that haunts both Dmitry and Natalia—a child abuser whose crimes shape their identities and relationships. He is a figure of terror and fascination, wielding power through manipulation and violence. His eventual death is a form of justice, but his legacy endures in the scars he leaves behind. The skull that Dmitry receives is both a trophy and a curse, a reminder that some evils can never be fully vanquished.

Nikolai

Abusive ex, final adversary

Nikolai is Natalia's violent ex-boyfriend, a symbol of the cycle of abuse and exploitation. He is controlling, sadistic, and ultimately disposable—a target for Dmitry's vengeance and Natalia's liberation. His death is both a necessity and a catharsis, marking the end of one chapter of suffering and the beginning of another.

Nurse Cassidy

Authority figure, collateral victim

Nurse Cassidy represents the institutional power that seeks to control and "fix" Dmitry. She is both a gatekeeper and a victim, caught in the crossfire of Dmitry's need for freedom and dominance. Her murder is a turning point, deepening Dmitry and Natalia's complicity and sealing their fate as outlaws.

Alexi

Fellow inmate, symbol of chaos

Alexi is a minor but pivotal character, representing the violence and unpredictability of asylum life. His conflict with Dmitry over the sparrow is a catalyst for Dmitry's relapse and a reminder of the ever-present threat of madness and brutality.

Jupiter

Innocent casualty, echo of lost innocence

Jupiter is a young woman caught in the web of exploitation and violence that surrounds Natalia and Dmitry. Her death is a tragedy, a reminder of the collateral damage wrought by cycles of abuse and revenge. Her presence haunts Natalia, fueling her determination to break free from the past.

Plot Devices

Unreliable Narration and Inner Monologue

Distorted reality, psychological immersion, shifting truths

The novel is told primarily through Dmitry's perspective, blending first-person narration with stream-of-consciousness and direct address. This creates a sense of intimacy and immediacy, but also unreliability—Dmitry's perceptions are colored by trauma, obsession, and mental illness. The reader is drawn into his world, experiencing events as he does, but always aware that the truth is elusive. The use of inner monologue allows for deep psychological exploration, revealing the contradictions and complexities of Dmitry's character. The narrative structure is nonlinear, moving between past and present, memory and fantasy, creating a sense of disorientation and instability.

Symbolism and Motifs

Birds, blood, chains, and fire

Recurring symbols—sparrows, birds, blood, chains, and fire—underscore the novel's themes of captivity, violence, and transformation. The sparrow represents both vulnerability and resilience, a symbol of hope and a reminder of lost innocence. Blood is both a marker of violence and a token of intimacy, binding characters together in shared suffering. Chains and ropes signify the ties that bind—both literal and metaphorical—while fire represents destruction and renewal. These motifs are woven throughout the narrative, creating a rich tapestry of meaning and emotion.

Power Dynamics and Ritual

Dominance, submission, and complicity

The novel explores the dynamics of power and control in relationships, particularly through the lens of BDSM and ritualized violence. Dmitry and Natalia's interactions are structured by games, tests, and acts of submission and dominance. These rituals serve as both a means of healing and a reenactment of past traumas, blurring the line between consent and coercion. The use of ritual creates a sense of order in a chaotic world, offering the characters a way to reclaim agency and rewrite the narrative of their lives.

Foreshadowing and Revelation

Hints, secrets, and delayed truths

The narrative is rich with foreshadowing, planting clues and hints that pay off in later revelations. The true nature of Dmitry's parentage, the fate of "The Man", and the depth of Natalia's trauma are all revealed gradually, creating suspense and emotional impact. The use of secrets and delayed truths mirrors the characters' own journeys of self-discovery and acceptance, reinforcing the novel's themes of identity and transformation.

Analysis

"Call Me Freak" is a raw, unflinching exploration of trauma, obsession, and the search for connection in a world defined by violence and betrayal. Through Dmitry's fractured perspective, the novel delves into the psychological aftermath of abuse, the allure of power and control, and the complexities of love forged in darkness. The relationship between Dmitry and Natalia is both a sanctuary and a crucible—a place where pain and pleasure, dominance and submission, are inextricably linked. The novel challenges conventional notions of morality and redemption, refusing easy answers or tidy resolutions. Instead, it offers a portrait of survival—messy, brutal, and deeply human. In a modern context, "Call Me Freak" speaks to the enduring impact of childhood trauma, the failures of institutions meant to heal, and the ways in which love can both save and destroy. It is a story of broken people finding solace in each other, not despite their darkness, but because of it—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of healing, even in the most unlikely of places.

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Review Summary

3.39 out of 5
Average of 1.2K ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Call Me Freak is a dark, psychological thriller with romance elements. Readers praise the book's unhinged protagonist, Dmitry, and his obsessive relationship with Natalia. The story explores trauma, mental illness, and toxic love. Many found it addictive and well-written, especially appreciating Joe Arden's audiobook narration. However, some criticized the writing style and lack of clarity in certain plot points. The book's graphic content and disturbing themes are frequently mentioned, with strong recommendations to heed trigger warnings before reading.

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3.96
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About the Author

J.A. Roles is a USA Today bestselling author known for writing across multiple genres, including fantasy, contemporary, high school rom-com, dark why-choose, and dark stalker romance. She aims to evoke strong emotions in her readers, often breaking their hearts before mending them. Roles engages with her audience through social media, particularly her Facebook reader group, where she shares teasers, trailers, and exclusive content. She invites fans to discuss her books and other literature, occasionally featuring other authors. Roles can be found on various platforms, including Amazon, BookBub, Twitter, and Instagram.

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