Night Watch in Los Angeles

Lauren, an accountant in Los Angeles, waits anxiously for her husband Leo's safe landing after a flight. Their marriage is loving but shadowed by the pain of infertility and the relentless routines of fertility treatments. Lauren's insomnia is rooted in past trauma—her father's near-death in a car accident when she was fifteen, an event her mother later "undid" with a mysterious family gift. The night is filled with small rituals: coffee, texts with her mother, and the presence of her cat, Pea. The chapter sets the tone of Lauren's life—orderly, loving, but haunted by what could be lost, and introduces the central motif of waiting and watching over loved ones.

The Silver Ticket Legacy

Lauren recounts the family legend: every woman in her maternal line receives a single silver ticket, a magical do-over that can undo one event in her life. The story begins with her great-grandmother Irina in Odessa, who receives the ticket from a mysterious woman after an act of kindness. Irina uses it to save her father from a pogrom, and the ticket reappears for each new generation. Lauren's mother used hers to undo her husband's fatal car accident, restoring him to life. The ticket is both a blessing and a burden, a secret passed from mother to daughter, and a source of both hope and anxiety about when and how it should be used.

Surf, Family, and Secrets

Lauren's relationship with her father, Dave, is defined by their shared insomnia and love of surfing. Their early morning rituals—coffee, oatmeal, and talk—are comforting, but Lauren's protectiveness is heightened by the knowledge of his past accident and the family's secret. Dave is a warm, open man, beloved by all, but aging and increasingly fragile. The family's dynamic is shaped by the accident that was undone, and by the unspoken knowledge that their time together is both precious and precarious. Lauren's mother, Marcella, is practical and anxious, always circling her husband with worry, while Lauren and Dave share a more relaxed, affectionate bond.

Kitchen Confessions

Lauren's kitchen becomes a place of confession and memory. Cooking with her father, she reflects on the aftermath of his accident and the moment her mother and grandmother revealed the truth about the ticket. The revelation marked Lauren's passage into adulthood, burdening her with the knowledge that she, too, would one day face an impossible choice. The family's love is deep but complicated, shaped by secrets and the constant threat of loss. Lauren's mother's depression after the accident, and the way the women in the family rally around Dave, underscore the theme of women as protectors and the emotional cost of carrying such responsibility.

Mothers, Daughters, and Distance

Marcella, Lauren's mother, reflects on her own life—her marriage to Dave, her relationship with her mother Sylvia, and her sometimes-fraught bond with Lauren. Marcella is practical, organized, and often feels cast as the "uptight" one in contrast to Sylvia's free spirit. She longs for closeness with Lauren but feels the distance between them, exacerbated by generational differences and the weight of family secrets. Marcella's marriage is strong but not without its challenges, and her role as caretaker is both fulfilling and exhausting. The chapter explores the complexities of motherhood, the desire for connection, and the ways women define themselves in relation to their families.

Return to Broad Beach

Lauren drives to her family's beach house in Malibu, a place steeped in memory and tradition. The house is old, quirky, and beloved, a symbol of the family's history and resilience. Lauren is greeted by her grandmother Sylvia, who is vibrant and eccentric even in her nineties. The beach house is a gathering place for the family, filled with the smells of cooking, the sound of the ocean, and the presence of generations. Lauren's return is both a homecoming and a confrontation with the past, as she prepares to spend the summer there while Leo works in New York. The stage is set for old relationships to resurface and new choices to be made.

Old Loves, New Tensions

On the beach, Lauren unexpectedly encounters Stone, her first love and former boyfriend of a decade. Stone is back in Malibu to care for his ailing stepmother, Bonnie. Their reunion is charged with nostalgia and unresolved emotion, highlighting the contrast between Lauren's past with Stone and her present with Leo. The encounter stirs up old feelings and questions about what might have been, especially as Lauren grapples with her infertility and the strain it places on her marriage. The chapter explores the enduring pull of first love, the complexities of adult relationships, and the ways the past continues to shape the present.

The Undoing Gift

Lauren reflects on the power and peril of the silver ticket. Her mother's use of the ticket to save Dave came at a cost—Marcella was never the same, haunted by the knowledge that she could not save him again. The ticket is revealed as both a miracle and a curse, offering a second chance but also instilling a deep fear of what happens when it is gone. Lauren is acutely aware that her own ticket remains unused, and the weight of deciding when and if to use it looms over her. The chapter delves into the psychological burden of having the power to undo tragedy, and the impossibility of escaping grief and loss.

Summer at the Shore

With Leo in New York, Lauren moves into the beach house for the summer, renting out her West Hollywood home to make ends meet. The summer is a time of transition—she reconnects with her family, resumes old routines, and spends more time with Stone. The ocean becomes a place of healing and rediscovery, as Lauren relearns to surf and finds solace in the rhythms of the water. The summer is also marked by tension—her marriage is strained by distance and disappointment, and her relationship with Stone grows more complicated as Bonnie's health declines. The chapter captures the bittersweet nature of change and the search for meaning in the midst of uncertainty.

Relearning the Ocean

Lauren's decision to surf again after years away is both literal and symbolic. The ocean, once a source of joy and connection with her father and Stone, had become alien after their breakup. Reentering the water is an act of reclaiming her identity and confronting her fears. Surfing brings Lauren back into the present, offering moments of pure presence and release from the anxieties of infertility and family obligation. The chapter highlights the healing power of nature, the importance of facing the past, and the possibility of renewal even after long absence.

The Past Resurfaces

Family dinners at the beach house bring together multiple generations and old friends, including Stone. The meals are filled with laughter, tension, and the unspoken weight of history. Lauren observes the dynamics between her parents, her grandmother, and Stone, noting how much has changed and how much remains the same. The chapter explores the ways families repeat patterns, the difficulty of breaking free from old roles, and the comfort and frustration of returning to familiar places. The presence of Stone and the decline of Bonnie force Lauren to confront her own desires and the choices she has made.

Bonnie's Last Days

As Bonnie's illness worsens, Lauren is drawn into Stone's grief and the question of whether she should use her ticket to help him. The temptation to undo Bonnie's suffering is strong, but Lauren is paralyzed by guilt and the knowledge that her power is limited. The chapter explores the ethical dilemmas of having the ability to change fate, the pain of watching loved ones suffer, and the realization that some losses cannot be prevented. Lauren's struggle mirrors her mother's earlier choice, highlighting the generational cycle of love, sacrifice, and regret.

The Power to Choose

In a moment of vulnerability and longing, Lauren sleeps with Stone, betraying Leo. Overwhelmed by guilt and the fear of losing her marriage, she uses her silver ticket to undo the affair, erasing it from reality. The act is both a relief and a loss—she is spared the consequences, but also forced to confront the limits of what can be fixed. The chapter examines the allure and danger of second chances, the impossibility of perfect choices, and the necessity of living with the consequences of our actions. Lauren's use of the ticket marks a turning point, as she must now face the future without the safety net of a do-over.

The Truth About the Ticket

Lauren learns the full truth about the ticket's history and her own past. Marcella reveals that Lauren herself was the one saved by the ticket—she died in a car accident as a teenager, and her mother used the ticket to bring her back. The knowledge reframes Lauren's understanding of her family, her mother's anxiety, and the burden of being the one who was saved. The chapter explores the complexity of maternal love, the weight of secrets, and the ways in which the past shapes the present. Lauren and Marcella reach a new understanding, grounded in honesty and mutual recognition of their shared pain.

Letting Go, Moving Forward

With the ticket gone, Lauren and Leo must confront the reality of their marriage and the limits of what can be controlled. Lauren confesses her infidelity, and together they decide to let go of the relentless pursuit of a biological child. They choose to move forward, embracing the life they have rather than the one they imagined. The chapter is about acceptance—of imperfection, of loss, of the messiness of love. It is also about forgiveness, both of oneself and others, and the courage to begin again without the promise of magic or certainty.

The Heart's Final Bargain

Dave's heart condition worsens, and the family faces the possibility of losing him for good. Lauren is tempted to use the ticket (now passed to her by Sylvia) to save him, but Dave refuses, insisting that he does not want to erase the life he has lived or the memories they have made. The family must come to terms with the inevitability of death and the value of the time they have shared. The chapter is a meditation on mortality, the meaning of legacy, and the importance of cherishing the present rather than longing for what might have been.

Generations and Goodbyes

The novel concludes with the family gathered for the birthday of Lauren and Leo's son, born through donor eggs after they accept the impossibility of a biological child. Sylvia has passed away, leaving her ticket unused, a symbol of the choice to live life forward rather than backward. The family is changed but whole, having survived loss, betrayal, and the limits of magic. The final scenes are filled with gratitude, forgiveness, and the recognition that the true miracle is not the ability to undo the past, but the courage to live fully in the present and to love despite the certainty of loss.

Characters

Lauren Novak

Lauren is the protagonist, a woman in her late thirties whose life is shaped by love, loss, and the burden of her family's magical legacy. She is practical and organized, yet deeply anxious, especially about the safety of those she loves. Her marriage to Leo is loving but strained by infertility and the relentless pursuit of a child. Lauren's relationship with her parents is close but complicated, marked by secrets and the weight of being the one who was saved. Her journey is one of self-discovery, learning to accept imperfection, forgive herself and others, and find meaning beyond the possibility of undoing pain.

Leo

Leo is Lauren's husband, a director of photography whose passion for film contrasts with Lauren's practicality. He is warm, supportive, and present, but struggles to understand the depth of Lauren's pain over infertility. Leo's own longing for stability and family is tested by the emotional and financial strain of fertility treatments. His relationship with Lauren is marked by love, frustration, and the challenge of navigating grief together. Leo's arc is one of learning to let go of control, forgive, and choose the life he has rather than the one he imagined.

Marcella (Lauren's Mother)

Marcella is a woman defined by her roles as wife, mother, and daughter. She is practical, organized, and often anxious, especially about her husband's health. Marcella's use of the silver ticket to save Dave shapes her life, instilling a deep fear of loss and a sense of responsibility for her family's safety. Her relationship with Lauren is loving but distant, complicated by secrets and the difficulty of expressing vulnerability. Marcella's journey is one of reckoning with her choices, seeking connection with her daughter, and learning to accept what cannot be controlled.

Dave (Lauren's Father)

Dave is the heart of the family, a loving father and husband whose near-death and subsequent survival define the family's dynamic. He is social, generous, and beloved by all, but aging and increasingly fragile. Dave's acceptance of mortality and refusal to use the ticket again reflect his wisdom and gratitude for the life he has lived. His relationship with Lauren is affectionate and easy, while his bond with Marcella is deepened by shared history and mutual care. Dave's arc is about embracing the present, letting go of fear, and teaching his family the value of time.

Sylvia (Lauren's Grandmother)

Sylvia is the matriarch, a vibrant and unconventional woman in her nineties who embodies the family's history and magic. She is both nurturing and elusive, a source of comfort and mystery. Sylvia's refusal to use her own ticket is a statement about living life forward and accepting the consequences of one's choices. Her relationship with Marcella is fraught but loving, while her bond with Lauren is marked by mutual understanding and affection. Sylvia's presence is a reminder of the power and limits of magic, and the importance of embracing life as it is.

Stone

Stone is Lauren's childhood sweetheart and former boyfriend of a decade. His return to Malibu to care for his dying stepmother, Bonnie, reignites old feelings and unresolved questions about the past. Stone represents the road not taken, the possibility of a different life, and the enduring pull of first love. His relationship with Lauren is charged with nostalgia, longing, and the pain of letting go. Stone's arc is about accepting loss, making peace with choices, and recognizing that some things cannot be undone.

Bonnie

Bonnie is Stone's stepmother, a loving and supportive presence in his life. Her illness and eventual death are catalysts for Stone's return and for Lauren's confrontation with the limits of her power. Bonnie's decline is a reminder of the inevitability of loss and the importance of being present for those we love. Her relationship with Lauren is warm and maternal, offering a model of acceptance and grace in the face of mortality.

Pea (the cat)

Pea is Lauren's cat, a small but significant presence in her life. Found during a storm, Pea represents rescue, comfort, and the routines that anchor Lauren in times of uncertainty. The cat's presence is a reminder of the small joys and responsibilities that persist even in the midst of upheaval.

Irina (Great-grandmother)

Irina is the great-grandmother who first receives the silver ticket and uses it to save her father. Her story is the foundation of the family's legacy, embodying themes of survival, sacrifice, and the power of kindness. Irina's choices echo through the generations, shaping the lives of her descendants and the burdens they carry.

The Silver Ticket

The silver ticket is both a character and a plot device, representing the possibility of undoing tragedy and the psychological weight of having such power. It is a source of hope, anxiety, and ultimately, acceptance, as each woman in the family must decide when and if to use it.

Plot Devices

The Silver Ticket (Magical Realism)

The silver ticket is the central plot device, a magical object passed down through generations of women in Lauren's family. It allows its holder to undo one event in her life, offering a second chance but at a significant emotional cost. The ticket is both a blessing and a curse, symbolizing the desire to control fate and the impossibility of escaping grief. Its presence shapes the narrative structure, creating tension around when and how it will be used, and serving as a metaphor for the choices and regrets that define family life.

Nonlinear Narrative and Generational Storytelling

The novel employs a nonlinear structure, weaving together past and present, multiple generations, and shifting points of view. Flashbacks reveal the origins of the ticket, the family's history, and the pivotal moments that shape each character's life. The intergenerational storytelling highlights the ways in which trauma, love, and secrets are inherited and transformed over time.

Foreshadowing and Repetition

The narrative is rich with foreshadowing—early references to accidents, loss, and the ticket's power hint at future events and choices. Repetition of motifs (the ocean, insomnia, cooking, the ticket) creates a sense of continuity and inevitability, reinforcing the themes of legacy and the cyclical nature of family life.

Symbolism of the Ocean and Surfing

The ocean is a recurring symbol, representing both danger and renewal. Surfing is a metaphor for navigating life's uncertainties, facing fear, and finding moments of presence and joy. The ocean's rhythms mirror the ebb and flow of family relationships, the unpredictability of fate, and the possibility of starting over.

The Limits of Magic and the Necessity of Acceptance

While the ticket offers the illusion of control, the novel ultimately rejects the idea that any magic can erase pain or guarantee happiness. The characters must learn to accept loss, forgive themselves and each other, and find meaning in the lives they have rather than the ones they wish for. The plot device of the ticket serves to highlight the importance of acceptance, resilience, and the courage to move forward.

Analysis

Once and Again is a poignant meditation on the nature of time, loss, and the human longing for second chances. Through the device of the silver ticket, Rebecca Serle explores the seductive fantasy of undoing our greatest regrets, only to reveal that true healing comes not from erasing the past but from embracing it. The novel's intergenerational structure underscores the ways trauma and love are inherited, and how each generation must grapple with the same fundamental questions: What would we change if we could? What are we willing to sacrifice for those we love? The story's emotional arc moves from anxiety and longing to acceptance and forgiveness, offering a nuanced portrait of marriage, motherhood, and the messy, beautiful work of living with imperfection. Ultimately, Once and Again suggests that the real miracle is not the power to undo tragedy, but the courage to live fully in the present, to forgive ourselves and others, and to find meaning in the lives we have—no matter how flawed or finite. The novel's lesson is both timeless and timely: life moves only forward, and the greatest gift we can give ourselves and each other is the willingness to let go and begin again.

Last updated: March 15, 2026