Bold Love

1. Love and Forgiveness: An Intricate, Costly Mystery

Love is both a mysterious friend and, at times, a terrible disappointment.

Love's demanding nature. Love, though universally desired, is the most demanding human occupation, often leading to disappointment and betrayal. The book highlights that our efforts to love often seem to worsen situations, making us question its value. This inherent difficulty stems from love being a reflection of God's glory, a concept too vast for human words or consistent practice in a world that regularly inflicts deep pain.

Forgiveness is essential. The core challenge lies in forgiving those who harm us, a divine demand that often feels infuriating, illogical, and costly. Many struggle with forgiveness, either dismissing it as impractical or applying it without wisdom, leading to further harm. The author admits his own struggles, acknowledging that he often fails to love well, underscoring the universal difficulty of this profound task.

Misconceptions abound. Popular notions like "forgive and forget" or "love yourself first" are challenged as unbiblical and counterproductive. True forgiveness doesn't erase history or justify self-centeredness; it's a complex, life-giving pursuit of the offender by the offended for restoration. This intricate mystery is central to the gospel, yet often misunderstood, leading to superficial or self-serving approaches to love.

2. Unacknowledged Hatred of God Blocks True Love

Our unacknowledged and undealt-with commitment to find life apart from dependence on God, which is a form of subtle hatred of God, blocks our desire and commitment to love others.

Subtle rebellion. The primary reason we struggle to love better is our ongoing battle with sin, manifesting as a subtle, often unconscious, hatred of God. This isn't always overt defiance but a deep-seated commitment to finding satisfaction and life apart from Him. Such rebellion, whether conscious or suppressed, distorts our emotions, turning hatred into confusion, irritation, or indifference, making true love for others impossible.

Hatred's manifestations. This hidden hatred of God is inflamed in two main contexts: at crossroads of choice and in the face of injustice. When faced with difficult decisions, we often rage at God for not providing clearer guidance or easier paths, leading to self-protection rather than courageous love. Similarly, witnessing injustice fuels anger at God's seeming inactivity, tempting us to take matters into our own hands rather than trusting His timing and goodness.

God honors struggle. Despite our flawed hearts and moments of hatred, God does not crush us. Instead, He invites us to wrestle with Him, like Jacob, turning our hatred into passion and our passion into worship. Acknowledging our internal conflict between love and hatred is the first step towards allowing God to transform our hearts, inch by inch, replacing rebellion with gratitude and self-centeredness with other-centered love.

3. God's Grace: A Liberating and Disruptive Surprise

God’s disruptive and scandalous response to our hatred transforms fury into gratitude and deadness into life.

Silence precedes change. Deep change begins when we are "stunned into silence" by the gravity of our condition and the depth of our sin. This isn't a cowering silence but a profound hush that allows us to truly see God's response to our hatred. Instead of the anticipated fury, we discover His passionate joy and fondness, a response so unexpected it is "breathtaking, incredible, and wonderfully insulting."

The Cross reveals wrath and mercy. The Cross is not merely a symbol of love but the ultimate expression of God's holy fury against sin, met with His boundless mercy. It reveals that God is ruthless against sin, yet relentlessly pursues the sinner. This paradox is crucial:

• God's wrath is against sin, which He despises.
• His mercy is for the sinner, whom He loves.
• Jesus bore the full weight of God's wrath, allowing us to be reconciled.

Triumph over evil. The Cross, seemingly a moment of tragic defeat, was God's greatest triumph over evil, disarming the powers of darkness. This "scandal of the Cross" is foolish to the world but reveals God's profound wisdom and might. Understanding this cosmic victory allows us to relax, knowing that despite our imperfections, we are embraced by God, transforming our self-contempt into gratitude and freeing us to love.

4. Life is a Spiritual Battlefield of Relationships

The terrain of the eternal war is the battleground of relationships.

War is pervasive. Our daily lives are a constant spiritual battle, not just against abstract "isms" or distant demonic forces, but within every relationship. The Evil One works through people, even fellow Christians, to inflict subtle or overt harm. This "friendly fire" often causes the deepest wounds, making it imperative to recognize the spiritual nature of our relational struggles.

Two forms of harm: Jesus identified two core types of relational harm:

• Murder and Anger: A desire for vengeance, to make someone pay for perceived wrongs or unmet desires. This ranges from physical abuse to emotional assaults like gossip, which "cuts into the soul like a sharp knife."
• Adultery and Lust: A desire to use and possess others to fill personal emptiness or gain satisfaction illegitimately. This extends beyond sexual sin to any form of misuse, absorption, and devaluation of another, often seen in codependency or corporate exploitation.

Consequences of denial. Denying this spiritual warfare or minimizing the damage of sin blinds us to the necessity of forgiveness. When we fail to see the profound wounds inflicted in relationships, we miss the opportunity for God's goodness to shine through redemptive love. Forgiveness becomes the light that penetrates this darkness, offering hope for restored relationships and a deeper understanding of God's character.

5. Bold Love Requires Courage, Calling, Conviction, and Cunning

The commitment to love often seems to be derailed by our insensitivity or lack of wisdom, but that can never serve as a reason to not venture to love more.

Four essential qualities. To engage in the demanding battle of bold love, four qualities must be progressively developed:

• Courage: A willingness to sacrifice for a "better day," recognizing this world is not our true home. It means facing sin's inevitability without being surprised by it.
• Calling: Living out the "offense of the gospel," being a "fragrance of life" to some and "stench of death" to others. It means embracing our status as Christ's bond-servants, provoking change through disruptive goodness.
• Conviction: Joining God's hatred of arrogance and evil, starting with our own sin. It's a piercing hatred of whatever destroys life and beauty, leading to humble self-reflection.
• Cunning: The wisdom of a snake and innocence of a dove, using shrewdness to disarm evil and open doors for repentance. It's about strategic, non-naive engagement.

Growth is developmental. These qualities are not instantly acquired but learned over a lifetime of struggle. Each experience, especially suffering, is used by God to deepen our understanding and capacity for bold love. This journey prepares our hearts to speak truth and enter others' wounds, even when our own pain is immense.

Embracing the paradox. Bold love is paradoxical: it's a weapon to destroy evil, yet it's rooted in tenderness and sacrifice. It demands change and may bring consequences, yet it's driven by a desire for ultimate good. This approach challenges conventional notions of "unconditional acceptance" and calls for a purposeful, intrusive goodness that aligns with God's character.

6. Forgiveness is an Ongoing Process, Not a Single Event

To forgive another is always an ongoing, deepening, quickening process, rather than a once-and-for-all event.

Beyond a single act. Forgiveness is often mistakenly viewed as a one-time climactic release of bitterness. However, true forgiveness is a continuous, deepening work of the Spirit. As we more fully confront the harm done, forgiveness must also deepen to overcome it. It's a journey, not a destination, constantly evolving as new layers of pain or understanding emerge.

Not "forgive and forget." The popular adage "forgive and forget" is challenged as problematic. God remembers sin, and we are not called to erase our memories or pretend past harm was insignificant. Instead, God's "forgetfulness" is a metaphor for canceling the debt of sin, freeing the debtor from eternal consequences. For us, it means releasing the right to use past harm to justify present sin, while still remembering the past for wisdom and growth.

Emotions are not proof of failure. Feeling hurt or anger after an offense does not automatically mean a failure to forgive. God Himself expresses hurt and anger over sin, yet His heart yearns for reconciliation. An absence of strong emotions might even indicate a lack of genuine heart involvement. True forgiveness allows for the full spectrum of human emotion, channeling it towards redemptive purposes rather than vindictive ones.

7. True Forgiveness Hungers for Reconciliation, Not Just Peace

Forgiveness always involves the strongest emotions of the soul. It always beats with a fervor for the offender and the relationship to be restored to beauty.

Reconciliation is the goal. The driving motive behind forgiveness is a passionate hunger for reconciliation—a glorious restoration of peace and wholeness. This is not "peace at any cost" that sacrifices honesty or integrity. Instead, it's an invitation to the offender to return, conditional on genuine repentance. Forgiveness cancels the debt but doesn't lend new money until true change occurs.

Conditional on repentance. Jesus explicitly states that we are to forgive "if he repents." This means forgiveness is not a blind, cheap granting of absolution that enables further harm. It's an offer of restoration that requires the offender to acknowledge sin, redirect their life, and take responsibility. Without repentance, true intimacy and reconciliation cannot take place, as seen in the thief on the cross who received forgiveness only after his repentance.

Facing the terror of hope. Many refuse to desire reconciliation with those who've harmed them due to a "terror of hope." The fear of renewed disappointment or the agony of unfulfilled yearning can lead to deadening hope. However, to deaden this hope is to lose the hunger for heaven and the joy of one's own salvation. Embracing this dangerous hope, even for an unrepentant abuser, deepens our anticipation of ultimate beauty and justice, transforming our hearts.

8. Revoking Revenge Means Leaving Room for God's Wrath

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge: I will repay,’ says the Lord.

Revenge is God's domain. While revenge often has a negative connotation, it is a "wondrous and lovely passion" when aligned with God's character. God claims vengeance as His own, not because it's evil, but because He alone can execute perfect justice. Our human attempts at revenge are often impure, disproportionate, and hinder redemption, whereas God's vengeance is always redemptive and ultimately leads to restoration.

Why leave room? We are commanded to "leave room for God's wrath" for several reasons:

• Inability to judge perfectly: We lack the omniscience to assess the full extent of an offense or determine the perfect, just penalty. Our vengeance would be "anemic and puny."
• Hindering redemption: Taking revenge prematurely can block the offender's path to repentance, shifting the focus from their sin to our own. It gives Satan reason to smile.
• Anticipating ultimate justice: God promises that we will participate in His final vengeance, crushing Satan under our feet. Waiting allows us to be at the "front of the line" for this ultimate, spectacular display of justice.

Godly vengeance today. While we withhold final judgment, we are not passive. Godly vengeance today involves a "commitment to beauty"—doing everything to birth good and destroy evil. This means prodding evildoers towards brokenness and restoration, understanding that even painful discipline is a merciful gift meant to awaken hearts to a path leading to death.

9. Overcome Evil with Strategic, Shame-Inducing Goodness

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Goodness as a weapon. Bold love is a "cunning intrusion of truth," a violation of the natural order that meets power with power. Instead, it strategically "does good" to those who harm us, not with saccharine acceptance, but with purposeful intent to surprise and conquer evil. This goodness is a "redemptive bite," designed to expose the enemy's heart and invite repentance.

How goodness works: Goodness overcomes evil by:

• Surprising the enemy: Evil expects predictable reactions (compliance, defensiveness). Unanticipated kindness and steadfast strength disrupt the enemy's expectations, foiling their strategy and unnerving them.
• Supplanting the enemy: Goodness trips up evil by stripping away its deceit and power. It forces evil to reveal itself, like an "emperor with no clothes," exposing its nakedness and hunger, and offering clothing and food (truth and life).
• Shaming the enemy: Goodness shines a light on darkness, making evil uncomfortable and forcing it to flee or confront itself. This shame, when delivered with mercy, can be a "severe mercy," a gift of sight that either hardens or softens the heart towards repentance.

Delivering good gifts. "Doing good" involves both words and deeds, tailored to the specific needs of the offender. It means "feeding our enemies what they desperately need," which may be challenging truth rather than comfortable affirmation. This requires a blend of tenderness (feeling the pain of sin) and strength (willingness to bleed in conflict), always aiming for the ultimate good of the other's redemption.

10. Loving an Evil Person Requires Siege Warfare

An evil person is unmoved by the inner world of the other and has no respect for boundaries.

Defining evil. Evil is characterized by a profound absence of empathy, shame, and goodness. An evil person is cold, seeing others as objects to be controlled or destroyed, and is unmoved by their suffering. They are hard, devoid of conscience, and shameless, using arrogance and mockery to avoid exposure. Ultimately, evil is destructive, stealing faith, hope, and love, and delighting in consuming the victim's soul.

The gift of defeat. The greatest gift to an evil person is to foil their efforts to win. Evil is accustomed to dominating through conscienceless seduction and shameless mockery. To conquer evil, one must:

• Endure loss: Be willing to lose what the evil person threatens (e.g., money, relationships) rather than succumbing to their manipulation.
• Face shame and hatred: Withstand the evil person's shaming accusations and hatred, knowing God's mercy is sufficient.
• Set and enforce clear parameters: Establish firm boundaries and consequences for transgressions, delivered with calm strength and kindness, not cold hatred.

Opportunity to repent. After parameters are set and consequences enforced, a slight change might occur, but it's often a regrouping, not repentance. The goal is to use this lull to further enrage evil, drawing it to the surface. An offer to repent, delivered with passion and wisdom, addresses the violation, offers hope, reiterates boundaries, paints a picture of reconciliation, and negotiates steps for change.

11. Loving a Fool Demands Guerrilla Warfare

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.

Characteristics of a fool. A fool is marked by disproportionate, impulsive, and repetitive anger, often directed at self or others. Unlike an evil person, a fool feels connected to others but quickly retreats into anger when challenged. Their self-centeredness stems from an easily satisfied pride that believes life is manageable without God, leading to moral and pragmatic stupidity. Fools hate discipline and wisdom because it exposes their hubris and demands humble dependence.

Exposing folly. Loving a fool is like guerrilla warfare: it requires cunning, precision, and a willingness to disrupt their predictable patterns. We must "answer a fool as his folly deserves," mirroring back their foolishness without being drawn into their rage. This involves:

• Getting out of the way: Judiciously planning disruptions, setting clear boundaries, and having courageous consequences ready.
• Exposing the obvious: Calmly and benevolently pointing out their anger, self-centeredness, or destructive patterns, forcing them to confront their choices.
• Emphasizing freedom of choice: Leaving the fool alone to wrestle with God and their own decisions, intensifying the battle between foolishness and repentance.

Enforcing consequences. Consequences for a fool must be a "taste of his own medicine," infused with mercy and justice, designed to confuse and inflict suffering. This means:

• Confusing their expectations: Violating their anticipated reactions with unexpected strength and tenderness.
• Inflicting suffering: Applying natural or logical consequences (e.g., legal action for violence, separation for adultery) that have a "bite," compelling them to feel the pain of their choices.

Discussion and repentance. True repentance for a fool begins when they show signs of sadness or grief over their sin, not just a desire for quick absolution. Discussions should acknowledge both their dignity and depravity, opening the door to past wounds and envisioning genuine change. This process requires wrestling with God in prayer, seeking His intervention to destroy arrogance and unbelief.

12. Loving a Normal Sinner Involves Athletic Competition

A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps.

Characteristics of a simpleton. Normal sinners, or "simpletons," are precariously balanced between foolishness and wisdom. They struggle with envy, naivete, and poor judgment. They are often oblivious to their own damage or the harm they inflict, prone to believing anything, and tend to wander into danger. Unlike evil people or fools, simpletons have an openness to rebuke and wisdom, making them receptive to guidance if warned early.

The gift of covering over sin. Our initial stance towards a normal sinner should be to "cover over sin." This means:

• Believing the best: Consciously choosing to turn our eyes from individual transgressions, focusing on their goodness, without ignoring or denying the damage.
• Waiting for patterns: Patiently observing for a pattern of sin to develop before confronting, as a single offense can be easily dismissed.
• Considering calling and context: Assessing the depth of the relationship and our calling to confront, respecting age and position.

Instruction through word and life. Loving a simpleton is like an athletic competition—a bloodless battle with a high goal (wisdom). It involves:

• Modeling brokenness and bold witness: Living out a life of humility, honesty, and dependence on God, demonstrating the path to wisdom.
• Offering guidance: Providing instruction through words and deeds, helping them see the consequences of their envy, naivete, and poor judgment.
• Encouraging discernment: Helping them develop intuition and deductive reasoning to avoid danger and make wise choices, rather than succumbing to gullibility or self-protection.

Wooing to wisdom. The goal is to woo the simpleton towards wisdom, which is gained through personal disruption and pain that leads to seeking understanding of God. This process exposes their emptiness and subtle hubris, compelling them to embrace humble dependence on God's mercy. By offering consistent, tender, and strong guidance, we help them move from a life of naive belief and poor judgment towards a deeper, more authentic relationship with God.