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Kiss Me Like You Mean It

Kiss Me Like You Mean It

by J.R. Rogue 2018 282 pages
3.95
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Plot Summary

Midnight Calls and Old Wounds

A midnight call reopens old wounds

Gwen, lying next to her new lover Logan, is jolted awake by a call from her estranged husband, Connor. The call is a harbinger of the divorce she's been waiting for, yet dreading. Gwen's life is a patchwork of longing and regret, her heart split between the comfort of Logan and the unresolved ache of her past with Connor. The call is not just about legal closure; it's a summons to confront the emotional debris of a marriage that ended in silence and distance. Gwen's insomnia, her anxiety, and her inability to let go of the past are all laid bare in the quiet hours of the night. The chapter sets the tone for a story about the impossibility of clean breaks, the way old loves haunt new beginnings, and the pain of being both the betrayer and the betrayed.

The Thief and the Smile

Gwen steals love, loses herself

Gwen's history is one of taking what she wants, even when it means hurting others. She meets Connor through a friend's crush, but the spark between them is undeniable. Gwen is still reeling from her breakup with Avery, her ex who left her for another woman, and she's living in a trailer, trying to rebuild her life. Connor is different—gentle, quiet, and drawn to Gwen's chaos. Their connection is immediate, but guilt and self-loathing color every interaction. Gwen's pattern of self-sabotage emerges: she wants to be wanted, but she doesn't trust herself to love or be loved. The chapter explores the thrill and shame of new attraction, the way old heartbreaks bleed into new ones, and the beginnings of a love triangle that will define Gwen's journey.

Paper Hearts, Broken Homes

Love's illusions and family scars

Gwen reflects on her fixation with Avery, the man she thought she'd marry, and the emptiness left by his betrayal. Her sense of home is shattered, both literally and emotionally. She tries to fill the void with new crushes, fleeting hookups, and the hope that someone else's affection can make her whole. The trauma of her childhood—her father's absence, her mother's pain, and the violence of her stepfather—haunts her relationships. Gwen's honesty is both her shield and her prison; she confesses her flaws, but hides her deepest wounds behind poetry and metaphor. The chapter delves into the ways we inherit pain, the longing for unconditional love, and the difficulty of building a new life on the ruins of the old.

New Love, Old Shadows

Connor and Gwen's fragile beginning

As Gwen and Connor start dating, the ghosts of past lovers and betrayals loom large. Their early romance is marked by hesitancy, jealousy, and the ever-present threat of self-destruction. Gwen is drawn to Connor's kindness but fears she will ruin him as she has ruined others. Their intimacy is both a balm and a trigger, bringing out Gwen's insecurities and Connor's need to save her. The chapter explores the tension between desire and fear, the way new love can't erase old wounds, and the slow, painful process of learning to trust again. Gwen's struggle to accept affection, her reliance on alcohol to feel free, and her fear of being truly seen all come to the fore.

Games Lovers Play

Desire, jealousy, and emotional games

Gwen and Connor's relationship quickly becomes a battleground of power and vulnerability. Gwen is addicted to the chase, to the thrill of being wanted, but recoils from genuine intimacy. Connor, for his part, is caught between wanting to be open and fearing rejection. Their dynamic is shaped by the games they play—pushing each other away, testing boundaries, and seeking validation through the attention of others. The chapter highlights the destructive patterns that emerge when love is confused with possession, when honesty is weaponized, and when both partners are haunted by the fear of abandonment. The emotional stakes rise as Gwen's inability to let go of Avery and Connor's jealousy threaten to unravel what they've built.

The Art of Sabotage

Sabotage and the cycle of regret

Gwen's self-destructive tendencies come to a head at a party where, drunk and desperate, she confesses her lingering love for Avery in front of Connor. The fallout is immediate: Connor is hurt, Gwen is ashamed, and their fragile relationship teeters on the brink. The aftermath is a study in regret—Gwen's guilt over her actions, Connor's struggle to forgive, and the realization that some wounds can't be undone. The chapter explores the ways we sabotage our own happiness, the difficulty of accepting forgiveness, and the pain of watching someone you love pull away. Gwen's pattern of running from pain, seeking solace in the arms of others, and then mourning what she's lost is laid bare.

Regret in Red

Regret, forgiveness, and the struggle to move on

After the party, Gwen and Connor drift apart, each nursing their wounds in silence. Gwen tries to fill the void with meaningless sex, new distractions, and the hope that someone else can make her forget. Connor, meanwhile, is torn between his love for Gwen and his pride. Their attempts at reconciliation are fraught with mistrust and unresolved hurt. The chapter examines the ways regret shapes our choices, the difficulty of letting go, and the longing for a second chance. Gwen's journey is one of learning to forgive herself, to accept that healing is messy, and that sometimes the only way forward is through the pain.

The Fade and the Fire

Love fades, then reignites in pain

As time passes, Gwen and Connor's relationship becomes a cycle of breaking and mending. They drift into a friends-with-benefits arrangement, unable to fully commit but unable to let go. The passion that once defined them is replaced by a numbness, a sense of going through the motions. Gwen's depression deepens, her sense of self-worth erodes, and she begins to question whether love is enough. The chapter explores the slow fade of intimacy, the fire of old resentments, and the realization that sometimes love is not enough to save us from ourselves. Gwen's struggle to find meaning, to reclaim her voice, and to break free from the cycle of self-destruction is at the heart of this section.

Second Chances, Second Losses

Trying again, losing again

Gwen and Connor attempt to rebuild their relationship, moving in together and trying to create a new life. But the old patterns persist—jealousy, miscommunication, and the weight of unspoken trauma. Gwen's unresolved childhood abuse resurfaces, straining their bond and leaving both feeling isolated. Connor's efforts to be supportive are undermined by his inability to understand Gwen's pain, and Gwen's attempts to heal are hampered by her fear of vulnerability. The chapter is a meditation on the limits of love, the difficulty of change, and the heartbreak of realizing that sometimes, despite our best efforts, we can't save each other.

The Weight of Secrets

Secrets, silence, and the cost of truth

Gwen's decision to finally confront her past—her abuse, her family's dysfunction, and her own role in her unhappiness—marks a turning point. Therapy becomes a lifeline, a place to unearth the secrets she's buried for years. Connor, meanwhile, is forced to reckon with his own shortcomings, his need for control, and his failure to truly see Gwen. The chapter explores the cost of silence, the courage required to speak the truth, and the possibility of healing. Gwen's journey is one of reclaiming her story, learning to forgive herself, and accepting that some wounds may never fully heal, but can be survived.

The Heart's Undoing

The unraveling of love and self

As Gwen and Connor's marriage unravels, both are forced to confront the reality that love alone is not enough. The pressures of societal expectations—marriage, children, happiness—become unbearable. Gwen's depression deepens, her desire for motherhood fades, and the couple drifts further apart. The chapter is a raw exploration of the end of a marriage, the grief of letting go, and the bittersweet relief of choosing oneself. Gwen's decision to leave is both an act of self-preservation and an admission of defeat. The heart's undoing is not just the end of a relationship, but the beginning of a new chapter of self-discovery.

The Other Man's Arms

New love, old patterns repeat

After leaving Connor, Gwen finds herself drawn to Logan, a younger poet she meets online. Their connection is immediate, intense, and fraught with the same patterns that have haunted Gwen's past relationships—idealization, longing, and the fear of abandonment. Logan is both a mirror and a contrast to Connor: creative, broken, and unable to offer the stability Gwen craves. Their affair is passionate but ultimately unsustainable, marked by distance, betrayal, and the realization that love cannot fix what is broken inside. The chapter explores the allure of new beginnings, the pain of repeating old mistakes, and the hope that healing is possible.

The Breaking and the Healing

Loss, therapy, and the slow climb out

Gwen's journey through heartbreak, therapy, and self-examination leads her to confront the deepest wounds of her past. The death of her abusive stepfather brings a complicated mix of relief and grief, forcing Gwen to reckon with the ways trauma has shaped her life. Therapy becomes a space for honesty, for exhuming the past, and for learning to choose herself. The chapter is a testament to the power of vulnerability, the necessity of self-forgiveness, and the slow, painful process of healing. Gwen's story is not one of neat resolutions, but of learning to live with imperfection, to find meaning in the mess, and to accept that healing is a lifelong journey.

Choosing Each Other

Reconciliation, acceptance, and imperfect love

In the aftermath of heartbreak and healing, Gwen and Connor find their way back to each other—not as the people they once were, but as survivors of their own stories. Their reunion is not a fairy tale, but a choice to try again, to do the work of loving each other in the face of pain and imperfection. The chapter explores the meaning of commitment, the courage required to choose each other every day, and the understanding that love is not about perfection, but about endurance, forgiveness, and growth. Gwen and Connor's story is a testament to the possibility of second chances, the necessity of honesty, and the beauty of loving someone, flaws and all.

The End is the Beginning

A new start, honest and unfinished

The story closes with Gwen and Connor, older, wiser, and still imperfect, choosing to begin again. Their love is no longer a fantasy, but a reality shaped by pain, healing, and the willingness to keep trying. Gwen's journey is one of learning to accept herself, to let go of the need for perfection, and to find meaning in the act of choosing—herself, her partner, and her future. The ending is not a happily-ever-after, but a promise to keep going, to keep loving, and to keep telling the truth, even when it hurts. The end is, as always, the beginning.

Characters

Gwen

Wounded, searching, self-sabotaging survivor

Gwen is the heart of the story—a woman marked by trauma, longing, and a relentless search for love and meaning. Her relationships are shaped by the scars of childhood abuse, abandonment, and betrayal. Gwen is fiercely honest, yet hides her deepest wounds behind poetry, sarcasm, and self-destructive behavior. She craves intimacy but fears vulnerability, oscillating between the desire to be wanted and the terror of being truly seen. Her journey is one of self-discovery, learning to forgive herself, and finding the courage to choose her own happiness. Gwen's development is a testament to the complexity of healing, the difficulty of breaking old patterns, and the possibility of redemption.

Connor

Steadfast, loving, but flawed partner

Connor is Gwen's husband and the anchor in her stormy life. He is gentle, patient, and deeply in love with Gwen, but struggles to understand her pain and to meet her emotional needs. Connor's desire to save Gwen is both his strength and his weakness; he is often frustrated by her self-sabotage and inability to accept love. His own insecurities—about money, masculinity, and perfection—create distance between them. Connor's journey is one of learning to let go of control, to accept imperfection, and to love Gwen not as a project, but as a partner. His growth is marked by heartbreak, self-reflection, and the willingness to try again.

Logan

Artistic, broken, and a catalyst for change

Logan is the younger poet Gwen meets online after leaving Connor. He is creative, sensitive, and carries his own wounds from a troubled past. Logan represents possibility, escape, and the allure of new beginnings. His relationship with Gwen is passionate but ultimately unsustainable, marked by distance, betrayal, and the realization that love cannot fix what is broken inside. Logan's presence in Gwen's life forces her to confront her patterns, to question what she truly wants, and to accept that healing must come from within. He is both a mirror and a lesson—a reminder that love, no matter how intense, is not always enough.

Avery

Charismatic, destructive, and a lingering ghost

Avery is Gwen's ex-boyfriend, the man who left her for another woman and whose betrayal haunts her long after their relationship ends. He is charming, confident, and emotionally unavailable, embodying the kind of love that wounds rather than heals. Avery's presence in Gwen's life is a constant reminder of her insecurities, her longing for validation, and her tendency to chase what she cannot have. His role is that of the ghost in the machine—the unresolved past that shapes Gwen's choices and her capacity for trust.

Kate

Supportive, honest, and a mirror for Gwen

Kate is Gwen's friend and, at times, her confidante and rival. Their relationship is marked by both solidarity and competition, reflecting the complexities of female friendship. Kate is one of the few people who sees through Gwen's defenses, offering support without judgment and challenging her to be honest with herself. She represents the possibility of healing through connection, the importance of chosen family, and the power of empathy.

Blane

Comic relief, loyal friend, and emotional barometer

Blane is one of Gwen's close friends, providing both levity and insight throughout her journey. His relationship with Gwen is platonic but deeply supportive, offering a safe space for honesty and vulnerability. Blane's presence is a reminder of the importance of friendship, the value of laughter in the face of pain, and the necessity of having people who accept us as we are.

Rich

Flirtatious, unreliable, and a lesson in boundaries

Rich is one of Gwen's romantic entanglements, representing the allure of the forbidden and the dangers of ignoring red flags. His relationship with Gwen is marked by chemistry but ultimately proves unsatisfying and even harmful. Rich's role is to highlight Gwen's patterns of seeking validation from men who cannot offer real intimacy, and the importance of learning to set boundaries and prioritize self-respect.

Tracey

The "other woman," symbol of envy and comparison

Tracey is Connor's girlfriend after his breakup with Gwen, and her presence triggers Gwen's insecurities and jealousy. Tracey represents the fear of being replaced, the pain of watching someone you love move on, and the destructive power of comparison. Her role is less about her own character and more about what she evokes in Gwen—a mirror for Gwen's self-doubt and longing.

Gwen's Mother

Resilient, loving, but complicit in silence

Gwen's mother is a complex figure—supportive and loving, but also unable to protect Gwen from abuse or to fully understand her pain. Her own history of trauma and survival shapes her relationship with Gwen, creating both closeness and distance. She represents the generational transmission of pain, the difficulty of breaking cycles, and the hope that healing is possible.

Gwen's Stepfather

Abusive, absent, and the source of deep trauma

Gwen's stepfather is the shadow over her childhood, the source of her deepest wounds. His abuse is both a literal and symbolic force in the story, shaping Gwen's sense of self, her capacity for trust, and her patterns in relationships. His death brings a complicated mix of relief and grief, forcing Gwen to confront the ways trauma lingers and the possibility of moving forward.

Plot Devices

Nonlinear Narrative and Confessional Structure

Fragmented storytelling mirrors emotional chaos

The novel employs a nonlinear, confessional narrative, moving back and forth in time and between perspectives. This structure reflects the way trauma and memory work—disjointed, cyclical, and often unresolved. The use of journals, therapy sessions, and direct address to the reader creates intimacy and immediacy, drawing the reader into Gwen's internal world. The confessional tone allows for raw honesty, self-reflection, and the blurring of truth and fiction. The narrative is punctuated by moments of poetry, metaphor, and self-analysis, emphasizing the importance of storytelling as a means of survival and healing.

Repetition and Cyclical Patterns

Repetition highlights the difficulty of change

The story is marked by cycles—of love and loss, self-sabotage and regret, breaking and mending. Gwen's relationships follow similar patterns, as do her attempts at healing. The repetition of certain phrases, images, and events underscores the difficulty of breaking free from the past and the ways we are haunted by our own choices. This cyclical structure is both a source of frustration and a testament to the persistence of hope—the belief that, with each new beginning, change is possible.

Symbolism and Metaphor

Objects and images carry emotional weight

The novel is rich in symbolism—flowers, journals, houses, and physical scars all serve as metaphors for emotional states. The act of leaving a purse in Connor's car, the recurring image of broken glass, and the motif of salt and the sea all carry deeper meanings about loss, healing, and the search for home. These symbols create layers of meaning, inviting the reader to look beyond the surface and to engage with the emotional subtext of the story.

Therapy and Self-Examination

Therapy as narrative device and healing tool

The inclusion of therapy sessions provides a framework for self-examination, confession, and growth. Therapy is both a literal and metaphorical space for Gwen to confront her past, to unearth buried truths, and to learn new ways of being. The therapist's questions and Gwen's responses create a dialogue that mirrors the reader's own process of interpretation and understanding. Therapy is not presented as a cure-all, but as a necessary step in the ongoing work of healing.

Foreshadowing and Retrospective Insight

Hints of future pain and growth

The narrative is laced with foreshadowing—hints of betrayals to come, the inevitability of heartbreak, and the possibility of redemption. Gwen's reflections on her past are colored by the knowledge of what is to come, creating a sense of inevitability and tragedy. At the same time, the story is suffused with retrospective insight—the understanding that comes only after the fact, the wisdom earned through suffering. This dual perspective allows the reader to experience both the immediacy of emotion and the distance of reflection.

Analysis

Kiss Me Like You Mean It is a raw, unflinching exploration of love, trauma, and the messy, nonlinear process of healing. Through Gwen's confessional voice, the novel delves into the complexities of relationships shaped by past wounds, the difficulty of breaking destructive patterns, and the courage required to choose oneself. The story refuses easy answers or tidy resolutions; instead, it offers a portrait of a woman learning to live with imperfection, to forgive herself, and to find meaning in the act of trying. The novel's structure—fragmented, cyclical, and deeply introspective—mirrors the emotional chaos of its protagonist, inviting readers to engage with the story on both an intellectual and visceral level. At its core, the book is a meditation on the limits of love, the necessity of honesty, and the possibility of redemption. It challenges the myth of the happily-ever-after, insisting instead on the value of endurance, growth, and the willingness to begin again. In a world that often demands perfection, Kiss Me Like You Mean It is a testament to the beauty of imperfection, the power of vulnerability, and the hope that, even in the aftermath of heartbreak, healing is possible.

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Review Summary

3.95 out of 5
Average of 638 ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

Kiss Me Like You Mean It earns a 3.95 rating with polarizing reactions. Readers praise the poetic, raw prose but find the heroine difficult and the story emotionally draining. The novel follows Gwen's decade-long relationship with Connor, exploring trauma, abuse, depression, and self-destructive behavior. Many appreciate the author's brutal honesty about real-life struggles, though some struggle with the jumpy timeline and choppy structure. The book divides readers—some find it unforgettable and brave, others depressing and confusing. Most agree the writing is beautifully lyrical but acknowledge it's not a typical romance.

Your rating:
4.44
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About the Author

J.R. Rogue began writing at fifteen after experiencing unrequited love and has focused on heartache ever since. She has published poetry collections and novels, earning three Goodreads Choice Awards nominations. Beyond writing, she is a certified yoga teacher with specializations in Yoga Nidra and Trauma-Informed Yoga, and is currently studying meditation foundations. She has been sober from alcohol since January 2020, which has deepened her commitment to mindfulness and wellness. Rogue lives in a small Midwestern town with her family, where she enjoys reading and storytelling in a peaceful setting.

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