Best Self

1. Discover Your Authentic Best Self and Counter Your Anti-Self

There has never been another you, nor will there ever be.

Embrace uniqueness. You are a unique individual, shaped by your experiences, thoughts, feelings, genetics, and spirit. Understanding your "origin story" helps identify how you might have drifted from your true self. The journey to your Best Self involves recognizing your innate positive traits—fearless, shameless, honest, empowered, grateful, and free—and aligning your actions with them.

Identify your Anti-Self. Everyone has an "Anti-Self," a character triggered by fears and anxieties, representing your negative traits and character flaws. Giving this Anti-Self a name and visualizing its characteristics makes it tangible, allowing you to recognize when it's taking control. By understanding its triggers, you gain power to sideline it and let your Best Self lead.

Gain control. The goal isn't to eliminate the Anti-Self entirely, but to reduce its influence. When you identify negative patterns, you can choose to respond from your Best Self, shifting from disheartened to enlightened. This internal work has tangible effects, as thoughts lead to actions, and controlling your thoughts empowers you to create a better reality.

2. Embrace Five Tenets for Initiating and Sustaining Change

Willingness is the action step; being willing to stay in action, not just in thought.

Cultivate curiosity. A strong desire to know and learn about yourself is the first step to change. Like a child exploring the world, engage all your senses to become acutely aware of your thought patterns and behaviors. This self-exploration, when approached without self-deprecation, inspires transformation and helps connect the dots in your life.

Practice honesty and openness. Honesty with yourself about fears and shortcomings is crucial; secrets and shame block progress. Openness means being teachable, accepting that you don't always have the answers, and embracing new ideas. As Socrates suggested, acknowledging what you don't know opens you to absorb new perspectives and grow.

Maintain willingness and focus. Willingness means committing to "whatever lengths necessary" to improve, stepping out of your comfort zone, and saying "yes" to action. Focus involves minimizing distractions and creating an environment that supports your goals. Leaders like Oprah and Warren Buffett emphasize focus as key to success, demonstrating that sustained attention drives achievement.

3. Confront Your Fears and Silence the Noise of Ego

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Unmask fear. Fear is a liar, often making us believe we are not good enough or capable. Most fears never materialize, yet they consume valuable time and energy. Identifying your fears, understanding their patterns, and testing their factual truth helps dismantle their power.

Replace fear with faith. The opposite of fear is faith—a belief that things will work out and that you are capable. A powerful visualization technique involves boxing up fears and throwing them into a canyon, then embracing a feeling of refreshment and renewal through faith. This practice strengthens you and frees you from fear's grip.

Recognize and silence ego. Ego, defined as a deep-seated fear, is the biggest threat to your Best Self. It manifests in defensiveness, pride, blame, and insecurity. By recognizing ego-driven thoughts and behaviors, you can choose to replace them with self-affirmations, which are essential truths about yourself. This "noise" can be turned down by consciously choosing positive self-talk and filtering external negativity.

4. Master Your Internal Dialogue and Prioritize Self-Care

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself first.

Rescript internal dialogue. Your internal dialogue directly impacts your brain's structure and function through neuroplasticity. Negative self-talk reinforces limiting beliefs, while positive affirmations build confidence and capability. By actively listening to your thoughts, especially under pressure, you can identify negative patterns and replace them with empowering messages, forming new neural pathways.

Build a stress management system. Self-care is foundational, not a luxury. A proactive system for managing stress prevents burnout and allows you to show up as your Best Self. Key components include:

• Mindful breathing: Disrupts stress, calms the mind.
• Physical exercise: Chemically resets the brain, boosts mood.
• Celebrate life: Find daily joy, gratitude, and solitude.
• Clean up sleep routine: Essential for cognitive function and emotional stability.
• Unplug from tech: Reduces constant interruption, calms the brain.
• Connect with relaxation: Discover what deeply relaxes you, like guided visualization.

Rediscover your passions. Passions are the third component of your Personal Life SPHERE, making you feel truly alive. If lost, actively explore new activities or revisit old interests. Connecting with your passions, whether through hobbies or volunteering, enriches your life and strengthens your bond with your Best Self, potentially even aligning with your career.

5. Optimize Your Seven Life SPHERES for Holistic Well-being

SPHERES stands for Social life, Personal life, Health, Education, Relationships, Employment, and Spiritual life.

Holistic assessment. The SPHERES model provides a comprehensive screening tool to evaluate every area of your life. By rating each sphere (1-10), you identify strengths, weaknesses, and areas needing immediate attention. This structured approach ensures no aspect of your life is neglected in your pursuit of your Best Self.

Interconnectedness of SPHERES. Each sphere influences the others. For example, neglecting your health can impact your personal energy, relationships, and work performance. The goal is to achieve balance, recognizing that improvements in one sphere often create positive ripple effects across your entire life.

Actionable insights. The SPHERES quizzes prompt self-reflection on current behaviors—what's working, what's not, and what needs to start or stop. This data forms the basis for creating specific, measurable goals, ensuring your efforts are targeted and effective in moving you towards your ideal life.

6. Cultivate a Supportive "Best Team" for Life's Journey

The richness, depth, and complexity of our time here on earth is, in fact, defined by how we relate to others, by the connections we make with one another.

Assemble your inner circle. You cannot achieve greatness alone; your "team" or inner circle consists of individuals you've purposely chosen because they inspire you, allow you to be your Best Self, and foster positive relationships. This team acts as your "earthquake kit" during crises, providing support and perspective.

Evaluate team members by SPHERES. Categorize your team members across your seven SPHERES, recognizing that some may fit multiple roles. Rate their effectiveness (1-10) in supporting each sphere. This objective analysis helps identify gaps and areas where you might need to add new, supportive individuals or adjust existing dynamics.

Prioritize reciprocity and trust. A thriving team requires reciprocal action—giving as much as you receive. Be a valuable teammate to others, offering joy and support. Critically assess trust: do team members show up, follow through, and demonstrate loyalty? Adjust expectations based on their proven actions, rather than setting yourself up for disappointment.

7. Build Authentic, Harmonious Relationships in All Forms

If everyone shows up as their Best Self at all times, for most interactions in a relationship, it’s going to be relatively smooth sailing.

Align with your values. Relationships thrive when core values are aligned. Understand your own values and those of your family and intimate partners. Conflicts often arise from misaligned values, so open communication about what you need and expect is crucial from the outset.

Navigate family dynamics. Family relationships, though foundational, can be complex. Identify attachment patterns and their impact. Address ongoing conflicts or anger by seeking healing or, if necessary, reducing contact with toxic members. Remember, you can't compartmentalize emotions; unresolved family issues can spill into other relationships.

Dispel intimate relationship myths. Society often promotes unrealistic ideals of romance. Recognize that great relationships don't require constant romance, perfect problem-solving, or identical interests. Healthy relationships involve embracing differences, accepting imperfections, and arguing constructively. Prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and shared vulnerability over fairy-tale fantasies.

8. Align Your Work with Your "Art" and Deeper Purpose

The “why” is where your art lives.

Redefine work as "art." Instead of viewing work merely as a means to an income, connect it to your unique "art"—your "why." This "art" is the authentic expression of your Best Self, making work feel energizing and fulfilling rather than burdensome. When your career reflects your passion and purpose, you thrive.

Identify your "why." Use Simon Sinek's Golden Circle concept to define your purpose: What you do, How you do it, and most importantly, Why you do it. Your "why" should be the driving force behind your professional endeavors. If your current job doesn't align with your "art," explore how to pivot or make adjustments to find fulfillment.

Strategize career change. If your job consistently drains you or prevents you from being your Best Self, it might be time for a change. Assess if the problem is the job itself or your approach to it. If a change is needed, create a detailed plan, including financial preparation and a proactive job search strategy. Remember, no job is "beneath you" if it helps you move towards your authentic career.

9. Nurture Your Spiritual Core for Inner Strength and Guidance

Spiritual people are not those who engage in certain spiritual practices; they are those who draw their life from a conversational relationship with God.

Spirituality underpins all SPHERES. Your spiritual life is the foundation from which all goodness and light radiate, shaping your integrity and values. It's a unique journey, separate from religion, that provides solid ground during life's challenges. Maintaining this connection prevents you from feeling lost or disconnected.

Cultivate your spirituality. Actively connect with your spiritual self through various techniques:

• Set intentions: Define what you want to achieve spiritually.
• Fan the flames: Consume inspiring content (quotes, books, podcasts).
• Seek quiet: Find inner stillness through meditation, prayer, or contemplation.
• Be aware of signs: Remain open to guidance and opportunities from the universe.
• Give credit: Acknowledge spiritual influence in positive outcomes.
• Share with others: Discuss your journey to enrich experiences.
• Have fun always: Embrace joy and playfulness in your spiritual quest.
• Pay it forward: Give generously to others, knowing you reap what you sow.

Embrace faith and surrender. Faith means believing in something unprovable and trusting that life is working in your favor. The "Third-Step Prayer" from Alcoholics Anonymous exemplifies surrendering control to a higher power, finding freedom and peace in that trust. This mindset helps overcome self-imposed limitations and fear of the unknown.

10. Implement Seven Steps for Acquiring Your Best Self Goals

This process is about transforming your hopes, dreams, and desires into reality.

Translate desires into action. After assessing your SPHERES, identify areas needing improvement and transform them into tangible goals. This process ensures your aspirations are rooted in your authentic Best Self, not ego-driven desires.

Follow the 7-step goal acquisition formula:

1. Define your goal: State it in specific events or behaviors (e.g., "plan a trip with friends").
2. Express it measurably: Quantify your goal (e.g., "clean three specific rooms").
3. Choose a controllable goal: Focus on actions you can directly influence, not others' behaviors.
4. Plan a strategy: Program your environment, schedule, and anticipate obstacles.
5. Define in steps: Break down the goal into clear, sequential actions.
6. Assign a timeline: Set a deadline for the overall goal and for each step.
7. Create accountability: Partner with a trusted individual, agree on check-ins, and define consequences.

Transform "somedays" into reality. Time is a nonrenewable commodity. By purposefully scheduling and committing to your goals, you move from passive dreaming to active creation. This structured approach, combined with self-awareness and a supportive team, empowers you to achieve lasting happiness and live your desired life.