Satan, You Can’t Have My Marriage

1. Marriage Under Assault: A Call to Spiritual Warfare

My intention is not to tickle your ears or make you feel good, but to prepare you for the sudden tornadoes and devastating floods Satan is always looking to bring upon God’s marriages.

A spiritual battle. Today's marriages, even Christian ones, face an alarming epidemic of unhappiness and chaos, stemming from a decline in moral values and a pervasive culture of self-gratification. This isn't merely a societal trend; it's a direct assault by Satan, who relentlessly pursues marital vows, sowing dissension to break what he cannot directly destroy. The author, drawing from 41 years of marriage and counseling, emphasizes that a Christian marriage without active spiritual warfare is at great risk.

Recognize the enemy. Many homes exhibit symptoms of this spiritual warfare, including:

• Lack of commitment and communication
• Infidelity and financial crisis
• Criticism, shame, and condemnation
• Obsession with self and possessions
• Child abuse and sexual addictions
  These issues are not just human failings but open doors for demonic attacks. Passiveness allows these ungodly influences to dictate family values and erode the sacred institution of marriage.

Proactive defense. To withstand these onslaughts, couples must actively reinforce their spiritual lives, staying anchored to Jesus and engaging in powerful warfare prayers. Declaring boldly, "Satan, you can't have my marriage!" is not just a statement but a call to action, trampling evil with God's Word and unwavering faith. This proactive stance, coupled with genuine, Christ-like love, forms an unshakeable foundation against the enemy's schemes.

2. Invest in Your Marriage: Cultivate Faithfulness and Growth

Today’s marriages will not survive spiritual bankruptcy unless a couple starts depositing quality investments into their relationship.

Strategic deposits. Just as financial investments yield returns, consistent efforts in a marriage build a strong foundation against spiritual bankruptcy. These "investments" are proactive choices that spark faithfulness and ensure a lifetime of happiness. Neglecting these areas leaves a marriage vulnerable to the enemy's attacks, which specifically target Christian unions.

Key investments for faithfulness:

• Speaking truth in love: Be transparent and honest, even when difficult, as God honors truth.
• Investing time: Plan for refreshing and enjoyment, preventing busyness and boredom from eroding connection.
• Intentional listening: Actively engage when your spouse speaks, fostering understanding and preventing emotional distance.
• Consistent prayer: Your most fruitful investment, strengthening your spirit and creating a thankful heart.
• Giving God glory: Acknowledge His hand in all things, opening doors for appreciation and thanksgiving.
• Healthy communication: Master the art of clear, gut-level conversations, ensuring messages are received as intended.
• Sustained interest: Support each other's passions and enjoy activities together, fostering continuous "wooing."
• Changing bad habits: Confront and replace destructive patterns like anger, which can severely damage health and relationships.
• Practicing forgiveness: Release past hurts and choose to forgive, freeing yourself from the chains of unforgiveness.
• Unwavering faith: Trust God's promises, even in difficult times, knowing He is your rewarder.
• Self-examination: Humbly take responsibility for your part in conflicts, allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal areas for growth.

Proactive strength. These investments are not merely suggestions but vital practices for a thriving marriage. They transform a relationship from merely surviving to powerfully flourishing, equipping couples to declare, "Satan, you can't have my marriage!" with conviction and authority.

3. Uproot Destructive Habits and Hidden Roots

Beware lest there should be among you a man or woman, or family or tribe, whose [mind and] heart turns away this day from the Lord our God to go and serve the gods of these nations; lest there should be among you a [poisonous] root that bears gall and wormwood.

Uncovering hidden issues. Many marital problems stem from "hidden roots"—covert issues that, if left unaddressed, invite demonic parasites to choke the life out of a relationship. These can include lack of trust, mishandling finances, dishonesty, jealousy, suspicion, and harshness. The author recounts a ministerial couple's struggle with the wife's overspending and the husband's inappropriate attention to a colleague, revealing how these seemingly minor issues can escalate into a crisis threatening a 25-year marriage.

Common destructive roots:

• Criticism and ridicule: These "pernicious spirits" belittle and condemn, leaving spouses feeling ashamed and unworthy, often leading to a broken spirit. The Bible illustrates this with Miriam's leprosy for criticizing Moses, highlighting God's view of such behavior.
• Unresolved guilt, shame, and condemnation: Satan's trio of affliction, these emotions bind individuals, causing agitation and disturbing relational well-being. The author's personal testimony of overcoming child abuse through forgiveness demonstrates the liberating power of confronting these roots.
• Nagging: Described as a "constant drip of water on a tin roof," nagging attacks a spouse's self-esteem, drives them away, and suffocates intimacy. The tragic story of Marcia's marriage, which ended due to persistent nagging, underscores its destructive power.
• Jealousy: A "foul, unclean spirit" that causes havoc and torment, often stemming from a lack of confidence and trust. Addressing it calmly and directly, as the author did with her husband, is crucial to prevent its destructive escalation.
• Unhealthy mother/daughter relationships: Negative comments from parents can create deep-seated resentment, fear, rejection, and low self-esteem, impacting future marital dynamics. Breaking these cycles requires unconditional love, positive affirmations, and intentional training.

Confront and transform. Identifying and uprooting these destructive roots requires repentance, forgiveness, accountability, and a commitment to specific changes. Ignoring them allows them to fester, leading to breakdown in communication, lack of intimacy, and ultimately, the potential for divorce.

4. Proactive Prevention: Guard Against Affairs and Divorce

For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence.

Understanding the triggers. Divorce is rampant, even among believers, and often stems from a combination of factors that erode the marital bond. Preventing affairs and divorce requires vigilance and intentional action, starting with transparency and respect. The author identifies several key reasons that drive spouses to infidelity and separation.

Top reasons for marital breakdown:

• Lack of transparency: Hiding significant past issues (addictions, abuse, debt) before marriage creates a foundation of deceit.
• Carelessness: Negligence, lack of attention, and sloppiness in the relationship signal a disregard for the spouse.
• Disrespect: Contempt and impoliteness cut to the core, breaking a spouse's spirit.
• Familiarity: Taking a partner for granted, becoming overly informal, and neglecting their needs leads to emotional distance.
• Control and manipulation: These "irreverent spirits" dominate and oppress, leading to unhappiness and bitterness.
• Loss of first love: The fading of affection, passion, and enthusiasm starves the relationship.
• Unfaithfulness: Infidelity, a profound betrayal of trust, is a leading cause of divorce, with women now as likely as men to be unfaithful.

Intentional self-care. Beyond relational dynamics, personal well-being plays a crucial role. Feeling good about one's body, without succumbing to unrealistic perfectionism, is vital. The author advises addressing genuine physical needs (dental, skin, weight) but warns against obsession with cosmetic changes driven by insecurity or lust. Instead, prioritize:

• Spiritual life and thinking patterns
• Education about marriage and child development
• Your mate's needs and your own nutritional/personal care
• Financial stability and home upkeep

"Fix your face." The author's daughter offers powerful advice: greet your spouse and children with a positive attitude and a smile. This simple act sets a peaceful tone for the home, defusing potential frustrations and fostering an environment where disagreements can be resolved constructively, rather than escalating into destructive arguments. Proactive prevention is a lifestyle of awareness and focused loving, rejecting pride and selfishness.

5. Master Your Finances: Build a Stable Home

The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none.

Money matters. Financial problems consistently rank among the top reasons for divorce, highlighting the critical need for couples to become good stewards of their money. A stable home requires knowledge, understanding, and a shared system for managing finances. The author outlines a proven approach that prioritizes spiritual and practical principles.

Foundational financial principles:

• Put God first: Tithes and offerings are non-negotiable, as giving opens the channels of divine blessing and provision.
• Budget for savings and investments: Prioritize future security and growth.
• Address needs first, not wants: Distinguish between essentials and desires to prevent overspending.

Practical financial management. Both partners must be fully aware of all expenditures and bills. The author's system involves the husband handling the money and the wife paying the bills, ensuring mutual accountability and transparency. This prevents misplaced bills, bounced checks, and late fees, which are common sources of marital conflict. When finances are tight, couples must be willing to stretch dollars, improvise, and make sacrifices together.

Avoid financial pitfalls:

• Credit card debt: Kick the habit by cutting up cards and using cash, avoiding the "consumer cocaine" that leads to financial bondage.
• Covetousness and comparison: Desiring what others have, or comparing your lifestyle to friends or family, leads to dissatisfaction and can drive a household into poverty.
• Living hand-to-mouth: God intends for His children to prosper, not just survive. Consistent giving and wise management ensure provision and abundance.

Declare financial freedom. Carelessness, lack of budgeting, and debt create immense stress and depression, making conflict resolution nearly impossible. By taking positive action and declaring, "Satan, you can't have my finances," couples can protect their substance and strengthen their marriage against this common enemy tactic.

6. Love and Bless Out Loud: Transform Your Home Atmosphere

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].

Words create reality. Many couples inadvertently "curse out loud" through arguments, nagging, and anger, often in front of their children. This creates a demonic atmosphere that stifles intimacy and can lead to prolonged silence, remorse, and eventually, divorce. The author emphasizes that our words and thoughts wield immense power, producing either life or death in our relationships.

Cultivating a "Love Loud" home:

• Demonstrate affection: Smile, laugh, kiss, hug, and engage in good sex.
• Practice kindness and service: Show consideration and serve each other willingly.
• Spiritual unity: Go to church and pray together, strengthening your spiritual bond.
• Joyful interaction: Play, surprise each other, and enjoy shared activities like music and shows.
• Positive communication: Listen intently, accept, and please each other without criticism or shame.
• Swift reconciliation: Always say "I'm sorry" and forgive, never going to bed angry.
• Mutual admiration: Consistently find things to admire in your spouse.
• Transparency: Avoid hiding anything or lying to each other.
• Blessing over cursing: Speak blessings to break negative cycles.

Overcoming obstacles to loving loud:

• New baby demands: Husbands must pitch in to support overwhelmed mothers, preventing neglect and stress.
• Household responsibilities: Both partners must contribute to maintaining an orderly home, avoiding resentment over messes.
• Financial disputes: Open communication and shared accountability prevent arguments over money.
• Ethnicity differences: Embrace and enjoy each other's cultural backgrounds, including food and traditions.
• Hidden abuse issues: Seek healing and understanding for past traumas that affect intimacy and communication.
• Unsaved spouse: The believing spouse must exercise patience and prayer, trusting God's Word (1 Cor. 7:13-14) for their household's salvation.
• Adultery: A profound betrayal requiring forgiveness, reconciliation, and accountability from the perpetrator.
• Barrenness: Find contentment in service and seek God's will regarding adoption, understanding potential challenges.
• Gay child: Love unconditionally, seek deep help, recognizing it as a demonic spirit, not a genetic issue.
• Other issues: Inherited curses, rebellious children, intimacy fears, legalism, weight, perfectionism, workaholism—all require intentional effort and, often, professional Christian counseling.

Choose life. Loving out loud requires sacrifice, a "want-to" attitude, and a willingness to go against worldly norms. It's an active form of spiritual warfare that transforms a home into a haven of peace, joy, and God's blessings.

7. Cultivate a Powerful Marriage: Intentional Practices for Lasting Love

Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always “me first,” doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.

A disciplined journey. A powerful marriage isn't accidental; it's the result of consistent, intentional practices and self-discipline. The author shares personal strategies developed over 41 years, emphasizing that victory requires action and a commitment to pleasing God first. This journey transforms inexperienced couples into those who possess remarkable character and a thriving relationship.

Being your best self:

• Character development: Consciously choose composure over lashing out, refusing to engage foul spirits that cause strife. Be soft-spoken, confident, open-minded, and truthful.
• Dealing with illness: Confront sickness with faith, confessing God's Word (e.g., Philippians 4:13, Proverbs 4:20-22) and maintaining a cheerful, optimistic mind, which acts as "good medicine."
• Strengthening your mate relationship:
  • Daily admiration: Actively seek and voice appreciation for your spouse's efforts and qualities.
  • Frequent endearments: Spontaneously and deliberately express "I love you" and other affectionate words.
  • Respect and honor: Never criticize publicly, gossip, or bring up past negatives. Lift them up, cover faults, and honor their position.
  • Daily prayer: Specifically bless and cover your spouse in prayer, binding enemy attacks and loosing God's peace.
  • Continuous wooing: Keep dating, enjoying romantic activities, and expressing affection through small gestures.
  • Mutual education: Share insights, discuss needs, and help each other grow and mature.
  • Health and grooming: Prioritize healthy meals, exercise, and personal hygiene, as these impact self-esteem and attraction.

Navigating external influences:

• In-law interference: Uphold the "leave and cleave" principle (Genesis 2:24), setting boundaries with parents to protect marital unity.
• Home environment: Cultivate a pleasant home through home-cooked meals, orderly living spaces, and consistent care for clothing.
• Financial discipline: Maintain joint awareness of finances, make lists for shopping, and avoid impulsive spending.
• Child-rearing: Establish clear boundaries and priorities (God first, spouse second, children third), protect children from harmful entertainment, and avoid perfectionism.
• Fellowship: Entertain friends, write thank-you notes, and prioritize church attendance and fun activities with other couples.

A lifestyle of commitment. This comprehensive approach to marriage is a lifestyle of commitment, not just a set of rules. It requires going against self-will and worldly pressures, but it promises a vivacious, healthy, and blessed marriage that leaves a powerful legacy for generations.

8. Recognize and Resist Satan's Abuse in Your Marriage

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Satan-abuse is real. The author introduces the concept of "Satan-abuse," a pervasive and subtle invasion of every facet of life, often unrecognized by Christians who have become desensitized to the enemy's influence. This abuse, defined as maltreatment, improper use, exploitation, and manipulation, is the root cause of much marital devastation. It's crucial to understand that the battle is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces of wickedness.

The devastating effects of addiction:

• Alcohol and drug abuse: These substances are central nervous system depressants that impair judgment, lower inhibitions, and frequently trigger violence and domestic abuse. Statistics reveal the massive scale of addiction, affecting millions of Americans and devastating countless families.
• Enslavement: All addictions enslave their victims, claiming ownership and demanding human sacrifice. Society's attempts to reframe addiction with new names fail to address the spiritual force at play.
• Spiritual deliverance: True freedom from addiction requires spiritual warfare in the name of Jesus, ousting the demonic force and a willingness from the victim to make a complete about-face, refusing to return to old patterns.

A powerful testimony of resistance. The author shares a friend's profound experience in an anger management class. Instead of directing her anger at her addicted husband, she visualized Satan in the "empty chair" and violently "whacked" him with a bat, declaring he would not take her marriage. This act of spiritual warfare, refusing to direct anger at her spouse, resulted in lasting victory and freedom from the tormenting issues. This illustrates that believers have been delegated power and authority over all demonic influence (Luke 10:19).

Active spiritual warfare. Effective spiritual warfare is not passive; it's an active lifestyle of purity, obedience to God's Word, and fearless engagement against evil spirits. It involves:

• Applying pertinent scriptures and praying powerful prayers.
• Refusing to complain, nag, or hold grudges, which hinder spiritual effectiveness.
• Controlling the imagination, recognizing and rebuking evil spirits that flash negative pictures.
• Talking back to the devil with "It is written!" as Jesus did.
• Purging evil and unclean spirits from our lives, recognizing that love is a primary target for the enemy.

Freedom through knowledge. When an evil spirit is recognized and commanded to leave in Jesus' name, it must obey. This knowledge, coupled with a surrendered heart and a commitment to educating one's mind and spirit, empowers believers to withstand and resist the enemy, ensuring love rules in their homes.

9. Establish a Spiritual Security System for Your Home

I am convinced that without a spiritual security system built upon the Word of God, our homes cannot and will not be able to withstand the even tougher, perilous times of crisis ahead of us.

An essential defense. Just as a thief targets an unguarded home, Satan attacks marriages lacking a spiritual security system. This system, built upon the Word of God, is indispensable for withstanding the perilous times ahead. It requires reclaiming homes, establishing Jesus Christ as the firm foundation, and actively resisting the enemy's permission to operate within the marriage.

Preparation and training. Marital love and harmony are not automatic; they are cultivated through preparation and instruction in God's Word. This "training and discipleship" equips couples with the wisdom and understanding necessary to navigate life's challenges, much like dancers preparing for a competition. Knowing your partner's heart, values, and aspirations takes time, communication, and discernment—qualities learned through intentional effort.

The fruit of the Spirit as protection. God created women with a "delightful foundation of love" within them, which, when cultivated, releases the fruit of the Holy Spirit:

• Love, Joy, Peace
• Patience, Kindness, Goodness
• Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control
  These attributes, actively operating in a couple's life, form an impenetrable shield against the enemy's tactics. Couples must honestly assess which fruits are lacking and commit to their development.

God's shelters. The church and the home are God's primary sources of protection and shelter from sin and torment. Actively connecting with a dynamic, Bible-believing church and engaging with other Christian couples provides spiritual nourishment and a supportive community. This commitment ensures that a couple is "plugged into" God, making His infinite resources and treasures available to their marriage.

Gird up your loins. "Girding up" means to prepare for something difficult and challenging. For a Christian married couple, this translates to being spiritually ready at all times, surrounding their relationship with prayer and the power of Jesus' blood. This active, not passive, spiritual warfare, rooted in obedience to God's Word, ensures that when storms come, their house built on a solid foundation will not be torn down.

10. Embrace Friendship and Intimacy: The Heart of a Lasting Union

My lover is mine, and I am his.

The essence of ownership. Love and intimacy in marriage signify a profound sense of ownership and belonging, mirroring our intimate relationship with God. True intimacy, as the author's husband aptly puts it, is "into-me-you-see," requiring a deep understanding of each other's hearts. This goes beyond mere physical acts, encompassing a rich tapestry of emotional and spiritual connection.

Dimensions of intimacy:

• Familiarity and closeness: A deep knowing and comfort with each other.
• Understanding and confidence: Trusting each other's intentions and feelings.
• Caring and tenderness: Expressing affection and gentle consideration.
• Quiet atmosphere and private utterance: Creating space for vulnerability and shared secrets.
• Sexual act: The physical expression of becoming "one flesh," a powerful bond.

Beyond romance novels. Many, especially young women, develop a perverted image of marriage and intimacy from romance novels, leading to unfulfilled expectations and a disconnect from reality. This fantasy involvement is dangerous, as it can lead to living double personalities and unfulfilled needs within the actual marriage. Healthy intimacy requires understanding the unique needs of men and women. Men often desire physical release, while women crave affectionate touch that doesn't always lead to sex, requiring men to learn their wives' complex needs through attention and experimentation.

Cultivating a tender connection. Intimacy cannot thrive amidst negativity, grunts, yelling, or emotional distance. It begins with:

• Tender touch and affectionate embraces: Physical expressions of love that build connection.
• Alluring positive words: Speaking life and affirmation, rather than criticism or lectures.
• Prioritizing togetherness: Making time for shared activities, preventing busyness from eroding the relationship.
• Softness during stress: Offering comfort and understanding, especially when the "roof falls in," rather than lashing out.

A powerful tool. When sex becomes a difficult topic, it often signals deeper issues like addiction, past abuse, or lack of affection. Open discussion and professional help are crucial. The author emphasizes that improving one's sex life is a powerful tool to transform a marriage into a healthy and happy one. By sowing positive, faith-filled seeds of admiration, words, and actions, couples engage in spiritual warfare, going against self-will and worldly pressures to build a blessed, fulfilling, and enduring union.

11. Connect to the Supernatural Source: Live a God-Centered Marriage

To have a blessed supernatural marriage, you must know and do the things in the rulebook of God’s Word.

Beyond the superficial. A truly blessed, supernatural marriage transcends mere church attendance, Christian media consumption, or theological knowledge. It's about actively knowing and doing the things outlined in God's Word, which serves as the ultimate rulebook for life. A marriage disconnected from God is vulnerable to the enemy's attacks, leading to indifference, control, mistrust, and self-will.

The treasure within. Each individual possesses a "treasure"—a pearl of great value—that, when cherished and nurtured, allows a marriage to thrive. This requires consistent attention and effort, as neglect leads to a lack of care and application. Change and growth are impossible without addressing painful memories, past abuses, and red warning flags that hinder progress.

Daily spiritual discipline. To tap into the supernatural power of God's kingdom, couples must cultivate a daily spiritual altar—a dedicated time and place for surrender to God. This devotional practice is as vital as physical hygiene and more important than daily routines. It involves:

• Washing clean: In God's presence, through prayer and confessing His Word, we are cleansed and sanctified.
• Praise and worship: Offering thanksgiving and adoration to God, which is a privilege, honor, and act of sacrifice.
• Declaring God's Word: Speaking specific scriptures in faith, believing for healing, provision, and guidance.

God's unwavering support. This spiritual discipline strengthens the inner man, sharpens discernment, improves speech, and enhances relationships. It's a powerful process where the Holy Spirit, our Helper and Teacher, stretches and equips us to become strong, fearless, and capable of achieving the impossible. Both Jesus and the Holy Spirit are constantly interceding for our well-being and salvation (Romans 8:26, 34), demonstrating God's unwavering commitment to us.

Embrace the God-lifestyle. A God-lifestyle is active spiritual warfare, not passive. It involves:

• Loving your spouse and keeping order in your home.
• Refusing to complain, being a good steward of money, and loving difficult people.
• Forgiving, disciplining children, and serving God with all your heart.
• Applying and obeying spiritual principles.
  This lifestyle keeps us in enmity with Satan and opens the doors of blessing, allowing us to confidently declare, "Satan, you can't have my marriage, my children, my inheritance, my finances, my health, or my substance."

Last updated: August 26, 2025