By Your Side

1. The Universal Need for Allies: We Are Interdependent Beings

We can’t be human unless others assist us along the way.

Inherent interdependence. From birth, humans are wired for connection and rely on others to activate their full potential. This fundamental need for "assisting forces"—reliable companions and supporters—is not a weakness but a core aspect of our social nature. Expressions like "she has my back" or "they are in my corner" highlight this universal longing for solidarity.

Overcoming isolation. The fear of abandonment is deeply ingrained because human life thrives on inclusion. Isolation, loneliness, and exclusion are terrifying, akin to death, as they deny our fundamental need for belonging. Recognizing and embracing the myriad visible and invisible allies around us is crucial for healing despair and fostering a sense of safety and security.

Group project. Life is inherently a group project, requiring synergy and collaboration. Believing we can "go it alone" is a self-contraction, a disability that impoverishes us spiritually and practically. Our journey is a heroic one, and no hero has ever completed it without steadfast comrades, reflecting humanity's interdependent nature.

2. Our Primary Ally Resides Within: The Higher Self and Inner Resources

The assisting-force archetype is not outside but in us, not beside us but inside us.

Inner wisdom. Our deepest identity, beyond the confines of our limited personality, is our primary ally—what Carl Jung called the "higher Self." This unfailing interior companion possesses qualities like eternal wisdom, infinite capacity, and healing power, serving as an oracle and a constant friend, especially in challenging times.

Bodymind as ally. Our entire bodymind, encompassing our mind's faculties (thought, memory, imagination, will, instinct, emotion, conscience) and our physical body, acts as an assisting force. A healthy ego, balanced between inflation and deflation, helps us make wise assessments and achieve goals. Even feelings, when held in balance, can become allies, signaling needs and inviting compassion.

Transforming challenges. Daily stresses, limitations, and even negative experiences like regret or anxiety can be assisting forces. They act as signposts, pointing us toward what needs attention, awakening our innate healing powers, and guiding us toward self-knowledge. Surrendering to what we cannot change, or taking a "time-out" for contemplation, paradoxically opens us to inner resources and new possibilities.

3. Allies Manifest Everywhere: From People to Nature and Objects

Indeed, the word “influence” is based on Latin roots meaning “flowing into.”

Diverse human connections. Our identity is shaped by a vast network of human allies, including friends, mentors, colleagues, and even those we help. These relationships, characterized by "caring, committed connection," are essential for our psychological and spiritual maturation. Allies can be peers, those with greater wisdom (teachers, authors), or those with less skill (who bring out our compassion).

Beyond the human. The concept of allies extends far beyond people.

• Arts and Artists: Music, literature, and visual arts serve as enduring allies, enriching our souls and offering profound insights. Books, in particular, become lifelong companions, shaping our thoughts and providing comfort.
• Animals: Pets offer companionship and unconditional love, while "power animals" in shamanistic views symbolize inner strengths like courage or caution. Animals instinctively demonstrate alliance and assistance.
• Things: Special objects like mementos, heirlooms, or religious items transcend their material form, becoming "more than" mere things. They connect us to our past, provide comfort, and symbolize enduring alliances.
• Nature: Nature is a hospitable ally, providing life's essentials and a profound sense of belonging. Its awe-inspiring beauty reveals the transcendent, mirroring our soul's infinite extent and inviting us into ecological consciousness.

Fellowship and solidarity. Groups like Buddhist Sanghas or twelve-step programs exemplify the power of fellowship, recognizing that healing and growth require collective support. This solidarity extends to society itself, where fellow citizens can be allies, fostering a "superb friendship" that transcends divisions and embraces diversity.

4. Intimate Relationships Thrive on Mutual Alliance and the Five A's

Authentic intimacy happens when love includes alliance and two partners act as assisting forces of one another.

Foundations of love. A loving intimate relationship is a partnership of allies, characterized by a "caring, committed connection." This bond is built on five essential "A's":

• Attention: Noticing and attuning to each other's words, needs, and feelings.
• Affection: Showing love physically and verbally, respecting boundaries.
• Appreciation: Expressing gratitude and valuing each other.
• Acceptance: Embracing each other as they are, not as expected.
• Allowing: Supporting autonomy and freedom, welcoming needs as legitimate.
  These A's create a "holding environment" where partners feel affirmed and safe to be their authentic selves, even with wounds and faults.

Navigating relationship phases. Most successful relationships progress through three phases:

• High Romance: Characterized by intense "chemistry" and projections, it's a joyful but unsustainable beginning.
• Conflict: The inevitable phase where partners see each other's limitations. An ally partner works through conflicts by addressing issues, processing feelings (linking triggers to shadow, ego, or past trauma), and resolving them through mutual agreements and forgiveness.
• Commitment: Achieved when conflicts are consistently resolved, leading to a deeper, lasting alliance. This stage fosters a wider concern for the world and a mature understanding of love.

Feedback vs. criticism. In an allied relationship, communication involves giving helpful feedback rather than destructive criticism. Feedback is supportive, informative, and motivated by care for growth, aiming for "win-win" outcomes and strengthening the bond. Criticism, conversely, shames, blames, and breaks connection. Learning to offer and receive feedback respectfully, even when triggered by past trauma, is crucial for fostering trust and deepening intimacy.

5. Spiritual and Mythic Figures as Enduring Allies and Guides

Any distress can be tolerated as long as we don’t have to feel it alone, or endure without companionship in any severe helplessness, seclusion, or dogged fear.

Transcendent companionship. Spiritual, religious, and mythic traditions universally offer the promise of assistance, assuring us that we are never truly alone. Whether through the divine presence of God, the guidance of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or the comforting presence of Mary, these figures represent an enduring "with-ness" that transcends physical presence and provides solace in life's "trackless and fearsome wilderness."

Archetypes of assistance. Figures like guardian angels, genies, or shamans personify the archetype of the assisting force, offering protection, guidance, and miraculous help. Synchronicity, or meaningful coincidences, also acts as an ally, signaling opportunities or warnings from a realm beyond ordinary perception, suggesting a "hidden principle" organizing the universe.

Buddhist refuges and bodhisattvas. In Buddhism, the three refuges—Buddha (our enlightened mind), Dharma (teachings), and Sangha (community)—are invaluable allies against the "three poisons" of greed, hate, and the illusion of separateness. Bodhisattvas, like Samantabhadra (enlightened action), Manjushri (transcendent wisdom), Avalokiteshvara (universal compassion), and Jizo (patron of the impossible), embody these assisting energies, vowing to help all beings achieve enlightenment. They are not external gods but personifications of intrinsic potentials within us, calling us to activate our own capacity for universal love and service.

6. Even Affliction and the Trickster Can Serve as Assisting Forces

Our antagonist is our helper.

Paradoxical assistance. Not all allies appear benevolent at first glance. The trickster archetype, found in folklore and within ourselves, initially seems like an afflicting force—deceptive, mischievous, and disruptive. However, the trickster's role is to turn the world upside down, exposing our vulnerabilities, challenging our ego's grandiosity, and forcing us to confront self-deception.

Growth through disruption. The trickster's actions, though painful, ultimately serve as an assisting force by:

• Humbling the ego: Giving us a "comeuppance" that breaks through pride and illusion.
• Fostering change: Upsetting antiquated orders, leading to extreme disorder, and eventually establishing a new, more expansive order.
• Revealing hidden truths: Forcing us to look at what we've denied or repressed, leading to self-knowledge.
  Examples include being fired from a job only to find a better career, or the downtrodden overcoming oppressors.

Internal and external tricksters. The greatest danger lies in not recognizing the trickster energy within ourselves—our own "hidden and apparently harmless shadow" that can lead to self-sabotage or projection onto others. Collective trickster energy can manifest in deceptive leaders who pander to base instincts, creating division and lawlessness. However, the genuine trickster, like a comedian or whistleblower, challenges the status quo, inviting us to embrace eccentricity and creative alternatives, ultimately leading to higher consciousness.

7. Becoming an Ally: Our Calling to Universal Love and Service

We are not here only to live but to find something to live for—and that something is loving-kindness toward all beings, thereby cocreating a world of justice, peace, and love.

The relay race of life. Our human journey is a continuous relay race where receiving help naturally inspires us to give help. Noticing how others have been allies to us over time teaches us to extend that same support to others. This "helper energy" is a necessary ingredient for our fulfillment, moving us from leaning on others to allowing them to lean on us.

Courage in service. Becoming an assisting force in society requires courage—to stand for justice, speak truth to power, and risk personal loss. Building inner resources, especially by letting go of fears, equips us to be effective world allies. Even if we feel inadequate or wounded, the "wounded healer" archetype reminds us that help comes through us, not solely from us, as grace flows through anyone willing to be a channel.

Enlightened living and the Brahmaviharas. Enlightenment is not just a state but a commitment to action, manifesting as wisdom, loving compassion, and equanimity. The four "Brahmaviharas" or "immeasurables"—loving-kindness, compassion, empathic joy, and equanimity—are spiritual powers that, through practice, transform us into limitless allies:

• Loving-kindness: Extending unconditional friendliness.
• Compassion: Feeling for suffering and working to end injustice.
• Empathic Joy: Celebrating others' success, overcoming envy.
• Equanimity: Maintaining calmness and clarity, treating all as equal.
  These practices expand our hearts, making us "hidden helpers" for all beings, fulfilling our spiritual destiny to display the timeless design of love and service.

Last updated: January 18, 2026