Key Takeaways
1. An Innate Spiritual Calling Shapes a Life's Direction
‘I had this intense feeling that I was in the wrong place. Even now I never feel “right" in England,’ she said.
Early displacement. From her birth in East End London in 1943, Diane Perry (later Tenzin Palmo) felt a profound sense of not belonging, a feeling of being in the "wrong place." This internal compass pointed her towards the East and a life beyond conventional expectations, despite her quintessentially English upbringing. Her childhood was marked by introspection and a curious draw to Eastern cultures and contemplative nuns, foreshadowing her future path.
Questioning existence. Even as a young girl, Tenzin Palmo grappled with precocious and profound questions about suffering, death, and the nature of perfection, echoing the Buddha's own quest. Her spiritualist mother, Lee Perry, fostered an open-minded environment, but traditional answers from spiritualism and Christianity failed to satisfy her penetrating mind.
- "How do we get beyond the dilemma of constantly coming back and having to experience again and again the inherent suffering in our existence?"
- "How do we become perfect?"
Finding her path. At eighteen, a chance encounter with a Buddhist book, "The Mind Unshaken," provided the logical framework and clear path she had sought. This discovery was a revelation, aligning perfectly with her deepest beliefs and setting her firmly on the Buddhist path, a commitment she felt had spanned lifetimes.
2. The Profound Connection with a True Guru
‘The feeling was two things at the same time. One was seeing somebody you knew extremely well whom you haven’t seen for a very long time. A feeling of "Oh, how nice to see you again!” And at the same time it was as though an innermost part of my being had taken form in front of me. As though he’d always been there but now he was outside,’ she explained.
Seeking guidance. After discovering Buddhism, Tenzin Palmo knew she needed a living teacher, a "true guru," to guide her. This quest led her to India, where she eventually met the eighth Khamtrul Rinpoche on her twenty-first birthday. Their meeting was an instantaneous, mutual recognition, a deep connection that transcended ordinary understanding, suggesting a bond forged over many lifetimes.
Immediate ordination. Within hours of meeting Khamtrul Rinpoche, Tenzin Palmo requested ordination as a nun, a decision that seemed reckless to outsiders but utterly logical to her. He readily agreed, bestowing upon her the name Drubgyu Tenzin Palmo. This act solidified her commitment to a life of spiritual practice, free from worldly distractions, and marked her as only the second Western woman to become a Tibetan Buddhist nun.
Unwavering trust. Khamtrul Rinpoche became the central figure in her spiritual life, a source of infallible guidance and unwavering support. Their relationship was characterized by profound devotion and an intimate understanding, with Tenzin Palmo feeling he was "like a father and a mother combined." This deep trust in her guru was a cornerstone of her practice, providing stability amidst the challenges she would face.
3. Overcoming Gender Bias in a Patriarchal Tradition
‘I made this heartfelt pledge: I’m going to continue to take female form and achieve Enlightenment!’ she said, puffing with indignation.
Spiritual glass ceiling. Tenzin Palmo's early years as a nun in India were marked by profound isolation and discrimination. As the "only nun" among 100 monks, she was excluded from communal life, denied esoteric teachings, and relegated to a solitary existence. This experience highlighted the deep-seated patriarchy within Tibetan Buddhism, where women were often deemed "inferior born" and incapable of full enlightenment.
Challenging the narrative. Her frustration culminated in a revolutionary vow: to attain Enlightenment in a female form, no matter how many lifetimes it took. This was a direct challenge to centuries of tradition that asserted women needed to be reborn as men to reach Buddhahood. Tenzin Palmo's stance was not militant but a pragmatic recognition of the urgent need for female spiritual role models.
Unveiling misogyny. Tenzin Palmo meticulously researched the historical roots of this prejudice, discovering how the Buddha's teachings on detachment from the body were later twisted to foster disgust towards women. She argued that male mental defilements, not women's inherent nature, were the true source of perceived "danger," boldly refuting the notion that women were seductive obstacles to men's sanctity.
4. Twelve Years of Solitary Cave Meditation
‘I was never lonely, not for a minute. It was nice if someone visited, but I was perfectly happy not seeing anybody. In that cave I felt completely safe.’
The call to solitude. After six years of unsatisfactory practice in the monastery, Tenzin Palmo sought absolute solitude, praying to the dakinis to find her a suitable retreat. She discovered a tiny, exposed overhang at 13,200 feet in Lahoul, which she transformed into a "pukka cave." This became her home for twelve years, a place of profound silence and breathtaking views, where she could fully dedicate herself to meditation.
Mastering the mundane. Despite her un-robust nature, Tenzin Palmo embraced the extreme physical demands of cave life. She learned to:
- Melt snow for water in winter, carrying it from a distant spring in summer.
- Grow turnips and potatoes, her only fresh food, in rocky soil.
- Endure temperatures plunging to -35 degrees, relying on her meditation box for warmth.
- Live without a bed, sleeping upright in her meditation box to cultivate continuous awareness.
Harmony with nature. Her isolation was punctuated by encounters with local wildlife, including wolves, martens, and even the elusive snow leopard. She approached these animals with a curious detachment, never fear, fostering a unique coexistence that mirrored the tales of St. Francis. This deep immersion in nature further stripped away worldly distractions, allowing her to focus entirely on her inner quest.
5. Facing Life-Threatening Challenges with Equanimity
‘I really thought I was going to die. I had a lot of time to think about it. It was interesting. I wasn’t worried. I figured “OK, if I’m going to die, I’m going to die.” I was not afraid.’
Prepared for death. Tenzin Palmo entered her retreat with a vow to remain, even if it meant dying. This commitment was tested by frequent illnesses, an excruciating eye infection lasting 49 days, and near-fatal accidents. Her Buddhist training to "look death squarely in the face" allowed her to confront these dangers with remarkable equanimity, viewing them as opportunities for profound meditation rather than sources of fear.
Buried alive. The most dramatic challenge came in March 1979 when a seven-day blizzard buried her cave under massive snowdrifts, breaking her stovepipe and sealing her in total darkness and cold. Convinced she would suffocate, she calmly prepared for death, reviewing her life and reaffirming her devotion to her guru. This experience validated her life choices, particularly her celibacy, as she felt "very happy that I was still a nun."
Miraculous escape. Guided by an inner voice, she dug her way out three times, only to find the blizzard still raging. This ordeal, which claimed 200 lives in Lahoul, reinforced her understanding of impermanence and the resilience of the human spirit. Her ability to remain unperturbed by external circumstances, even near-death, demonstrated a profound level of spiritual advancement.
6. The Nature of Realization Beyond Sensationalism
‘The whole point is not to get visions but to get realizations,’ she said sharply, referring to the stage when a truth stops being a mental or intellectual construct and becomes real.
Beyond the dramatic. Tenzin Palmo's inner journey in the cave was not about sensational visions or celestial voices, which she dismissed as "events of little true significance." Instead, her focus was on "realizations"—the non-conceptual, direct experience of truth that transforms understanding from intellectual knowledge to felt reality. She emphasized that true realizations are "quite bare," unadorned by lights or music.
Bliss as fuel. While acknowledging "states of incredible bliss" as the "fuel of retreat," she cautioned against clinging to them, viewing them as another potential obstacle. Bliss, she explained, is only useful when it serves as a subtle state of mind for understanding Emptiness, the ultimate wisdom that nothing inherently exists. The goal is not bliss itself, but the realization of the mind's true nature.
Unconditioned consciousness. The ultimate aim of her practice was to realize the mind's unconditioned, non-dual nature—a state of Emptiness and bliss, "Knowing without the Knower." This awakening, she described, is not a dramatic explosion but an "ordinary" yet "extremely real" experience, like waking from a dream. It involves a gradual stabilization and integration of this awareness into everyday life, transforming one's perception of reality.
7. Re-entry to the World and Renewed Purpose
‘I felt my time in India had drawn to a close, that I needed to get back to the West and rediscover my roots.’
Forced re-entry. After twelve years, Tenzin Palmo's retreat was abruptly ended by a police visit regarding her visa. This unexpected intrusion, though initially disruptive, marked an irrevocable break in her seclusion. Despite the spiritual implications of an unfinished retreat, she met the situation with characteristic equanimity, even laughter, recognizing that her time in the cave had served its purpose.
Rediscovering the West. Surprisingly, after a lifetime drawn to the East, Tenzin Palmo felt a pull back to her Western roots. She moved to Assisi, Italy, where she delighted in rediscovering European culture, art, and classical music, particularly Mozart. This period of "healing" her ruptured Western self allowed her to integrate her spiritual insights with a broader cultural understanding.
- Enjoyed pasta, cappuccino, tiramisu.
- Watched 1940s black and white movies.
- Read French authors, medieval history, and Christian saints' biographies.
- Developed a strong devotion to St. Francis, meditating in his cave.
Inner freedom. Her long solitude had not made her reclusive but enhanced her warmth, mental sharpness, and compassion. Friends observed her "unruffled compassion" and "true equanimity," noting that she was "totally normal" and "exceptionally sociable." This demonstrated that her inner transformation had created a profound inner freedom and peace, allowing her to engage with the world without being overwhelmed.
8. Championing Women's Spiritual Empowerment
‘The lamas ordain people and then they are thrown out into the world with no training, preparation, encouragement, support or guidance – and they’re expected to keep their vows, do their practice and run dharma centres.’
A powerful voice. Tenzin Palmo's re-entry into the world coincided with a growing movement to address gender inequality in Buddhism. At the 1993 Western Buddhism conference, she delivered an impassioned speech to the Dalai Lama, exposing the dire situation of Western nuns who received ordination but no support. Her words, a "formidable cry from the heart," moved the Dalai Lama to tears and marked a turning point for women in Buddhism.
Exposing systemic neglect. She highlighted the systemic neglect of nuns, both Western and Tibetan:
- Lack of training, support, and guidance after ordination.
- Tibetan nuns relegated to menial tasks or domestic life.
- Denial of philosophical training and higher education for women.
- The expectation for nuns to maintain vows and run centers without resources.
Catalyst for change. Her speech galvanized efforts to bring full ordination to nuns and establish supportive communities. Tenzin Palmo, drawing on her own painful experiences of alienation and discrimination, recognized her purpose: to use her voice and experience to empower other women on the spiritual path. This shift from personal quest to collective action became her new, unexpected mission.
9. The Vision for a Transformative Nunnery
‘I pray that you will become an instrument in re-establishing the Togdenma lineage.’
Fulfilling a guru's wish. Inspired by her guru Khamtrul Rinpoche's earlier suggestion, Tenzin Palmo embraced the ambitious project of building a nunnery for women of her Drukpa Kargyu order. Named Dongyu Gatsal Ling ("Delightful Grove of the True Lineage"), its primary goal was to provide a place where women could fully develop their spiritual potential and achieve female enlightenment.
Resurrecting a lineage. A key aspect of the nunnery was the revival of the Togdenma lineage, a tradition of female yoginis known for their profound spiritual skills, which had been lost since the Chinese occupation. Tenzin Palmo aimed to train nuns in these specialized techniques, passed down by the old Togdens, to create "women of wisdom" who could actualize truth and transform lives.
Revolutionary principles. The nunnery's blueprint incorporated radical ideas, some gleaned from Christian monastic communities:
- Economic independence: Nuns would earn their living through crafts, fostering self-sufficiency and harmony.
- Rotational duties: All jobs, from teaching to scullery, would be rotated, emphasizing the spiritual value of all work.
- Holistic training: Combining classic texts, logic, ritual practices, English, and Hatha yoga to support physical and mental well-being.
- International center: An adjacent retreat center for women worldwide, offering instruction and a conducive environment for practice.
10. The Teacher's Reluctant Path and Enduring Wisdom
‘I just don’t enjoy it. It gives me no joy,’ she admits candidly. ‘When I’m teaching there’s this little voice inside me which says, “What are you doing?” And so I think it cannot be right.’
Reluctant fundraiser. To fund the nunnery, Tenzin Palmo, a natural recluse, was thrust into the role of international fundraiser and teacher. Despite her personal preference for solitude, she embarked on extensive global tours, giving dharma talks for donations. This was a "painfully slow process," but her unwavering faith in the project's blessing sustained her.
Inspired communicator. Despite her reluctance, Tenzin Palmo proved to be an "inspired teacher." She spoke from the heart, without notes, delivering the Buddha dharma in clear, practical, and engaging English. Her ability to cut through abstract theories and connect with Western audiences, drawing on her own deep experience, made her a potent and sought-after voice in the burgeoning Western Buddhist landscape.
- Emphasized mindfulness in everyday life: "You can meditate walking down the corridor, waiting for the computer to change, at the traffic lights..."
- Used modern analogies: "The film Ground Hog Day was a very Buddhist movie."
- Stressed the transformation of the heart/mind, not just sitting in meditation.
Beyond ego. Tenzin Palmo's teaching revealed her profound spiritual maturity, characterized by an absence of ego and a deep, unruffled compassion. She listened intently to personal problems, career dilemmas, and spiritual conundrums, offering advice and empathy without judgment. Her ability to remain detached yet deeply engaged, even when facing challenging questions, underscored the authenticity of her inner transformation.
11. The Enduring Value of Contemplative Retreat
‘Is the search for reality old-fashioned?’ she stated more than asked. ‘As long as the search for spiritual understanding is valid, so is the cave.’
The hothouse for enlightenment. Despite the rise of "Kitchen Sink Path" Buddhism, Tenzin Palmo firmly asserted the enduring value of solitary retreat. She argued that while much spiritual development can occur in daily life, the cave (or hermitage) remains the "hothouse for Enlightenment," providing the necessary time, space, and freedom from distractions for advanced practices.
- Complex visualizations and inner yogic practices require deep concentration.
- Constant heat (dedication) is needed for the "food to cook" (spiritual transformation).
- Retreat acts as a "pressure-cooker," accelerating spiritual growth.
Lighthouses of compassion. Tenzin Palmo viewed contemplatives as "lighthouses beaming out love and compassion on to the world," their focused practice generating powerful positive energy. She shared how her own cave experience inspired others, offering solace to those facing immense suffering, reinforcing the altruistic purpose of solitary meditation.
Self-discovery. Beyond advanced practices, she advocated for short periods of silence and isolation for everyone to "look within and find out who one really is behind all the masks." This opportunity for self-reflection, away from societal roles and external pressures, is crucial for genuine self-understanding and inner peace.
12. Balancing Tradition with Modern Feminist Insights
‘The Buddha said hatred is not overcome by hatred, but only by love.’
A nuanced approach to feminism. Tenzin Palmo applauded the efforts of feminist Buddhists to challenge patriarchal structures and introduce a more feminine face to the dharma. However, she disagreed with aggressive, anger-fueled approaches, advocating instead for a "much quieter way" based on classic Buddhist values:
- Open discussion, patience, and compromise.
- Equanimity and a soft, warm heart.
- Love for all sentient beings, avoiding polarization.
Celibacy's relevance. She staunchly defended celibacy, not as a suppression, but as a powerful tool for spiritual development, freeing energy and emotions for higher directions and universal love. She noted the stark difference in vitality between celibate monks and laymen, and the fulfillment of chaste individuals, challenging Western society's obsession with sex.
Evolving Buddhism. Tenzin Palmo recognized that Western Buddhism was in its early stages, poised to make significant contributions by integrating psychological principles and emphasizing social involvement. She believed the dharma must adapt to new cultural contexts, not by abandoning its essence, but by re-emphasizing aspects that resonate with the Western psyche, ultimately leading to a more balanced and compassionate world.
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