Born Again

1. The Emptiness of Ultimate Worldly Success

My lack of exhilaration made no sense.

Victory's hollow ring. Despite orchestrating President Nixon's landslide reelection in 1972, a moment that should have been the pinnacle of his political ambition, Colson felt a profound inner deadness. The celebration was joyless, filled with unsmiling faces and a focus on superficial gains like free alcohol, contrasting sharply with the vibrant enthusiasm of past campaigns. This personal disillusionment, even amidst unparalleled success, signaled a deeper, unresolved issue within.

The "exhausted volcano." Nixon himself, in a post-election speech, alluded to the danger of becoming an "exhausted volcano" with no fire left for future battles, a description Colson recognized in himself. The relentless drive for power, prestige, and achievement, which had defined his life since childhood, had led to a summit that offered no lasting fulfillment. This realization prompted a critical self-reflection on the true goals of life beyond material wealth or political influence.

Questioning life's purpose. The pursuit of "new heights" had always given Colson's life meaning, but at 41, with the highest political office secured, he questioned what challenges could ever be as fulfilling. The prospect of returning to a lucrative law practice felt insufficient, highlighting a growing awareness that pride and external validation, while powerful motivators, ultimately left an unfillable void. This internal struggle marked the beginning of a search for something more enduring.

2. Pride and Power: The Corrosive Path to Moral Decay

Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.

Unchecked ambition's cost. Colson's life was driven by an intense pride and a relentless work ethic, instilled by his father, to overcome his "Swamp Yankee" origins and gain acceptance among the elite. This ambition propelled him through Brown University, the Marine Corps, and a successful law career, culminating in his role as Nixon's "hatchet man." He reveled in cutting through red tape and "breaking china" for the President, believing loyalty justified any means.

The "us against them" mentality. The White House, particularly after the Cambodia incursion and Kent State shootings, developed a siege mentality, fostering deep animosity towards critics, especially the media. This environment, where "machismo and toughness were equated with trust and loyalty," led to the creation of "enemy lists" and a willingness to use any tactic to vanquish opponents. Colson, as a key enforcer, embraced this ethos, believing it essential for Nixon's survival and the nation's stability.

Erosion of moral boundaries. The relentless political combat and the belief that "the end justified the means" gradually eroded ethical standards. Incidents like leaking false information about Arthur Burns or the "Canuck Letter" demonstrated a willingness to engage in "dirty tricks" for political gain. This moral compromise, fueled by hubris and an unquestioning loyalty to Nixon, set in motion forces that would inevitably lead to the Watergate scandal, revealing the destructive potential of unchecked power.

3. A Friend's Transformation: The Catalyst for Personal Crisis

I have accepted Jesus Christ. I have committed my life to him and it has been the most marvelous experience of my whole life.

An unexpected encounter. Amidst his growing inner turmoil and the escalating Watergate crisis, Colson reconnected with Tom Phillips, a successful business executive and former client. Phillips, whom Colson had known as an aggressive businessman, now exuded a radiant warmth and serenity, a stark contrast to Colson's own internal misery. This visible transformation intrigued Colson, who was grappling with his own sense of emptiness despite outward success.

The "big hole" in success. Phillips openly shared his journey, describing a "terrible emptiness" he felt despite his professional achievements, a sentiment that resonated deeply with Colson's own experience. Phillips explained that he had found fulfillment by "accepting Jesus Christ" and committing his life to Him, an idea that initially seemed pious and mystical to Colson. This candid testimony, however, planted a seed of curiosity in Colson's mind, challenging his purely secular worldview.

Confronting personal pride. Phillips's gentle but firm critique of Colson's political tactics—"You guys brought it on yourselves"—and his recommendation of C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity proved pivotal. As Phillips read aloud a chapter on pride, Colson felt "naked and unclean," recognizing how his life had been driven by self-conceit and a desire for acceptance. This moment of profound self-discovery, triggered by a friend's transformed life and powerful words, began to dismantle Colson's protective armor.

4. The Intellectual and Emotional Journey to Faith

Lord Jesus, I believe You. I accept You. Please come into my life. I commit it to You.

Reconciling reason and faith. Retreating to a cottage by the sea, Colson embarked on an intense intellectual and emotional quest, using his legal training to analyze the existence of God. He found logical arguments for a Creator in the order of the universe and the universal moral law, moving beyond his initial skepticism. A spontaneous prayer of gratitude for his son years earlier also hinted at a deeper, intuitive connection to God.

The divinity of Christ. The central challenge was C.S. Lewis's assertion: "Jesus Christ is God." This stark proposition—Christ as either God or a "raving lunatic"—forced Colson to abandon his comfortable view of Jesus as merely a great moral teacher. He realized that accepting Christ meant accepting His divinity, a truth that shattered his preconceived notions and demanded an all-or-nothing commitment.

A moment of surrender. After days of intense study and reflection, Colson reached a point of profound conviction. Alone by the ocean, he uttered a simple prayer of surrender, inviting Jesus into his life. This act, born of both intellectual assent and emotional readiness, brought an immediate sense of "sureness of mind" and "serenity," replacing his long-standing fears and anxieties. It marked a definitive turning point, a "new kind of awareness" filling the void he had felt.

5. The Unexpected Power of Christian Fellowship

You will have brothers all over this city, hundreds of them, men and women you don’t even know who will want nothing more than to help you.

A new kind of community. Upon returning to Washington, Colson was introduced to Doug Coe and the "Prayer Breakfast group," an underground network of Christians in government. Despite his notoriety and the political divisions of Watergate, he was welcomed with open arms and unconditional love. This fellowship, comprising individuals from opposing political parties like Senator Harold Hughes, offered a stark contrast to the backbiting and suspicion of the White House.

Unconditional support. The most astonishing aspect was the immediate and unwavering support from these new "brothers in Christ." Harold Hughes, a fierce political adversary, declared his love and trust for Colson, pledging to "stand with you, defend you anywhere and trust you with anything I have." This profound acceptance, coming from unexpected quarters, deeply moved Colson, who had grown accustomed to a world where relationships were transactional and conditional.

A healing force in a divided city. The fellowship provided a sanctuary from the "poison of Watergate," offering a space for shared burdens, prayer, and spiritual growth. These gatherings, often transcending political and social divides, demonstrated a "healing force" that was desperately needed in a city torn by bitterness and recrimination. Colson discovered that genuine Christian love could bridge even the deepest ideological chasms, fostering a sense of unity and mutual care.

6. The Cost of Discipleship: Choosing Truth Over Expediency

I have come to believe in the very depths of my being that official threats to the right of fair trial for defendants such as those charged in this information must be stopped; and by this plea, Your honor, I am prepared to take whatever consequences I must to help in stopping them.

The dilemma of two worlds. As the Watergate investigations intensified, Colson faced the agonizing choice between legal expediency and moral truth. His lawyers urged a plea bargain for a misdemeanor, which would likely spare him prison and disbarment. However, this would require him to plead guilty to something he had not done, a lie that conflicted with his newfound faith and his father's lifelong teaching to "tell the truth—always—lies destroy you."

Guidance from unexpected sources. Seeking counsel from Harold Hughes, Colson wrestled with the moral implications. Hughes's simple question, "Is what you would have to say in court true in your own heart, I mean between you and God?" cut through all legal complexities. The unwavering support of his children, particularly his daughter Emily's blunt "Well, then don't say you did it," solidified his resolve to prioritize truth, regardless of the personal cost.

A plea for integrity. Colson ultimately decided to plead guilty to a charge he genuinely believed he was morally responsible for—disseminating derogatory information about Daniel Ellsberg while he was a criminal defendant—even though his lawyers argued it wasn't a crime and would likely lead to a felony conviction and prison. This decision, made against the advice of his legal team and the expectations of many, was a profound act of discipleship, choosing integrity and a clear conscience over self-preservation.

7. Finding Purpose and Freedom in Prison

I have committed my life to Jesus Christ and I can work for him in prison as well as out.

The "slammer" and its realities. Colson's arrival at Fort Holabird, and later Maxwell Federal Prison Camp, marked a stark transition from the corridors of power to the dehumanizing realities of incarceration. Stripped of his identity, subjected to constant surveillance, and surrounded by hardened criminals, he faced the physical discomforts of heat, noise, and stench, as well as the psychological toll of loneliness and despair. The advice from seasoned inmates and guards was uniform: "Don't get involved," "mind your own business," "trust nobody."

A new perspective on suffering. Despite the grim environment, Colson found a surprising "lightness in his spirit." He began to see his imprisonment not merely as punishment, but as a "cleansing time" and a period of "spiritual preparation." The experience of being a prisoner, he realized, offered a unique opportunity to understand suffering and deprivation firsthand, a lesson in empathy that mirrored Christ's own incarnation.

Embracing a prison ministry. This realization led to a profound shift in his purpose. He understood that God's plan for him was to be "in prison as a sinner, and to know men there as one of them." This conviction ignited a desire to serve his fellow inmates, transforming his personal ordeal into a mission. He saw the immense need for human dignity and spiritual guidance within the prison system, recognizing that his experience could be a powerful witness for Christ.

8. Spiritual Warfare: Confronting Evil and Embracing Forgiveness

Obviously Satan had claimed Maxwell as his territory long ago and wasn’t about to surrender it easily.

The reality of evil. Colson's time in prison brought him face-to-face with the pervasive presence of evil, leading him to a new understanding of Satan as a real entity, not just a jocular concept. He witnessed men, otherwise decent, commit "gross sins while in the grip of some kind of evil power," challenging his previous belief that evil was solely a part of man's nature. This realization underscored the spiritual battle at play, particularly for those who chose Christ.

Satan's counterattack. As Colson and his newfound Christian brothers began to pray and share their faith, a series of "setbacks, accidents and outbursts of violence" swept through the prison. These incidents, from vandalism and inmate fights to parole denials and the callous treatment of the sick, were interpreted as Satan's "all-out counterattack" against the encroaching light of the Holy Spirit. This period of intense adversity tested their faith and resolve.

Forgiveness and reconciliation. Despite the hostility and injustice, Colson found himself increasingly able to forgive his adversaries, including those who had wronged him in the White House and even the prison guards. His reconciliation with John Dean, his chief accuser, and his ability to turn hostility into understanding with a former Chicago police lieutenant who blamed him for his downfall, demonstrated the transformative power of Christ's love. This capacity for forgiveness, even amidst personal suffering, became a hallmark of his new life.

9. The Humanity of Christ: Empathy and Service to Fellow Prisoners

It was imperative that he should be made like his brothers in every respect, if he were to become a high Priest both compassionate and faithful in the things of God…. For by virtue of his own suffering under temptation he is able to help those who are exposed to temptation.

God's empathy through Christ. Reading Hebrews 2:9-11, Colson experienced a profound revelation: God, in the person of Jesus, became human to "taste death for every man" and understand our sufferings and temptations. This concept of God becoming "like his brothers in every respect" resonated deeply with Colson's own experience of becoming a prisoner. It illuminated the divine purpose behind his confinement: to know suffering firsthand and connect with others on a deeper, more empathetic level.

A call to identify with the suffering. This understanding transformed Colson's view of his fellow inmates. He realized that just as Christ was "not ashamed to call them his brothers," he too should embrace these "lost souls" as his own. This meant abandoning the "don't get involved" mentality and actively seeking to alleviate their suffering, even if it meant personal risk or defying prison regulations. His own experience of being "stripped of self-worth and dignity" allowed him to truly understand their plight.

Serving the "least of these." Colson began to dedicate his evenings to helping illiterate inmates with parole applications, furlough requests, and other appeals, despite the rule against practicing law. He saw the systemic injustices within the criminal justice system, from disproportionate sentences to inadequate legal representation, and felt compelled to act. This hands-on service, born of empathy and a desire to be Christ's instrument, became a tangible expression of his faith, bringing him closer to the men he now called brothers.

10. A New Mission: From Political Power to Prison Ministry

For the rest of my life I would know and feel what it is like to be imprisoned, the steady, gradual corrosion of a man’s soul, like radiation slowly burning away tissue.

The genesis of a mission. Colson's time in prison, particularly the revelation from Hebrews 2, solidified his conviction that his suffering had a divine purpose: to prepare him for a lifelong ministry to prisoners. He recognized that true understanding of incarceration could only come from within, experiencing the "steady, gradual corrosion of a man's soul." This personal insight became the foundation for his future work, transforming his personal tragedy into a powerful calling.

Building a fellowship behind bars. Defying the "don't get involved" ethos, Colson, along with Paul Kramer and other inmates, established a regular Bible study and prayer group. This fellowship, initially met with skepticism, grew in strength and numbers, offering a beacon of hope and spiritual support within the bleak prison environment. The miraculous parole of several inmates after their prayers, including Bob Ferguson and Paul, served as powerful affirmations of God's presence and power.

A legacy of service. Colson's journey from a ruthless political operative to a compassionate advocate for prisoners culminated in the founding of Prison Fellowship. His experience taught him that "it is the hearts of men that for better or worse change the course of human history, not the man-made organs of government." This profound shift in priorities, from seeking worldly power to serving the marginalized, became his enduring legacy, demonstrating that even in the darkest places, God can bring about redemption and new purpose.