Authentic Gravitas

1. Authentic Gravitas is Built, Not Born: Choose Courage Over Confidence

Do not wait to feel confident. Choose to step out and be courageous, and you’ll likely find that your confidence grows along the way.

Debunking myths. Many believe gravitas is an innate gift, reserved for a select few with specific personalities, age, or experience. This "Myth of the Gravitas Gift" is self-defeating, preventing individuals from even trying to develop it. The truth is, gravitas is a quality that builds over time through intentional effort and discipline.

Courage precedes confidence. The "Myth of Confidence" suggests gravitas requires constant self-assurance. However, people with gravitas often don't feel consistently confident; instead, they choose courage. They intentionally act in alignment with their values despite perceived risks, and confidence often emerges as a result of these courageous actions, not as a prerequisite.

Three commitments. Building authentic gravitas means making three core commitments:

• Courage: Acting despite fear, stepping out of comfort zones.
• Connection: Prioritizing genuine relationships over superficial charm.
• Curiosity: Continuously seeking to learn, understand, and explore.
  This approach allows individuals to be valued for their substantive contributions, earning respect and trust by making a positive, significant impact as their authentic selves.

2. Close the Intention-Impact Gap: Ask How You Want Others to Think, Feel, and Act

How do I want them (the people I encounter) to think, feel, and act as a result of this encounter with me?

Mindful impact. The single greatest barrier to professional success is a lack of clarity about desired impact. In the rush of daily work, we often neglect to consider how our interactions affect others. Consistently asking this "golden question" before any encounter—whether a formal meeting or a casual chat—can dramatically reduce the gap between our intentions and our actual impact.

Generosity of spirit. This intentionality extends to our underlying assumptions about others. Leaders with "generosity of spirit" choose to assume good intent in their colleagues, fostering an environment of trust and empowerment. This mindset helps create conditions where others feel comfortable being open and vulnerable, which is crucial for genuine connection.

Emotions guide decisions. While we often focus on what we want others to do or think, how we want them to feel is equally vital. Emotions are potent, pervasive drivers of decision-making, and acknowledging their role allows for more powerful connections. By valuing others' feelings, we enhance our ability to influence and build authentic gravitas.

3. Master the IMPACT Model for Powerful Communication

By spending a few minutes on some key topics before you start writing, even before you start thinking about what you’re going to say, you end up better equipped to have a more powerful, positive impact in the meeting.

Structured preparation. The IMPACT model (Insight, Motivation, Perception, Advocate, Content, Technique) provides a framework for preparing for any important encounter. It shifts focus from merely what to say to who you are speaking to and why, making preparation more effective and efficient. This structured approach ensures clarity and curiosity guide your communication.

Audience-centric focus. Before drafting content, prioritize understanding your audience:

• Insight: Clarify your own position and the key takeaway you want for others.
• Motivation: Assess their underlying drives (acquire, bond, learn, defend) and what they want to achieve.
• Perception: Understand their view of the topic and their current perception of you.
  This "target assessment" ensures your message is tailored and relevant, increasing its persuasive power.

Strategic messaging. Once audience insights are gathered, define your core message:

• Advocate: Identify 1-3 "sticky messages" you want them to remember above all else.
• Content: Script your opening and closing carefully, as these are when your audience is most attentive. Make your content personal and incorporate storytelling to enhance connection and memorability.

4. Your Nonverbal Cues Speak Volumes: Align Technique with Message

When faced with an incongruence between verbal and nonverbal messages, we tend to believe the nonverbal—because it seems less conscious, these subconscious messages are interpreted as a better reflection of that person’s true self or meaning; the nonverbal communication is perceived as “authentic.”

Congruence is key. Nonverbal communication (tone, body language, facial expressions) often carries more weight than verbal content. Incongruence between what you say and how you say it can undermine your message, as others subconsciously interpret nonverbal cues as more authentic. Aligning your "what" with your "how" is crucial for building trust and credibility.

Avoid powerless language. Unconscious verbal habits can detract from your message. "Powerless language" includes:

• Hedges ("I guess," "sort of")
• Intensifiers ("I really did")
• Tag questions ("That's right, isn't it?")
• Hesitations ("umm," "you know")
  These linguistic markers can make you appear unsure, diverting attention from your message to yourself. Eliminating them helps your audience focus on your content.

Mindful body language. Distracting nonverbal behaviors can also undermine gravitas:

• "Waltz": Shifting weight or taking small steps suggests nervousness.
• Fidgeting hands: Distracts from your message.
• Hiding behind slides: Focusing on visuals rather than the audience.
• "Face freeze": Restricted facial expressions can make you seem disengaged or unapproachable.
  Intentional movement, purposeful gestures, direct eye contact, and a responsive face convey presence and confidence, even in high-pressure situations.

5. Lead Yourself First: Cultivate Strategic Thinking and Continuous Learning

Self-leadership enables us to bring integrity to our intentions for making a significant contribution through our abilities, ideas, and outcomes.

Self-leadership is foundational. Authentic gravitas isn't just about external interactions; it begins with internal self-management. Effectively leading others is strongly associated with first effectively leading oneself, regardless of experience or position. This involves proactively directing thoughts, feelings, and actions to achieve personal and professional goals.

Carve out headspace. In busy roles, strategic thinking is often neglected. Intentional "thought leadership windows" are crucial:

• Free-flow thinking: Allowing your mind to wander (e.g., on a bus ride) can lead to breakthroughs.
• Focused windows: Schedule regular, dedicated time (e.g., 1.5-2 hours monthly, 45-60 minutes weekly) for strategic reflection on broader goals, not just daily tasks.
  This dedicated time helps realign actions with intentions and fosters continuous growth.

Sustainable habits. Maintain gravitas through daily pressures by:

• Pregame thinking: Dedicate 10 minutes before meetings to clarify your thoughts.
• Reactive Rule: Plan only 60-70% of your day, leaving space for unexpected demands.
• Moving goalposts out: Offer realistic, slightly longer deadlines to create flexibility.
• Commute time: Use it for "prospection" (planning the day) and "reflection" (reviewing lessons learned), or for consuming "brain food" like industry news or audiobooks.
  These small, consistent habits ensure continuous learning and strategic contribution.

6. Confront Your Inner Gremlins and Manage Nerves Proactively

The gremlin whispers at the most annoying times, usually the exact moments when it’s important for me to have gravitas, and it pulls the rug out from under me.

Silence the gremlin. Negative self-talk, or "gremlins," can be a primary barrier to gravitas, often appearing at critical moments. While annoying, research suggests destructive self-talk doesn't necessarily impair performance. Strategies to manage it include:

• Taking away its power: Recognize it's just noise, not a performance inhibitor.
• Talking back: Prepare constructive, truthful counter-statements.
• Acknowledging truth and acting: If there's a kernel of truth, make a plan to address it (e.g., gain more knowledge).
• Seeking external perspective: Share your self-talk with trusted confidantes to gain clarity and support.
• Practicing gratitude: Counter negativity by focusing on blessings.

Manage anxiety, don't suppress it. Nerves can undermine gravitas, making you appear less confident. Instead of trying to suppress anxiety, which can amplify it, try reappraisal:

• Environmental preparation: Familiarize yourself with the meeting space.
• "Current experience" moments: Use breathing exercises (inhale 4, exhale 6-8 while counting backward) to ground yourself in the present.
• Reframe anxiety as excitement: Tell yourself "I am excited" to shift from a threat to an opportunity mindset.
  This approach helps your body convey calm, even if your mind is racing.

Leverage unique strengths. Authentic gravitas is fueled by genuine passion, which comes from utilizing your natural strengths—what energizes you. Identify your unique combination of strengths (e.g., critical thinking, relationship building) and proactively seek or create opportunities to apply them. Reframing tasks to align with your strengths can transform mundane activities into energizing ones. This not only boosts your own resilience but also helps you draw others toward you by recognizing and valuing their strengths.

7. Adapt Your Style to Others: Authenticity Requires Agility

Being authentic is not about being rigid with our natural styles, but about being true to our intention and outworking our values—which often means adapting our natural style to the person with whom we’re interacting.

Flexibility is authentic. Our "natural style" isn't always the most effective for every interaction. True authenticity lies in aligning our actions with our values and desired impact, even if it means adapting our behavior. This "social intelligence" allows leaders to understand situations and vary their responses, a key differentiator for those with gravitas.

Embrace cognitive dissonance. To adapt effectively, we must hold two contradictory ideas:

• Form informed beliefs about others' interaction preferences to guide our behavior.
• Remain open to being proven wrong and continuously update our understanding.
  This requires courage to proactively seek feedback and try new ways of engaging, even if they feel uncomfortable or vulnerable at first.

Key areas for adaptation:

• Pace: Adjust your communication speed and directness. Some prefer clarity, brevity, and haste; others need more detail and time for reflection.
• Idea generation: Recognize that some thrive in spontaneous brainstorming, while others need quiet time to process and formulate ideas. Offer information in advance or allow time for offline reflection.
• Critique: Deliver feedback with an awareness of the recipient's personality. Optimistic, big-picture thinkers may need energy and appreciation before hearing challenges, while detail-oriented individuals value thorough analysis.
  Adapting in these areas fosters stronger connections and ensures your contributions are received positively.

8. Influence with Integrity: Expand Your Toolkit Beyond Rational Persuasion

Where we have awareness of, and skill to access, a wider range of techniques, we are better positioned to influence others effectively, adapting our approach to the situation and the people involved.

Beyond hierarchical power. Authentic gravitas enables influence regardless of formal position. To effectively influence peers, superiors, and external stakeholders, move beyond relying on authority or a limited set of tactics. Success hinges on "target assessment" (understanding others' goals, personality, resources) and selecting appropriate influence techniques.

Diverse influencing techniques:

• Rational Persuasion: Using logical arguments and factual evidence. (Often overused; more effective with trust.)
• Legitimating: Drawing on a source of authority. (Use cautiously; effectiveness depends on relationship.)
• Apprising/Exchange: Demonstrating mutual benefit or offering favors.
• Inspirational Appeals: Invoking emotions or aligning with shared values. (Powerful for connection and buy-in.)
• Ingratiation: Using genuine praise to express confidence in others' abilities.
• Consulting: Inviting others' input and participation. (Must be genuine to avoid backlash.)
  Expanding your toolkit and strategically choosing tactics based on your audience's preferences enhances your persuasive power and builds professional chemistry.

Informal influence. Influence isn't limited to formal meetings. The "Water Cooler Effect" highlights the productivity of informal conversations:

• Knowledge acquisition: Casual chats reveal insights into organizational dynamics and others' needs.
• Trust building: Regular, informal interactions deepen relationships.
• "Forward influence": Be prepared with 1-2 key messages about your work for spontaneous encounters, turning them into opportunities to shape perceptions and gain champions.
  In virtual settings, prioritize video calls to reduce ambiguity and foster connection, applying these principles intentionally.

9. Embrace Collaborative Leadership: Be a Joint Adventurer, Not a Solo Superhero

It is a counterintuitive idea, but in order to stand out, I need to stand alongside.

Shared gravitas. Authentic gravitas isn't about being a lone superhero; it's about moving toward others and fostering collaboration. This requires humility—the belief that collective effort yields greater value than individual work—and courage to invite the intimacy and uncertainty of true partnership. Sharing the spotlight ultimately amplifies your impact.

Driving effective collaboration. Successful collaborative leadership is proactive and purpose-driven, focusing on:

• Interests over positions: Identify underlying motivations rather than fixed stances.
• Agent and target of influence: Be willing to influence others and be influenced by them.
• Shared ownership, divided roles: Clearly define responsibilities while maintaining collective accountability.
• Mission-worthy effort: Ensure the collaboration addresses core objectives and justifies the time investment for all parties.
  This approach leads to greater team interaction, innovation, and overall effectiveness.

Navigating co-leadership challenges. Leading alongside others can be complex, but it's crucial for sustained gravitas:

• Transparency of values: Clearly communicate your professional values and understand those of your co-leaders to resolve potential conflicts.
• Joint impact awareness: Be mindful of how your collective leadership affects others, especially your team.
• Reallocate praise and responsibility: Actively credit co-leaders for successes and share accountability for failures.
• Openness to renegotiation: Be flexible about evolving roles and ambitions.
• "Close enough to fight": Foster a culture where constructive disagreement is welcomed, recognizing that conflict can lead to better outcomes and deeper trust.

Last updated: September 19, 2025