The Unteachables

At 55, Kermit is a veteran teacher whose career was destroyed by a cheating scandal 27 years ago. He has spent decades in apathy, counting the days to early retirement while hiding behind crossword puzzles and a giant coffee mug nicknamed the Toilet Bowl. When forced into teaching the 'Unteachables', he initially endures but gradually rediscovers his passion through the students' unexpected loyalty. Beneath his gruff exterior is a deep sense of fairness and a dormant gift for teaching. He evolves from a man who dreads the classroom into one who forgoes retirement to keep shaping young lives.

A bright, observant eighth-grader from California, Kiana is only temporarily in Greenwich while her mother films a movie. She never officially registers; she stumbles into SCS-8 and stays out of convenience. Initially detached and viewing herself as a short-timer, she becomes the class's moral compass, using her intellect to advocate for others. Her well-written essay reignites Kermit¹'s teaching instinct, and she later spearheads the secret science fair project. Over time, she forms genuine bonds with the misfit class, ultimately choosing them over a chance to return to California.

A 14-year-old who holds a provisional license to drive his grandmother¹³ and farm produce, Parker sees letters as a scrambled puzzle. He struggles mightily with reading but reveals a natural mechanical genius. He is devoted to his grandmother¹³, who calls him 'kiddo' because she cannot remember his name. Through targeted reading help, anagrams, and the support of his class, Parker begins to decode words and build confidence. His moment of triumph comes not from a test score but when Grams¹³ finally says 'Parker'.

Aldo is known for explosive anger, kicking lockers and throwing backpacks when frustrated. Beneath the rage, he craves connection but doesn't know how to express it. He hates schoolwork until he becomes engrossed in 'Where the Red Fern Grows', the first novel he ever finishes. His crush on Kiana² softens his rough edges. By the end, he learns to manage his emotions, earning his first Goodbunny puffy-tail for showing empathy and sharing an unexpected hug that signals his profound growth.

Once a celebrated three-sport athlete, Barnstorm is bitter after a knee injury costs him his identity. He masks vulnerability with arrogance and pranks, often targeting Aldo⁴. When he can no longer play, his competitive energy gets channeled into hoarding puffy-tails on the Goodbunnies chart. Through the class, he learns that his worth isn't tied to touchdowns and that true friends are more than fans. He becomes protective of his quirky classmates, especially Mateo⁶, and confronts his former football teammates when they bully him.

Mateo filters the world through pop culture, comparing everyone to characters from Star Wars, Star Trek, and comics. Eccentric and often socially awkward, he is fiercely loyal and surprisingly insightful. He names Kermit¹ 'the Grinch' and 'Squidward', which helps the class understand their teacher. His knowledge of fictional rebellions inspires the vuvuzela heist and the science fair project. He finds acceptance in SCS-8, where his quirks are celebrated rather than ridiculed, and he proves his courage when bullies target him.

Rahim is a gifted artist who spends most of class asleep because his stepdad's rock band rehearses all night. Initially overlooked, his talent is recognized when Kermit¹ arranges for him to attend community college art classes. As his sleep improves, he becomes more engaged, contributing sketches for class projects including the Coco Nerd's frog logo and the science fair banner. His gentle, observant nature adds a quiet depth to the class, and his artwork becomes a visual record of their journey.

Towering and physically powerful, Elaine is feared throughout the school due to exaggerated rumors of head-butting and destruction. In reality, she is quiet, academically capable, and rather gentle. Her brute strength loosens a stubborn bolt at the car shop, earning mechanics' respect. The class's realization that her fearsome reputation is false cements their unity. She becomes a loyal, protective friend, and her deep, rumbling voice belies a thoughtful mind that enjoys literature and science.

A bureaucrat obsessed with image, Thaddeus has nursed a grudge against Mr. Kermit¹ for 27 years over the scandal that embarrassed him when he was principal. He uses his power to assign Kermit¹ the worst class as a trap, then later fabricates a reason to fire him by manipulating test data. He represents institutional pettiness and an education system that punishes rather than supports. His eventual humiliation comes through public exposure in a newspaper article.

The young teacher in room 115 is the daughter of Kermit¹'s ex-fiancée. She employs kindergarten-style methods like Circle Time, bucket-filling, and a gecko named Vladimir. While her approach is often tone-deaf for middle school, her relentless optimism and genuine care provide crucial support. She orchestrates Jake¹¹'s return, volunteers to chaperone field trips, and helps the class with their secret project. Her budding romance with Jake Terranova¹¹ helps heal old wounds.

Known as Jumping Jake, the charismatic car dealer was the 12-year-old who stole and sold the national test answers, inadvertently destroying Mr. Kermit¹'s reputation. Now a successful businessman, he returns to make amends, offering his dealership for field trips and mentoring the students. His genuine guilt, hands-on help with the class, and eventual engagement to Miss Fountain¹⁰ win over even Kermit¹, illustrating the long arc of redemption.

A longtime colleague of Kermit¹, Principal Vargas remembers the brilliant teacher he once was. She advocates for his field trips and tries to warn him about the superintendent⁹'s schemes. Constrained by her position, she is unable to stop the unjust firing but plays a key role in the eventual reversal, always believing in the progress Kermit¹ and the 'Unteachables' have made.

Parker³'s beloved grandmother, a former bus station luncheonette worker, has dementia and calls him 'kiddo' because she can't remember his name. She provides comic relief and deep pathos. Her moment of clarity at the science fair, when she remembers and shouts 'Parker³!', is one of the book's most powerful emotional payoffs.

Kiana²'s stepmother, nicknamed 'Stepmonster', is frazzled by her baby Chauncey and initially inattentive. However, she later steps up to advocate for Kiana² to stay in SCS-8, revealing a genuine if clumsy maternal care. Her chaotic parenting provides both comic relief and a backdrop for Kiana²'s decision to embrace her blended family.

An elderly, stern substitute teacher whom the class initially pranks. When she later covers their class and learns about Kermit¹'s unjust firing, she passes the story to her journalist son, resulting in the newspaper exposé that saves Kermit¹'s job. Her arc from antagonist to ally underscores the theme that understanding can change perceptions.