Social Media and Self-Image

Tori Bailey, a bestselling author and self-help guru, is adored by her fans for her honesty and wit. Yet, her life is a carefully curated performance, both on stage and online. She is constantly bombarded by questions about her next book and her relationship, forced to maintain the illusion of happiness and success. Social media amplifies her anxieties, as she compares herself to friends posting about engagements, pregnancies, and domestic bliss. Tori's self-worth is entangled with likes, comments, and the validation of strangers, leaving her feeling both special and hollow. The pressure to be inspirational and relatable is exhausting, and the gap between her public image and private reality grows ever wider, setting the stage for a crisis of authenticity.

The Public Versus Private Tori

Tori's professional life is thriving—her book tours are sold out, and her fans see her as a beacon of empowerment. But at home, her relationship with Tom is stagnant and emotionally distant. Their interactions are perfunctory, and intimacy is rare. Tori clings to the idea that she is lucky to have Tom, fearing the alternative of being single in her thirties. She is haunted by the expectations of her audience, who see her as a role model for having it all. The disconnect between her outward persona and inner turmoil intensifies, as she struggles to reconcile the woman she presents to the world with the one she faces in the mirror each night.

Relationship on Autopilot

Tori and Tom's relationship is defined by routine and avoidance. They live together in a modern flat, share a cat, and go through the motions of coupledom, but genuine connection is scarce. Tori's attempts to rekindle intimacy—through lingerie, flirtation, or humor—are met with indifference or rejection. Tom is more affectionate with their cat than with her, and their rare moments of closeness are fleeting. Tori oscillates between gratitude for not being alone and despair at feeling invisible. The fear of starting over keeps her tethered to a partnership that no longer brings joy, as she rationalizes their stagnation as normal for long-term couples.

Weddings, Envy, and Expectations

Attending a friend's wedding with her best friend Dee, Tori is confronted by the milestones she feels she should have achieved—marriage, children, stability. The event is a parade of clichés and social rituals, highlighting the performative nature of happiness. Tori is both relieved and hurt not to be a bridesmaid, and she scrutinizes every detail, from dresses to speeches, through a lens of envy and cynicism. The relentless stream of wedding and baby posts on social media exacerbates her sense of inadequacy. She wonders if everyone is truly happy or simply playing their assigned roles, and whether she is missing out or dodging a trap.

The Pressure to Perform

Tori's career is built on her ability to articulate the messiness of young adulthood, but as her audience ages, they demand new wisdom for the next stage of life. Her publisher pressures her for a follow-up book about navigating her thirties and long-term relationships. Tori is paralyzed by self-doubt and the fear of being exposed as a fraud. She recycles old material, struggles with writer's block, and feels increasingly disconnected from the persona she has created. The expectation to be both honest and successful becomes a double bind, as she cannot admit her unhappiness without jeopardizing her brand.

Friends, Milestones, and Comparison

Dee, Tori's closest friend, embarks on a whirlwind romance with Nigel, quickly moving in together and becoming pregnant. Tori is supportive but secretly devastated, feeling left behind as her friends cross into new territories—marriage, parenthood, domesticity. The rituals of adulthood—baby showers, housewarmings, milestone birthdays—become battlegrounds for status and validation. Tori's envy is compounded by guilt, as she wants to be happy for her friends but cannot escape the sense of loss. The wall between those with children and those without becomes more pronounced, and Tori fears being stranded on the wrong side.

The Sexless Partnership

Tori and Tom's sex life is virtually nonexistent, and attempts at physical connection are awkward or transactional. Tori feels rejected and unattractive, internalizing the lack of desire as a personal failing. She searches online for answers, finding little comfort in advice columns or forums. The taboo of being a woman who wants more sex than her partner isolates her further. When intimacy does occur, it is unsatisfying and sometimes degrading, leaving Tori feeling used rather than cherished. The unspoken resentment and unmet needs corrode the foundation of their relationship, but both avoid confronting the truth.

Family, Childhood, and Choices

Time spent with her sister Lizzie and her parents offers Tori a glimpse of a different kind of fulfillment—one rooted in family, tradition, and unconditional love. Lizzie's contentment with motherhood and her stable marriage contrasts sharply with Tori's own ambivalence about children and commitment. Conversations with her parents reveal generational differences in expectations and the nature of happiness. Tori is both comforted and unsettled by the simplicity of their answers, realizing that her own search for meaning is complicated by the endless options and pressures of modern life.

Career Success, Creative Block

Despite her achievements, Tori is haunted by the sense that her success is hollow without personal fulfillment. Her publisher's demands for a new book about "having it all" only deepen her sense of fraudulence. She is acutely aware that her public image is built on selective truth-telling, and she fears that exposing her real struggles will alienate her audience. The creative well runs dry as she becomes increasingly preoccupied with her failing relationship and the milestones she has not reached. The gap between her public and private selves becomes untenable, and she begins to question the value of her accomplishments.

The Baby Question

The question of whether to have children becomes a source of anxiety and conflict for Tori. Tom's evasiveness and refusal to discuss the future leave her feeling powerless and desperate. Friends and family offer conflicting advice, and social media reinforces the message that motherhood is the ultimate validation. Tori vacillates between longing for a child and resenting the pressure to conform. The decision becomes symbolic of her struggle for agency and self-definition, as she grapples with the fear of regret and the desire to live authentically.

Cracks in the Foundation

The cumulative weight of unmet needs, unspoken resentments, and performative happiness brings Tori and Tom's relationship to a breaking point. Arguments become more frequent and intense, and the pretense of normalcy is harder to maintain. Tori's sessions with her therapist, Anne, help her recognize patterns of emotional neglect and self-betrayal. She begins to see that her neediness is not a flaw but a response to being starved of affection and validation. The realization that love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship forces her to confront the possibility of leaving.

The Breaking Point

The turning point comes during a seemingly ordinary day, when Tori finally voices her dissatisfaction and asks Tom about their future. The conversation quickly escalates, and the truth that they no longer make each other happy is laid bare. Tom's inability to fight for the relationship or offer reassurance confirms what Tori has long suspected—that he is content to drift, while she is suffocating. The decision to leave is both devastating and liberating, as Tori realizes that staying would mean sacrificing her own happiness and integrity.

The Aftermath of Truth

In the immediate aftermath of the breakup, Tori is overwhelmed by a mix of emotions—grief for the life she is leaving behind, relief at finally telling the truth, and fear of the unknown. She mourns not only the relationship but also the dreams and routines that defined her sense of self. The support of her parents and friends offers comfort, but the process of disentangling her identity from Tom is slow and painful. Tori is forced to confront the reality that happiness cannot be outsourced to another person, and that true fulfillment requires honesty and courage.

Friendship Redefined

As Dee becomes a mother and embraces a new identity, her relationship with Tori changes. The intimacy and solidarity they once shared are replaced by polite distance and unintentional condescension. Tori feels both abandoned and judged, as Dee insists that motherhood is a deeper, more meaningful experience than any career or personal achievement. The wall between them becomes insurmountable, and Tori grieves the loss of her closest confidante. New friendships, like the one with Sandy, offer hope for connection beyond shared milestones, but the pain of change lingers.

Letting Go and Moving Forward

In the wake of her breakup and the shifting landscape of her friendships, Tori begins to reclaim her narrative. She acknowledges the pain and uncertainty of starting over but refuses to let fear dictate her choices. The process of letting go is messy and nonlinear, marked by setbacks and moments of doubt. Yet, Tori finds solace in small acts of self-care, creative expression, and the support of those who truly see her. She learns to value her own needs and desires, rather than living for the approval of others.

Reclaiming the Narrative

Tori decides to write a new book—not the one her publisher wants, but the one she needs to write. She embraces the messiness of her life, refusing to present a sanitized version of happiness. Her final social media post is a declaration of uncertainty and vulnerability, inviting others to join her in rejecting the pressure to have it all figured out. The act of telling the truth, both to herself and her audience, is an act of liberation. Tori's story becomes a testament to the power of authenticity and the courage to start again.

The Unwritten Future

The novel ends with Tori stepping into the unknown, her future unwritten but full of possibility. She is no longer defined by her relationship status, career achievements, or the expectations of others. The pain of loss is real, but so is the relief of no longer pretending. Tori's journey is one of self-discovery, resilience, and the refusal to settle for less than she deserves. The final image is one of movement—Tori walking away from her old life, suitcase in hand, ready to create a new story on her own terms.

Characters

Tori Bailey

Tori is a bestselling author whose public persona is built on honesty and empowerment, yet she is privately consumed by insecurity, envy, and self-doubt. Her relationship with Tom is emotionally unfulfilling, and she struggles to reconcile her desire for intimacy and validation with the fear of being alone. Tori's friendships are both a source of comfort and pain, as she navigates the shifting dynamics of adulthood. Her psychological journey is marked by a growing awareness of her own needs and the courage to confront uncomfortable truths. Tori's development is a movement from performance to authenticity, as she learns to prioritize her own happiness over external validation.

Tom

Tom is Tori's long-term boyfriend, a travel journalist who is charming in public but withdrawn and unresponsive in private. He avoids difficult conversations, deflects responsibility, and is content to let the relationship drift. Tom's affection is reserved for their cat, and his lack of sexual interest leaves Tori feeling rejected and undesirable. He resists discussions about the future, marriage, or children, and his passivity forces Tori to shoulder the emotional labor of the relationship. Tom's psychological profile is one of avoidance and emotional immaturity, and his inability to fight for the relationship ultimately leads to its dissolution.

Dee

Dee is Tori's best friend, a primary school teacher whose life takes a dramatic turn when she falls in love with Nigel, becomes pregnant, and gets engaged. Dee is witty, supportive, and irreverent, but her transition into motherhood creates distance between her and Tori. She becomes both a symbol of what Tori fears losing and a source of unintentional judgment. Dee's development highlights the challenges of maintaining friendships as lives diverge, and her relationship with Tori is a microcosm of the broader tensions between women with and without children.

Nigel

Nigel is Dee's boyfriend-turned-fiancé, a finance professional who is steady, affectionate, and eager to embrace domestic life. He represents the kind of stability and commitment that Tori craves but cannot find with Tom. Nigel's presence accelerates Dee's transition into motherhood and adulthood, and his adoration of Dee is both reassuring and a source of envy for Tori. Psychologically, Nigel is uncomplicated and emotionally available, serving as a foil to Tom's evasiveness.

Lizzie

Lizzie is Tori's older sister, happily married with children. She embodies a traditional model of fulfillment—family, stability, and unconditional love. Lizzie's life is a source of both comfort and anxiety for Tori, who admires her contentment but fears being trapped by domesticity. Lizzie's pragmatic approach to happiness and her lack of existential angst contrast sharply with Tori's restless searching.

Anne

Anne is Tori's counselor, a steady presence who helps her untangle the web of self-doubt, neediness, and emotional neglect. She challenges Tori to question her assumptions, recognize patterns of self-betrayal, and take responsibility for her own happiness. Anne's interventions are pivotal in Tori's journey toward self-awareness and agency, providing a safe space for honesty and growth.

Sandy

Sandy is a colleague of Dee's and a single woman in her late thirties who offers Tori a different perspective on happiness and fulfillment. She is confident, self-sufficient, and unashamed of her single status. Sandy's friendship provides Tori with hope that life can be meaningful and joyful outside the confines of traditional milestones. Psychologically, Sandy represents resilience, adaptability, and the value of self-acceptance.

Amy

Amy is a university friend whose life revolves around her children and the performance of perfect motherhood. She is both supportive and subtly judgmental, reinforcing the message that motherhood is the ultimate achievement. Amy's relentless sharing of milestones and advice is a source of irritation and insecurity for Tori, who feels excluded and diminished by the cult of motherhood.

Jessica

Jessica is a friend from home whose life follows the expected trajectory—marriage, honeymoon, pregnancy. She is active on social media, documenting every achievement and reinforcing the narrative of "having it all." Jessica's choices and online presence serve as a constant reminder to Tori of what she lacks, fueling her sense of inadequacy and envy.

Cat

Cat is the pet shared by Tori and Tom, often the recipient of Tom's affection and a source of comfort for Tori. The cat's presence highlights the emotional void in Tori and Tom's relationship, as well as the small, everyday comforts that persist even in the midst of turmoil. Cat is a silent witness to the unraveling of their partnership and a symbol of the home they built together.

Plot Devices

Social Media as Mirror and Distortion

The novel uses social media posts, comments, and online interactions as a structural device to reflect the gap between appearance and reality. Tori's obsession with likes and validation mirrors the broader societal pressure to curate a perfect life. The constant comparison to friends' milestones and achievements heightens her sense of inadequacy and fuels the central conflict. Social media also serves as a tool for foreshadowing, revealing shifts in relationships and the passage of time through status updates and photo albums.

Duality of Public and Private Self

The story is structured around the contrast between Tori's public image as a self-help guru and her private struggles with insecurity, envy, and dissatisfaction. This duality is explored through internal monologue, therapy sessions, and interactions with friends and fans. The device of the "performance" underscores the theme of authenticity versus appearance, and the eventual collapse of the facade is both inevitable and cathartic.

Milestones as Social Currency

Weddings, pregnancies, and career achievements are depicted as rites of passage that confer status and validation. The pressure to keep up with peers and the fear of being left behind drive much of Tori's anxiety and decision-making. The novel interrogates the meaning and value of these milestones, exposing the emptiness of performative happiness and the dangers of living for others' approval.

Therapy and Self-Reflection

Tori's sessions with Anne provide a space for introspection, honesty, and growth. The therapeutic dialogue is used to challenge assumptions, reveal patterns, and catalyze transformation. This device allows the narrative to delve into psychological complexity and to model the process of self-discovery and agency.

Foreshadowing and Symbolism

The novel employs foreshadowing through repeated references to clocks, milestones, and the passage of time. The cat, the flat, and the suitcase become symbols of comfort, entrapment, and liberation, respectively. The motif of the "wall" between women with and without children recurs throughout, highlighting the social and emotional divides that shape Tori's experience.

Analysis

Holly Bourne's How Do You Like Me Now? is a sharp, unflinching exploration of the pressures facing women in their thirties, particularly the tension between public performance and private truth. The novel dissects the ways in which social media, societal expectations, and internalized narratives of success conspire to make women feel inadequate, even when they appear to "have it all." Through Tori's journey, Bourne exposes the emotional cost of living for external validation and the dangers of sacrificing authenticity for acceptance. The story is a critique of the cult of milestones—marriage, motherhood, career—and the insidious belief that happiness is a checklist rather than a lived experience. By chronicling Tori's gradual awakening to her own needs and the courage it takes to leave an unfulfilling relationship, the novel offers a powerful message about agency, self-worth, and the importance of telling the truth, even when it is messy and unpopular. Ultimately, How Do You Like Me Now? is a call to reject the tyranny of "shoulds" and to embrace the uncertainty and possibility of living on one's own terms.

Last updated: October 29, 2025