Key Takeaways
1. The Power of Wise Interventions: Small Shifts, Big Spirals
The tools of change I’ll describe seem so small, so quick, so easy it’s hard to believe they really can produce enormous gains.
Unlocking potential. "Ordinary Magic" reveals that seemingly minor psychological interventions can trigger profound, lasting transformations in individuals, relationships, and communities. These "wise interventions" are not magic fixes but precise psychological nudges that address underlying doubts and fears, setting off powerful upward spirals. They leverage human psychology to help people overcome persistent problems that often feel insurmountable.
Beyond quick fixes. Unlike superficial "nudges" that manipulate behavior, wise interventions empower individuals by helping them reframe their understanding of challenges. They provide a new lens through which to interpret experiences, fostering resilience and agency. For example, a one-hour session helping college students feel they belong can lead to higher grades, better health, and more successful careers a decade later.
The engine oil. These interventions act like engine oil, clearing obstacles so that existing systems and individual efforts can function optimally. They don't replace hard work or systemic support but enable them, demonstrating that significant change doesn't always require massive overhauls, but rather targeted, insightful shifts in perception and interaction.
2. Spirals: How Our Interpretations Shape Our Reality
The sad irony is that when we act on the basis of these thin slices of evidence, we risk making our fears come true.
The spiral effect. Our lives are shaped by psychological spirals, either upward or downward, initiated by how we interpret events. A "bad" thing, even a trivial one (a "tifbit"), can trigger a "core question" about our identity, belonging, or ability, leading to negative inferences and self-defeating actions. This process, called "construal," is often unconscious and can quickly entrench pessimistic hypotheses.
From doubt to action. When a core question is unsettled, it acts as a filter, making us selectively attuned to evidence that confirms our negative assumptions. For instance, a junior staffer's boss making a snarky comment might trigger the question "Do I fit in here?" leading to withdrawal, reduced motivation, and ultimately, poorer performance, thus confirming the initial fear. This "calcification" turns initial doubts into self-fulfilling prophecies.
Breaking the cycle. Recognizing these spirals is the first step to reversing them. By understanding how situations trigger doubts and how our interpretations can lead to negative outcomes, we gain the power to intervene. The goal is to interrupt the negative feedback loop and replace it with a positive one, transforming perceived threats into opportunities for growth and connection.
3. Listen for Core Questions: The TICs of Doubt
Our doubts are legitimate responses to the world as it is.
Anticipating vulnerability. Core questions about ourselves, our place, and our capabilities don't arise randomly; they are triggered by specific circumstances. The acronym "TICs" helps identify these moments:
- Transitions: New environments (e.g., starting college, a new job) where uncertainty is high.
- Identities: Situations where aspects of our identity (e.g., race, gender, social class) might be negatively stereotyped.
- Challenges: Moments of struggle, failure, or difficulty (e.g., a bad grade, a conflict).
Beyond surface reactions. When someone has a disproportionate reaction to a small event (a "tifbit"), it signals a deeper, often unarticulated core question. For example, Michelle Obama's frustration over ill-fitting dorm sheets as a first-generation college student wasn't about the sheets; it was about "Do I belong here?" These reactions are clues to underlying anxieties.
Perspective getting. To truly understand these questions, we must engage in "perspective getting," not just "perspective taking." This involves actively listening and asking open-ended questions to uncover what an experience means to another person, rather than assuming we already know. This empathetic inquiry helps surface hidden doubts and fears, making them visible and addressable.
4. Cultivate Wise Answers: A Framework for Growth
By staying grounded in the reality of the challenges we face, wise answers become authentic and legitimate.
Reframing reality. Wise interventions don't deny reality or offer false platitudes. Instead, they help individuals develop authentic, legitimate answers to troubling core questions by reframing challenging experiences. This involves a shift from fixed, negative interpretations to growth-oriented perspectives.
Five narrative principles:
- Avoid negative labels: Rejecting self-blame or labeling others (e.g., "I'm not bad," "You're not bad").
- Normalize struggles: Recognizing that challenges are common and not unique (e.g., "It's normal," "You're not the only one").
- Recognize real obstacles: Attributing difficulties to external factors or solvable problems, not inherent flaws (e.g., "I/you face real obstacles").
- Forecast improvement: Believing that things can get better with effort and strategy (e.g., "It can get better").
- Recognize opportunities: Finding positive aspects or lessons within adversity (e.g., "Silver lining").
Empowering self-reflection. These principles guide individuals to see challenges as temporary, external, and solvable, rather than as fixed indicators of personal deficiency. By providing a framework for reinterpretation, wise answers empower individuals to engage with problems constructively, fostering resilience and a sense of agency.
5. Belonging: Transforming Isolation into Connection
When troubling questions about belonging were addressed, many of these students were able to find mentors who helped them chart a path into adult life.
The burden of doubt. For many, especially those from marginalized groups, the question "Do people like me belong here?" is a constant undercurrent. Historical exclusion and stereotypes amplify this "belonging uncertainty," turning everyday slights into potent "tifbits" that signal rejection. This doubt can lead to disengagement, isolation, and underperformance, as seen in the experiences of first-generation college students or women in male-dominated STEM fields.
Stories as catalysts. Wise interventions address this by sharing stories from older peers who initially struggled with belonging but eventually thrived. These narratives normalize early difficulties, showing that feeling out of place is common and temporary. Students then reflect on their own experiences, connecting them to these broader patterns, and are encouraged to share their insights with future students.
Long-term impact. This process helps students reframe their challenges, reducing the emotional toll of setbacks and fostering a sense of connection. It encourages proactive behaviors like seeking mentorship and joining student groups, which in turn build social capital and lead to sustained academic success, improved health, and greater life satisfaction years after the intervention.
6. Ability & Persistence: Embracing Growth Over Fixed Limits
Thinking is for becoming.
Challenging fixed mindsets. The pervasive belief that intelligence and willpower are fixed traits ("fixed mindset") can be deeply debilitating. When faced with difficulty, individuals with a fixed mindset may interpret struggles as proof of their inadequacy ("Am I smart enough?") or exhaustion ("Do I need a break?"), leading to disengagement and underperformance. This "ego depletion" is often a psychological construct rather than a true physiological limit.
Cultivating a growth mindset. Wise interventions counter this by presenting intelligence as a malleable capacity that grows with effort, strategy, and help ("like a muscle"). They reframe struggle as a natural and necessary part of learning, not a sign of deficiency. For example, praising effort ("You must have worked hard") rather than innate ability ("You're so smart") encourages persistence.
Energizing willpower. Similarly, reframing willpower as an energizing resource rather than a limited one can significantly boost persistence. When individuals believe their efforts are useful and connected to broader goals ("Is this really my goal?"), especially prosocial ones (helping others), they are more likely to sustain effort. This shift in perspective empowers individuals to overcome challenges and achieve their goals, transforming perceived limitations into opportunities for growth.
7. Identity: Reclaiming Your Story, Affirming Your Strengths
The stories that we tell not only come out of the world that we live in. [They also] help us create, and live, in the world that we want to live in.
The looking-glass self. Our sense of self is profoundly influenced by how others see us. Negative stereotypes or societal narratives can create a "looking-glass self" that defines us as weak, bad, or invisible, leading to confusion and distress. This is particularly true for marginalized groups (e.g., refugees, people with disabilities, those with mental illness) who often face dehumanizing labels.
Surfacing and reframing. Wise interventions create platforms for individuals to surface these external narratives and then actively challenge them by telling their own stories. This involves acknowledging challenges while simultaneously highlighting the strengths, resilience, and agency developed through those experiences. For example, refugees sharing how their journey fostered adaptability, or individuals with depression articulating how it built inner strength.
Empowering voice. By providing a space for self-definition and affirmation, these interventions help individuals reclaim their identity. This process not only boosts self-confidence and goal pursuit but also shifts how others perceive them. The "Lifting the Bar" intervention, where justice-involved youth introduce themselves to teachers, exemplifies this, transforming perceptions from "troublemaker" to "committed student."
8. Relationships: Nurturing Love and Resolving Conflict
In the very best relationships, each person sees the other person more positively than anyone else sees them—funnier, kinder, more intelligent, more generous, and more attractive than even they might think they are.
Prescient love. Healthy relationships thrive on "prescient love," where partners idealize each other, seeing not just who they are but who they can become. This positive vision acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy, inspiring individuals to grow into the best versions of themselves. However, low self-esteem can hinder this, making it difficult to accept compliments as genuine expressions of love.
Reframing compliments and conflicts. Wise interventions help individuals with low self-esteem truly internalize compliments by prompting them to reflect on the deeper meaning and significance of their partner's admiration. For couples facing conflict, interventions like the "third-party perspective" or "seeing the big picture" encourage stepping back from immediate arguments to consider shared values and the relationship's overall well-being.
Sustaining connection. These brief reflections, often just minutes long, can stabilize marital quality, reduce distress during arguments, and foster greater love, trust, and intimacy over time. They help partners navigate inevitable disagreements without letting trivial "tifbits" escalate into existential threats to the relationship, allowing the upward spiral of mutual growth and affection to continue.
9. Authority: Building Trust Through Empathy and Transparency
We would all do well to begin with trust, to stand up for helpful rules and good behavior when necessary, and to forgive transgressions quickly.
The trust deficit. Interactions with authority figures, such as police officers or teachers, are often fraught with mistrust, especially for marginalized groups. Stereotypes can lead authority figures to assume the worst ("Are you a threat?"), while individuals may anticipate disrespect or unfair treatment ("Will they disrespect me?"). This mutual suspicion can quickly escalate conflicts and undermine the very purpose of these relationships.
Starting and ending well. Wise interventions focus on transforming these critical junctures. For law enforcement, "transparency statements" at the start of an interaction, where officers explicitly state their positive intentions, can reduce fear and build rapport. When mistakes occur, genuine "apologies" can repair trust, as seen in the case of the perfect game umpire or the author's experience with sheriff's deputies.
Empathic discipline in schools. In education, "wise feedback" (e.g., "I have high standards and I know you can meet them") helps students, especially those from stereotyped groups, interpret criticism as a sign of belief, not judgment. "Empathic discipline" interventions for teachers encourage a relational approach to misbehavior, reducing suspensions and fostering trust. These shifts in perspective and communication can lead to profound, lasting improvements in safety and learning outcomes.
10. Scaling Wise Interventions: From Individual Insights to Systemic Change
Know-how has to meet can-do. We have to roll up our sleeves and get to work.
Beyond individual impact. While wise interventions demonstrate powerful individual effects, their true potential lies in systemic implementation. The challenge is to move from bespoke solutions to scalable approaches that can reach millions. This requires "fitting" interventions to diverse populations and integrating them into existing organizational structures and policies.
Leveraging technology and institutions. Online modules, like those for social belonging and growth mindset, have proven effective in reaching thousands of students in critical transitions (e.g., high school to college). These low-cost, easily deployable tools can reduce achievement gaps and improve persistence at scale. However, their effectiveness depends on supportive institutional "affordances"—contexts where the hopeful message is legitimate and actionable.
Organizational leadership. Sustained change requires leaders within institutions (e.g., school administrators, police chiefs, healthcare executives) to champion these psychological insights. By adopting practices that foster belonging, growth, and empathy, leaders can cultivate cultures that proactively address troubling questions, transforming the experiences of countless individuals and driving equitable outcomes.
11. Making School Wise: Creating Environments for Every Child to Thrive
It’s what we create to help people become.
A sacred mission. School is a foundational institution designed to help individuals grow and contribute to society. Yet, it often inadvertently creates psychological barriers that hinder learning and well-being, especially for vulnerable students. Making school "wise" means intentionally designing environments that anticipate and address the core questions students face, ensuring every child feels seen, capable, and connected.
Proactive practices:
- Welcoming students: Intentional greetings, value-sharing assignments, and social-belonging interventions that normalize transition anxieties.
- Communicating value: Explicitly valuing growth over fixed ability, celebrating mistakes as learning opportunities, and helping students connect curriculum to their personal goals.
- Supporting performance: Framing test anxiety as energizing, providing strategic study resources, and offering supportive feedback after setbacks.
- Empowering educators: Providing professional development that reinforces teachers' empathic mission and offers tools like "Elevate" to gather student feedback and foster responsive classroom cultures.
The power of one. A single wise teacher can profoundly impact a student's trajectory, fostering trust and resilience that extends beyond their classroom. By systematically integrating these evidence-based practices, schools can move beyond reactive discipline and academic sorting, creating inclusive, growth-oriented cultures where all students, regardless of background, can flourish and realize their full potential.
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