Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners

1. From Profane Sinner to Seeking Soul

For my descent then, it was, as is well known by many, of a low and inconsiderable generation; my fathers house being of that rank that is meanest, and most despised of all the families in the Land.

Humble beginnings. John Bunyan, born into a poor family, describes his early life as deeply ungodly, marked by cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming God's holy name. From a tender age, he was a "ringleader of all the Youth" in vice, so rooted in sin that it felt like a "second Nature." This profound depravity, he later realized, was a testament to the "miracle of precious grace" that prevented his utter destruction.

Childhood terrors. Despite his outward recklessness, Bunyan was plagued by terrifying dreams and visions of devils and hellfire from as young as nine or ten. These fears, though often forgotten in the pursuit of pleasure, hinted at a deeper spiritual unrest. He even wished to be a tormentor in hell rather than tormented, revealing a desperate attempt to control his fate in the face of overwhelming dread.

Merciful judgments. God, however, did not abandon him. Bunyan recounts several near-death experiences—falling into the sea, nearly drowning in a river, and a dangerous encounter with an adder—all of which he later recognized as divine judgments "mixed with mercy." Even a providential escape from military service, where a substitute was killed in his place, failed to awaken his soul to righteousness, leaving him still rebellious and careless of his salvation.

2. The Deceptive Nature of Outward Religion

Wherefore, to be brief, at last, being still desired by the Church, after some solemn prayer to the Lord, with fasting, I was more particularly called forth, and appointed to a more ordinary and publick preaching the Word, not onely to and amongst them that believed, but also to offer the Gospel to those who had not yet received the faith thereof: about which time I did evidently find in my mind a secret pricking forward thereto: (tho I bless God not for desire of vain glory, for at that time I was most sorely afflicted with the firy darts of the devil concerning my eternal state.)

Superficial piety. After marriage to a woman whose father was godly, Bunyan began an outward reformation, reading religious books and attending church devoutly. He became "overrun with the spirit of superstition," adoring everything associated with the church and revering priests, even debauched ones. This period, lasting about a year, earned him praise from neighbors who saw him as a "godly man," but he confesses he was "nothing but a poor painted Hypocrite," proud of his perceived godliness.

False foundations. His attempts at righteousness were based on keeping the Commandments, which he thought he did "pretty well sometimes," finding comfort in his efforts. However, he remained "ignorant of Jesus Christ," seeking to establish his "own righteousness." This self-reliance, he later understood, would have led to his perdition had God not mercifully revealed his true state.

The Bedford women. A pivotal moment occurred when he overheard "three or four poor women" in Bedford discussing spiritual matters. Their talk of a "new birth," God's work on their hearts, and their contempt for their own righteousness deeply shook him. He realized his religion lacked these "true tokens of a truly godly man," sparking an intense longing for genuine conversion and a continuous meditation on eternal things.

3. The Agony of Doubt and Despair

O Lord, thought I, what if I should not indeed? It may be you are not, said the Tempter: it may be so indeed, thought I.

Questioning election. Following his spiritual awakening, Bunyan was assailed by profound doubts, particularly concerning his election and whether the "day of grace" had passed. The scripture "It is neither in him that willeth, nor in him that runneth, but in God that sheweth mercy" (Rom. 9:16) tormented him, making him fear that his fervent desires for heaven were futile if he was not divinely chosen.

The wall of separation. A vision vividly illustrated his despair: he saw the godly on a "Sunny side of some high Mountain," while he shivered in the cold, separated by a wall. He desperately sought a "narrow gap" to enter, symbolizing Christ, but found the passage "very straight, and narrow," requiring immense striving to pass through, signifying the difficulty of leaving the wicked world behind.

Miracle temptations. Satan also tempted him to prove his faith by performing miracles, urging him to command puddles to dry or dry places to become puddles. This delusion, coupled with the fear that failure would confirm his lack of faith and status as a "Cast-away," left him "tossed betwixt the Devil and my own ignorance," unable to discern the true nature of faith.

4. The Battle Against Blasphemy and the Unpardonable Sin

These blasphemous thoughts were such as also stirred up questions in me, against the very being of God, and of his onely beloved Son; as whether there were in truth a God or Christ, or no? and whether the holy Scriptures were not rather a Fable and cunning Story, then the holy and pure Word of God?

Storm of blasphemy. After a period of comfort, Bunyan was plunged into a "very great storm" of blasphemies against God, Christ, and the Scriptures. He questioned the very existence of God and Christ, and whether the Bible was merely a "Fable and cunning Story." The Tempter suggested that other religions had equally valid scriptures, further eroding his faith.

Desire to sin. This torment led to a terrifying desire to commit the "sin against the Holy Ghost," a sin he believed to be unpardonable. He felt an uncontrollable urge to speak blasphemous words, often clamping his hand over his mouth or contemplating self-harm to prevent it. He compared himself to a child abducted by a "Gypsie," powerless against the "wings of the temptation."

The "selling Christ" temptation. The most grievous temptation was a year-long assault to "sell and part with this most blessed Christ, to exchange him for the things of this life; for any thing." This thought, "Sell him, sell him," ran through his mind hundreds of times a day, forcing him to constantly resist. He felt his body physically push back against the suggestion, crying, "I will not, I will not, no not for thousands, thousands, thousands of worlds."

Esau's birthright. A moment of perceived consent to this temptation, "Let him go if he will!", plunged him into deep despair, believing he had committed the unpardonable sin. The scripture of Esau selling his birthright and finding "no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears" became a "flaming sword" to his soul, convincing him he was irrevocably lost and bound for eternal punishment.

5. Divine Interventions and Scriptural Comfort

The Blood of Christ remits all guilt; at this I made a stand in my Spirit: with that, this word took hold upon me, The blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin, 1 John 1. 7.

Sudden relief. In the depths of his despair, a sentence "bolted in upon me," declaring, "The Blood of Christ remits all guilt." This brought a momentary peace, making the Tempter "lear and steal away." He saw his sin, when compared to Christ's blood, as a "little clot or stone" against a "vast and wide field," offering encouragement, though it did not last.

Everlasting love. Another powerful intervention came during prayer, when he cried out, "O Lord, I beseech thee show me that thou hast loved me with an everlasting love." Immediately, the sweet echo returned, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love." This assurance, though fiercely contested by the Tempter, sustained him for days, confirming God's enduring love even amidst his "barbarous" sin.

Grace is sufficient. A pivotal moment arrived with the scripture, "My Grace is sufficient." Initially, he struggled to apply it, but during a meeting, the words "My grace is sufficient for thee, my grace is sufficient for thee, my grace is sufficient for thee" broke in with immense power, enlightening his understanding. He felt as if Jesus himself spoke directly to him, breaking his heart with joy and laying him low in humility.

Mercy rejoices against judgment. After a prolonged struggle between the scriptures of grace and those of condemnation (like Esau's), Bunyan experienced a profound shift. The word "Mercy rejoyceth against Judgment" (Jas. 2:13) settled his soul, showing him that the "Word of the Law and Wrath must give place to the Word of Life and Grace." He also found immense comfort in "And him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out" (John 6:37), fiercely contending with Satan over its universal promise.

6. Discovering Christ's Righteousness and Union

Thy righteousness is in Heaven; and methought withall, I saw with the eyes of my Soul Jesus Christ at Gods right hand, there, I say, as my Righteousness; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was a doing, God could not say of me, He wants my Righteousness, for that was just before him.

Chains fall off. A profound revelation came with the sentence, "Thy righteousness is in Heaven." Bunyan saw Jesus Christ at God's right hand as his personal righteousness, realizing that his standing before God was not based on his own fluctuating spiritual state, but on Christ's perfect, unchanging righteousness. This insight caused his "chains [to] fall off my Legs indeed," freeing him from affliction and temptation.

Christ is all. This led to a period of "sweetly at peace with God through Christ," where "nothing but Christ that was before my eyes." He saw Christ not merely for individual benefits like his blood or resurrection, but as a "whole Christ," in whom all virtues, relations, offices, and operations met. His own graces felt like "crack'd-Groats" compared to the "Gold" of Christ's righteousness stored in heaven.

Union with Christ. The Lord further revealed the "mystery of Union" with Christ, where he was "joined to him," "flesh of his flesh, and bone of his bone." This meant Christ's righteousness, merits, and victory were his own. He could see himself "in Heaven and Earth at once; in heaven by my Christ... though on Earth by my Body or Person," understanding that in Christ, the elect fulfilled the law, rose from the dead, and triumphed over sin and death.

7. The Call to Preach and Its Early Fruits

I went my self in chains to preach to them in chains, and carried that fire in my own conscience that I perswaded them to beware of.

A divine prompting. After five or six years of spiritual awakening, Bunyan was recognized by the "most able among the Saints" in Bedford for his understanding of God's Word and his ability to express it. They earnestly desired him to speak words of exhortation in their meetings, a request he initially found daunting but eventually consented to, discovering his "Gift" in private assemblies.

From private to public ministry. As he accompanied others to teach in the countryside, he began to offer "Admonition" more privately. Eventually, after solemn prayer and fasting by the church, he was "more particularly called forth" to public preaching, not only to believers but also to "offer the Gospel to those who had not yet received the faith." He felt a "secret pricking forward thereto," driven not by vain glory but by a deep concern for eternal states.

Preaching what he felt. Bunyan's ministry began by condemning "all flesh" and exposing the "curse of God, by the Law," a message he delivered with "great sence" because the "terrors of the Law, and guilt for my transgressions, lay heavy on my Conscience." He literally preached "what I felt, what I smartingly did feel." He often went to the pulpit "full of guilt and terror," only to find liberty during the sermon, which would vanish immediately afterward, yet God "carried me on, but surely with a strong hand."

8. Enduring Slander and Temptations in Ministry

I bind these lies and slanders to me as an ornament, it belongs to my Christian Profession, to be villified, slandered, reproached and reviled: and since all this is nothing else, as my God and my Conscience do bear me witness: I rejoyce in reproaches for Christs sake.

Satan's new strategy. When Satan's spiritual assaults failed to derail Bunyan's ministry, he shifted tactics, stirring up "ignorant and malicious" people to spread slanders and reproaches. Bunyan was rumored to be:

• A Witch
• A Jesuit
• A Highway-man
• Having "Misses, my Whores, my Bastards, yea, two wives at once"

Glorying in reproach. Bunyan vehemently denied these accusations, particularly those concerning sexual immorality, stating he was "shie of women from my first Convertion until now." He saw these slanders as a sign of being a "Saint, and Child of God," rejoicing in them for Christ's sake, knowing his conscience was clear. He even challenged his accusers to prove their claims, confident in his innocence.

Temptations in the pulpit. Even while preaching, Bunyan faced internal battles. He was sometimes assaulted with "great discouragement," fearing he couldn't speak effectively. At other times, "thoughts of blasphemy" violently assailed him, tempting him to utter them before the congregation. When preaching on "smart and scorching" scriptures, the Tempter would suggest he was condemning himself, urging him to "mince it" to escape guilt.

Humility and faithfulness. Bunyan resisted these temptations, choosing to "bow my self with all my might, to condemn sin and transgression where ever I found it," even if it brought guilt upon his own conscience. He also battled pride, recognizing that gifts without saving grace were like a "tinkling cymbal"—sounding but lifeless. He concluded that "a little Grace, a little Love, a little of the true Fear of God, is better then all these Gifts."

9. Finding Grace and Strength in Imprisonment

I never had in all my life so great an inlet into the Word of God as now; them Scriptures that I saw nothing in before, are made in this place and state to shine upon me; Jesus Christ also was never more real and apparent then now; here I have seen him and felt him indeed.

Apprehension and sentence. After five years of preaching, Bunyan was apprehended at a meeting and brought before a Justice. He was committed to prison because his sureties would not guarantee he would stop preaching. At the next Sessions, he was indicted for "Upholder and Maintainer of unlawful Assemblies and Conventicles" and for "not conforming to the National Worship." His "plain dealing" was taken as a confession, and he was sentenced to "perpetual banishment" for refusing to conform.

Twelve years in prison. Bunyan spent "compleat twelve years" in prison, a period he describes as endured "with much content thorow Grace." Far from being a time of despair, it became a season of profound spiritual growth. He found an unprecedented "inlet into the Word of God," with scriptures shining upon him as never before. Jesus Christ became "never more real and apparent then now," bringing him sweet sights of forgiveness and hope for the world to come.

Preparation for suffering. Before his imprisonment, Bunyan had two key considerations: how to endure a long, tedious imprisonment, and how to face death. He prayed for "all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness" (Col. 1:11). For death, he learned to "pass a sentence of death upon everything that can properly be called a thing of this life," reckoning his wife, children, health, and enjoyments as dead to him, and himself dead to them, trusting in God who "raiseth the dead."

God's constant support. In prison, he experienced God standing by him "at all turns, and at every offer of Satan to afflict me." Fears were met with supports and encouragements, and God strengthened him with scripture against every doubt. He often felt that, if lawful, he "could pray for greater trouble, for the greater comforts sake," recognizing that suffering often brought deeper spiritual consolation.

Last updated: November 25, 2025