Existential Counselling & Psychotherapy in Practice

1. Embrace Anxiety as a Catalyst for Awareness

The task is not to suppress, disguise or deny anxiety, but to understand its meaning and gain the strength to live with it constructively.

Anxiety is inevitable. Existential anxiety, or Angst, is a fundamental human experience, not a pathology to be cured. It arises from our self-awareness, our vulnerability, and the recognition of our freedom to choose. This basic unease is a constant companion, signaling our engagement with the profound questions of existence.

A signal, not a sickness. Many attempt to escape anxiety through mindless routines, addictions, or self-deception, pretending life is predetermined and safe. However, such avoidance only postpones the inevitable confrontation with life's inherent insecurity. Anxiety, when faced, becomes a powerful source of energy, prompting us to reflect on our situation and muster our inner strength.

Courage to live. The existential approach encourages us to welcome anxiety, understanding it as a vital message about our vitality and vulnerability. It's a reminder that true courage isn't the absence of fear, but the willingness to face life's challenges head-on. By deciphering anxiety's message, we transform it from a paralyzing force into a dynamic instigator of growth and self-discovery.

2. Authenticity: Be the Author of Your Own Life

Only in as much as one is in tune with one’s original intention (Sartre, 1943) can one find full motivation for the project one embarks upon.

Your unique blueprint. Authentic living means being true to oneself, following the direction dictated by one's own conscience, rather than conforming to external expectations or societal norms. It's about becoming the author of your destiny, not merely a character in someone else's story. This self-alignment unlocks profound motivation and enthusiasm.

Beyond superficiality. Inauthentic living, characterized by duty or discontent, leads to a sense of alienation and unreality. When we live a "second-hand life," doing what we imagine is expected, we lose touch with our genuine desires. Authenticity, however, isn't about unrestrained spontaneity; it's about making well-informed choices that honor our values, even when facing limitations and potential defeat.

Embrace your truth. The journey to authenticity involves examining your deepest motivations and intentions, ensuring your chosen path genuinely resonates with your inner purpose. This process often requires confronting uncomfortable truths about oneself and the world, but it ultimately leads to a deep sense of inner reality, vitality, and enjoyment in living.

3. Navigate Life Through Four Dimensions of Experience

The idea is to provide a map of human existence on which an individual’s position and trajectory can be plotted and understood.

A comprehensive map. To truly understand one's existence, the existential approach uses a four-dimensional framework:

• Umwelt (Physical World): Our relationship with our body, environment, and natural laws.
• Mitwelt (Social World): Our interactions with others, cultural norms, and social dynamics.
• Eigenwelt (Personal World): Our intimate relationship with ourselves, our feelings, thoughts, and identity.
• Überwelt (Spiritual World): Our beliefs, values, ideals, and sense of meaning beyond ourselves.

Interconnected realities. These dimensions are not separate but deeply intertwined. Difficulties in one area often manifest or are rooted in another. For instance, physical discomfort might reflect a deeper social or personal unease. The practitioner's role is to help clients explore these interconnections, fostering a holistic understanding of their being-in-the-world.

Dynamic balance. On each dimension, we encounter polarities (e.g., control/surrender, dominance/submission, integrity/disintegration, truth/absurdity). The goal isn't to choose one extreme but to achieve a dynamic balance, allowing for flexible movement between opposites. This dialectical approach expands our repertoire of responses, enabling us to navigate life's complexities with greater harmony and effectiveness.

4. Uncover Your Core Assumptions and Values

What ultimately matters in existential work is to determine what it is that really matters to the clients, not what ought to matter to them.

Questioning the unquestioned. Our lives are built upon a foundation of assumptions—ideas we hold true without critical examination. These assumptions, often implicit, shape our perceptions, actions, and expectations. The first step in taking stock of one's life is to bring these assumptions to conscious awareness, defining and questioning them across all four dimensions of existence.

The compass of conscience. Beyond assumptions lie our values—the ultimate concerns and principles that give life meaning and worth. Clients often feel lost because they are out of sync with their own deepest values, or they unwittingly betray them through their actions. The therapist's role is to help clients articulate what truly matters to them, tapping into their intuitive sense of right and wrong, and identifying what they would be willing to live or even die for.

From insight to action. Once values are clarified, clients often discover a powerful, intrinsic motivation to align their lives with these principles. This process reveals how many people live in contradiction to their own beliefs, leading to dissatisfaction and a sense of meaninglessness. By understanding their authentic value system, clients can begin to make choices that resonate with their inner truth, transforming their existence from one of passive compliance to active, purposeful engagement.

5. Master Emotions to Fuel Your Purpose

Learning to live with your emotions is rather like learning to surf on a rough ocean.

Deciphering emotional messages. Emotions are not merely reactions; they are powerful indicators of our relationship to what we value. Instead of suppressing or simply expressing feelings, existential therapy teaches clients to "read" their emotional messages. This involves translating raw feelings into understandable insights about one's mode of being and then channeling that energy into constructive action.

The emotional cycle. Emotions move us along a spectrum of experience, from joy and pride (possession of what is valued) to sorrow and fear (loss or threat to what is valued), and then to desire and hope (aspiration for what is valued). Each emotion, whether positive or negative, carries a message:

• Anger: Signals a valued possession is threatened, prompting a fight for retrieval.
• Jealousy: Indicates a valued possession is under threat, leading to desperate guarding.
• Guilt: Expresses the emptiness of loss, but also an aspiration to regain what is valued.
• Joy: Accompanies the grateful achievement and unification with what is valued.

From reactivity to mastery. By understanding this emotional cycle, clients can move beyond being swept away by their feelings. They learn to harness the energy of emotions to fuel their purpose, rather than letting emotions dictate their actions. This mastery allows for flexibility and passion, transforming life's ebb and flow into a dynamic, rewarding journey.

6. Dreams and Imagination: Blueprints for Reality

Reanimating the images one can live by with passion and hope is therefore a crucial step on the road towards greater vitality.

Microcosms of self. Dreams and conscious fantasies are invaluable assets in existential exploration, serving as microcosms of a client's current intentions, worries, and worldview. They graphically illustrate what matters most and what is most dreaded. The key is for the client to assign meaning to these images, distilling essential insights into their existential stance.

Shaping reality. Imagination is the fundamental force that inspires our world with reality, shaping and interpreting what we perceive. Our internal images, whether conscious or non-reflective, determine our outlook and the range of options we believe are available. When these images are destructive or limiting, they can trap us in cycles of regret, worry, or self-deception.

Active creation. Existential therapy encourages clients to move from passive imagining (absorbing external images) to active, reflective creation of their own reality. By consciously reviewing past images and designing future ones, clients can transform destructive fantasies into constructive blueprints for their lives. This process, akin to an artist molding their vision, empowers individuals to infuse their existence with vitality, purpose, and hope.

7. Cultivate Inner Strength by Facing Life Alone

Inner freedom can be obtained only through a process of liberation of these expectations.

Self-definition. Our sense of self is fundamentally defined by our world relations—our physical, social, personal, and spiritual connections. However, true inner strength and freedom emerge from confronting ourselves in solitude, without the distractions or validations of external circumstances or others. The therapeutic session itself serves as a space for this thorough self-examination, where the therapist acts as an ally to the client's conscience.

The paradox of aloneness. While human beings are inherently social, a deep, unwavering self-confidence is forged through solitary grappling with life's inherent limitations: adversity, failure, and finitude. This "courage to be" arises precisely from acknowledging ontological insecurity, rather than relying on external comforts or achievements. It's a liberation from the expectation that external factors will always provide security.

An inner sanctuary. The goal is to discover an inner source of life and truth—a "safe place" within oneself that remains steadfast regardless of external chaos or deceit. This self-respect and attention to inner life, often overlooked in outwardly focused lives, is crucial for genuine autonomy. By facing the world alone with humility, one cultivates a profound inner security that transforms one's engagement with all dimensions of existence.

8. Commit to Resolute Action, Not Just Outcomes

Any action undertaken with genuine commitment and intention will bring great satisfaction, independently of its results.

Beyond mere activity. Meaningful action stems from deep inner motivation, not just external demands or a desire for quick results. Many clients are driven by a societal emphasis on speed and demonstrable achievements, leading to actions that feel unrewarding or meaningless. Existential therapy shifts the focus from simply "doing" to "being" in action, emphasizing the attitude and intention behind one's commitments.

The art of living. Life's limitations, far from being depressing, can be viewed as the canvas and medium for creating a personal work of art. Resolute action involves making well-informed decisions, synchronized with one's deepest intentions, and accepting the inevitable sacrifices and negative consequences. This self-awareness in action prevents blind fanaticism or fatalism, fostering a balanced engagement with life's challenges.

Entitlement and duty. A crucial aspect of committed action is a sense of entitlement—the conviction that one has the right to pursue one's aspirations. This is balanced by a recognition of "duty" as something owed to oneself, not just external obligations. When actions are undertaken with this conscious, intentional commitment, they become personally enriching fulfillments of inner purpose, leading to a profound sense of vitality and self-possession.

9. Transform Relationships from Transactional to Meaningful

From an autonomous position relationships can take on a new meaning.

Beyond superficiality. Many relational difficulties stem from a basic unease with oneself and life, rather than solely from external interactions. Pushing clients to "improve" relationships without first fostering self-relation is often futile. The existential approach aims for autonomy, enabling clients to discover their own center of gravity before engaging with others.

Three modes of relating:

• I-It (Public Dimension): Relationships where others are treated as objects to be used, manipulated, or avoided (dominance, submission, indifference). This is transactional and often leads to alienation.
• I-You (Private Dimension): Relationships based on mutual recognition of subjectivity and respect for each other's personal world. Intimacy here is about genuine understanding and empathy.
• I-Me (Spiritual Dimension): A profound merging of two beings in absolute self-forgetfulness, bound by a shared, transcendent purpose (e.g., procreation, a joint ideal). This offers a sense of unity and belonging beyond individual separateness.

Cultivating deeper connections. The therapeutic relationship itself models these distinctions, moving beyond I-It transactions to I-You recognition, and sometimes touching upon the I-Me unity of shared truth-seeking. By clarifying their own relational patterns and intentions, clients learn to disengage from destructive I-It dynamics and cultivate more authentic, mutually respectful, and deeply fulfilling I-You and I-Me connections.

10. Live Actively in Time: Author Your Past, Present, and Future

Learning to live in time means taking an active part in the authorship of one’s existence.

Beyond passive progression. Life is an inevitable progression from birth to death, marked by constant change and transformation. "Living in time" means actively engaging with this process, shaping the givens of the past into a meaningful present, and consciously creating new prospects for the future. It's about abandoning false hopes of a static, perfect life and embracing existence as a continuous challenge.

Reclaiming personal time. In modern society, time often becomes a commodity, measured in minutes rather than depth of experience. Existential work helps clients regain a sense of their personal time by:

• Recollecting the past: Understanding how past experiences are actively selected and re-presented in the present, shaping current reality.
• Engaging the present: Appreciating and enjoying the current moment, recognizing its temporary nature.
• Projecting the future: Consciously designing future possibilities, rather than passively wishing or expecting.

Intentional authorship. This active authorship of one's existence involves aligning one's intentions (the active link between past and future) with actions. By becoming aware of how intentions are realized in the world, clients can make fine adjustments to their attitude and behavior, ensuring their life choices are geared towards their deepest goals. This creates a profound sense of reality, continuity, and purpose, transforming life from a haphazard journey into a self-created work of art.

Last updated: September 5, 2025